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Hey all,

Awhile back, I asked if anyone had used an Asian Dating Agency that specialized in Asians already in America.

Today, I went down to the one in Richardson, Texas to find out more about it.

The deal is this... for about $1000, you join the dating agency. For that, you can have an unlimited amount of dates with the ladies who belong. The membership lasts one year.

They had books full of pictures. The problem is that they had no information with the pictures. So, you couldn't tell age... where exactly the woman lived, or if she spoke English. (They have that information... but they wouldn't share it unless I joined...)

They had the books segregated into nationalities: Vietnamese, Japanese, Chinese and Korean. (I don't know where they put the Filipinos or Thai...)

By far there were more Chinese. Not that it mattered to me... but I found that interesting...

I'm guessing that they had a couple hundred pictures they showed me.

The disadvantage, of course, is that there is no guarantee that the women they showed you would go out with you, and you have to join the agency to find out. When I asked about that, the women looked at me like I was crazy. Of COURSE the women would go out with me... (yeah... right... but no offer for refunds if they didn't...)

The advantage is that there is no Visa hassle. Most of the women already have student visas, or green cards, or whatever... so the "scam factor" goes way down. And, no INS hassles getting the woman over here. The women had joined the agency because they wanted to find American men, though.

When you weigh the $980 membership fee against one plane ticket to Thailand or somewhere... it starts looking like a deal.

I didn't join because I am planning on going to Ukraine to meet a lady I have been writing to.

But, for those of you who have already thought about finding an Asian woman... it MIGHT be worth considering the large population already here.

[Side Note: I'm sure that there are Latina dating clubs, too, but -- interestingly enough -- a quick search of the internet didn't trun any up. And you would think that there would be SOMETHING in Texas, wouldn't you...???]

... in response to More Information on Asian Women already ..., posted by MarkInTx on Apr 24, 2002

Hey, I find those expensive introduction services a complete waste of time and money. I think a better response is joining AsianAvenue.com and corresponding with the ladies for free. In fact, I met my beautiful, wonderful, loving, sweetheart (okay, okay...I'll stop) fiancee on AmericanSingles.com (don't let the name fool you - it allows you to choose women in any country). I went straight to the Philippines section and got many responses from beautiful women. Asian avenue lets you search for asian women by location, by level of education, age, etc. You can even create your own webpage so they can see you and know what you're about. Good luck.

... in response to More Information on Asian Women already ..., posted by MarkInTx on Apr 24, 2002

There are tons of ways to meet Asian women in your very own hometown (that is if you live in a city of any size) and here in Southern California it's probably easier than meeting AW. If you want to meet a Filipina, Japanese, Chinese, Thai, Viet Namese, etc, hang out where they do: church services, events, resturaunts, social gatherings, etc, etc, and get to know some people. Once you start to get recognized, ask around if someone knows any nice single women who would like to meet you. Nothing makes grandmotherly Asian women happier than doing a little matchmaking - and nearly everyone has a niece, cousin, or just friend looking for a good man. I'll bet the majority of the Asian women who read and post on this board have plenty of friends they'd like to fix up.

-- Jeff S.

... in response to You know Mark, posted by Jeff S on Apr 25, 2002

I'm not sure about hanging around Vietnamese churches, and chinese markets, though... since I don't speak the language...

Resturaunts, perhaps... shopping centers... again... I'm not sure how to do that...

I think you may think it is easy because you are somewhat peripheraly involved in the culture through marriage... it's a little more daunting for someone who has no connection or exposure to it besides eating at the resturaunt every now and then...

Maybe I'm too shy for my own good.

Certainly the woman at the Asian agency I met yesterday thought so.

She said: "You are a good looking man who makes a lot of money... you should have more confidence in yourself!"

(Of course, this was when I asked her what happens if I pay my money to join the agency, and the women I was most interested in were not interested in me... So, it's probably just a line...)

... in response to Interesting thoughts... but..., posted by MarkInTx on Apr 25, 2002

I agree with JeffS. Anyway my thoughts on joining that kinda Agency doesn't sound that good. As You said joining doesn't guarantee success. Keep in mind that those Women has countless American Guys to choose from..thats like trying to find a Gorgeous AW that's you know already Picky. Sooo I'm sure that those Ladies would be Picky..Our best bet is seeking a Lady abroad, we got our pick of countless beautiful Ladies..Another thang is Supply and Demand...I'm sure that each woman in Agency has countless AM interested in them...Again as JeffS said, go to Asian Churches, etc etc..if we choose to seek an Asian already here. greg

... in response to Hi Mark, posted by greg on Apr 25, 2002

"Keep in mind that those Women has countless American Guys to choose from.."

That may not necessarily be true. Their social circles may be lacking in quality men just as many of ours lack available quality women.
Consider Brian's ex's friends. Their social circles may consist exclusively of other Pinays, at work the only men might be low paid orderlies or already married doctors, and their churches populated with already married pinoys (assuming they even go to church). And they may not be the kind of girls to hang out at bars waiting to get picked up by whatever whiteboy that just happens to mosey in. The only single men they ever encounter might be those that come in on gurneys. And the women who join this agency might all have similar stories, a derth of available men in their normal circles. What's a single gal to do?

... in response to Not Necessarily, posted by Bob S on Apr 26, 2002

Bob

That is an interesting point and I tend to believe it is true. I sometimes follow AOL's Asian Pen Pal message boards and I can't believe how many times I have read posts from Japanese women (mostly students) presently living in America / Canada looking for someone to speak / practice English with. I think why are you having such a hard time to find someone to practice English with when you have already been here for 4 - 5 months for example. Maybe most of the people they hang around with are other ESL students many of them from the same country as them. Though they are often atending colleges they don't nter act with the mainstream college population.

The most unusual message I saw was a Japanese woman married to an American in Japan who was looking for someone to practice her English with because she might move to America soon. I told my Japnaese friend Masami about this and she said she had a friend in the exact same situation. Her husband spoke fluent Japanese with her and they never really spoke english together.

Windmill Boy

... in response to Interesting thoughts... but..., posted by MarkInTx on Apr 25, 2002

However, I don't think you're too shy for your own good. Your character and sensitivity level are a big plus. I've been around all types for half my life and most of the vietnamese, thailand, korean types usually stay to themselves in their own glass world. You will notice this because among themselves, even in the company of americans, they will always speak their native language, (and very very fast too).

If you actually got to meet some of them through a commercial agency, then I would consider that a plus. The fact that they even signed up through one, indicates they're looking outside of their own box for more than what they're experiencing now; which is a good thing imo.

Btw, I didn't say it was a bad idea to do this, (maybe I did in a crass underhanded way, sorry, my lack of style), but rather, I'd only say be careful because like any kind of a venture, there are no guarantees, (and a grand really isn't that much these days). I guess I got tired of listening to the btching on the rw board about some guys paying 5 bucks more than some other agency for money xfer, or losing 20 bucks, and only meeting 4 out of 7 women and most weren't interested in him... or ... man that one is a riot.

What the heck, give it a shot, and let the board know what you find out. If the place is that good, then everyone I'm sure everyone would love to know how well it works.

Brian

... in response to Interesting thoughts... but..., posted by MarkInTx on Apr 25, 2002

I met and dated a number of Asian women before I was married, all by just learning a few politenesses in the language along with some history and culture of different asian countries, then, under the auspicies of practising my language skills, striking up a conversation.

Just last week, I was having lunch by myself in a Korean barbeque resturaunt. The waitress, with a name tag "Lek" came over and I casually asked her if she was Thai (who'd have thought with that name tag.) With a shocked look, she asked me how I knew. I responded that she was too pretty to be Korean, which of course, caused lots of giggling and smiles. After just a minute or two of conversation about Thailand, she decided I was a "really nice guy" and she wanted to set me up with her sister. I told her I was married.

I'm just astounded at the fear, distaste or ? most Americans seem to have about the prospect of mingling with Asians. I see more caucasion faces in Tokyo or Hong Kong than I do in Little Saigon or Korea town right here in Southern California. I don't get what people seem to worry about and why they avoid these neighborhoods. I've never felt unsafe or out of place, and nearly always someone strikes up a friendly conversation and few people are stingy with smiles. either. Admittedly, there are few Asian languages I can't at least say "hi" or "thank you" in, and I've studied Asian histroy and philospohy more than most, but can't be the reason others react to me with friendship and kindness. Of course, I'm more comfortable in Japanese surroundings where I understand what's being said and what's expected of me manners-wise, but still enjoy a wide variety of Asian cultures, food, and people.

-- Jeff S.

... in response to No, not because of marriage, posted by Jeff S on Apr 25, 2002

But... it is also partially personality...

I have never hung around a resturaunt and gotten an AW's address either.

I think some men are just more comfortable talking to total strangers....

Although, I would be afraid I woudl make some social fauz paux, since I don't know the culture...

Just my luck I would talk to some pretty lady and find out that her boyfriend was in the Yakuza or something...

... in response to More Information on Asian Women already ..., posted by MarkInTx on Apr 24, 2002

Those things can work, but it's big bucks time. I can find a hell of a lot things to do with a grand than give it to some agency here in the states, like buy a ticket overseas and actually do something besides watch a bunch of videos, look through catalogs, and make myself miserable at the same time.

I almost went to work for one of those places (great expectations I think it was) a number of years ago, but I couldn't work with the idea of high pressure sales pitching on the phone (and in house) and dealing with lady's (and the men too) emotions like that, to join and all because they're looking for luv...

I probably would've wanted to fall in love with all of my own female clients. ya! now there's a great idea for me! Give me your hard earned money, and then I'll take you out to dinner! No need to date those other bums! haha...

... in response to dating clubs., posted by BrianN on Apr 24, 2002

This isn't a dating club in the "Great Expectations" sense.

The only women at the agency are Asian. They are there because they are specifically looking for an American man.

Sure, some of them are looking to extend there stay in America because their Visa is expiring or whatever, but many are looking for an American man for the same reason the woman over seas is looking: They thnk American men make better husbands, and can provide for them better.

What is the difference between dating one of these women or going overseas to find her???

I can tell you the plusses... you tell me the minuses:

Advantages:

1. She definitely speaks SOME English
2. You can have months to get to know her instead of days
3. Calling her on the phone doesn't require a pre-paid phone card
4. There is no agency involved who wants to sell you "other services"
5. No INS / Visa headaches -- you KNOW she can get into the country
6. She understands the difference in American culture, and she likes it
7. If she already has her Visa... then you know she's not just marrying you for a greencard.

OK... so now help me... what are the disadvantages to doing this?

... in response to take a vacation about 800 miles east.., posted by BrianN on Apr 25, 2002

Brain

don't mean to jump in like this, But I feel when you say travel about 800 miles east you are talking about somewhere here on the east coast. may be wrong. I live in South Carolina and i have not seen any Asain women here other than the one's that work in the local chinese restaurants. did go in one of those not long ago. real pretty lady working there. I ask her if she was married, she just smiled at me, turned and looked at the guys working behind her and never said anything. but, the guys working there sure started talking and I could not understand what they were saying. LOL

... in response to Glad to see you're still lurking May.., posted by Jeff S on Apr 26, 2002

Thank you, Jeff. *s* Everything's just wonderful, never been happier.

I try to browse thru the posts and read see what's interesting to keep up with what's happening to friends here.

I just couldn't resist responding to Brian's post. *grin* You, more than anyone else, knew my reservations when I posted that pic and the words to put there. *grin* It seems my reservations were somehow right. *grin*

Give my regards to Mariko. *s*

... in response to I don't think you understand, posted by MarkInTx on Apr 25, 2002

I agree that it looks like an advantage in every way, except as Don pointed out items 5 & 7. If she is here on a visa and does not yet have permanent residency, you cannot be certain she is not a green card shark looking to marry you so you can help her adjust status.

The agency seems like a great idea (similar results w/o either the high cost of Great Expectations or a trip overseas). But I would want to see some changes before using their services.
1. More biographical info on their female clients. I can understand them not wanting to divulge too much (or you would just look them up in the phonebook and call to arrange a date yourself without paying the agency). But they should at least provide First Name, Age, Occupation, Marital Status, # of Children. Obviously you might not want to waste money joining if it turns out all their female clients are 20 years your senior (unless you're into that sort of thing).
2. Provide legal status of residency. Are they a Citizen? Permanent Resident? Temporary Visa? Asylum Visa? Other? You could then pre-screen for ladies who truly are not in need of your citizenship to stay if that is something that worries you.

It would be hard to provide for any sort of money back guarantee. What is guaranteed? That you'll find a wife? Why should they be forced to refund if the male client is a buttugly troll or total arsehole on his dates and scares off the ladies? You could ask for a guarantee of at least 3 dates, but how would you know if they weren't just paying the girls to show up and sponge off your dime for an evening? In the end, the money for membership fees is all part of the risk, just like the money spent on addresses, tourist visas, and plane tickets. Nothing guarantees your UkrW won't turn into a nutbag while you're there (or worse yet, after she arrives here on your sponsored visa {BTDT}).

... in response to I don't think you understand, posted by MarkInTx on Apr 25, 2002

Reference #5. Don't count on it. After 09/11 there are changes brewing in INS. They may require her to return to her country of origin to apply for a change of status to wife. This is all up in the air, as is the very survival of the INS in its current form. It may not affect foreign brides very much and then again it may. Especially if NOW and the woman's congressional caucus has their way.

1. As do many Asian women, especially Filipinas.
2. Good point.
3. Another plus. Vicky and my phone bills were outrageous.
4. Don't believe that, either. The agency that you join will probably try to sell you everything from airline tickets to her home to see the parents, to "help" changing her INS status, to "special" phone cards to call her homeland. But for a thousand bucks, they'd better give me a handjob if I don't connect. That is steep. A lot of freebeies had better come with that fee.
5. See first paragraph.
6. Understands, yes; likes, maybe. There are aspects of American society and culture Vicky doesn't like/understand.
7. Not necessarily. A visa and a green card are two entirely different animals. Ask anyone with a foreign wife or read the adjustment of status posts here in the archives.

Choosing an Asian woman already here can be a good choice. She is partially "Americanized". But you do not see her in her native habitat, under "normal" conditions, as it were. Still, I do not see any reason to choose between methods. Whatever makes you both happy. True, she will not suffer as much culture shock as a gal from a tiny village on Leyte or from a rural province in China. She has been exposed to the big, bad world and she can survive here. On the other hand, maybe you want to "Americanize" her without the less savory influences she can find here on her own. Six of one, half dozen of the other. Either way if you take your time to really get to know the woman, I don't think it will make much difference. Although traveling to her homeland will broaden you as to her roots and why she does some things the way she does. I always recommend travel. Makes you smarter and more tolerant. And besides, winning a woman's heart SHOULD cost you some treasure. A good wife is worth the trouble and money, correct?

-Don

... in response to Re: I don't think you understand, posted by The Walker on Apr 25, 2002

OK... first off... my search has heretofore taken me to the FSU, and recently Brazil... so I am certainly no expert on an Asian woman.

My only experience was with an American girlfriend who was Half Thai... and she wasn't steeped heavily in the culture, having been born and raised here. (She was, however, the most beautiful woman I have ever dated...)

However... as for the agency selling me other services... I really don't think so.

I agree that $900 seems steep... except like I said, it favors when compared to one trip overseas.

My plane ticket alone to Kiev is going to cost more than that.

Also, it compares favorably to other dating services. I don't know about "Great Expectations" but there is a "Christian" service here in Dallas called: "Equally Yoked." It's more of a dating club than a matchmaking service, but it was something like $1500 for a year's membership...

Now, as for travelling to her homeland... I would expect to do that, regardless if we met here or there.

If I marry a woman from Brazil, Or Russia, or Japan, I fully expect to take a trip to her "home" at least once a year. If I make her go with me to Pittsburgh once a year... it's the least I can do to go home with her once a year, as well ;-)

As for spending my treasure for a good wife... absolutely. After having had a bad wife, I know the value of a good wife. But the problem is that sometimes a trip overseas is not spending your treasure on your wife... it's wasting it on the search...

I would much rather not do that, if I didn't have to.

And, when I finally DO find my wife, I think she would be happy to find I still had some money in the bank for both of us...

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