Planet-Love.com Searchable Archives

OK, one more (sorry for all the sudden questions): are Filipinas as devoted to family as the agencies make them out to be?

Thanks again,
NateD

... in response to One more..., posted by NateD on Jan 13, 2003


Dad's sweating like a scalded hog and Vicky says she is finally warming up to normal. Those two certainly don't have temperatures in common.

From what I gather things are going well so far. Dad got into some sort of gaucho rodeo and a steak-eating contest or something and Vicky is getting chummy with the wives.

As for the questions, will you take the opinion of someone who has seen a mixed American/Filipina marriage first-hand from the outside?

To tell you the truth I initially had mixed feelings about dad going overseas for a bride. I was worried he'd be hurt again. After mom left he had the dangdest luck with women. As the old timers here will remember, he took my younger sister with him to visit Vicky the first time. She told me all about it and she predicted they would marry, no doubt in her mind at all. I was apprehensive until I got to know Vicky. First off, she is really beautiful. Even complexion, a little dark but dad likes it that way. Extremely long hair that is so straight and so thick that I am jealous, since it never seems to tangle. She is smart and speaks English very well, and a couple of other languages besides. She literally worships dad and waits on him hand and foot if given the slightest opportunity (which I find puzzling) and she loves him very much.

Dad was estatic at first naturally, and I can vouch that he has only gotten happier. His separation from all of us post 9/11 was a very hard time for the entire family, and the danger he had to endure was completely new to Vicky, who was frantic at first. After his homecoming, which I will naughtily describe a little later on, they got on even better.

I can tell you that dad is very satisfied with the physical part of the relationship too. Affection is not a problem. Of course Filipinas, like all women everywhere, vary widely from individual to individual, but there ARE averages. I have seen many GI/Filipina marriages when dad was still on active duty. I used to play with the kids and spend nights over with their daughters. Kids know more about what goes on than you often give them credit for knowing. As a rule, Filipinas are affectionate towards their husbands and their children. Vicky worships the ground dad walks on and if she could she would adopt my son as her own. Affection and love of family actually appear to be average traits for the Filipina. Now, like any average, it means there are losers, and then some super-women like Vicky. Most fall in the middle. Vicky explained to me the problems OCW girls have. They go away for often up to three years with only an occasional visit home. Often, their Chinese masters abuse them or take advantage of them sexually. Their children are mostly raised by the mother's parents, who also are supported by their daughter's OCW wages, and the children come to think of the grandparents as mom and dad. Not an easy thing for them.

So, as dad often says, "The race does not always go to the swift, nor the fight to the strong, but that is how you bet"; and, "Ya pays your money and ya takes your chances." In this case you invest time, money and emotional currency, and you hope she is an average or better girl.

Having said that, I still think most men can find what they want in America. But I do admit that Vicky is really something, and we get along really well now. She is great for dad, she is buddies with my son, and we get along like an aunt and neice.

Now as for dad's homecoming from Afghanistan. You all know that "Mrs. Mayor" is Vicky's best girlfriend in the whole world, right? Well, Mrs. Mayor is a cross between a beauty queen, an ice princess and a bawdy saloon-hall gal from the wild and wooly west. Part Miss America, part Ivana Trump and part Calamity Jane. She and Vicky got together to plan dad's homecoming. Vicky rented a hotel room near the airport, arranged for a huge steak and champaign to be delivered on order, and got into Mrs. Mayor's "special" catalogs to order appropriate attire for a returning hero's first night back with his wife. After she got dad to the hotel, and fed (it is always best to feed dad first before doing anything else - he is grumpy when hungry), and while he was showering, she got "changed", and set up the portable cd player. When dad came out, she sat him on the bed, dimmed the lights, turned on the cd player, and "danced" and sang to the Divinyls song "I touch myself". The rest of the evening you can imagine, because that is as far as she told us anything.

So if you marry a Filipina you may get a Vicky, who is a wonderful woman and just what dad needed, or you may get a shrew, part Phyllis Diller and part Xanthippe. The best bet is a moderately long courtship, I would think. With an American girl you can see her more often, see her family, see the type of friends she has and how everyone acts around her, and vice-versa, much more than you can with an overseas girl. Wooing and winning a woman's heart wasn't meant to be easy, you know. Another thing to think about. Most Filipinas (Vicky is a VERY rare exception from what I gather) come from poverty, or what we would call in the US poverty, even if it is middle-class in the Philippines. Most are far worse off. When they get to the US it is like my son at Toys-R-Us. Just think, primitive toilet facilities, primitive laundry in many cases, food as it can be had, questionable water. Now come to America where municipal water is much more safe, most households have their own laundry machines, a roomy (by comparison) home, paved streets, grassy lawns, a full fridge, groceries everywhere, all utilities, a car and CABLE TV with 24-hour-a-day soap opera, romance movie and game show channels. Combine culture shock and homesickness with sudden advertising-induced avarice and television hypnosis and there can be trouble.

Just my opinions.

... in response to The Daughter, posted by The Walker on Jan 13, 2003

Well it sounds like they are having a good time...well I guess Manila and Buenos Aires at least share similar weather! I'm sure they will catch a meal at Cafe Del Gato...
the food is great...especially the giant steaks!

Nathan

... in response to One more..., posted by NateD on Jan 13, 2003

Nate,

Which "agencies" are you getting your information from and what exactly are they saying about Filipinas. Can you give a detailed example of the kinds of things that you are reading? It's hard to refute or validate what someone is telling you unless we can read it for ourselves.

In general, my advice is to forget about what some address-peddling company says about their product. It's mostly just hype and I guarantee you that those agencies know nothing about the women that they list. They solicit names and addresses from the ladies and they sell them to the men, simple as that.

Bottom line: Filipino women are NOT super women, they are NOT super mothers, and they are NOT perfect wives. Take them as individuals and use your common sense and good judgement when choosing.

Ray

... in response to One more..., posted by NateD on Jan 13, 2003

Can be true. Once she arrive in America is what a Guy should be concerned about, not how he's treated in RP. He could be treated like a King in the Philippines, then rejected once she is here. America can change a Filipina for the better or worst..so a Guy should take his time courting her before bringing her over. You only need One Pinay, so why Generalize????  Being devoted to family? It's common for Filipinas to dump their children off on their Parents and Relatives in RP, so really it depends on the Pinay your involved with. A Guy may say he knows and understand the Filipinas, really he don't know much. I think you would need to be a Filipino to understand Pinays.

... in response to What Agencies say about these lovely Pin..., posted by greg on Jan 13, 2003

Hey Greg,

From what I've heard, even Pinoys don't understand Pinays. LOL I guess they just know better how to deal with them. ;-) That's women for you...who can ever understand them...not me that's for sure!

How is little Gregory?

Dave H.

... in response to Women...women...women..., posted by Dave H on Jan 13, 2003

gregory is doing great. Right now he's 28 mos, attending two private schools. Being a single male Parent take lots of Patience and Love..sooo kinda tough being a single Parent, I miss my freedom smile. Oh well..Goooooo Goooo Oakland Raiders Gooooooooooooooooooo

... in response to Women...women...women..., posted by Dave H on Jan 13, 2003

Hey Dave
       Try dealing with a Pinay going thur menopause
       that is when life is grand.
                                         Joe     McFester

... in response to Re: Women...women...women..., posted by joemc on Jan 13, 2003

Why is that Joe?

Did you have a rough time with the menopause thing? When my first wife went through the change it was really no big deal. So, based on my vast experience with Filipinas going through menopause (one woman), I would have to say that it is relatively easy. Also, I would have to say that Filipinas go through menopause much earlier in life than other women because mine was only 38.

You said that you were married for 21 years? Watch out in the next two years Joe, because my Filipina wife left me after 23 years of marriage.

Just having some fun with generalizations since this seems to be the popular trend here recently :-)

Take care and say hello to the wife.

Ray

... in response to Menopause and other stuff, posted by Ray on Jan 14, 2003

Ray,
    I'm still looking for that light switch in the tunnel
   of darkness. As for my wife she has suffer a hormonal
   imbalance for several years.  It's something I have gotten
   use to. Let's say I have done alot of dodging and biting the bullet of her mood swings. It's something all
woman go thur. All and all she has been good to me and
I'm grateful for that. She has accepted me for who I am.
I'm type of guy that lives day by day and count my blessings
of life.  Ray, yes I have been married a few years and take
nothing for granted. My charactor and open mindness has
made my marriage sucessful. By no means I present myself on the
P-l forum, a person with big head or riding high on some
horse. For a guy like yourself being married for twenty-
three years and your wife leaving you. That must have been
something tough to deal with. And going back to P.I. to
get marry and start over. I can say that is something and
I respect that. Now Abe Lincoln I understand where you are
coming from with all those posts and advise.

                              thanks for the insight,
                                            joemc

... in response to Re: Women...women...women..., posted by joemc on Jan 13, 2003

... there's a light at the end of that tunnel.

- Jeff

... in response to Re: Women...women...women..., posted by joemc on Jan 13, 2003

Hey Joe,

Someday you will have to tell us all of the secrets for dealing with a Pinay.

Dave H.

... in response to What Agencies say about these lovely Pin..., posted by greg on Jan 13, 2003

Hey Nate,
         Better get to know her deeply before even thinking
of  bringing her here.

... in response to One more..., posted by NateD on Jan 13, 2003

However, sometimes devotion to family means they will indeed put their parents, brothers, sisters, and even cousins further up the priority list than their own husband and family.

NO, they are not all this way, probably not even most, but many are.

Larry.

... in response to Sure!, posted by shadow on Jan 13, 2003

Yes, traditionally they are devoted.

... in response to Sure!, posted by shadow on Jan 13, 2003

Yes, I forgot to mention that in my post.  It is a very real possibility and higher in Philippines than in most other countries.

... in response to One more..., posted by NateD on Jan 13, 2003

Everything comes in degrees, and we never know how different parties are interpreting terms such as 'devoted.'  They best way to interpret is to try to compare cross culturally.

In my world travels to many countries, I can state that Filipinas will be at the top of the list in terms of devotion to family, and here I am talking about her family before you arrived on the scene.

I have known some Filipina's to turn down a fairy tale life for themselves (not with me) because it meant they would have to be cut off from their family.

The other thing to consider is that once you marry into their family the thinking is that those who are able to 'put money on the table' and those who are in need 'take money off the table.'  And guess who is always going to be the giver and who will always be the takers!  But don't get me wrong, I love these ladies.  Just know what you are getting yourself into.

JR

... in response to One more..., posted by NateD on Jan 13, 2003

which one you marry. Hum

... in response to It depends on..., posted by Humabdos on Jan 13, 2003

As it is in every part of the world, not everyone you will meet will be totally above board with you, and will differ in many respects.  
Generally, yes we are devoted to the family - women most especially. In some families, the men eventually become closer to their wives' families rather than their own.