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This is a new post, but a continuation of the thread I started back on April 13th.  My wife is here with me now, and I now have the real truth (maybe not exactly every detail, but mostly).

This is about her being able to afford to go to Egypt and Cyprus, and also about finding her profile on another website that was posted over a year earlier than she had told me that she first posted her profile.

First, nothing came of the profile she had posted on 1russianlady.  It isn't that well known of a site, first of all, and she told me that she had actually forgotten about it even being there.  She did admit to putting it there.  She says that the only contact she had with any foreigners (other then myself) was that she did answer a few emails with more or less just short introductory letters, but nothing ever 'went anywhere'.  She said this was only maybe at most 3 times.  She said that before she got a computer for her home, she only went to internet cafe 1 or 2 times a month.  She said it wasn't like she was waiting with 'baited breath' for something to happen on the internet.

Now, remember I said that back in January she admitted to me that she had had a short relationship with a local (Ukrainian) man back in Jan-Feb of 2002?  She told me about this honestly and told me that it was over and that she was embarrassed to tell about it because she was the one who more or less got 'dumped'.

Well, the truth is that this Ukrainian guy was very wealthy.  She said that she does not know if he was in mafia or not, but if he was he didn't fit the usual profile.  She said that he was very intelligent but only had college education, and that he never did anything bad to her.  She did fall in love with him, and she admitted that she would have married him (subject to how he was with her son) if he had asked.  She said that before she would have married him, she would have had to see how he was with her son and that if this didn't work, then she wouldn't have married him.  She told me that during the relationship, her son never met him and that they met away from her home.  She admitted that she would tell her son that she had to stay at work late.

So, this guy gave her money and helped her for some time, and it was from the money he gave her that she loaned the $400 to the friend of her husband to start business and that what she had told me about getting the airplane ticket to Egypt from this man (when he couldn't pay her back the $400) was true, and that she did go to Eygpt alone.  She said that she did meet another Russian lady at the hotel where she stayed after she got there and they went places together.  That is why she had said 'I went with a girlfriend'.  This was also after her and Dima (the local guy) had stopped seeing each other.

Then, she said that from time to time, he would call her and just talk to her and tell her that he knew how difficult her life was and that he wanted to do something to help her, and that he would send over a driver to bring her some little money.  He did this 2 or 3 times in the spring of 2002.  It was this money that she used to go to Cyprus, and she did go with another lady, and the photographs that were made were either made by her friend, or just people sitting around them on the beach.  She said nothing else happened in Cyprus except a vacation.

She said that her whole family (parents and 2 brothers) got together with her after this trip and they put their money together (I'm sure she supplied a big lump of it) to buy a computer that was used in her home and for her son.  This is how she got a $500 computer in her house.

Basically, she told me that she saw this Dima a couple of times after they broke up (whether there was sex or not she didn't specifically say), but she said that it was when she went on vacation with her son to the Crimea that she totally forgot about this guy and realized he wasn't good for her in the first place.  Also, she told me that not even her mother knew that she had dated this guy back in Jan-Feb, and that her mother would definitely not have approved had she known.  Her mother believed that anyone there who was 'rich' was also dishonest and not good person.

I can also add that she has been nothing but PERFECT since she got here last week.  It is unbelievable.  She says that she is type of woman who God made especially to be good wife to someone.  She is already working in the yard, planting flowers, washing the deck, cooking, rearranging the house, etc and I didn't ask her to do anything!  

She also said that men need to be very careful about young women in her country.  She says that girls at university now walk around with low-cut blouses, and tight tight pants and all they talk about is drinking, sex, and money.  She said that maybe 5% are not like this.  She said that in her generation (she is 35) it was not too unusual for woman to be virgin until at least age 18 and often to 20 or more, but now, (just like here) girls are sleeping with guys on 'first date'.  She said that even younger guys in Ukraine are dating older women because the younger girls 'have nothing in their head'.  She said to any foreign man who has relationship with a woman under 28 or 29 to be very very careful.  She told me that I do not know yet how lucky I am to have her because she is honest woman.

So, this is the story.  Any thoughts from anyone?

... in response to Was: Anybody used 1Russianlady, posted by svanos1 on Apr 23, 2003

asdf

... in response to Was: Anybody used 1Russianlady, posted by svanos1 on Apr 23, 2003

Just wanted to clarify that the man my wife loaned $400 to did not know the guy she dated in Jan-Feb (named Dima).

Also, with every passing day, I believe in her sincerity more and more.

Also, she did tell me that she had no reason to believe that Dima was in the mafia other than that he had an excellent business.  I don't know what rich means over there, but he had a house with a dishwasher, and she told me he was more rich than a certain couple who are friends of hers (and I met them).  This couple has a contruction business.  The man's name is Ilya and he just bought a new Ford Explorer.  The live in same apartment building as my wife did, but they have really made it nice (relatively) inside.  Like most people there, they do no 'advertise' their success.

Also, my wife told me that this Dima guy never mistreated her and that he wasn't necessarily trying to 'use' her.  She said one day they took a walk in the woods (late Feb) and stopped to talk.  She said that he went on and on about his past life, about some past girlfriend, and about many other things that bothered him that really didn't have anything to do with her.  She told me that it was during this talk that it hit her (dawned on her) that he was very distant from her and that he was more interested in himself than her.  She said that she didn't say anything, but it was during this 'talk' that she 'knew' things weren't going anywhere, and that she wasn't so sure she wanted them to.  

She said that the next time her called her, she just used different tone of voice (what she calls 'iron lady' tone) and told him she was busy.

The only other guy she dated was this guy named Sasha (who was not rich or mafia) who she had a 4 year relationship with.  She said that he 'drove her crazy' with jealousy.  Everytime she went somewhere he would call and interrogate her ... 'Where have you been?'  'Why did you need to shop for a dress?'  'What store did you go to?'  'What time did you leave work?', etc, etc like tracing her every step.

She said this finally wore her down and whatever it was that he did by talking to her son behind her back (something about her son's real father) was the 'straw that broke the camel's back'.   She said that this guy did remain a friend and helped her several times to take her son to doctor and hospital when he was sick.

So, she still maintains that from late 96 (or early 97) until Jan of 2002, she had no relationship (meaning sex or otherwise) with any man.

What I see now is a woman who worships every step I take and asks me every day 'Stevie!  What are you doing to me?'  Meaning that I am making her love me so much she can't stand it.  She said that getting married in church was a VERY big deal to her, and she told me that her mother wouldn't have let her leave the Ukraine if it wasn't for her trust in me.  I think I am very very lucky to have found her.

... in response to Re: Was: Anybody used 1Russianlady, posted by svanos1 on Apr 24, 2003

From what you have written I see no reason to doubt this lady. She will continue to show you this in how she acts and treats you in the coming months. All will show itself in time. I hope that it continues to be good for you.

Good luck.

... in response to Was: Anybody used 1Russianlady, posted by svanos1 on Apr 23, 2003

The only part that sounds strange to me is the foreign travel bit. It seems strange that someone who is strapped for cash would, on the odd osccasion when they do have some money, go and spend it on holidays. Especially a thrifty RW! The bit about some guy giving her an air ticket to Egypt instead of the $400 he owed her, which had been a gift from another guy... who happens also to be a friend of the guy she lent the money to... you should try testing her on those details later on! (As they say, if you're going to tell lies you'd better have a good memory!)

I have known a number of girls who found their way to other counrties despite having no money, and whilst I am not for one moment casting aspersions on this lady's character, I can tell you that most of them went there not to spend money, but to earn it...

... in response to Was: Anybody used 1Russianlady, posted by svanos1 on Apr 23, 2003

I hope you are satisfied with her explanation. She seems to have been very honest with you, especially regarding the difficult topic.

It might seem kind of surprising that she fell in love with this guy who might be in the mafia. It reminds me of a wonderful woman I met in the U.S. a few years ago. She was ethnically Russian, living in Bulgaria. She was very beautiful, highly educated, and had a high position (sorry, no details) in Bulgaria. She also had an elementary school age daughter, who meant everything to her. Well, when she got to the U.S., a rich bastard took advantage of her, let her and her daughter stay in his house for sex. As most really rich people are that I have known, he is deranged. He makes suicide attempts and has a long established pattern of abusing people. So, she went along with this arrangement, having no other means of support. He helped her start a small business. Get this: She fell in love with him. He asked her to marry him. She would have married him, but she thought (knew quite clearly!) that he would not be a good father to her daughter, and she finally got enough money together and left (escaped) the house (dungeon). I sincerely hope this guy has blown his brains out by now with a handgun, but I hear he is cruising websites for bringing hot Russian babes over to the US and will probably read this message.

The falling in love with such a character (1) completely horrified me, (2) turned me off to her emotionally, (3) and made me realize how desparate these women are for a good man. Despite what that kid wrote a while back (someone reposted it here) about how huge the numbers of great men there are in the FSU, I hardly believe it's true. I mean, I do know a FSU husband who seems to be upstanding, and some of you may know dozens and dozens, but in my experience that number is dwarfed by the numbers of cheaters and alcoholics and mafia types, which in my experience is the norm (maybe not at 18 when they are kids at university, but by 35). For them, the meaning of life is inside a bottle of vodka and screwing around at every opportunity. We've got some real losers in the U.S., too; lots and lots of drug addicts, for example, but they are the fringe, not the norm.

(Forgive me if I offend anyone. These are impressions based only on my experiences and personal encounters, many of which would horrify the average person of normal sensibilities. I have been dating FSU ladies since 1997, starting with those I met in the US.) The scariest thing for me is how the women accept mistreatment. They have a great capacity for suffering and survival. A tiny minority of American women would put up with this crap. It is a weakness and it is a strength. Now you see can how communist society in the FSU held together as long as it did, and how people over there can survive today-- and why the women look for Western men (or Asian, or whatever you and I are).

So these are some of the associations I had when reading your post. I know this is overly simplistic. It's just some selected thoughts in a tiny nutshell.

It seems clear to me that this woman really appreciates you, and sees a good future with you. I feel you are lucky to have such a woman in your life. A man like you is virtually nonexistant in the FSU. And she knows it. She is already, it seems, a very positive influence. I wish you many decades of love and happiness and that you live in the present and work and plan together for a great future.

... in response to Re: Was: Anybody used 1Russianlady, posted by Scaught on Apr 23, 2003

It's difficult to decide what is a "normal" Russian/Ukrainian man anymore.  There are some good ones out there, but what is tolerated and not often determines for a woman what's good.  Alcoholism is a norm over there, and a man who drinks is not automatically disqualified from being a good person.  Likewise, a woman's observations regarding Russian/Ukrainian men are likely to be colored by her own personal experiences.  If her personal experiences were less than favorable, then her view on the Russian/Ukrainian male is going to be similar.

That being said, American men are considered, for the most part, as being more stable than their Russian counterparts.  Even so, that does not guarantee that a Russian woman will be interested in you.  Most women over there are not interested in meeting American or other foreign men.  They prefer to find a local man instead who meets their needs.

Those who tend to be more serious about finding foreign husbands, also tend to be professionals with careers.  The younger and more inexperienced women are often in it for the money (at least initially), or else it is more of a lark for them to try it out.  One main exception to that would likely be the unwed mothers, who are likely to be much more serious about finding a husband who would be a good provider and also a be good father to her child(ren).

Also remember, for every decent and serious guy out there looking for a Russian lady, there are tens, if not hundreds of nutcases and fruitloops out there who are also corresponding these same women.  If the woman manages to wade through all these letters to find a well written and serious one, she will certainly be pleasantly surprised.  There's a good chance, however, that she will burn out long before she gets to a letter from a decent person.

Also, Russian and Ukrainian ladies tend to be a lot more suspicious of men writing to them now.  Years ago, white slavers were luring women out of Former Soviet Union (FSU) countries and capturing them with promises of marriage.  Safeguards have been put up long since, but that caution still remains.  Also, not all marriages work out, and stories now abound of these failed marriages.  The upshot is that it's getting a lot harder to find a decent woman who trusts enough to give it a try.  

Still, it's more than worth it for us to give it a try.  I work in an operator center, where the operators on the floor are one paycheck from financial disaster.  To them, I'm a boring guy.  They want a man who's "exciting" and "sexy".  These same guys they are so gaga over are in turn sleeping around, are abusive or they're gambling their cash away.  Marina sees me as an exciting guy because I'm smart, I'm doing what I can to make her life better and I'm totally devoted to her.  It's all a matter of perception.  I prefer Marina's perception over the average American woman's any day.

... in response to Looking for Normalcy, posted by John K on Apr 23, 2003

excellent, excellent, post. thanks.

... in response to Re: Looking for Normalcy, posted by FLASH2D on Apr 23, 2003

n/t

... in response to Was: Anybody used 1Russianlady, posted by svanos1 on Apr 23, 2003

Oh.  One more thing that is cute.  My wife refers to these young girls as 'sharkies' (from the word shark).  She says there are many many out there and men need to be careful.

... in response to Was: Anybody used 1Russianlady, posted by svanos1 on Apr 23, 2003

Jack has given us a list of qualified agencies, why are you going out and dealing with the remaining questionable agencies ?

If you know something bad a agency listed at my site, let me know via e-mail.  wsbill@nospam.com

http://www.geocities.com/eewife

... in response to Re: GET with the program..., posted by wsbill on Apr 23, 2003

WSBill, you are missing the whole point.  I didn't deal with this agency.  I saw my wife's photo on bride.ru 2 weeks after she posted it there.  I was actively searching for her profile on other sites and found her also on 1russianlady where she had posted her profile in fall of 2001.  You need to read the other thread from 4/13.

... in response to Re: Re: GET with the program..., posted by svanos1 on Apr 23, 2003

Have a great marriage!