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Earlier this week, I asked for some simple suggestions from the board. I wanted some constructive input regarding cultural differences, as well as recommendations for newbies who maybe wanted to try what many of us have already done, but who didn't want to rely on a "tour, etc", and who didn't feel comfortable with jumping on a plane and going "blind".

 The only direct response I recieved was a possible willful misinterpretation of an irrelevant derogatory comment made on my part about an inconsequential third party.  (My mistake)  This resulted in a near imminent bloody dogfight regarding an alleged entertaining catfight.  (Did I word that so even a lawyer could understand it?)  :)

In the book, it is likely to become obvious to some readers that many American men living in the PI, and many who go there looking for brides, are indeed American societies rejects and outcasts. (Much like myself)  :)

If you take that into consideration, it is astounding that the PI is so welcoming of us at all. Is the PI so poor in human quality that even America's misfits are highly regarded? Or possibly it is only the American misfit's dollar that is highly regarded? This seems much more likely.

So in all honesty I ask you now, what drives us to be this way?

What inner forces combine to make us so unsusceptable of assistance?

Do we all have to practice to get this way? Or does it come naturally for some of you?

In Filipino culture, it is not unusual to recieve irrelevant, useless responses to direct questions, or no answer at all. Are some of these alleged cultural differences rubbing off on America's misfits?  (Please feel free to answer yes, even if the true answer is no or maybe. Just frown and make your eyebrows point down in the middle while saying yes if the true answer is no, while nodding vigorously and saying yes.)

If possibly some of these questions or comments offend or confuse you, or maybe if you feel they are as hysterically humorous as I do, then perhaps you could bring yourself to answer one of the original inquiries?

Perhaps not.

Just a thought.

Made ya think, huh?

Please respond if you understand, or need clarification. (Preferably in a constructive or humorous way)

If you don't understand some of the comments, rest assured they were not directed at you.

Nanu-Nanu.

Joe..., An American GRO in Cebu.  :)

... in response to Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by shadow on Aug 24, 2002

Those of us interested in Japanese women tend to be intelligent, handsome, successful, suave, well built, and incredibly well hung - Right Bob S. and Windmill Boy?

.. And, of course it comes naturally to us, we don't have to practice. I know it's a burden, but one we just have to bear...

Jeff S.

... in response to I don't know about those interested in F..., posted by Jeff S on Aug 26, 2002

I don't know how to tell you this, but if you bear it in public in the states, you are liable to wind up in prison, thereby being branded as a "misfit" or danger to society!   :)

Larry.

... in response to I don't know about those interested in F..., posted by Jeff S on Aug 26, 2002

The more I try to learn Kanji, the more like an illiterate child I feel.
As for well hung, well, maybe compared to what they are used to.  But let's just not go there... ( {Thank Gawd for the "White God" gaijin factor.}

BTW, why do those Japanese and Russian babes look so hot?  It really is all the walking.  In the past two and a half months I've been here sans car, I've lost about 15-20 lbs.  My XL shirts are starting to hang loose on me.  It's great!

... in response to I don't know about those interested in F..., posted by Jeff S on Aug 26, 2002

Well Jeff

My  belly  is  a little well hung (over  the  belt)  from  eating  chocolates, sacher, linzer tortes, and  other  miscelleneous Scooby  Snacks  around the  pastry  Shop  all day. They  say  skinny  cooks  can't  be  trusted.

I'll  leave  the  other  attributes  up  too  any japanese  women  who  want  write me  and  I'll  let  them  decide.

Windmill Boy

... in response to Re: I don't know about those interested ..., posted by Windmill Boy on Aug 27, 2002

But hey, that doesn't kick you out of the club. I got one of those, too from sampling many chef's best work!

-- Jeff S.

... in response to I don't know about those interested in F..., posted by Jeff S on Aug 26, 2002

...I dated a Japanese woman once! Do I get credit and receive half of the attributes? ;o)))

Dave H.

... in response to But Jeff..., posted by Dave H on Aug 26, 2002

You have to tell us which half..

- Jeff S

... in response to OK Dave but ..., posted by Jeff S on Aug 27, 2002

...suave and de boner? :o)))

Dave H.

... in response to Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by shadow on Aug 24, 2002

Misfits? Hmmmm. Didn't answer that one earlier. I don't think so. I am a fairly tall, in very good shape, retired military man (Special Operations). I am a mixed blood Caucasian and Native American. I didn't have any trouble finding dates in the US. I was married for 19 years. Women find me attractive (which annoys Vicky no end ;-)), and I am independent finacially.

I am intelligent and have regular features. I went to the Philippines for a wife from choice, not desperation. After being abandoned to finish raising two girls on my own, and almost being "caught" by two gold-diggers, I had had it with American women my age. I am not down on AWs in general, as my grown daughters are AW and quite nice, really. But those in acceptable age groups for me are pretty much picked over, usually two or three times. If I could have found a woman like Mrs. Mayor I would have married her on the spot, but women like her are few and far between in America. So I cast my net abroad. I looked at many military marriages with foreign-born wives and found the highest percentage of happy men were married to Filipinas. So I eventually wound up with my Vicky, to my everlasting luck, and have been quite happy since.

But neither Vicky or myself are "misfits". I am not poor and she is wealthy for a Filipina. She is close to my age, we both belong to Mensa, are both college educated, and she is quite beautiful. I did not buy her family anything, they don't need me to. Her family has more money than I do. I am a successful (so far) breeder of cattle (not meat cattle, breeding cattle).

I have seen many of the sorts of marriages you and others describe. I don't consider the men to be misfits in general. Some are overweight, so what? America is overweight. Nothing new here. The ability of Filipinas to look past someone's perceived physical shortcomings is a blessing, not an abberration. Men who are good as gold on the inside (buying motorcycles and homes, for instance) often have a heck of a time getting to even meet many American women when they have "defects". An exception is Mrs. Mayor who is a tall Texas blonde, a former beauty queen, who is deeply in love with her hubby who is shorter than she is and of average looks. Loves him like few even rich and handsome American men are ever loved.

If a Filipina is happy with her overweight or plain American husband, I am happy for her. And let no one else judge them. My former son-in-law (may he rest in peace) was not a handsome man but he was an exceptionally good man, and my daughter saw him for what he was. He was lucky (and so was she). But there are fewer and fewer like my girls or Mrs. Mayor left in America, I fear. And many Filipinas will choose a man many years their senior from cold logic. An older man is more stable, less likely to betray her, more financially secure, wiser, more experienced and better able to head a family. Why should she not trade her beauty and youth for stability and long-term happiness? Having children is for the young, you cannot avoid that biological fact. But older men make better fathers, usually. This fact has been perverted in our society. Up until modern America and western Europe, it was not uncommon for a man to wait to marry until he was able to securely provide for a family. Had a home and a job and money in the bank. Most marriages two generations ago had the wife at least ten years younger than the husband. He was in his late 20's up to early 30's, and she was 16-22. Both my granmothers were a decade younger than my grandfathers and they had solid gold marriages.

Don

... in response to Re: Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by The Walker on Aug 26, 2002

:)

... in response to Re: Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by The Walker on Aug 26, 2002

Very well stated. I and the several men I know personally
who are married to Filipinas are hardly freaks, geeks or otherwise- we just did not like our options in the USA and we were broad minded enough to know we could look elsewhere.
I think the stats on this show that most men who marry overseas have above avergae income and education. This is hardly an enterprise for the timid or the flat broke.
  That said, in the Philippines I did see some visiting men who I thought were sloven jerks as well as others who were just regular decent guys.

my $.02 worth...

Nathan

... in response to Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by shadow on Aug 24, 2002

Yep Larry it would have been better to have left out Jean the cat fighter out of that post! Lol   I would be happy to sit down and tell you what I think about it. You know my typing sucks! Come on up here some weekend and will skin a dog and fire up the barQ. I still gots me som o dat 12 year old rum!

BTW all the real outcast misfits hang out over at Maganak ROTFLMAO!!

I'll have to agree Larry with what I've seen over the last ten years 60% fall into the misfit oddball types.(and bad spellers)
Old fat weird guys, skinny weird guys, bald weird guys, hairy young weird guys, nerds, geeks, and freaks, ect...

I met this Guy from Alaska in Cebu MoalBoal  He had lips bigger than a horse. I'm not making fun of the poor guy and this is a true story. Really his lips where HUGE!! He was about 50 and went there to meet his penpal who was about 17 or 18 and very shy looking. He had bought a motorcycle for her parents along with any and everything else they wanted including a new house being built. I could see deep trouble in the little girls eyes and thought to my self this will NEVER work!!   As she walked along her head was down and her eyes where blank. Surely her parents had forced her into this.  Why would this terribly disfigured man pick a seventeen year old?  Did he think she would be happy back in Alaska in the bush? And why would this very cute filipina girl marry this old guy with lips like a horse? Was it love or money?  Who knows... Mick Jagger seems to do well with the chicks LOL

Just one of the many many I have seen.

Humabdos

... in response to Re: Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by Humabdos on Aug 26, 2002

be a skinny black one or a white fuzzy one??  :)

You don't know what he could do with those lips!  :)

Will be over some day not too distant, will let you know.

Larry.

... in response to Would the dog..., posted by shadow on Aug 29, 2002

I don't eat my pets Larry! lol (or yours ether)

Bring your fishing pole the steelhead are running in the Santiam River. The weekends maybe the only time I can get off though.

http://www.localfishermannews.com/n_santiam_report.htm

Bamboo

... in response to Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by shadow on Aug 24, 2002

Lar,

You know my story, but I will reiterate :P

Let me first address the "Misfit" concept.  Personally, I don't consider myself a misfit. (Unless your talking about clothes off the rack!  LOL :P)  Maybe I am, we could take a poll :)  LOL

Socially I do fine.  I'm usually the life of the party and have more people wanting to hang out than I have time for.  Not to be a prick, but I choose my friends very carefully and there never seems to be a shortage of quality people to hang out with.  Dating has only really been a problem for me in the sense that I just haven't found the qualities I am looking for in anyone I dated here.  

I have joked many times that I committed the two cardinal sins of dating:  I am overwieght and poor :P  But really, it's just a joke.  Sure, either one of those factors has probably cost me a date or two in my day, but it's not like I know anyone, single, that I have ever considered "perfect" for me.  If either of those factors made the difference, then she wasn't perfect, ya know?

I have no anymousity toward American Women.  My distaste is for the lack of morality and character I see present in many Americans in total.  Men AND women.  I don't judge, I just want someone who values the things that I do in the end.

I have met a few PL-ers in person and I certainly would consider them misfits!  I have talked to more on the phone and via email and really only Hamilton triggers any kind of Misfit alarm :P  LOL  Sorry Dave, HAD to :D  A few have very strong religious views, but I find most to be about where I am in that area.  

No one that I have had any real relatioinship with from here seems to have an "Asian Fetish" and I certainly don't.  Oh, I know they're around, but they usually don't last here :)  LOL

The one thing I find to be a common thread among the melting pot of culture, religion, race, nationality, etc... that is PL's regulars is that we are all looking for something better than we have found so far.  NOT to say that that certain something isn't available here in the US, just that we haven't found it until we went abroad.  

If anything, the fact that we all seem to have very particular expectations is what makes us similar.  That's the thing I have noticed most in similarity between the die hards here.  We know what we want and aren't willing to compromise :)

Dysfunctional?  Maybe :P  But isn't everyone dysfunctional by someone's standards :D  LOL

Keep it up Lar... this looks like it could get pretty juicy!  LOL

Keep the Faith!

H

... in response to Dysfunctional... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, posted by Howard on Aug 25, 2002

good points.

Larry.

... in response to Dysfunctional... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, posted by Howard on Aug 25, 2002

Hi H,

ROFLMAO!!! Dang, I thought that I could get past your "misfit alarm." :oD Speaking about clothes off the rack...I'm sure that you can relate as to how hard it is to find a "tasteful" (for Hum, lucky dude...never had to eat it) G-string off the rack, that fits like a glove. I'm not over weight, simply vertically challenged. I just can't keep doing my nightly dance routine with my same ol' purple model. I may have to buy a sewing machine and make my own. Perhaps I can call Bobby Trendy, from the Anna Nicole Show, to design me a few. :o)))

Dave H.

... in response to You're Right! :oD, posted by Dave H on Aug 25, 2002

Anna Nicole is why God invented Mooooo,,,,Moooo dresses!

steveb

... in response to Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by shadow on Aug 24, 2002

Justb skimmed and I think I got the grasp of most of your message.  

Well some good touching points were made.  Alot of us guys are the so-called rejects.  We're not beautiful, suave, worldly or macho.  At least in the eyes of the stereotypical AW's.  Most men (the average Joes) are trash anyway.  Well, I really don't care.

I'd like to say that, in the end, my ex-wife threw it in my face thatb I was different.  She even tried to tell me that I was gay and throw it in my face.  What a bunch of BS!  If it weren't for my heterosexuality, that SOB would not be naturalized in this country today!

I have to close!  I have to read an e-mail message.

- Kevin

... in response to Re: Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by kevin on Aug 25, 2002

Another one? First it's Lori's husband and now Kevin. Any more of this and we'll have to rename this place Planet Queer (ROFLMA!)

... in response to Holy Mackerel!, posted by Ray on Aug 25, 2002


There were three gays sitting in a jacuzzi.  All of the sudden, one of them notices a big wad of white stuff surface.  His reaction:  "Who farted?"

(Sorry if this was too gross for some of you.  I just had to post this.)

- Kevin

... in response to Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by shadow on Aug 24, 2002

Larry,

I really don’t understand what the heck you are complaining about. A lot of the good people here have bent over backwards to offer help and advice to anyone asking. What irks me is when somebody cries and moans that they didn’t get the answer they wanted when they wanted it, which sounds exactly like what you are doing in your post. I remind you that the help and advice that is offered here is FREE, like in no charge to the requestor.

You asked for input on differences in culture and help or recommendations for newbies. That’s a pretty broad area to cover. We have been discussing these very same topics on this forum for years. Haven’t you been paying attention? That info is still there in the archives for the most part, so why don’t you dig it out? Did you think it was going to be easy to write a book? Do you want us to write it for you? If you are serious about writing this book, then you better get used to the idea of doing many long hours of research.

Like another poster said, if you ask more specific questions then you might get a better response. But don’t expect us to drop everything and do your research for you. I really don’t mind helping people out, but I’m not going to write your book for you Larry. Sorry…

Just my $.02,

Ray

... in response to Bull Krapp!, posted by Ray on Aug 24, 2002

Were I to ask more specific questions, I would already know the answers. For instance, "Do Filipinos point with their lips?" or "Is it common for Filipinos to be two hours late and blame it on traffic?"

More what I was looking for was suggestions for newbies from intelligent individuals that maybe I didn't think of or had slipped my mind. Also, for slight differences in cultures that others had noticed, that maybe I had not.

As you are obviously aware, writing a book is not easy, and I have been spending long hours doing so. I hardly think that a 10 word positive response from you or anyone else could qualify as "writing" a 150,000 word book for me.

That I had to insult you to get any response at all says much about how "helpful" you are.

That being said, I don't feel your $.02 was worth 2 centavos.

Larry.

... in response to Re: Bull Krapp! Chapter two, posted by shadow on Aug 29, 2002

Let’s see now. First you cry because nobody would help you. So, when another a guy asks for help with a book, your reply is: “So you think you want help? Hah!”

Now, was that an example of a “helpful” response Larry? You crack me up dude!

Ray

... in response to "Helpful" Larry, posted by Ray on Aug 29, 2002

a little further you would have noticed I invited Oz to e-mail me, so we could discuss things further where every word we write isn't censored and/or misinterpreted by idiots.  

It is obvious that if Oz really needed help he wouldn't get it from you.

Wish I could explain it so you could understand it.

Larry.

... in response to If you would have read..., posted by shadow on Aug 30, 2002

I NEVER help anybody. Screw them all! Let them help themselves.

Now don't go crying that you are being censored on this forum because that's just plain nonsense and you know it. Misinterpreted? Possibly so, but who's fault is that? Don't you think that it's just "possible" that the "idiot" is a little closer to home than you think? Communications is a two-way street you know.

No, I guess I'll never understand what the heck you are talking about no matter how many times you explain it. We must be from different worlds... :-)

Now have a nice day Larry,

Ray

... in response to Bull Krapp!, posted by Ray on Aug 24, 2002

Gosh Ray, did I touch a sore spot? Or possibly I stumbled across one of your personal inadequacies. If you are that touchy, perhaps you should not be allowed around anything sharper than a banana.  :)

What I was "complaining" about, as you put it, was Oz asked for help to write a book. I understood he was not as educated in this field as many of us, but several people jumped on the bandwagon and offered their assistance, even though I got not one positive response to the same question just days before.

... in response to Re: Bull Krapp!  Chapter one., posted by shadow on Aug 29, 2002

Oh, now I get it. So you weren't so much concerned that we aren’t a very helpful lot, but that another guy got more help that you did? Sheesh! Talk about inadequacies!

Like I said, you got what you paid for, so quit crying about it :-)

Ray

... in response to Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by shadow on Aug 24, 2002


Sorry, have been busy with the homestead and family and haven't been here for a few days. Vicky made a post about food and told me about your earlier post.

As for general cultural differences, best to ask as they come to mind. Bear in mind this is mostly a Filipina female/American male board, with notable exceptions. You will have to seek out those interested in Vietnamese, Chinese (to include Taiwanese), Korean, Thai and other Asian mates as they are relatively few, but usually very enlightening. You could go to Tim's Chinese/American board and read the posts there as well. Tim and his wife Wendy are quite intelligent and entertaining (as well as a handsome couple). Mrs. Duong and her Vietnamese husband make life interesting here, as do Tim and Wendy. But this board is biased towards Filipinas by sheer weight of numbers.

So ask away. As in all free conversation, you may get no answers or not what you expected. Free country. Some of us visit occasionally, others more often. Some times the board gets little or no action for many days then a flurry of posts. Ya never know.

I prefer to answer direct questions rather than a diaspora about generic "cultural differences". Most of them are fading from my day-to-day memory unless jogged by a direct question, except for the few that occasionally pop up from time to time even today.

For instance, Vicky usually walks behind me in a pressing crowd, to let me part the waves, as it were, with a finger in my beltloop to let me know she's not lost back there. This caused us a little trouble from a pair of "womyn" not too long ago who thought she was following orders to walk behind me as a sign of submission. When there is no crowd, I prefer to have her at my side where I can not only enjoy her company, but also make sure of her safety, besides, she smells really good and I like to have an arm around her whenever I can. When the walkways are busy but not crowded to the point of a crush, I prefer her to walk a step ahead of me so I can keep an eye out for her. For one thing it again assures her safety, and the view from behind is as nice as the one from the front or side, especially when she's in jeans. ;-) Anyone who tries to grab her purse is then in my direct line of sight. Heh, heh, heh.

Another one that comes to mind because it is constantly drilled into me is that Filipinas seem to prefer to walk arm-in-arm or hand-in-hand with their husbands. And Vicky and I are not newlyweds anymore. I don't know if it a warning sign to other females that this man is taken, or simply affection. I am inclined to believe both as Vicky and other Filipinas flash their wedding sets like police strobes, especially when other, unattached, women are around.

But still best to ask on a case-by-case basis.

Don

... in response to Re: Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by The Walker on Aug 24, 2002

for your input. I agree with much of what you stated.

I have noticed on several occasions girls I was with would walk two or three paces behind me, even when not in crowds. I hated this, and generally let them know it.

Larry.

... in response to Re: Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by The Walker on Aug 24, 2002

n/t

... in response to Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by shadow on Aug 24, 2002

nm

... in response to Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by shadow on Aug 24, 2002

Is your book going to focus on the PI exclusively ? I am asking because I don't want to waste my time giving you information about Chinese/American marriages, which is all I can offer.

Regards, Tim

P.S. I would answer "yes" to most of your queries in this post.

... in response to Re: Are we a dysfunctional family?, posted by Tim on Aug 24, 2002

Thanx, Tim, for your response. It's the thought that counts.

Yes, I will be focussing mostly on the Philippines, as that is where my experience lay.

Larry.