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1.A Russian and an American are talking:
- When I'm in a good mood I drive a car painted a light color, says the American. When I'm busy or have a lot of troubles, I drive a darker colored car. When I go for vacation overseas, I pick a brightly colored car.
- Things are much easier in Russia, says the Russian. If you are in a good mood, they will give you a ride in yellow car with a blue stripe. If you feel bad, the car will be white and the stripe red. I was abroad only once, and there I drove a tank.

1.Brezhnev asks the Pope
- Why do people believe in your paradise in heaven, but refuse to believe in the communist paradise?
- That's because we never show ours, says the Pope.

1.During his visit to the USSR, Nixon was intrigued by a new telephone capable of connecting with hell. He spoke briefly with the devil, and the call cost him 27 cents. When he came back home, he found out that this same service was now available in the US too. He tried it again and received a bill for $12,000. Nixon was distressed.
- How come?! The same call only cost me 27 cents in the USSR.
- Well, said the operator. Over there it is a local call.

1.A teacher asks:
- Vovochka, who is your father?
- Comrade Stalin.
- Well, who is your mother?
- Our Soviet motherland.
- And what do you want to be?
- An orphan....

1.A speaker tells his listeners, "The communist ideal is already on the horizon."
The audience wonders quietly, "What IS a horizon?"
-Answer: an imaginary line where the sky comes together with the earth; it moves off when you try to get closer.

1.Someone asks a guide in hell: "Why does Hitler stand up to his neck in sh!t, while Stalin is only up to his waist?"
-He answers, "Because Stalin is standing on Lenin's shoulders."

1.When was the first Russian election held?
-The time that God set Eve in front of Adam and said, "Go ahead, choose your wife."

1.What was the nationality of Adam and Eve?
-Russian of course. Why else would they think they're in Paradise when they were homeless, naked, and just had one apple for both of them?

... in response to Old Russian jokes, posted by Cold Warrior on Oct 6, 2001

American: Can you explain to me how communism works?

Russian: Sure....very simple, it's all about sharing. Look, you live in a six room house, just you and your family, right?

A: Well, yes.

R: Well, if I lived in a nice big house, I'd SHARE it with your family.

A: Oh.

R: And you drive a private car?

A: Of course.

R: Well, if I had a car, I'd SHARE it with you.

A: OK

R: You eat meat and drink coffee every day. If I had such nice food, I'd SHARE it with you.

A: I think I get it now. And if you had a bottle of vodka, you'd share it with me?

R: H*ll no! I've GOT a bottle of vodka.

... in response to Old Russian jokes, posted by Cold Warrior on Oct 6, 2001

Those are good. I imagine they are very old jokes. Relics from another age I'm sure.

... in response to Old Russian jokes, posted by Cold Warrior on Oct 6, 2001

n/t