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This is what my life has been reduced to for the time being...my so called wife is allowed to live here in my home until she has to go back to the Motherland. In the meantime, I have to endure her doing everything she can to "trade-up" and get the next Mr. Scr3wed. She's been trying to do that since the day we got married! Maybe I was lucky because I learned early what was up, but it sure doesn't feel like it right now. Maybe I'll feel better watching her get on the plane going home. Funny thing is, she thought (or rather was told by her best friend), that I could not have a divorce unless she granted it.....HAAAAAAAA.....bummer it don't work that way. Then she was told (same best friend) that if we divorced, I would have to get her an apartment and a car and give her spending money because I signed the AOS......HAAAAAAA.....that don't work either! What a bummer!!!

To any newbies out there, LISTEN to the advise given here!!!! I made MAJOR mistakes because I did not. I am not at all discoureging anyone from seeking a wife from the FSU or anywhere else. All I am saying is be cautious and listen to the folks that post here, they been there and done that. At this point, I really wished I had....my bad, I simply have myself to blame!

Side note for you guys...just my personal expierience...If you meet a lady that wants to come to your city because her best friend or friends live there....be cautious! Odds are, she doesn't want to come live with you, but rather with them, and you are simply the urod stepping stone. I was :) BTW, she wrote to her friends she wanted her freedom day......2 weeks after we married.....Ana emet yeyo svabodu!!!

... in response to Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!!, posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

and pay for what you get.

Maybe even deserve it on occassion.

... in response to Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!!, posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

First I am sorry for what you are going through and I compliment you for having the balls to openly discuss. I know deep down there must still be some hurt that only time will heal.

Travis can you, will you, share with us a few things about how you went about the process. Let others learn from those who have gone before them.

How many Russian ladies did you correspond with? How many Russian ladies were you able to meet? How much time were you able to spend with her in total time before you got her to America. Were you able to meet her family, her friends? Did you spend much time with her in her own home city, did you travel with her? Did you send much money to her during the courtship and once you started filing the K-1? How did you meet this woman, did you buy her address, run personal ad, friend of a friend? Were there ever any red flags during the courship/K-1 time frame? Once she got to America, how much time did you spend with getting to know her before you got married?

And what are your current feelings today? Will you pursue another Russian bride or will you look for an American bride.

Thanks for your time and for sharing your story.

Jack

... in response to (*/*), posted by Jack on Dec 30, 2002

[This message has been edited by Travis]

I will discuss these things. Not because I want to look like the biggest idiot in the world, but because I want others to not make the same mistakes I made. And I made plenty. Before your finished reading my answers, I have no doubt I will be the laughing stock of this board.

Her ad I read on a local dating web site in Houston. I wasn't looking for a foreign girl...I just never thought about it. The ad was actually placed by her best friend who had moved here on a K-1 visa...she's getting divorced too, she made it her 2 years. We wrote each other for about 5 months before I went to meet her. In this 5 months I think I sent her a total of about $200. I spent almost 2 weeks there. While there I didn't meet any of her family. Her mother was murdered when she was 14 and I guess her father all but disowned her after his divorce from her mother...she was 8 at the time. She doesn't have any other family besides her grandmother. I did meet a few of her friends, one being her friend that is here now. She decided to go home to Kaliningrad for 6 months leaving her husband here in Houston. Anyway, while I was there we decided to marry. The rat hole she was living in was what was left to her by her mother. If this building were in the states, it would have been condemed! The place didn't even have heat...at least that is what she told me. So, I gave her money to get an apartment in Kaliningrad while the K-1 was being processed.

After returning home, I started the K-1 visa process after a few months. I had to wait for her to find her apartment. I sent her about $250 a month, not including the apartment costs. And another time I sent an extra $400 because she said she needed a coat. The apartment was $120 a month. And yes, I had plenty of red flags which I ignored. I did love her and even now I do...I guess it's true that love is blind and hindsight is 20/20! I ignored that she would only write to me about once a week and in almost every single email, she would ask for money. This lasted about 10 months or so...I'd have to go through all my Western Union receipts to know for sure.

We married 6 weeks after her arrival here. She was pushing this pretty hard...I never quite understood why. I guess she was concerned that she wouldn't be able to keep up the facade.

At this time I won't look for another foreign bride...once bitten, twice shy sorta thing. It's taken everything I have to stay out of jail due to a fraudulant abuse charge she made...that after she beat the cr@p out of me. She did it because the thought I was going to file for divorce. That occured 3 weeks after we married. Also I have a heck of a lot of incurred debt I need to deal with. I'm basically going to be living on Top Raman for the next 8 months :) This really stinks because it's gonna make it hard to put on the 15  pounds that I've lost due to stress :) All this ordeal has left me is 2 years of my life that I can't get back, a but load of debt and a messed up attitude. All of which is recoverable except for the time. But, though I do blame her for all the cr@p she has put me through, I also blame myself because I rushed, I didn't heed the advice here and I ignored red flag after red flag...STUPID!!!!! I guess that's one thing she is right about when she tells me every day how stupid I am :)

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

Travis, as you have said before, you and I are going through similiar situations, so I understand your pain all too well.

Many of the things you mentioned are exactly what has happened to me.

I'd really like to talk with you Travis, if you will email me at dkuvelas@concentric.net, I would like to get your phone number so I can call you and talk with you about your experience, it would be interesting to know just how much in common we have.

Take care buddy,

David

... in response to Travis, posted by John LV on Dec 30, 2002

Travis, I think my email at concentric is down, email me at dkuvelas@lvcm.com instead.

David

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

..but I do feel really very lucky. I have to agree with Jack's assessment below about finding the  true blue good Russian woman. I might have tripped over a wrong choice too. I thank God I didn't.
Karl

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

From personal experience, I can garauntee you that nobody on this board is laughing at  you or thinks your stupid.  

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

over what you may have done wrong.  Bruises heal, hearts mend, and you'll make more money next year.

Every man of action makes mistakes.  What is important is what you do after the mistake.

Sounds sappy, but it works for me.

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

Travis, as Rags put it, you appear to be a brave man.

Well Travis, where to start? What you did, the way you went about meeting your Russian lady, a LOT of guys have done. And a great many of these guys also ended up like you.

Travis, after seeing what you did wrong, after learning from your mistakes, don't you think the experience would help you in finding a good Russian woman?

I say this because I, and several guys on this board will tell you, that good Russian women are truely the best women in the world. A good Russian woman will change your life for the better and each and every day you have a smile on your face.

After your experience I can see how you might feel the way you do but should you ever change your mind I would be more than happy to help you any way I could.

A group of us (that keeps getting larger) meet every summer on Galvaston Beach. If you would like to meet a group of good Russian women, maybe we might see you this summer.

... in response to (*/*), posted by Jack on Dec 30, 2002

Jack,

Thanks, and many thanks to everyone! I'm sure the expieriences I have gone through would help me if I were to ever try again. Heck, I'm the epidomy of what to NOT do :) This isn't probably a good time for me to think about what I will do in the future. I'm certain that most RW are how you describe. Unfortunatly, the few that I have met resemble Mike's description. Maybe an ounce of bad luck with many pounds of stupidity. At this time the divorce isn't even final and won't be for another 21 days, but who's counting :) I just need her gone, the divorce final and recover....beginning right after the divorce party!

I very much appreciate the offer, and maybe I'll take you up on it. Right now I just don't know. Let me know when the party is in Galveston and maybe I'll be able to make it.

... in response to (*/*), posted by Jack on Dec 30, 2002

You write-
"several guys on this board will tell you, that good Russian women are truely the best women in the world. A good Russian woman will change your life for the better and each and every day you have a smile on your face."

You couldn't be more right!  It took me 4 trip and meeting over 100 girls to finally settle on this one and boy, did the searching pay off!  This girl is so patient, loving and kind it just amazes me.  She and my sister went shopping for some clothes today, all she bought was a pair of running shoes (40% off sale) and a pair of casual shoes (as everything she brought with her was high heels).  We also got her boy a pair of tennis shoes for school.  My sister said she wouldn't buy anything else because she wanted me to see them first to see if I liked them!  When was the last time THAT ever happened?  Like NEVER! LOL!  She want's to buy clothes for herself that I like.  I'm just amazed!  I tell her, hey it's ok, just get what you like, but she wants to make sure #1- that it's a great price (thank you God!) and #2- that I like it on her!  ;-)  She's always worried about how I am doing, feeling, how work was etc..  I have never felt such genuine and constant concern from a woman before and I have dated a lot of women in my life!  
So I will most definitely agree with you Jack, it is truly a different world..  Of course that is if you take your time and find a NICE one.  A lousy one could be a major nightmare!

... in response to Wow!  Ain't that the truth!, posted by Oscar on Dec 30, 2002

A hundred girls?

Wow, count me in.

But out of curiousity, in general what did you think of these girls? Good?, Bad?

David

... in response to Re: Wow!  Ain't that the truth!, posted by John LV on Dec 30, 2002

Many were very nice, sincere girls, just no chemistry perhaps.  Some I really quite liked but they didn't have any belief in God in any way and I really wanted a girl who did have some spirituality.  
Some were scammers and others were not scammers but very high maintenance and had been spoiled to a very high degree by other foreign men throwing money at them..

When I say over 100 women, it's not that hard to do.  I met about 30 each trip.  Corresponding with some before going, finding others there in agencies etc..  Funny after all that, I actually end up with a woman who has never even been to an agency! LOL!

There are a lot of great girls there.  You just have to take your time, develop some scamming radar which only comes from personal experience, and think with your big head instead of your small one.  Spend a lot of time meeting a girls family if you like her a lot.  You will learn tons about her from this.

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

Thanks for sharing and good luck. I can tell that you have a strong character and will be able to put this all behind you one day. You have handled this quite well.

I don't think that anyone here is laughing at you, Pal.

... in response to Your a brave man, posted by Rags on Dec 30, 2002

Not only is no one laughing, I suspect many have a great amount of respect for Travis.

... in response to Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!!, posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

Really sorry you are having to go through this experience...

Oscar

... in response to Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!!, posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

Travis,
I've noticed that there are a few good women out there, but there's even more out there that aren't what guys think they are. Myself I got lucky and met my wife by chance in Moscow and neither of us was looking. However sense being married I've met many RW through her that are here and they aren't worth the gun powder to blow their brains out! Most of these girls are of the same mold. Act as sweet as can be when they want something and at the same time have long term plans for what they call success, meaning getting their hands on the only thing that makes them happy and that is money and no one to answer to, and will be nice to her man only when it's required and at the same time they are putting all their eggs in a baskit. The first red flag in these girls are the words "I love you" if they mean it then it will be a long time before you hear it come from their mouths!(if they can even say it) Typically they are scared of these words (the nice girls) and beleive actions speak for them. Something to think about when meeting a RW is "why do they look like something that I would kill for but yet they are single?(considering their age) and the answer may be they have something bad about themself that keeps a Russian man away from them, and if the Russian man isn't rich enough for them then it means they are gold diggers. Sure they would like to visit America, but there is something more in this for those that want basically any guy in order to come here and live, because your typical nice married or successful RW doesn't want to leave her homeland forever, and the man-eaters goals are reaching that pot of gold and they will step on any man to reach it.

Mike - who is tired of seeing lonely AM being suckered by gold diggers.

... in response to Re: Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!!, posted by Mike on Dec 30, 2002

I have to agree with you. My wife only talks to me when she wants something. She can be sweet as honey until she gets what she wants, otherwise, she won't give me the time of day. I spent something in the neighborhood of $17,000 since she has been here (about 5 months and not including normal bills) and she has the gaul to say that I am the cheapest person she has ever met in her life! She went as far as threatening to sell the engagement ring and getting a job as a stripper so she could buy more clothes. She won't let me see her t1ts, yet she'll do this in a room full of strangers for a few bucks? Freakshow! All this after she was looking for a replacement for me...mind you, this was two weeks after we married. She can't even find it in herself to apologize for hitting me, which would go a long way with me. This is love in Russia? In one instance, she hit me between 20 and 25 times (I lost count...right hook to the temple :) and then says, "baby, I love you...switch off dictaphone (tape recorder)". And to top it all off, she says she doesn't understand why I filed for divorce. I'm still trying to figure out what planet she lives on.

What I would like to know is will she be permitted by INS to do this to another man after she returns to Russia (which she is under court order to do)? After the divorce is final, I will go to INS with all the evidence I have but I don't quite know how. She should be black-listed and NEVER issued another visa. My opinion is that she did not marry me in good faith, but only to circumvent US immigration laws. This is illegal and she should not be permitted to ever do this again.

... in response to Re: Re: Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!..., posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

Sorry to hear about this mess your in,,, And I'm sure no one is laughing. Had I brought my first Ukrainian fiance' home,, I would have been in the same boat. I figured it out, luckily, about a week before her Warsaw interview, And once I did figure it out, I made dam sure that the consulate in Warsaw knew her intentions, to get a green card. If it did any good or not???? But I sure hope no one here ever "hooked up" with Oksana Korobka from Mariupol. But she sure was sweet while it lasted! ;)

... in response to Re: Re: Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!..., posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

Travis, from what I know you have accomplished a lot more than others who have tried to send an RW back -- you've got a court order for her to leave.  I agree with the posts below that you should get her on that plane ASAP and then move on with your life.  How important is it really to you whether she does it to someone else?  She is probably entitled to try the K-1 process again, however, if the K-1 process is started with another man she will have to show proof that she was divorced from you in order to obtain another K-1 - and her K-1 marriage to you is in the INS computer.  Of course, the next AM she tries to snake will see that when he files the K-1 and, unless he has is a total idiot, will probably not pursue it or, at a minimum, find out what happenned.  So let the buyer beware!  My greater concern is that if you attempt to "blacklist" her with INS she might get some better legal advice and try to stay.  Remember that once married, she can stay as long as they can convince INS they entered into the marriage in good faith, which will likely be a swearing contest.  Save yourself the trouble --- put her on the plane.  Since she doesn't have advance parole, her leaving the U.S. is an abandonment of any AOS that may have been filed.

... in response to Re:  Quit While You're Ahead, posted by Charles on Dec 30, 2002

Good points, thanks! I guess my immediate concern is removal of the AOS burden. I just wouldn't want anyone to go through what I have been through. I would be satisfied if INS did inform the next guy that she has been through the K-1 visa process already and divorced. At least that would be a red flag for someone...at least I would think so. But odds are she'll just tell him how awful, cruel and cheap of an urod I was :)

... in response to Re: Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!!, posted by Mike on Dec 30, 2002

Mark,
My wife has always maintained that if you want to know the truth about how a RW feels for you, offer to live with her in Russia.  BTW, Lena would jump at the chance for us to move to Russia.  She has told me many times that the only thing that keeps her here is me.
KenC

... in response to a tip, posted by KenC on Dec 30, 2002

After spending most of my life in south east England it had gotton a bit boring for me here and that was some of the attraction why I began to look for foriegn in the first place. I mentioned this on my first trip to Kiev, she laughed a little, told me that I would be the first and said that yes she would like to stay in Kiev. A lot of these women would.

My Russian is improving everyday, and it's still in our minds to do this, infact we will be going for an extended trip of three months this summer, so I'll have a good look at the opportunities there, I've a few ideas.

Have you seriously thought about this?

... in response to Good tip, posted by Pordzhik on Dec 30, 2002

Pordzhik,
I have not really considered relocating to Russia, but I keep an open mind.  Lena has it in her mind that we will someday relocate to Europe.
KenC

... in response to a tip, posted by KenC on Dec 30, 2002

Absolutely agree, it's a great question to ask.

When with my girl there, I asked her how she would feel if I moved there instead of staying in America..  Without hesitation she was thrilled with the idea!  There were a lot of women I met there who were not and it visibly showed in their faces even if they didn't always say it.
 
My girl has only been here a short time but seems to really like it so far.  Utah is a majorly family oriented State and she seems to love that, having a son.  She will miss her parents very much I think as they have all been so close, but she feels her place is with me and she calls her parents every Sunday.  She has just been adjusting beautifully, been very excited about getting to know my family here etc..  They all think she's amazing..

... in response to a tip, posted by KenC on Dec 30, 2002

n/t

... in response to Re: Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!!, posted by Mike on Dec 30, 2002

Maybe you American guys have a disadvantage. Most of the ladies over there in Russia looks at America as the promised land. A land that floats with milk and honey and that a life in America will be like they see on those TV-commercials without all those devilish intrigues. So when they discover that most of you are hardworking guys who need to look at  both side of the dollar before you use it, they  feel themselves fooled.

When a Norwegian guy meet a Russian lady, she most often knows little or nothing about Norway. The fact that she doesn't know that Norway is the richest country in the world, gives the man a bigger chance to find somebody who loves him, not his money. When she comes here  to a warmer society than the Russian and the American, her expectations are more than fulfilled.

Haroshij

... in response to Maybe you American guys have a disadvant..., posted by Haroshij on Dec 30, 2002

You have a very good point.

I have a lot of cousins in Sweden, not too far from your fair country.  My Father was from Sweden.  Boy, All of Scandinavia is gorgeous, and your country is just exquisite!  I was in Oslo and Bergen..  Just lovely, I would love to go back!

Oscar

... in response to Maybe you American guys have a disadvant..., posted by Haroshij on Dec 30, 2002

Haroshij,
I think you have made a good point as far as what RW expectations of America.  It is a clear advantage for Norwegians to fly under the radar too.  Too many RW base their expectations of America on the soap opera "Santa Barbara" or a dream life painted in their minds by American men.  Unfortunately, we American men are conditioned by American women to lead with what is important to them: job status, homes, cars and other material possessions.  It is best to build a relationship on heartfelt emotions and down play the financial rewards.
KenC

... in response to Re: Maybe you American guys have a disad..., posted by KenC on Dec 30, 2002

Ken
You mentioned the soap Santa Barbara. Is that a USA
soap or a soap the gals see in Russia? How does it depict men and women in the USA?

... in response to What is Santa Barbara?Ken, posted by fishtiger on Dec 31, 2002

Fishtiger,
It is the US soap that is very popular in Russia.  From my understanding, it depicts a lifestyle of the rich & famous.  Think, coastal "Dallas".  It sets unrealistic expectations for life in America for some FSU women.
KenC

... in response to Maybe you American guys have a disadvant..., posted by Haroshij on Dec 30, 2002

During my search I remember a lot of RW womens profiles requesting an American husband or one from any paticular country. I dismissed them at once because surely a sincere girl trying to find a loving husband would not put such geographic limits on her search for true love?

They often percieve the USA to be the richest country in the world. It's no wonder that you Americans seem to be attracting all the sharks, and if you are just a usual bloke earning $30,000 per year, that will seem like fabulous wealth to the average RW, indeed it would be IF you had $30,000 per year over there, but your lifestyle could be a big let-down when she arrives.

Read and study what these women write in their profiles. If they specify an American, then that is your first and foremost attraction for her, everything else you've got going for you is secondary. If she markets herself as a traditional woman, that means she expects you to pay for everything and never contribute to household expenses. If she has those model like studio photos, then she has invested a lot in her search to ensnare.

Find out if she has friends or relatives in your country (a no no of the biggest order).

... in response to I agree, posted by Pordzhik on Dec 30, 2002

"...if you are just a usual bloke earning $30,000 per year, that will seem like fabulous wealth to the average RW, indeed it would be IF you had $30,000 per year over there, but your lifestyle could be a big let-down when she arrives."

If someone is contemplating seeking an FSU bride at that level of income in the USA, they are wasting their time.  The woman will be beyond disappointed (i.e., she'll be gone in a heartbeat).  These women are not looking to move from one poor situation to another one in a different country (why would they?).  If you can't provide your FSU bride with a MUCH better lifestyle than the one she is leaving behind...then don't bother.  You are just a dreamer.

... in response to I agree, posted by Pordzhik on Dec 30, 2002

[This message has been edited by KenC]

Pordzhik,
I would see a "traditional" RW as one that would work and contribute financially as most do in their Motherland.  Working women were the backbone of the Communist government.  Putting too fine of a microscope on the English words used in a profile is also not a good idea.  English is not their native language and many misinterpretations abound.  An example could be the use of "family".  I always thought that if a RW used "have a nice family" that it meant she wanted children.  My wife uses "family" to describe just the two of us.  As for having photos that are too good, I don't get it.  Would you try to attract attention with photos that were not the best?  So, men should only consider women that have BAD photos?  Sorry, but your conclusions are way off the mark in my opinion.
KenC

... in response to I don't, posted by KenC on Dec 30, 2002

That was the point I was making, so guys should study and understand how these women make use of English in the profiles.

You will see so many of them telling what wonderfull cookers they are and how all they want is to make coziness in the home and have super meals ready for when her husband comes home. What does this mean? I see a lot of them are just trying to get away from the need to have a job at all. If this is what the man wants....that's fine. But when guys start complaining about the RW who won't get a job and spends all his money??

How many profiles have you read where the woman tells that she wants to further her career and contribute with her husband to the upkeep of the family home? ($10 to the first who can post it here!) But thats exactly what their mothers, aunts, sisters and friends are doing right now in FSUland. So be careful how you read "Traditional", traditional for US or for THEM?

I was only pointing out that women who use expensive (for them) studio shots are very serious and have invested in her search for a man on the internet, couple that with what she says on her profile and you may be heading for trouble. Besides whats wrong with a real shot taken at the dacha?

BTW Did you or anybody else here send your lady studio/makeover photos?

... in response to RW'isms, posted by Pordzhik on Dec 30, 2002

Many of them say in their profiles that their man should be high. They mean tall of course, but I find this amusing anyway and can't help singing a couple of lines from that Afroman's song. If they only knew what that really means. :)

... in response to Re: RW'isms, posted by id on Dec 31, 2002

I get confused with American English, let alone Russian usage of our language.

My all time favourite RW'ism; Splendid Forms = Beautiful breasts.

... in response to ( . ) ( . ), posted by Pordzhik on Dec 31, 2002

Now that's an important search term.

... in response to RW'isms, posted by Pordzhik on Dec 30, 2002

Pordzhik,
My wife is constantly trying to talk me into her getting a job.  I would rather she concentrate o her studies and get her American degree before she enters the workforce.  Her first Xmas here she got a seasonal job just to pay for gifts for me and my children.  Most of the RW that I have met here are VERY career oriented and very hard workers.  Yes they sell us on cozy homes and good cooking.  That is what they think we want to hear.  LOL.  BTW, my wife never promised a cozy home or good cooking, but that is exactly what I have from her.  Again, it is only common sense to advertise yourself with the best photo possible.  Some of the better websites have great photography and I am sure their traffic is better because of it.  Most guys I know are not into Glamour shots!  It is a woman thing.
KenC