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In Heaven, You will have:
An American job
An English house
Eat Chinese food and
Have a Ukrainian wife

In Hell, You will have:
A Ukrainian job
Eat English food
Have a Chinese house and
Have an American wife

... in response to Ukrainian humor, posted by jrm on Apr 4, 2003

Heaven:
The Germans make the cars.
The Brits run the government.
The French do the cooking.

Hell:
The Germans run the government.
The Brits do the cooking.
The French make the cars.

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Welcome to Heaven, here's your harp.
Welcome to Hell, here's your accordian.

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Heard about the Frenchman on trial for necrophilia?
He was aquited. His defense? "Beleive me, I had no IDEA! I just assumed she was English"