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My fiance and I are getting married soon.  Since I am Chinese and he is German / Southern, there would be a problem on decide to arrange the marriage.  I was thinking of a traditional Chinese ceremony and then an American reception.  

I don't know what is the proper thing to do.  I'm so confused.

Please Help!

Mui

... in response to Chinese and Caucasian Marriage-Suggestio..., posted by Mui on Nov 19, 2001

We are concern about who would pay the wedding.  In traditional chinese customs, the groom's parents pays for it, and in american culture it is the bride's parents that pays for it.  
Who pays for what?

Another concern that we have is the distraught news my mom and aunt gave me.  They said that next year would not be a good year to marry.  My fiance does not want to wait another year.  We had plans to marry in May/June and my mother gave news that would destroy the plans we had made.  My fiance is upset by the news.   He and I want to know if there is anything that counteracts it or something.

Please advise.

Mui

... in response to Re: Chinese and Caucasian Marriage-Sugge..., posted by Mui Chau on Nov 25, 2001

Traditionally, the groom's side pays for the Rehearsal Dinner and the bride's for the wedding.  But in modern times, especially with people getting married later in life, the bride and groom both chip in for it (with a little help from the parents, of course)

... in response to Chinese and Caucasian Marriage-Suggestio..., posted by Mui on Nov 19, 2001

and in western nations, the Chinese community tend to have a western ceremony (i.e. church and the white dress) and then a Chinese reception at the a Chinese resturant.  The bride arrives in her church dress, and will change into a Chinese one midway through the meal.  Around dessert time, she'll change into an evening gown which she wears for the rest of the night (for dancing and to send off guests)

... in response to Chinese and Caucasian Marriage-Suggestio..., posted by Mui on Nov 19, 2001

Remember that no matter how you arrange the party, the actual marriage occurs when you both sign your names to that piece of paper along with the witnesses.  That could be done any time, anywhere.

I'll tell you, I have a good friend who is Thai/Chinese who married an American guy.  They had one ceremony for her Thai family, then another full Catholic wedding ceremony and reception a couple weeks later for their American friends and family.  I don't know when they actually signed the papers.  It's not uncommon for couples here on America's Pacific West Coast to go to Las Vegas for a quickie marriage (completely official and legal, but private), then have a big wedding ceremony and reception for family and friends later.

If he truly loves and respects you and understands where you are coming from, he should have no big problem with going together for a traditional Buddhist ceremony one week, then next week doing a traditional Western ceremony (complete with big flowing white dress for you) before a Lutheran minister.

It will require some additional effort, make no mistake about it.  But it will make for lasting memories.

... in response to Chinese and Caucasian Marriage-Suggestio..., posted by Mui on Nov 19, 2001

If your fiance is like many American men, he'll really enjoy the Asian ceremony. I was married by a Shinto priestess in Yokohama while dressed in a traditional kimono. After chasing the demons from the room with a stick, the ceremony was chanted in formal Japanese and included sipping sake while seated on our knees. Sharing my wife's culture was an experience I'll never forget, far more memorable then renting a tux and lighting candles like just about every other wedding I've ever been to. If you're getting heat from someone's family, don't pay any attention. It's YOUR wedding and unless your fiance objects, go with what you want. Just another guy opinion.
-- Jeff S.

... in response to Chinese and Caucasian Marriage-Suggestio..., posted by Mui on Nov 19, 2001

Hi Mui,

I think Stephen is right. Sorry ladies...but most men don't really care about the details of the wedding...unless they are the wedding planner, then they are probably gay. We just want to do what makes you happy. If there are problems or demands, I would suspect it is coming from his mother or other females in his family. Your fiance may only be the go-between. You might want to speak directly with the ladies.

Good Luck and Best Wishes,

Dave H.

... in response to Chinese and Caucasian Marriage-Suggestio..., posted by Mui on Nov 19, 2001

It's not really a problem unless people start to disagree. Talk to your family and fiance. Your suggestion sounds OK to me. There's no precedent, and no conventions apply. You're totally free to do what you want. What a concept!

... in response to Chinese and Caucasian Marriage-Suggestio..., posted by Mui on Nov 19, 2001

Since it's your wedding.....WHY DON'T YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

It's your life, so be happy.

Best wishes.

Stephen