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Title: 14 hours before departure Post by: Seeker on October 07, 2005, 04:00:00 AM Every passing minute makes every remaining minute more valuable. I'm excited! In less than 14 hours I'll be departing to from LAX to Miami and then off to Medellin. This will be trip #6 to Colombia for me. It hasn't been easy, but I've managed to maintain a long distance relationship with my "girlfriend" in Medellin. We met in late January through match.com. I visited her in May and we travelled together for 10 days in May. I put "girlfriend" in quotation marks because this term is the closest I can find to describe our relationship. Maybe it should be "cyber girlfriend" instead. Anyways, I'll be arriving to Medellin Saturday evening. I'll be visiting with my girlfriend Saturday and Sunday. On Monday I'm off to Cali for a week. Then, I'll fly back to Medellin and travel with my girlfriend and her one year old daughter for a week. We are thinking of San Andres or La Guajira.
Some of the greatest challenges facing this relationship are the ex-husband and his indirect influence and power over the future of our relationship. If he doesn't cooperate, then the child can't leave the country, and the entire relationship is doomed. On the other hand, if he does cooperate, I'm not ready for marriage. Again, I need time to make a wise decision. I haver really high standards and feel I have a lot to give to a prospective spouse, but also quite a bit to lose. I want to avoid making a mistake of such huge magnitude. In Cali I will be trying to put my girlfriend into context in terms of other Colombian women, and my life. It may not make sense to many of you, but I need the space and time to make a wise decision. I will be meeting women from agencies and comparing/contrasting my girfriend with them. For better or worse, I've learned to expect the unexpected and have a Plan B and Plan C. I haven't spelled it out for my girlfriend, but I'm confident that she is intelligent enough to know that this is what I'm up to. In fact, when she asked if she could join me in Cali, my emphatic "NO" must have confirmed to her my intentions. At first I thought that I could accept and love a child that wasn't mine as a matter of fact. Now I realize the huge committment that marrying a "mother" entails. I realize that the relationship with the child/children has its own dynamic. It was unrealistic of me to expect that I could instantly love and accept a child that is not my own, as my own. My trips to Colombia have also become vacations. I now have a group of friends throughout Colombia that make my visits more meaningful. I just spoke to a Colombian friend who lives in my town who asked me to take a few things to her sons in Medellin and her sister in Cali. I can count on these Colombian connections to support me while travelling in Colombia. It is interesting how what you focus on expands. I'll keep you guys posted. Title: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Spanky on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to 14 hours before departure, posted by Seeker on Oct 7, 2005
Fickle is a better way to describe what you refer to as "high standards". It doesn't appear the child was presented as a big surprise to you, and you shouldn't even be considering the child as a separate entity. If you truly love the woman it should be easy to love the child. Title: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: CelticUrge on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: 14 hours before departure, posted by Spanky on Oct 9, 2005
Amen. That seems to be a common problem here, and other forums. If the woman has a child, it is a package deal. Take it or leave it. If the kid makes you hesitate, then you have no business wasting her time. Admit your lack of maturity and committment and move on, and let her more on. Title: Why do you call her your "girlfriend"? Post by: A1A on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to 14 hours before departure, posted by Seeker on Oct 7, 2005
Obviously she is just a playmate for you to travel with. If you find something better in Cali, you'll dump her. If not, play with her another week. Then the next time to Colombia you'll do the same thing. When you return to Medellin, I hope she tells you to "F@ck Off", she might suprise you and just be smart enough to read betwen the lines you are drawing. Title: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Pete E on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to 14 hours before departure, posted by Seeker on Oct 7, 2005
S, I know you as a very thoughtfull carefull guy.I think you are doing the right thing here.Untill the girl becomes THE one,a status that would be novia,its wise to keep shopping.She is a big MAYBE it sounds like. One of the biggest mistakes a guy can make in my opinion is to get locked down with the wrong girl.So untill she is a YES she is MAYBE and you have the right to explore other options,which can be usefull in putting the POSSIBLE more serious relaionship in perspective,but could result in another choice.This ia a CAREFULL SMART option. Guys need to read the "girlfriend" here.This is a maybe.Not a novia,not yet a commitment. Much better carefull than sorry. Shop untill you are certain is a wise choice in my opinion. I have another suggestion but will not post it here,wait untill you get here. Pete Title: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: beenthere on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: 14 hours before departure, posted by Pete E on Oct 9, 2005
Pete, what you fail to see here is that, I'm very certain that this girl THINKS she is his novia...not many women travel with a guy and bring her daughter along if it is not an exclusive relationship. Tell me Pete, what is her daughter to think during this whole trip?? Mommy is just traveling with a male friend. The whole thing stinks, not from Seeker's perspective, but from the woman's. He needs to be upfront with the woman and tell her his TRUE feelings, and cancel the trip with his "GIRLFRIEND" and "GIRLFRIEND'S DAUGHTER"... Title: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: JaySlo on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: 14 hours before departure, posted by Pete E on Oct 9, 2005
Keeping your options open is the course of wisdom. I am no beginner in this quest and there is no difference in novia and girlfriend as far as the average gringo is concerned. My advice was and still is to keep things very clear in the beginning of any potential relationship. If any of the girls don't go along move on. Don't try the semantics play on girlfriend/novia. If someone is your girlfriend there is a committment.Period! There have been some good advice given, don't undermine it because of friendship. Title: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Pete E on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: 14 hours before departure, posted by JaySlo on Oct 9, 2005
I think Seeker is saying no commitment.Its an important decision.A colombiana will try to pin you down,not want you to see others girls even if the relationshipo is ay short of exclusive or commitment. I tell guys don't go fdor it.Unless its exclusive for you ddfo not waste your precious time locked down with a girl you are not serious with of who is not serious with you.They like to meerp thier options open,you should to. I admit I have not read all the feedback and there may be some gems.When I see Cali James on the other side of the argument I have to consider a possible point.He is the wisest guy I know re Colombianas. I have not been following closely,just respectvseeker and havec nonprtoblem eith the way he stated it. My suggestion for him.,sell one of those 2 rental properties,good chance thebareex losers from here on out,take a one yesr sabaticalm fronm his teaching job to buscar Mujeres.Its that important and he had great options. I am better mentally today,admit I was out of it 2 days ago,mucho Sangre in the poopies esta manana,probably headed for surjury pronto.I didn't realise I was much sloppier than normal,which is bad enough. Pete Title: 14 hours before departure Post by: Cali James on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure, posted by Pete E on Oct 9, 2005
[This message has been edited by Cali James] Hey Pete, It's really hard to know what's going on with a guy from just reading a paragraph or two of a post on a public forum. PL is famous for making judgements based on scant information. I'm guilty of this as much as anyone and am undoubtedly guilty of this here. Having said that, it sounds to me like Seeker is confused about the whole question of marriage and his relationship with her. He called her his girlfriend yesterday, yes in quotes, so at somepoint my guess would be this is what they thought of one another. To confirm this, I went back and reread some of his posts from the past and he's called her his girlfriend before and went as far as saying "I believe I have found the Colombiana I've been seeking" and said his time with her were some of the happiest in his life. But going to Cali now to meet other women is a huge departure from this. It's a sign that the relationship is anything but exclusive and has changed in his mind since he last visited her in May. Maybe this is a case where the relationship went faster than it should have. (I could see a relationship moving fast if I went off on a romantic vacation to Santa Marta with a woman as Seeker had done with this woman.) It's easy to move forward in a relationship, but stepping back or reversing things is very hard. Stepping back from a relationship that was "novios" to one that is not exclusive will in my experience kill it. I also get the impression that Seeker likes this woman but just maybe he isn't crazy about her or perhaps is over-analyzing it. This is what he wrote as his final sentence from his trip report "What I need right now is a couple of months to process my experiences, confirm my commitment to Sandra and make the necessary preparations to take on the responsibilities of a wife and daughter. I have no doubt that Sandra would be an ideal wife, but knowing myself and based on past experiences, it is best to proceed cautiously." The words "knowing myself" caught my attention, it's almost as if he doubts himself in some way. Whatever this means, there's clearly some doubt in Seekers mind about this relationship or maybe with the whole process or marriage itself. Yesterday he said he isn't sure about being a step-dad and all the complications that come with it. This is understandable. He also said that even if the father of the child would give the permission, he's not prepared to marry her now anyway. This is a guy who is confused about what he wants but he should have thought harder about these questions before he started a relationship with a woman who has a child. I think his side trip to Cali, whether it is intentioned as such, is insulting. I get the impression that Seeker's an extremely cautious guy but he's nuts to think he can put his "girlfriend into context in terms of other Colombian women" by travelling to Cali to meet other women. He should be finding this kind of context while dating not while he's in a romantic relationship. To me this shows a total lack of maturity and a callousness to others feelings. I guess the bottom line for me is it's almost impossible to go from novios to something that is far less than that and have one party, the one who wants to be in a committed relationship, wait. It's like being put in a state of suspended animation, it can be torturous. I think in these kind of situations it's better to be truthful and move on. He should cancel his trip to Medellin as he's not treating this woman with the dignity she deserves. James Title: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Pete E on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to 14 hours before departure, posted by Cali James on Oct 9, 2005
James, He will be here tomorrow night.We will talk I am sure.There are alot of presumtions flying here.I have never known him to be flaky or inconsiderate.I think there are serious issues to be resloved before its a go.
Title: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: mudd on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: 14 hours before departure, posted by Pete E on Oct 9, 2005
You know, whatever he does, i hope he takes into account that their is a little girl involved in all of this. looks really bad to go on vacation with a mother and daughter, and then give them their walking papers. Title: 14 hours before departure Post by: Cali James on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: 14 hours before departure, posted by mudd on Oct 9, 2005
I've been trying to see this objectively but I keep coming back to the point you've made about them taking romantic vacations together with the child. Beenthere is right, the woman believes she's the novia and what's the little girl to think too. To make matters worse, he's planning another romantic vacation with them after he returns from his Cali fishing expedition. I think she should be the one giving the walking papers.... Title: Having your cake and eating too Post by: Cali James on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to 14 hours before departure, posted by Seeker on Oct 7, 2005
[This message has been edited by Cali James] I think possibly you've rationalized your position with this woman. It sounds to me like the Medellin girl is you're backup not the other way around. Is it possible that the real plan is to go to Cali and find someone you like more than this woman or someone you feel more comfortable about marrying? But until you find her, the Medellin girl is available and likes you. You're not prepared to cut her loose because you'll be without anyone in the interem. If this is what is really going on, this looks like shopping for a better deal to me. The fact that you're calling what looks to me like your backup plan, your novia, really shows how far you've departed from clear thinking. I'm sorry but novios who care about one another, don't go looking for NEW novios unless they've got bigger issues going on. Maybe you need to clarify with her what your real relationship is. Tell her that she's actually your plan b. As far as her having a wife with a child from another man goes, I'm going through it and so far it has worked out for me. Getting the travel permission is always a pain in the as# but it can be done. I remember talking briefly with Gary Bala on the phone about this issue a few years back and he said that in most cases it can be worked out but there's always a risk that it won't. It sounds like you're not willing to take the risk so why don't you do the right thing and let your backup plan (woman from Medellin) go. I think dating a lot of women before becoming novios is a great idea, just dont put the cart before the horse. Title: Re: Having your cake and eating too Post by: mudd on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Having your cake and eating too, posted by Cali James on Oct 8, 2005
I couldn’t have said it better myself. just a thought here, if a girl who has a child, is looking to marry a foreigner, should she already have custody of the child before dating a foreigner, so they wont have to deal with the EX not giving up custody. Let’s face it, if a Colombian guy, who doesn’t have any interest in the child, hasn’t contributed financially either, but knows the mother is going to marry a foreigner, he now knows he has leverage, and will try to put a stop to it, either for a financial gain, or just to show he can. I think I would ask any girl with a child, if she has full custody before going forward, would save a lot of time and heartache. Title: Re: Re: Having your cake and eating too Post by: Pete E on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Having your cake and eating too, posted by mudd on Oct 8, 2005
Full custody does not mean that you still do not need the fathers permision EVERY TIME the kid leaves the country. To take that right away from a father is very difficult to do. So best to hase a father who is no problem or on board on ther situiation which you probably do not now what he will do.A very stuborn father who has had some involvement in the child life csan basically stop you from EVERRVgetting thec kid out of the country.Its often crap shoot,you head forth hoping to have it work out not knowing if it will. In some you know up front it will not work.The father5 of onec son I know tells the mothrer "you will never get that kid out of the country".He is A CALI cop.Says I will have my friends in immigration looking at it.Dame women agree to live 9 months north if she csn live 3 months in Cali.Then they go to San SAndreas on a thre day package and retun in one day because everthing goes to hell as soon as she leaves. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POTENTIAL PROBLEMS HERE,the kid may never get out of the country and the mothrer might not leave without him. I know,my first trip back to Cali with my step son we get held up for 12 extra days getting him out of the country because my ex has lied to the father about why they were leaving and lied to me about what she told him signature is required EVERY TIME the kid leaves the country. Pete Title: Unless the Father's Name is NOT Post by: thundernco on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Having your cake and eating too, posted by Pete E on Oct 8, 2005
on the birth certificate (registro civil). If his name is not on the registro civil and if the child only has his mother's last name then there should be no issue. -TNC Title: Correct Post by: Pete E on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Unless the Father's Name is NOT, posted by thundernco on Oct 9, 2005
Or the kid gets a US passport,which would be after citizenship. The woman can get TOTAL right with the kid,one way is if the father has disapeared and the granparents cannot be found.One woman I know claimed this on the advice of an attorney.A public notice was required,newspaper.The granparents stepped forward,said she knows where we live.She was looking at possible jail time,but she is not in Jail so I guess they are not pushing it.Other than that if the father is known its really tough to take that right from him,simply no support not sufficient.He basically would have to have had no contact at all with the child. Its a big deal,and you never know if you will get the kid out of the country untill the father signs.Best senario,the father realises its good for the kid.Second,he can be PAID OFF.A stubborn determioned father will leavre you with only illegal choices.Then its best the mother and child neved return to Colombia.This happened with my brother in law.His ex married a Canadian,took the kid without his signature,perhaps fake documents.I think they do return but the family will tell him nothing.But her could file a complaint with DAS,they would be be detained on entering the country.He doesn't know that and I will not tell him.Flakey guy deserved to lose the kid. Pete Title: Correct Post by: Cali James on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Correct, posted by Pete E on Oct 9, 2005
[This message has been edited by Cali James] Pete, I don't believe a U.S. passport makes any difference to DAS (Colombian INS). They still want to see a notorized permission from the non-travelling parent. In my step-son's case, it gets complicated as his biological father lives in Italy. He has to go to the Colombian embassy in Milan and have them prepare a permission document. The document is then fed-exed to my wife and when she arrives in Colombia she has to make a special trip to Bogota to validate the document from the embassy (my wife's from Cali). This document since it's coming from Colombian embassy is valid for 3 months. I believe a typical notorized permission document (not from embassy) is valid for 2 months. The only way to eliminate the necessity for having the father's permission is either for him to die or for him to lose all parental rights through legal action. I think there's a family court where this would be done but can't remember the details. Anyway, they're not going to grant this exclusivity easily as the court errors in favor of caution and keeping parental rights open. Title: Re: Correct Post by: Pete E on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Correct, posted by Cali James on Oct 9, 2005
ITS VERY DIFFICULT TO OVERIDE THIS PARENTIAL RIGHT.THE LAW IS ON THE SIDE OF THE PARENT WHO DOES NOT WANT A CHILD TO LEAVE.
Title: Re: Correct Post by: Michael B on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Correct, posted by Cali James on Oct 9, 2005
That's a hassle, but the fact that your stepchild's father goes to the trouble of going to embassy and preparing the document for you speaks well of him. Title: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Kiltboy1 on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to 14 hours before departure, posted by Seeker on Oct 7, 2005
Seeker I have been in the exact position you are in with the ex husband of my wife. He has been constantly a problem and to get the kid out of the country was difficult as well. He only signed the papers when he thought my wife and i were not living together. He still thinks we are divorced. These guys are all machistas and do not care about the well being of the child, only the power they can yeild. It can work out but it is just another obstical in a LD relationship. If i had any advice to give you it would be to look for a woman that does not have a child, which i know is easier said then done. If she has an Ex husband, the power of influence would be a lot less. I wish you luck as it will be a mental chess game KB Title: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: wildbilman on October 07, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to 14 hours before departure, posted by Seeker on Oct 7, 2005
Seeker, I can relate to your excitement!!From my very recent experiences in Colombia, what you are doing is cool if your girl knows there are other girls in the picture. You may be wrong by assuming that she "knows what you're up to" in Cali. I would say that most girls tend to assume they are the only one unless you tell them otherwise. And I think Latinas are even MORE that way. Your planned vacation with her could be a real disaster if she finds out you were dating other girls in Cali. The names she will call you aren't pretty if she thinks you were cheating her, and thats the way they think about it. Once they think we are "Coqueto" we become the same as the guys they deal with there. Bill~ Title: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: mudd on October 07, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to 14 hours before departure, posted by Seeker on Oct 7, 2005
Your right, it doesn’t make any sense. Is it just me or does this sound like you have no idea what you’re doing, or want. If you’re going to Cali to meet other girls, then apparently, the girl from Medellin isn’t for you. Maybe you shouldn’t waste her time and let her move on, and let her meet a guy who is ready to make a commitment. Women with children don’t date. They want to know if your up to a “ready made family" if not, move on. I understand that you have to keep your options open, but if you spent some time together already, and you’re still meeting other girls, well, I hope then, she is meeting other guys also. Hope you’re not leading her on. Good luck!!!! Title: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: beenthere on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: 14 hours before departure, posted by mudd on Oct 7, 2005
I agree with mudd...wtf are you doing?? In Colombia what better way to confuse yourself even more when you have a "girlfriend" in Medellín, but go to Cali to meet other girls?? If your Medellín girl finds out what you are doing, I hope she kicks you to the curb REAL fast, and deservedly so. Hey, but when you meet these agency girls in Cali, and you are trying to convince them that your the greatest thing since sliced bread, let them know about your "girlfriend" in Medellín, and we'll see how fast they accept you as their "principé azul"...In Colombia, gringos are starting to get a bad name for this type of behavior...maybe you should do us all a favor and stay home. Title: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Kiltboy1 on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: 14 hours before departure, posted by beenthere on Oct 8, 2005
Man Why are you guys beating up on seeker. If i went through the archives and had a dollar for everyone of you guys that had multiple girls because you wanted to"KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN" , i could retire to a nice 3BR in cartagena. All the girls there keep there options open and with so much money, time , ect at stake, there is nothing wrong with us keeping ours open as well. Seeker, keep up with the plan. last thing you want to do is make a expensive mistake. KB Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: beenthere on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure, posted by Kiltboy1 on Oct 8, 2005
wait a minute Kiltboy, he already said this girl is his GIRLFRIEND, and he has been in a relationship with her for sometime...plus he has the girl BELIEVING that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. There is a difference between that and keeping your options open and dating many women. He is scamming this girl by leading her on...plain and simple...maybe we should start a forum were these women can cry and complain about the gringos...hopefully, though, there won't be female version of Okieman posting... Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Kiltboy1 on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departur..., posted by beenthere on Oct 8, 2005
Umm They all think you are there girlfriend after a week.I agree he should be upfront with her as i think with the ex in the picture, he is asking for problems.I do not agree with other parts though. They all play a gringo in some form or another, so keeping everything on equil grounds i see nothing wrong with. If you do not agree, fine, but these women are dangerous in many ways, so seeker, have fun and date alot of women is what i say. after you have dated many, compare them and pick the one that best has the qualities you search for. I made the mistake of taking a pretty one fast and learned a good lesson, so date, date, date and then when you find one you like, date some more just to make sure. Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: beenthere on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before depa..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Oct 8, 2005
[This message has been edited by beenthere] re-read his post...this isn't a one week relationship... Boy, thank God I'm not as jaded as you!!! And thank God I have enough self-confidence and enough "going on" that I believe women will fall in love with me and be faithful (and they do)...the day I think like you will be a sad day indeed!! Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Kiltboy1 on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before ..., posted by beenthere on Oct 8, 2005
jajaja I know who's writing pattern this is. I would not be one to talk if i were you. I know your way of thinking as well and you have blown through your share of women in your love skack in cartagena. Please spare me the rightious crap Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: beenthere on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours bef..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Oct 8, 2005
[This message has been edited by beenthere] sorry my friend, you seem to have me confused with someone else...haven't been to Cartagena in years. jajaja back at ya'... While your at, explain to everyone on this board why it is so hard for you to believe that a woman would fall in love with you and be faithful... Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Kiltboy1 on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours..., posted by beenthere on Oct 8, 2005
never had that problem with a latina. They all fall in love with me , , ask Pete .that is the problem. I am too picky now. There are many good ones, but for the normal guy just going down, they need a lot of caution, I learn from my mistakes and do not plan to make them again. Nuff said on this subject. Seeker, good luck and do it how you want and do not listen to all these guys. I think you are doing the right thing, just tell the paisa the truth first KB Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: beenthere on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 h..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Oct 8, 2005
[This message has been edited by beenthere] D*mn, you ARE the man KB, they ALL fall in love with you??? jajaja...you sound a little like me!! Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: mudd on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 h..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Oct 8, 2005
" just tell the paisa the truth first" no kidding!!!! what do you think started this thread? if he was up front, told her the truth in the 1st place, we wouldnt be voicing our own personal opinions about THEIR lives. hope he reads this mess before he does something he might regret. Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Canadaman on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: ..., posted by mudd on Oct 9, 2005
KB and Kiltboy, Here here here here.................. " just tell the paisa the truth first" Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: mudd on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure, posted by Kiltboy1 on Oct 8, 2005
We “gringos" are getting a bad reputation for being just like the local men, keeping you options open, dating several girls, trying to sleep with most, when you already have a girlfriend. If he had any respect for the girl, he would be upfront with her, and not assume he thinks she knows what he is doing. I think he wants to believe that she has a clue to what he is doing "but I'm confident that she is intelligent enough to know that this is what I'm up to.”
Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Kiltboy1 on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departur..., posted by mudd on Oct 8, 2005
Mudd I agree with you to an extent, but the problem is that many guys i talk to buy into the "LATINA IS FAITHFUL" bull crap and put there eggs in one basket and end up getting burned. Maybe seeker should tell her is is going to cali. I would not tell her i was going to meet other women because i have not met one woman in colombia that will go for a gringo dating others when in country to see her. Just will not fly. If he tells her, she will tell him hasta la vista bebe.I am not saying go sleep with a bunch of women, only that you just cannot date more then one woman in colombia and the other woman is ok with it. In his case, better to visit an agency where the girls are aware you will be seeing other women. KB Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: mudd on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before depa..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Oct 8, 2005
true, but he and she has invested some time into the relationship, and it sounds like she thinks they are boyfriend and girlfriend, not casually dating, but he is leading her on, to see if something better comes up in Cali. If it does, he will give her the boot, if not, then I am pretty sure he will keep leading her on. Doesn’t sound too honest and when you doing it to a girl with a small child, who see's her mother dating this guy, then later, he’s gone, what do you think the child is going to think, Single mothers don’t date. Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: doombug on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before ..., posted by mudd on Oct 8, 2005
"Single mothers don’t date" I'm not sure where this belief came about, but it's sounding too much like the assignment of greater morality to those women who just happen to have children. Ex novias w/children that I've split from, reunited with, then split from again weren't shy in telling me about--or showing photos of--the men they "dated" during our relationship lapse. And I doubt that most others sit at home on Friday and Saturday nights because of some universal commandment that single mothers don't go clubbing. One of the duties of their female friends is to make sure that that kind of abstinence doesn't occur. Single mothers can be selfish and conniving. In fact, they have a greater incentive to be so. Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Kiltboy1 on October 09, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours bef..., posted by doombug on Oct 9, 2005
I agree. I have had many of them tell me the kids at grandmas and she is off to RUMBEAR !!!! Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: Michael B on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before ..., posted by mudd on Oct 8, 2005
I'm going to have to side with Mudd and Beenthere on this one. Not being ready for the responsibilities of fatherhood does not necessarily make one a bad guy. However, if one truely ISN'T ready, then the time to have decided that was BEFORE becoming involved with a woman with children, not after visiting her, stringing her along for almost a year and arranging to visit her again. Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: JaySlo on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before depa..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Oct 8, 2005
The best time to date others is before calling someone your girlfriend. If you are upfront about dating others when you first meet a potential, chances are she will understand. If she has anything on the ball she won't wait very long but she will never doubt your honesty. The user girls are the ones that really don't want you to check your options. From the onset they are opposed or upset that you would think to see someone else and they will try to control you. Avoid that type like the plague. The fact that you are still looking suggests to me that you aren't totally convinced. If that is the case, you need to move on and let her go, especially with the ex in the background. Don't give him an opportunity to play hero by rescuing her from the gringo who used her. Title: Re: 14 hours before departure Post by: ROGUEAGENT on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before ..., posted by JaySlo on Oct 8, 2005
We need some clarification here. First of all, why did SEEKER put "girlfriend" in quotes? Second, just what (or how much) has he previously communicated about the exclusivity of the relationship? Third, does he have specific information about the ex-husband that bothers him or is it just a general fear about the unknown? Fourth, similarly, what exactly are his feelings about being a step-father; is he unsure because he needs more information about what is involved in this specific situation or is he absolutely against it and is looking for a way out of the relationship? Maybe he will be using his trip to Colombia to answer these (and other) questions. Until there are answers to these questions it is hard to give advice or evaluate things because we don't have sufficient information. Title: It is called honesty Post by: Canadaman on October 08, 2005, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 14 hours before ..., posted by JaySlo on Oct 8, 2005
Seeker, It is called being honest with yourself and her..... 1)Let me see , a single mother who is your novia.. You are going to visit her for 2-3 days.. Have fun and frolic'ing good time.... 2)Leave your paisa novia and go to Cali for a week and date other girls.... Please take lots of condoms, you don't want to give your novia anything... 3)Then go back to Medellin and spend some quality time with his Novia and her child.... Seeker if you don't want this girl... Ler her go and have a chance to meet a man that will treat her with respect. If you don't want her then why are you leading her on.. Is the sex that great..... jeezzzz I remember reading your stories about writing to her and going to see her.... Going away and bringing the child along on a trip in country... What happened ? I think you are a good guy but you want your cake and eat it also.... If she is not for you , tell her... The truth will set you free.. CanadaMan |