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I don't think anyone can refute the statistics that show that cross-cultural relationships tend to be very successful. The divorce rate is somewhere between two and five times less than same culture marriages in the western world, depending on which study you are quoting.
On the surface it seems unusual that this should be so. Afterall you are talking about two people that have grown up in different cultures with different expectations possibly different values, religions and ideologies. You would expect that these differences would cause problems from the outset.

So why are they successful ?

My suggestions are pretty simplistic. They are three fold.

Firstly we don't just fall into these relationships. In most of our cases we have corresponded, courted and visited our partners over a period of time (often years). There has been plenty of opportunity to get to know each other, dare I say it, from a safe distance. Alot of effort has gone ahead of our being together.
Contrast this with the common scenario of: Boy meets girl (while both are probably drunk),a physical relationship develops quickly and before you know it you are talking about co-habitation. A few years down the track you're saying "What the hell, we've been living together for 2 years, lets get married"

Secondly it is the differences between the couple that allows for the development of a deeper level of co-operation and understanding.
You go into these relationships expecting problems to crop up.  You know you come from different worlds and have different upbringings.
When misunderstandings occur it is no surprise, and you are already prepared to resolve them. Maybe it's a little like John Gray's Mars and Venus analogy. Except we already know we are from Mars and Venus before we start out, instead of learning it a few years down the track.(Or never)

Thirdly I think the differences help to maintain a long term interest in each other. You grew up in different worlds....that's interesting....it can take a lifetime to learn from/about each other.

What are YOUR thoughts ?

Mal

PS: After 5 months of phoning everyone I know and advertising in the Pharmacy publications I have finally found a locum to look after my Pharmacy. Yes in 3 weeks I'll be in the arms of Doan again. I've only got 2 weeks with her, but that'll do both of us jst fine for now.
I'm sure some you can relate to my joy...
Yeeee  haaaaa

 

... in response to Success of cross- cultural realtionships, posted by madmal on Jan 28, 2001

congratulations mal, I am glad to hear you are going to see your love. I hope that you have picked up an american slang book for her.Hope everything goes well on your visit.
--lori

... in response to Re: Success of cross- cultural realtions..., posted by Lori on Jan 29, 2001

The biggest 'argument' that Doan and I have had since marrying was about slang. Some smartass Aussie decided that he was going to teach her all the Aussie slang.
She was mad because I had not taught her this stuff.
My logic had been that there wasn't much point teaching her this slang because it would only confuse her.And she could learn it when she got here.
So when I see her in a few weeks she won't understand a word I say because I will using every bit of slang I know.

Mal

... in response to Re: Slang, posted by madmal on Jan 30, 2001

Mal,
 I wish I could see Doan's face when you spring all the slang on her.   I used to do that To Melly when she first came here and she would accuse me of speaking another language.  :)   Now though she understands it so I can't aggravate her that way anymore.  :(

 
                                      SteveG

... in response to Re: Re: Slang, posted by SteveG on Jan 30, 2001


Hi SteveG,

I'm not really springing it on her......she asked for it by giving me such a hard time about not teaching her.
I guess she was a little embarrassed when this guy said:
"Whadya mean ya don't speak 'Strine. Ya married to an Aussie arent ya?"

mal

... in response to Slang, posted by madmal on Jan 30, 2001

Mal,

The Aussies seem to have a whole bunch of slang terms for 'vomit'.  So, go easy on those slabs or you'll be driving the porcelain bus tomorrow!

Jim

... in response to Slang, posted by madmal on Jan 30, 2001

G'day Mal,

You Aussies have more slang then anyone on Earth! :o))
There was a group of Aussies staying at my hotel in Butuan City. Nice folks! I decided to impress them with my best "Crocodile Dundee" Strine and began with "G'day Mates." Big Mistake! I had no idea what they were saying for about 5 minutes. I just smiled and and looked like a snag short of a barbie. Someone finally realized I was a Yank and we all had a good laugh.

So, lets put some snags on the barbie and get a slab. My throat is as dry as a dead dingo's donger. Your shout!

Dave H.

... in response to G'day Mal, posted by Dave H on Jan 30, 2001

Hi Dave,

So you found out about a "shout". I alway's loved drinking with Aussie's the best. Those fella's have got to be the most friendly bunch on Earth. Also, they can drink most folk's of ANY nationality under the table!

However, being an experienced drunk at the time, I usually
was able to keep up. :>

Cheer's
Jay

... in response to Re: Slang, posted by madmal on Jan 30, 2001

mal, you go talk to that aussie boy and set him straight!!
btw---I have found that I'll only be able to bring $2000.00 spending money with me when I go to vietnam. I'll be staying in the families house. I am wondering if that will be enough money to do a little shopping also??? I'll be there for 30 days.
thanks --lori

... in response to Re: Re: Slang, posted by Lori on Jan 30, 2001

Hi Lori,
If you are staying with the family, and most likely eating your meals with them, then $2000 will be plenty of money.
Vietnam is a shoppers paradise. Particularly for tailor made clothes. I want a pic of you in that silk Ao Dai.
Do you have any plans as to where you will go, what you will do?  Will Thai be able to travel around a bit?

Every trip I have managed to see a new part of Vietnam. Even if it has only been a couple of days. I am slowly seeing the whole country. Keep in mind my first trip was 3 weeks of solo cycling in the Delta, so I saw a little bit before meeting Doan.

If my memory serves me correctly, Thai is just out of Saigon, isn't he? Vietnam can be noisy, dusty and hot.Particularly around Saigon. But in 30 days I'm sure you'll find some beautiful places (and moments) for quiet contemplation. The countryside is very beautiful. And you don't have to go too far out of the cities to be surrounded by rice paddies.

With only 2 weeks we won't cover too much ground this time. Though we are hoping to go up to Da Lat for a few days alone. I'm looking forward to spending a few days with Doan's family. She has been at home in her village for the last 2 weeks, over the Te^'t celebration.

mal

... in response to Spending money, posted by madmal on Jan 30, 2001

mal--We are definatly going to Dalat for our "honeymoon. They also talk about the beaches, so I am sure we will be doing a little traveling. I long to see the country-side. I think that is where you will find most of the true culture.

Yes, I'll be wearing an ao dai. I have already had some pictures in one. Thai's family took some of me at the chinese new year celebration. But MAN, they were tight, and I was very uncomfortable in it. I did not get a chance to see the pictures before they had already sent them to him. I am sure my face looks strained from holding in my tummy.

I have only 4 more moonths to go till I hop on that plane and take the ride of my life. I am terrified to fly. I don't know why, coz, I have flown before, but it has been years ago. So, I don't know what I am more nervous of, the plane ride, or meeting Thai. I worry so much that he'll be disappointed, but that comes from my lack of self-esteem. But also I am your average size for american standards, but I may be a cow compared to vietnamese women.

I just hope he is as sweet, understanding, and caring as he is in his letters. He already calls my children, "our" children and his family "our" family.
Well, I hope your visit goes well. You are lucky to be able to go see her and spend some much needed time with her. Hopefully it won't be long before she'll see ausie grounds.
The first slang I would teach her is how to say, "Get away from me, aussie boy, before my hubby comes here and kicks your bootay!!" hehehe....good luck mal;)

... in response to Re: Success of cross- cultural realtions..., posted by Lori on Jan 29, 2001

N/T

... in response to Success of cross- cultural realtionships, posted by madmal on Jan 28, 2001

Mad,

You make some good points and you sound like you’re well prepared mentally for married life with your new bride.

About the misunderstandings that pop up. They may not always be a surprise, but some of them can sure be frustrating. Simple things like the misuse of a single word because of difficulties with the language can cause some big problems. But with the right attitude and hard work on both sides, there is nothing that can’t be overcome.

I don’t know about statistics, but from my own personal experiences with hundreds of interracial couples that I have known, I would definitely say that they are more successful than comparable single-race unions that I know of.

Have a safe trip and please take notes for a report when you return.

Ray

... in response to Re: Success of cross- cultural realtions..., posted by Ray on Jan 28, 2001

Please show me where you say it is incorrect!

One of the world's wealthiest men is no longer one of the world's most wanted men.

After fleeing to Switzerland more than 15 years ago to escape U.S. charges of racketeering and tax evasion, Marc Rich was granted a pardon in the final hours of Bill Clinton's presidency on Saturday.

Rich's ex-wife, Denise, is a Democratic party fund-raiser, and reportedly a close friend of Clinton.

The decision to pardon Rich marked the final chapter in a remarkable legal and political drama between the United States and Switzerland involving the hugely successful and highly secretive commodities trader.

Rich, whose Marc Rich Group is based in central Switzerland, could not be reached for immediate comment Sunday. A man answering his home telephone said he was on vacation.

The commodities trader often took his holidays at the exclusive ski resort of St. Moritz and was a familiar face at conferences. But now he will be able to go beyond Swiss borders without fear of being snatched by U.S. law enforcement officers.

Rich, who has citizenship in the United States, Spain and Israel, was indicted in 1983 by a U.S. federal grand jury on more than 50 counts of wire fraud, racketeering, trading with the enemy and evading more than $48 million in income taxes -- crimes that could have earned him more than 300 years in prison.

He allegedly made vast profits through a huge, illegal oil pricing scheme in the wake of the 1973 oil crisis and evaded taxes by shifting profits from his U.S. subsidiary to the parent company in low-tax Switzerland. He also was accused of making deals with Iran during the U.S. embassy hostage crisis in Tehran.

''In 1980, Marc David Rich conspired with the Iranian government to purchase over six million barrels of oil, in violation of the trade embargo imposed against Iran by the United States,'' read the U.S. Department of Justice Fugitive Lookout notice.

''The payments were made fraudulently through American banks and the illegal use of American telecommunications facilities,'' said the notice, still posted on the Internet on Sunday.

In 1982, a New York judge subpoenaed documents from Rich's company, handing out a contempt fine of $50,000 per day until he complied. The Swiss regarded this as a challenge to national sovereignty, saying that normal diplomatic channels should have been followed. In a bizarre twist, the Swiss subsequently seized Rich's documents to prevent them from being sent to the U.S. court.

In July 1984, the United States demanded his extradition. The Swiss refused, saying that tax evasion was not a crime in Switzerland.

Although Rich later reached an out-of-court settlement in the United States for about $150 million in tax payments, he remained on the fugitives list for other charges. In 1992, a treasury department agency even briefly considered kidnapping Rich from Switzerland.

Rich also earned the hatred of U.S. labor unions. They accused him of being responsible for locking out 1,700 striking workers at the West Virginia-based Ravenswood Aluminum Corp., which he partly owned. After a 20-month dispute, the strikers were reinstated in mid-1992.

After boardroom battles, defections and dismissals, Rich left the company he had founded -- Marc Rich & Co. -- in 1993. It was subsequently renamed Glencore and remains one of the world's largest commodity dealers.

Rich went back into business in late 1995 with the Marc Rich Group. The Swiss business magazine Bilanz calculated his wealth at $900 million to $1.3 billion.

The business upheavals in 1992 coincided with a divorce battle. His wife, Denise, sued for a $500 million settlement after he left her for another woman, Gisela Rossi. Denise Rich is now a successful New York songwriter and fund-raiser for the Democratic party.

... in response to Here is the post you say has a who's/who..., posted by curt on Jan 29, 2001

:-)

... in response to Wrong again cbf....n/t, posted by Ray on Jan 29, 2001

nt

... in response to Wrong again?  I only asked you to show w..., posted by curt on Jan 29, 2001

:-)

... in response to I never mentioned that post, did I?  n/t, posted by Ray on Jan 29, 2001

Post by Ray:

... in response to I was responding to Ray (see below), posted by curt on Jan 29, 2001

:-)

... in response to You're in the wrong thread...n/t, posted by Ray on Jan 29, 2001

since you left the original thread FIRST!

... in response to Wrong again?  I only asked you to show w..., posted by curt on Jan 29, 2001

..not Ray.  I got who's/whose mixed up.  I wasn't drinking either (I don't drink) - it was just a tired brain after a long day of work.

Now cbf, have you been drinking?  It appears you have gotten me and Ray mixed up.  Come to think of it, didn't Harry sometimes get me and Ray mixed up....?

Jim

... in response to That was me..., posted by Jimbos on Jan 29, 2001

Ray criticized my use of Who's/Whose in another thread.

... in response to That was me..., posted by Jimbos on Jan 29, 2001

Jimbo,

That’s OK, it’s a very common mistake. Even our new Spelling and Grammar Sheriff has trouble with that one :-)

Ray

... in response to Re: That was you?, posted by Ray on Jan 30, 2001

see that I was responding to YOUR post.  You have a hard time being right if you are always wrong.

... in response to Success of cross- cultural realtionships, posted by madmal on Jan 28, 2001

In your post only a few days ago you say you are not in a position to say much about married life.  Now you are the expert?

... in response to Success of cross- cultural realtionships, posted by madmal on Jan 28, 2001

nt

... in response to Success of cross- cultural realtionships, posted by madmal on Jan 28, 2001

Mal,

>I don't think anyone can refute the statistics that show
>that cross-cultural relationships tend to be very
>successful. The divorce rate is somewhere between two and
>five times less than same culture marriages in the western
>world, depending on which study you are quoting.

It sounds like You have read atleast some of the studies...

I have been looking for these much quoted studies since the DOJ report, and I would very much like You to tell me where to find these studies... The studies that I have managed to get hold of, were absolute c*ap from a researchers viewpoint.

Did You pull them off the web, or did You get them through the mail?

regards,

... in response to Success of cross- cultural realtionships, posted by madmal on Jan 28, 2001

N/T

... in response to Success of cross- cultural realtionships, posted by madmal on Jan 28, 2001

nt