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Well... you all know my decision :)  Some or you even knew it before I admitted it to myself.  LOL

I had been taking the high road out of respect to Gerlie and because the advice so many of you gave made sense to me, but this new wrinkle forced me to rethink things.

I am not using this as an excuse to do something that I intended to anyway. I was comfortable with my decision to not communicate, but the passing of my mother has changed things.  Some obvious, some not so obvious.  Maybe I was more able to deal with the decision to not write when I knew that my mother would if it became necessary.  She would honor my wishes, abide by my decisions, but was definitely her own person.  She would have responded, regardless of my wishes.  And to be perfectly honest, I would never have felt it was my place to forbid her from doing something like that.  She had her own relationship with my ex-inlaws and with my ex-wife.  She didn't give me a hard time about how I chose to handle things, so I owe her the same respect.  That was how our relationship worked :)  And it worked wonderfully :)

While all of you made good points, Don's post most accurately describes how I feel.  It's a matter of honor.  I made promises.  If I break them, I am the one whose integrity is in question. Like it or not, Fair or no... this isn't as much about my ex-wife as it is about me and honoring what I am positive would be the wishes of my mother. In the end what's most important is that I can sleep at night.  In the end, I only answer to myself and my maker :)

Gerlie and I talked at length about this.  Her and I can talk about anything and that makes me feel all that much closer to her.  She really is a Godsend for me. She keeps me grounded like Mom used to.  Gerlie even talked to her parents and that helped her make up her mind that I should write, even though she is quite jealous of my ex. Which just shows evern greater depth of character :)  She is the best :)  I just hope I am worthy :)  LOL

I am going to write a simple, blow by blow account of my life since December for my ex-inlaws. Nothing literary, just the facts. If you guys are interested, I will post it here after I write it, if there is any interest to see how I handle this LAST, FINAL chapter in the saga of Ayesa and Howard.

Other things are going well, but not nearly quickly enough.  I have taken care of everything but the Real Estate in Mom's Estate.  When that is sold I am making plans to visit my Gerlie :)

My mood is good, Gerlie keeps me upbeat :) and I am looking forward to spending my life doing the things that are important to me.  Raising a family and nurturing the security and acceptance I have found with her :) My Faith is strong, we'll get through this together :)

Keep the Faith!

H

... in response to A Question of Honor, posted by Howard on Jun 25, 2002

Hi H,

I agree...do it for yourself, your mother, and for Gerlie. The final chapter written, the book closed and put upon the high shelf with the other old dusty books. Time to write the new book of life, love, happiness, and fun! Hurry up and get over to visit Gerlie! We want to visit "you guys" up in the Mitten. Maybe you and I can take a side trip to see the "Windsor Ballet"...I'll bring my Michigan Bankroll. ;o))) Your a First Class (Top Shelf) Dude!

Dave "Michiganderr" and Marife H.

... in response to No Question At All..., posted by Dave H on Jun 26, 2002

Posse Commander D,

I get all the Michiganisms except "Michigan Bankroll".  Care to enlighten a brutha?

LOL

Best to Mrs. Michiganderr :)  LOL

H

... in response to Re: No Question At All..., posted by Howard on Jun 26, 2002

Hi H,

I know, I didn't get that one at first either. People occasionally say it to me after finding out that I'm a Michiganderr. Evidently it is a term used outside of Michigan, especially by gamblers.

Michigan Bankroll: Used jokingly when a large denomination bill is wrapped around several smaller bills, such as $100 bill wrapped around a core of $1 bills, giving the impression that the player is a high roller with many $100 bills to wager.

It's payday and that sounds like my wad all right. :o)

Dave H.

... in response to A Question of Honor, posted by Howard on Jun 25, 2002

Your response to Jon says it all.

- Jeff S.

... in response to I'm with May, Howard, posted by Jeff S on Jun 26, 2002

nm

... in response to A Question of Honor, posted by Howard on Jun 25, 2002

Good luck, and may it bring you peace.

-Don

... in response to Re: A Question of Honor, posted by The Walker on Jun 25, 2002

Don,

Thanks Friend :)  I feel better already :)

Regards to Vicky :)

Keep the Faith!

H

... in response to A Question of Honor, posted by Howard on Jun 25, 2002

Howard,

It's a bad move, bro.  You are killing yourself trying to do all and every right thing.  This is a mistake, one I have made.  It's not a matter of doing every possible right thing, its a matter of knowing when to leave enough alone.  I've been there, trust me.

Jon

... in response to Re: A Question of Honor, posted by jon on Jun 25, 2002

Jon,

Thanks man :)

I'm not doing this for them as much as I am for myself.  I think that's what many have missed up until now.  I know I have done everything in my power, but it was not within my power because I was never given a level playing field.  I have done everything I intend to do for them. I am doing this for me.

Keep the Faith Brutha ;)

H

... in response to A Question of Honor, posted by Howard on Jun 25, 2002

I knew you would do this even though my counsel was the opposite. I understand why, of course. But for God's sake, take Don's FULL advice and make this the ONLY letter you ever write them. Because I'll give you 4-to-1 odds that they reply after reading your letter. I still think they're going to try to squeeze (dry) the only information source they can get -- which appears to be you.

Please let us know in the weeks ahead if they do reply. I want to know if my instinct was way off on this.

Good luck always, amigo.

Tim

... in response to Re: A Question of Honor, posted by Tim on Jun 25, 2002

Brother,

This is the last letter I will send them, that is a promise I made, or will make ;), to Gerlie.  I personally have not written to them in a year and have not spoken to her mother since December.  I will not, under ANY circumstances accept their phone calls, which they have not tried to make.

I know where your coming from and well know where your loyalty lies :), you just have to trust me on this one :)  Any pressure I feel to write them is MUCH less about their right to know than it is about my nagging conscience.  I can hear my mother's words clear as day.  It's a pity they are wasted on this.

You guys will know everything.  It's a vow I plan to keep ;)  I'll just tell Gerlie first next time, maybe I'll be in less trouble ;)  LOL

For the record, I expect a reply, but will not in any way ask for one.  Don's advice is sound, I will have no problem following it ;)

Keep the Faith!

Tell Wendy I said "Hey" :)

H

... in response to A Question of Honor, posted by Howard on Jun 25, 2002

I think to tell them so much is quite honorable on your part but not deserved on their part.   You know better than most how they treated you like a mushroom.  I think the treatment they are getting from their daughter seems very appropriate - can't control you if they can't, don't know you exist.

I think telling them that you honored your agreement as you promised is suffient.  Ayesa desires are her own and no longer your concern and really none of theirs either.  If anything I think putting that poor girl back under their control is most cruel.  

I think I'd go so far as to ask for repayment terms on the moneys you gave them.

Bear and Honey.

... in response to Re: A Question of Honor, posted by Bear on Jun 25, 2002

B,

Thanks bro ;)

We are in agreement.  The facts, nothing else ;)

Keep the Faith

H

... in response to A Question of Honor, posted by Howard on Jun 25, 2002

We're looking forward to reading HOWARD'S CHRONICLES....PART II.

Stephen & Tess

... in response to Re: A Question of Honor, posted by Stephen on Jun 25, 2002

S&T,

Looking forward to living them myself :)  Of course I will share :)

Keep the Faith!

H

... in response to Re: A Question of Honor, posted by Stephen on Jun 25, 2002

Howard, I not being smart when I say most of knew you would write, it was just the correct thing to do and I also look forward to seeing how you tell them.  Good luck and keep the faith.