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Title: Cinderella and the glass slipper Post by: Peter Lee on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM Well boys and gals, I owe you all the rest of the story. Thanks for all the advice and personal email and yahoo chats. I compiled an outline of things to say and do from all your mail. I could not believe how much help I got, thanks. But it is not over till the fat lady sings and I don’t hear the music yet. 1108 eight minutes late. It was going to be one of those normal I love you babe chats. I miss and love you. My comments at the end from the phone conversation that followed Not her real name I changed it Ok peterlee7772000 (11:36:17 PM): hello
Her English is not that good, the country girls speak a lot of Bisaya it seems. But in person or on the phone she is very good. She seemed worried that I would tell others like in the Collage if she didn’t give the money back. She was worried about saving face for sure. But she did admit to everything in the end which I didn’t think she would. I gave her a lot of chances to blame her Aunt which she didn’t do. I think that was a positive sign. I wonder what she thinks of me now? Oh what tangled webs we weave when we plan again to deceive. At this point some of you would say dump her, others will say give a try and check more, she has learned her lesson. I will see her in June but I will postpone the marriage. I need to know her better as you all suggested all along. Yes you can say I told you so. Any way it gave you a break away from the War. Title: Re: Cinderella and the glass slipper Post by: madmal on March 27, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Cinderella and the glass slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
Hi Peter, I've been following your posts and all the replys. My wife, Doan, and I were reading them last night. It really sparked a lot of conversation. With regards to her taking all the money out of the ATM, I wouldn't be worried about that. When I sent money to my wife in Vietnam she always withdrew it all immediately. The only reason she had a bank account was so she could receive the money. She trusted herself to take care of the money far more than she trusted the bank. All the girls I know in Vietnam are the same. The biggest problems Doan and I ever had were always regarding money. She would never ask me for it when she needed it. And would never tell me how much she needed. Did your Fiancee ever actually answer your question about why she lied? I read the post through but couldn't see where she answered you. I wouldn't be so quick to say "Run for your life", But I think that you know you need to be very cautious. And I suspect this episode may have poisoned your relationship already. Good luck with what ever you decide to do, Mal Title: Re: Re: Cinderella and the glass slipper Post by: Peter Lee on March 27, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Cinderella and the glass slipper, posted by madmal on Mar 27, 2003
Thanks for the reply! I was in Sydney for 8 years and left when I was 13years old. She wrote a long letter telling me how sorry she was and that she would never do it again. Her reason was she was hording money to buy a business so I would not have to send money after we are married while waiting for her visa. The visa for US can take over a year sometimes. She is willing to send back all the money. The problem is that I did meet her in Cebu first and then emailed her from the US. When we went shopping she would not let me buy her any expensive clothes. I wanted to buy her a bathing suit. They are expensive; she chose the cheaper one to save me money. Her action totally blew me away, not the withdrawal of the atm but the inflated tuition. Any way if we were to be married all this would not be necessary. The tuition would not be necessary, and the business she planed to get would not be necessary. So there is more to it than meets the eye. I will chat with her on Sun and feel her out again then. I know it is a part of her I know nothing about. I either need to spend more time with her to know her more or stop the relationship. You can imagine how sad and depressed I got when all this broke out. But it is to be continued just follow as I trip along. Thanks for a kind ear Title: Hey Mal Post by: Jeff S on March 27, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Cinderella and the glass slipper, posted by madmal on Mar 27, 2003
How's the baby, Daddy? - Jeff Title: Re: Hey Mal Post by: madmal on March 31, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Hey Mal, posted by Jeff S on Mar 27, 2003
She's great! She's nearly 1 year old now. A great deal of fun. Who needs a TV when you have a toddler. More amusing than most of the crap on the morono-scope. Mum and bub just spent 2 months in Vietnam, so we are trying to get her back into a normal sort of routine. I guess I should send you a family snap for the website.
Title: Re: Re: Hey Mal Post by: Jeff S on March 31, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Hey Mal, posted by madmal on Mar 31, 2003
Sounds like tons of fun. I bet you missed her for 2 months. Yes, by all means, send me a pciture. We'd love to see her! - Jeff Title: ATM Issue Post by: Dave H on March 27, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Cinderella and the glass slipper, posted by madmal on Mar 27, 2003
[This message has been edited by Dave H] Hi Mal and Doan, Good to see you here and I agree with your post! I don't see a problem with the ATM issue either. In fact, it makes more sense in some cases to take the money out and hold onto it or put in a local bank, where access is much easier when needed. This is especially true if you don't live in a major city. Vandalized ATM's are not unusual. If there is only one that accepts your card, you may not have access to the money for a week or so. The only real disadvantage I see with the lady having money on her person is feeling guilty about not giving money to the many people who are probably asking her for it. If you "have a Kano," suddenly everyone becomes your best friend. If she doesn't have the money immediately available, she can say that she doesn't have any and not feel quite as guilty. What many people don't realize in the Western world is that in the Philippines, "what is yours...is mine also." The person who doesn't share or give to someone else, especially a relative, is considered selfish and a bad person. Just search the archives and see what difficulty Honey and Bear went through. My biggest problem was similar to Mal's. My wife could have been starving and she would have never asked me for money. That is great in some ways, but it can also be upsetting when you love and are concerned about your lady and her family. People die every day for the lack of a few dollars for food or medicine. Dave H. Title: Re: ATM Issue Post by: Peter Lee on March 27, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to ATM Issue, posted by Dave H on Mar 27, 2003
Hi Dave I don't have a problem with the ATM either. It was I admit some bait for redflags. I wanted her to inform me that she was going to take out the money. What she did was not contact me for 4 days and suddenly email me from Mindanao with a hi how are you. I just got another letter from her explaining why she did it. It was to horde money to buy a business so I would be proud of her later as I would not have to send her money while she is waiting for the visa. [ it could be true and for a mixed up young girl it may have made sense to her. Maybe she was secretly going to give it to her Mom when she left?] My question to you Dave is this: She has offered to send me back all the horded money $15,000 peso more than I thought she had. She did not have to tell me that. I said to her on the phone "no more secrets are there any more things I don't know about?" She seemed to totally confess. I want to have her send the money to me via western union is this the correct thing to do? One thing out of this is that I see that she really does not want to loose me. She is not playing hard to get or have that holeyer than thou attitude anymore. The wedding is off for sure but I will still see her in June So Dave dats da story Peter Title: Re: Re: ATM Issue Post by: Ray on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: ATM Issue, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 27, 2003
Hi Peter, I was just curious if you closed that ATM account yet? Ray Title: Re: Re: Re: ATM Issue Post by: Peter Lee on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: ATM Issue, posted by Ray on Mar 28, 2003
no i didn't close it There is $3.00 in the account I could change the pin number I could say the card was lost and make up another card It is not necessary to close the account dis was my red flag account A married friend of mine talked it over with his wife and after hearing the whole story suggested that I get over it be bigger than that and put another $200 in the account and Title: Good idea! Post by: Ray on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: ATM Issue, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 28, 2003
That makes good economic sense. By keeping that account open, you can save a lot of time and expense next time when/if you need to send her more money. Like I said before, $200 is really nothing in the bigger scheme of thing :-) Ray Title: Re: Good idea! Post by: Peter Lee on March 29, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Good idea!, posted by Ray on Mar 28, 2003
I am glad you agree. To night I will be talking to her after her letter to me. Good thing she doesn't know that I am being advised by many on any move she makes LOL
Title: Well... Post by: Dave H on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: ATM Issue, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 27, 2003
Hi Peter, I would have her send the money back Western Union. Tell her that business is slow and you are broke. See how she responds to that. If she sends the money back and stands by your side, it may be worth putting more effort into the relationship. If she quits writing, then you learned a cheap lesson and saved yourself a lot of future heartache. Good Luck! Dave H. Title: Re: Well... Post by: Peter Lee on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Well..., posted by Dave H on Mar 28, 2003
You just answered my next question we will see what happens Sunday. Title: Re: Re: Well... Post by: Esiang on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Well..., posted by Peter Lee on Mar 28, 2003
Wish you luck Peter..... Curiously waiting for her to send it back to you..... Title: Re: Re: Re: Well... Post by: Peter Lee on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Well..., posted by Esiang on Mar 28, 2003
She is leaving for Cebu this weekend. She was supposed to stay with her Mom till I arrived in June. Now she is worried coz to communicate with me it is a 2 hour ride to the email café. She is going to great lengths to maintain our relationship it would have been easier to just let me go and keep the money I suspect her trying to help her Mom with a small business I don't think she wants me to know that her Dad is struggling and just getting by. This would explain that previously she wanted a civil wedding and asked if the wedding money could be used for a small business for her and her mom. She was willing to give up a church wedding for this so called little business. I am starting to understand some of her past actions. I remember having her ask me to buy her mom a gold necklace that she wanted to give her all her life. I did this as at the time it seemed a way to show her mom my commitment by investing in the family. I was thinking then that that necklace could be turned into emergency money if some one gets sick or help them indirectly without admitting how poor they are. Sure my mistake was I was doing things to soon. But, I did more with those 20 days than I did in 20 years back home. I will not demand that she send me back money Sunday is just a day away let’s see what happens Only I know the experience I have had with her in those 20 days The puzzle is slowly unfolding it seems like loyalty to Mom and not telling Mom what she is up too. Title: Congratulations in advance! Post by: Ray on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Well..., posted by Peter Lee on Mar 28, 2003
Peter, Are you ready to support her family for the rest of your life? Are you willing to accept the fact that she will probably be sending money home behind your back if you don't cooperate readily? In her mind, it may be a lot simpler to sneak around behind your back than to risk an open confrontation with you. It is very likely that she will always feel that she should be helping her family, whether you agree or not, and whether you think you can afford it or not. Just some things that you should accept and get used to now, IMHO. Also, you seem very quick to make excuses for her behavior. My prediction is that you will marry her when you return to the Philippines, regardless. I think your mind is already made up. If I am right, then I wish you both a lifetime of happiness together. Ray Title: Re: Congratulations in advance! Post by: Peter Lee on March 29, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Congratulations in advance!, posted by Ray on Mar 28, 2003
You are right about the excuses. When I get to the PI I will not marry If I am still marriage minded I may do what someone suggested and do the Fiancé Visa instead. That will give me more time with her without getting married in June. What I need to understand is how a "good girl" would be motivated to do what she did. Excuses or not there had to be a reason. I remember when I was in New York 14 years old just coming out of Australia. I had my first job as a newspaper boy; I ended making more money than my dad. I had 5 routes and one route was big enough to keep one boy busy. I worked hard, I didn't keep the money for myself it went for things we needed food and clothing. Some of the money I earned went to my mom for kitchen appliances; she had every device for a kitchen known at the time. She didn't tell me to buy it; it was something from inside that I wanted to do. We were always poor and it kept us closer together. I may be wrong but it is worth finding out. Remember, I have time and emotion invested in this family. There is no guarantee that the next one won't do the same thing or worse. I suspect that she wanted to help her mom, yes behind my back. She was willing to give up a church wedding for a civil wedding and wanted to use the money to buy a small business. So I think you are right the pattern is there. Her dad owns 2 hectares of land in Mindanao, grows rice, mangoes, papayas, coconuts. It sounds like he must be struggling keeping 2 daughters in school and one up to the time she just got married. I may be wrong but it sounds like a struggle. Are you ready to support her family for the rest of your life? Are you willing to accept the fact that she will probably be sending money home behind your back if you don't cooperate readily? My theory is that she wants to come into this relationship showing me that she is independent. Marriage doesn’t answer her need to help her mom as what she wanted to do if she started to work. I am not sure yet how to handle this the best way if what I suspect is true. By writing this forum and getting different ideas it has helped me think about how to deal with this situation better. I need to know how far off the main stream I am when I finally make my decision. I have learned a lot with everyone sharing their knowledge and experiences with me so thanks Title: Re: Re: Congratulations in advance! Post by: Ray on March 29, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Congratulations in advance!, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 29, 2003
Peter, I think that would be a smart move, to junk the wedding plans for next trip. But are you sure that you can stand to just walk around the mall holding hands all day? LOL! What do you mean when you say “Marriage doesn’t answer her need to help her mom as what she wanted to do if she started to work”? Of course it does! Marriage to an American and a chance to go overseas and earn the big bucks is a sure thing compared to some job “possibilities” she may have in her dreams. Seven bucks an hour working at Taco Bell IS big bucks! Because she was sneaking around saving up money to help her family doesn’t mean that she is an evil person. I’m sure that you are beginning to realize the importance of family ties in the Philippines and the tradition of sharing with other family members. If she only wanted to help her mother, then that’s noble of her, but keep in mind that helping family is not limited to mom and dad. Every time a brother, sister, cousin, aunt, uncle, or whoever has financial problems, they will at least “think” of her. Even if they don’t ask her directly, they may go to mom because they will know she has a pipeline to her daughter’s money. Don’t expect her to feel more loyalty to you over that to her family based on 20 days of holding hands; It may take many years. A little sneaking around may be tolerable to you or some other guys, but the outright dishonesty about tuition costs is what should bother you. Self-sacrifice in order to save a few bucks to give to mom is one thing, but lying in order to milk you for more money is a serious character flaw. Like I said before, never expect a person’s character to change significantly over time. Stop looking for a reason for her actions and concentrate instead on the behavior itself. There will ALWAYS be a reason to lie and cheat for those looking for one. It’s hard for a leopard to change its spots. I agree that starting a business for the family can be a good idea, but it can also be a disaster and turn into a bottomless money pit that will never turn a profit. I’m sure you realize that most new businesses fail for one reason or another. BE VERY CAREFUL! Ray Title: Re: Cinderella and the glass slipper Post by: Jay on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Cinderella and the glass slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
[This message has been edited by Jay] Hi Peter, Here is my take after reading this. I agree with Mita that she never really gave you an explanation and you were almost filling in the blanks for her by suggesting the Aunt. She said she inflated the price x 10 to show you what a good wife she would be by surprising you with the extra? LMAO!! Typical Filipina backpeddling BS that they say when caught in a lie. Make it look like whatever wrong she did that she did it for you two. This stuff about killing herself and saying okay byeeee? More typical Filipina tactics when arguing. Make you all mushy and capitulate by saying that. These are old tactics, used by many. She say's she still has, what, P15,000 left? She's going to send it to you Western Union? I'll believe that when I see it. I'm not of the school of thought that a leopard can't change it's spot's. I know I did over the years. She could get here and see just how hard this money is to come by, and then understand. She hasn't a clue yet about how hard it is. It's possible. I was originaly under the impression that you had met only online. Now I see you have been there and met in person. So you know her. If you think she is a good person, then go with that. However, don't be surprised if it all blows up in your face. Let's see if she sends the money first. That will give you an indication of her truthfulness. I just hope she doesn't have a Pinoy boyfriend getting that money. I've seen that all too often. Take the opinions offered for what they are. Free advice from folk's that mean well. Completely unbiased. In the end it's your decision. I say combine the total of your head and your gut instinct and see what you come up with.. Also, remember, you SHOULDN'T have to put up with this kind of nonsense. Do what you feel is best and know I wish you well, Sir. Take Care, Title: She's a liar! Post by: Bear on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Cinderella and the glass slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
She didn't admit it or apologize. Honestly, you can never trust her and it will hang over you ever time you need a dependable helpmate when the crunch is on. "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me". Not one thing she said was to restore confidance but rather to play on your fear of loneliness. Several guys have already mentioned "quality" ladies that would make you happier than you ever expected. This "thing" only intends to use you. End it with prejustice! I'd tell her school master. Don't hurt yourself dude. No reason. By time you feel as if you could trust her again you would have been able to married and have kids. Sorry to be so blunt. Bear and Honey Title: run... Post by: jon on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Cinderella and the glass slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
...fast. The foot doesn't fit, and it stinks. Sorry, Jon Title: A lie is a lie Post by: lswote on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Cinderella and the glass slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
Making good on the truth might be good for children to their parents, but giving another adult leeway on a lie, especially to an adult you don't know very well and who you should be in a period of building trust with, is not a good thing. I went through something similar several years ago and the bottom line is that when someone lies to you in a pinch they will continue to lie to you in a pinch. I have had some sympathy for your situation, certainly the abuse you have taken from certain members of this board regarding your age differences, but I now feel you seem to be a lamb determined to get slaughtered. The age difference is a huge, though not impossible problem, but when you have someone so young lying to you, I give your chances in this relationship 0 out of 100. I understand the loneliness of the single life, I certainly felt it, but being with a person who lies and in all probability will take advantage of you in other ways will make you feel even more alone. I don't have any easy answers for you, but there are NO CHANCES this relationship will survive healthily and you need to terminate it now and find somebody else. Title: Re: A lie is a lie Post by: Ray on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to A lie is a lie, posted by lswote on Mar 26, 2003
You're right. Lying is a character flaw that most likely will not go away over time. He should learn to deal with it now because it is sure to continue. Ray Title: You know, Peter... Post by: Jeff S on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Cinderella and the glass slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
... many of your responses to people's suggestions seem to demonstrate a pervasive fear of getting screwed. While that may be fine while playing the field and dating young women, it seems to me, by the time you've decided that you've found "the one" that fear should have been resolved. Certainly by the time you're engaged. Just my 2 cents. - Jeff Title: Re: You know, Peter... Post by: Peter Lee on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to You know, Peter..., posted by Jeff S on Mar 26, 2003
Hi Jeff, This was not the case here. We got engaged to show total commitment to each other. A promise to not pursue anyone else. So the engagement had a different meaning to us. It made our email chats and phone calls intensive and deeper. The fear will always be there when you have had experience in life. You see more breakups than makeup’s. It was a promise to each other after 20 days of courtship. I would agree with you in a normal relationship when you date someone for a year or two. But this 9000 mile thing has something to do with it LOL. Under these circumstances you would agree that suspicion is like chicken soup, it can't hurt. It is good to hear from all kinds of comments and it let me know how off the mainstream I am. Title: You misunderstood my post... Post by: Jeff S on March 27, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: You know, Peter..., posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
Of course that's why you get engaged. There's no different meaning to engagement for anyone else. What I said was that if you don't trust her 100% it doesn't make any sense to make a total committment in the first place. Just beacuse she's 5000 miles away doesn't mean it's any different than any other girl. Recognize that it's YOU that's arbitrarily saying, "I only have 20 days to make a decision." That sure sounds like a one way ticket to failure to me. - Jeff Title: Re: You misunderstood my post... Post by: Peter Lee on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to You misunderstood my post..., posted by Jeff S on Mar 27, 2003
Hi Jeff I hope you didn’t misunderstand me, I will try to add a little and clarify thanks. I had a choice of leaving just as bf or as fiancé. I was totally committed at the time. I trusted her 100% then; she tried to save me money while I was there by taking jeepneys instead of a taxi. If I did want to buy her a bathing suit so she could use the hotel's swimming pool she chose the cheapest one again to save me money. It was here idea to get me a cheap house rental rather than the expensive hotel I was in. That saved me thousands of peso alone. As I have written to others the whole thing has me stumped. I know if this was just an email relationship I would never send any money in the first place. Also in that case it would be easy to just let her go and chat with another one. But I courted her for 20 days, watched her slave for her Aunt Day in and day out. We became sweethearts, it was an emotional affair. Good common sense stopped me from marrying her while I was there. Many have done that, I chose to go back home and think with the big head. I wrote this forum then and it helped me see the way better. Until this incident everything was going great. Although I have all the paper work for a fiancé visa I have not processed any yet. This forum's advice was to wait and slow down, I am doing that and it was good advice. Title: That makes sense... Post by: Jeff S on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: You misunderstood my post..., posted by Peter Lee on Mar 28, 2003
.. and yes, I did misunderstand your situation a bit. Best wishes in this turning out for the best for both of you. - Jeff Title: That makes sense. Post by: Jeff S on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: You misunderstood my post..., posted by Peter Lee on Mar 28, 2003
[This message has been edited by Jeff S] This message was deleted Title: Re: That makes sense. Post by: Jeff S on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM Title: Sorry for all the redundancy. Post by: Jeff S on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: That makes sense., posted by Jeff S on Mar 28, 2003
I keep getting weird error messages this morning. I'll submit this one to the department of redundancy department for double check. - Jeff Title: Re: Re: You know, Peter... Post by: wizard on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: You know, Peter..., posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
I read the transcript of your last chat session with your girl... What shocked me was the ease in which she said "Bye... Thank you for everything"... Or, I will kill myself if you break up with me... Time to slow down and re-evaluate... Just watch your six... Ultimately, YOU will have to live with the decisions you make... Title: Re: Re: Re: You know, Peter... Post by: Peter Lee on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: You know, Peter..., posted by wizard on Mar 26, 2003
ya I know dat for sure! I am not in a hurry, I will visit her in June no wedding. I did meet her face to face and court her for 20 days. I thought I knew her? It is hard to let it go without more checking All you guys have made me see the darkside LOL Hopfully the force is with me These last actions of hers have me stumped She was responsible for saving me thousands of peso while I was there. Oh Well !!! Title: "Ultimately, YOU will have to live with the decisions you make..." Post by: Bob S on March 27, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: You know, Peter..., posted by wizard on Mar 26, 2003
Or not. Remember what happened to the old fool who married the young Ukrainian hottie and moved to Ukraine. The police found his bloodied body in his bathtub, and his young "widow" is living quite well off his money with her former boyfriend. Sometimes we get more than we bargain for in this endevour, especially when we voluntarily put on the blinders and follow the little head after the too young and dangerous hottie. Title: Re: "Ultimately, YOU will have to live with the decisions you make..." Post by: Peter Lee on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to "Ultimately, YOU will have to live ..., posted by Bob S on Mar 27, 2003
I hear ya Bob S But I checked and she didn't have a bathtub in Cebu feeeww! But my little head is getting smaller as we speak LOL Title: Hi Peter, I didn't read Post by: greg on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Cinderella and the glass slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
your first chatt post with your Mahal, but I read this one. She sounds like an okey Pinay...I think you should just postphone your wedding date, and you both get to know each other better. Instead of getting married to her in RP, maybe you should file for a 90 day fiancee visa to bring her here..If you feel that she is the "One", then you can marry her before the 90 day expire. Btw, My mahal threatens to kill herself whenever things go wrong, even my ex AW pinay spoke of killing herself, ex Penpals talked about killing themselves, so I don't understand why they say such nonsense. greg Title: Re: Hi Peter, I didn't read Post by: Peter Lee on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Hi Peter, I didn't read, posted by greg on Mar 26, 2003
You and me are on the same wavelength. The fiance visa is a better idea after another visit in June for sure. We know they are not going to kill themselves but it is a call for help when caught in the cookie jar. It is the next best thing to crying. It must work coz they all do it. I am very sad about this whole affair but it could be worse. At least she has confessed complety and has shown that she does not want to loose me. Title: I disagree! Post by: Ray on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Hi Peter, I didn't read, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
The suicide threats are NOT a call for help! And NO, they ALL do not do it. Threatening suicide during your little argument was simply another method of manipulating you. None of the Filipina ladies I have known have ever threatened suicide. It’s a teenager thing used to get what they want and if an older woman uses that tactic, then she never grew up. It’s too late now, but you should have called her bluff right on the spot. My prediction is that you can expect at least a weekly suicide threat, sometimes with the superficial wrist “slashes” or Tylenol “overdoses”, as a regular part of your married life. She has used this on you once and gotten away with it, and she is sure to try it again (and again, and again...). It’s a character flaw that you are going to have to learn to live with, so you should plan to adjust your life accordingly. Ray Title: Re: I disagree! Post by: Bear on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to I disagree!, posted by Ray on Mar 26, 2003
Marichu treatened suicide and I dumped her. She even sent me e-mails after her "other bf's" broke up with her and she knew I was married. I let Honey answer it ;-). Bear and Honey Title: Re: Re: I disagree! Post by: Ray on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: I disagree!, posted by Bear on Mar 26, 2003
Bear, Your wife answered the e-mail? That's funny! ROTGDFLMFAO! Ray Title: Rosalinda Post by: Dave H on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to I disagree!, posted by Ray on Mar 26, 2003
Hi Ray, I have found suicide threats VERY common among Latinas. I have made a good living holding their hands and bringing them back from the depths of "unconsciousness" and "death." We used to rate them 1-10 on their perfomances. 9-10 being a Latin Oscar and recomendation for a role in a Novela (Latin soap opera);o))) Perhaps this has trickled into the Philippines through blood or culture. ;o))) I don't know much about these threats by Filipinas, as my wife never uses these tactics. I was under the impression that most Filipinas tampo and skip the dramatics. I suspect it is more common among the younger generations...who watch Mexican novelas like 'Rosalinda' translated into Tagalog. I am curious now and have to ask my wife how common it is in the Philippines. Dave H. Title: Did they get the vapors first? Post by: Jeff S on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Rosalinda, posted by Dave H on Mar 26, 2003
Nothing like a drama queen to make your day. - Jeff Title: AY CHIWAWA! Post by: Dave H on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Did they get the vapors first?, posted by Jeff S on Mar 26, 2003
Hey Jeff, Not the vapors! =8oO You must have plenty of novela stars at your business. LOL Do the Mexicans love to splash the green menthol alcohol all over themselves too? ;o))) Dave H. Title: Re: AY CHIWAWA! Post by: Jeff S on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to AY CHIWAWA!, posted by Dave H on Mar 26, 2003
A mi compania tengo muchas "drama queens" y todos se gustan novellas MUCHO! It ain't easy speaking Spanish at work and Japanese at home. That's why I hang out here, to keep from losing my English skills - LOL. - Jeff Title: That's Funny! Post by: Dave H on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: AY CHIWAWA!, posted by Jeff S on Mar 26, 2003
Hola Jeff, I will spare you my Spanish and let you practice your English skills. LOL I have been retired for a while and starting to lose my Spanish a bit. I'm still very good at ordering food and drinks! ;o))) Maybe I should hang out on the Latin Board. I can certainly sympathize with you having all of those "drama queens!" You must keep busy settling disputes and keeping people away from each other. Dave H. Title: Re: Hi Peter, I didn't read Post by: Stephen on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Hi Peter, I didn't read, posted by greg on Mar 26, 2003
What am I missing out on! Tess never pulls this "I'm killing myself" crap. I can always count on her being emotionally stable. She doesn't go through mood swings. If this "I'm killing myself" is what you go through when you marry a Filipina, then I don't want to marry one. Stephen Title: Re: Re: Hi Peter, I didn't read Post by: Peter Lee on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Hi Peter, I didn't read, posted by Stephen on Mar 26, 2003
Stephen, It is ok Stephen, some of my prior gf have said the same thing. It is a desperation tool, and sometimes it works. Title: Re: Re: Hi Peter, I didn't read Post by: Mita on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Hi Peter, I didn't read, posted by Stephen on Mar 26, 2003
from this Pinay: If I were in disagreement with my husband, I wouldn't (and never have) threaten to kill myself...why would I do that??? I have threatened to cut off a vital organ if he strays though. Title: Re: Re: Re: Hi Peter, I didn't read Post by: Peter Lee on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Hi Peter, I didn't read, posted by Mita on Mar 26, 2003
I agree if he stays LOL She was put in a corner with no place to turn I had the resources of all of you in an outline form to question her We already knew what she was going to say before she said it. She didn't have a chance A desperation tool that works sometime It was a last hope thing to do "Do I have to kill myself to prove I am right? LOL You want me to jump off a cliff? Why do I have this feeling that your husband would be committing suicide if he ever strays? Did I get on the Latin forum by mistake? Title: Suicide Post by: Mita on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Hi Peter, I didn't read, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
Manipulation is more like it, Peter. As for breaking off with you, she knows how hooked you are and was very secure in that knowledge. I don't know the young lady but I'm a woman who does not play with men but can recognize the signs. If you are willing to risk it and feel you are prepared to face all the drama that will proceed this marriage - I wish you the best. As for the chat you quoted, I hardly understood a thing in there! In fact, hardly anything was said by way of explanation on her part. You even helped her out by presenting the aunt as a perfect patsy. When you do get married, be prepared for the cutting off threats but don't put up with the suicide bluff - only psychologically disadvantaged women would resort to that. As for my husband committing suicide if he strays...I think he just might do that cause I would walk away with his vital organ. Then I'd find me a rich, handsome AND younger Kano! Title: Re: Suicide Post by: Esiang on March 27, 2003, 05:00:00 AM Title: Vital organs Post by: Ray on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Suicide, posted by Mita on Mar 26, 2003
Mita, is that organ "vital" to the woman or the man? ROTFLMGDAO! I was just curious. What technique will you use? Rusty razor blade? Scalpel? Bolo? Lawn mower? Chain saw? If you ever do, don't make the same mistake that Lorena Bobbit did. Chop it up in little pieces and flush it down the toilet :-) OUCH!!! Ray Title: Re: Vital organs Post by: Peter Lee on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Vital organs, posted by Ray on Mar 26, 2003
I thought in court in came out that Lora cut it off and threw it out of the car window where it hit a passerby. They recovered some of it and sawed it back on. Title: Re: Re: Vital organs Post by: Ray on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Vital organs, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
That was my point. She should have chopped & flushed (LOL) I don't remember the part about it hitting a passerby (CUMFLTNTPIMGDFP!) Ray Title: Re: Re: Re: Vital organs Post by: Peter Lee on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Vital organs, posted by Ray on Mar 26, 2003
There was a witness in court, testifying how he got hit in the face with this thing. They did find a piece of it to sew back on. What I remember the judge had to clear the court coz of the laughter. [talk about a surprise witness LOL] Title: "You Don't Know What It's Like" Post by: Dave H on March 28, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Vital organs, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 28, 2003
Hi Peter, I remember watching a very funny Bee Gees parody of the song "To Love Somebody" about John Wayne Bobbitt. ROFLMAOPIMMFP! I swear I wasn't dreaming! It was on the "Howard Stern New Year's Rotten Eve Special" a few years back. Dave H. Title: Re: "You Don't Know What It's Like" Post by: Peter Lee on March 29, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to "You Don't Know What It's Like"..., posted by Dave H on Mar 28, 2003
I think we should drop this subject fast! Let's not give any ladies any more ideas on intimidation. They are intimidating enough as it is now! They not only have the power to split into two and become two people that's scary enough. Now we are reminding them that they can cut off our manhood in our sleep. That is true terrorism, I believe that is the real reason we secretly do what ever they want. It is hard to keep trying to keep the illusion that we are in charge. LOL Title: Super Glue Post by: Dave H on March 29, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: "You Don't Know What It's Like&..., posted by Peter Lee on Mar 29, 2003
Hi Peter, I agree that we shouldn't give ladies any more ideas on intimidation or revenge. =8oO I have seen some very frightening techniques used by ladies over the years, which will remain secret. I have seen the "severed penis technique" used on several occasions. The guys died...probably a blessing. It was combined with multiple stab wounds. One of the more comical things I saw quit often was super gluing the guy's penis to his leg. It can cause quit a problem, but isn't life threatening. I wonder if they tried to super glue Bobbitt's back on? ;o))) Dave H. Title: Re: Super Glue Post by: Ray on March 29, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Super Glue, posted by Dave H on Mar 29, 2003
I think they should have super-glued Bobbit's penis to his forehead. After all, he is a dick-head :-) Ray Title: Oh...That's Bad! ;o))) Post by: Dave H on March 29, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Super Glue, posted by Ray on Mar 29, 2003
Hi Ray, ROFLMAOCUMLSIMMFPTTGMDOMFH!!! I never thought of that. She could have led him around town with a dog leash to publicly humiliate him. A severed dick on the forehead is worth 2 in the bushes. ;o))) Dave H. Title: And... Post by: Ray on March 29, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Oh...That's Bad! ;o))), posted by Dave H on Mar 29, 2003
...He could think with both heads at once... And he could give a new meaning to a head ache... And he could see where he was peeing... And it could watch him shaving even after he was an old fart... Title: Two Heads Are Better Than One... Post by: Dave H on March 30, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to And..., posted by Ray on Mar 29, 2003
[This message has been edited by Dave H] Hi Ray, PIMMFP!!! And he got a real 'head job'... Dave H. Title: Re: Two Heads Are Better Than One... Post by: Peter Lee on March 30, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Two Heads Are Better Than One..., posted by Dave H on Mar 30, 2003
I feel a joke comming on! But this young Marine wanted to send his mom and gf his picture. All he had was a single naked picture of himself taking a field shower. So he improvised and tore the picture in half. He sent the top part of the picture to his Mom and the bottom one to his gf. But you know how war is, you get busy and he mixed em up. Later talking on the phone with his mom he asked her how she liked his picture? She hesitated for a moment and said that his nose seemed a little long and he should shave his mustache. Title: Whoa Mama! Post by: Dave H on March 30, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Two Heads Are Better Than One..., posted by Peter Lee on Mar 30, 2003
Hi Peter, That was a good one! ROFLMAOPIMP! Dave H. Title: Re: Vital organs Post by: Mita on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Vital organs, posted by Ray on Mar 26, 2003
Ray, You should know me by now, I would not be crazy enough to cause bodily harm to myself. I brought me my trusty and rusty old bolo to Colorado! hehehe... Title: Colorado? Post by: Jimbo on March 27, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Vital organs, posted by Mita on Mar 26, 2003
I guess the poor guy would be having a "Rocky Mountain Cry"... Jim ..ok, yup, that's bad :-| Title: "Rocky Mountain Oysters!" =8oO (n/t) Post by: Dave H on March 27, 2003, 05:00:00 AM Title: Please help me here Post by: Ray on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Cinderella and the glass slipper, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
Peter, She offered to break it off, but you were the one begging her not to??? I think she has you hook, line, and sinker :-) Being that you asked her not to work and not to pursue her career goals, I think you are morally obligated to support her. I think maybe you should have seriously considered taking her up on her offer to break the engagement and let her get a job to support herself. That way, you are off the hook until you see how things work out down the road. HOWEVER, now you are still committed to provide for her support :-) Ray Title: Re: Please help me here Post by: Peter Lee on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Please help me here, posted by Ray on Mar 26, 2003
She offered to break it off, but you were the one begging her not to??? I think she has you hook, line, and sinker :-) Maybe, maybe not. I thought at the time she was going to disconnect and I did what I had to do to keep her on line. I called her on the phone right after that to clear up some things. In the end she is going back to Cebu, she is sending back money via western union; she is getting a job there and wait for me in June. The wedding is postponed till we have time to know each other better. Being that you asked her not to work and not to pursue her career goals, I think you are morally obligated to support her. I think maybe you should have seriously considered taking her up on her offer to break the engagement and let her get a job to support herself. I can still do that but she will need that 10,000 peso for the phase III to get her job. My idea was for her to get a job locally and wait for me. That way, you are off the hook until you see how things work out down the road. HOWEVER, now you are still committed to provide for her support :-) She said in the chat that she can do it without me, so why not let her try? I will be in Cebu to visit her in June and we will see what happened. Peter Title: Why not... Post by: Bear on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Please help me here, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003
...meet a few more while you are there. Times a wasting. Bear and Honey Title: I would agree with that plan... Post by: Ray on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Why not..., posted by Bear on Mar 26, 2003
In this case, 37 years-old and up :-) Ray Title: I know what Bear would say.... Post by: SteveB on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to Please help me here, posted by Ray on Mar 26, 2003
Take charge of the relationship! Title: nope Post by: Bear on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to I know what Bear would say...., posted by SteveB on Mar 26, 2003
I'd say "can't trust a liar". Too many wonderful Filipinas out there deserving of a good guy to mess with one who obviously tried to benefit from a impaired individual. That girls spots would shine in a Iraqi sand storm. She would be a good mate for Saddam. None of the group of Filipinas here my wife has befriended would even talk to her. Dump her!! She will hurt you!! She never admitted to lying and apologized. She has you by the gonzas and will squeeze!! Bear and Honey Title: Re: I know what Bear would say.... Post by: Peter Lee on March 26, 2003, 05:00:00 AM ... in response to I know what Bear would say...., posted by SteveB on Mar 26, 2003
Good comment! I now feel i have the upper hand. I am in charge!!! |