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Hi guys,

I just wanted to make a few more comments about my recent trip to Cali.  After that, I will ask a question or two.  I had a very nice time with my calena.  She is even more beautiful than the photos I had seen of her while I was emailing her.  She is also very sweet natured, and considerate.  I met many people that are close to her.  Her son, and her roommate.  I met one of her sisters and her husband and children.  We had several days together, doing site seeing, having some enjoyable meals with wonderful Colombian food, etc. For you more experienced travellers, this is nothing new to you. If some of you have not been there, I would encourage you to travel to Colombia and see it for yourself.  So, at the very least, I had a nice vacation.  But, I was not there to just pass the time of day.  I had been corresponding with this lady for 5 months before I travelled.  We already had quite abit of background information on each other, so we were already acquainted with each other, in that way.  But, naturally, it is never the same as actually meeting in person.  By most everything that I can measure, she was and is exceptional.  Now, here is my biggest challenge.  I am now back home, and trying to get on with my work and everyday life.  I have already emailed her a couple of times, but no response yet.  She and I had agreed that we wanted to stay in touch.  I flew back to Tulsa on Thursday evening.  This is now Monday night, and still no emails from her.  I realize that she does not have her own computer, etc.  But, I will be waiting and watching to see if she will soon email me, or not.  At this point, I can only hope that she was truly sincere, and not "hanking my chain".  I would have figured that the girls in latina land would be wanting to do what they could to maintain the man's interest.  My attitude is if she is sincere, she will write to me, etc.  If not, then I guess I will have to write her off.  But, I don't want to jump to conclusions just yet.  Do any of you have any experiences that you could share(both good and bad)?  I am trying to figure out over time if she is really interested in me, or was she just spending time with me to have some fun?  To me, this is where actions definitely speak louder than words!  What do you guys think?

                                       OkieMan

... in response to Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

My wife says that you should give a call but only (1) time.

I think most people (and my wife) are trying to be too nice.

My wife (on my first trip to Peru) wanted me to call her from Miami and then when I got home. She didnt want to wait 10 min to talk to me let alone over 1 week.

I could not imagine anyone (aunts, uncles -distant friends etc) who would not contact the person just to see if they made it home safe. Its common courtesy.

You left Colombia on a long trip and she never contacted you to see if you made it home safe??? GEE WHIZ!

Sorry to bust your balls. The good news is there are plenty of fish in the sea. And guess what - some of them speak English.

Leave Colombia to the pros ;)

TE AMO PERU!!!!

jim

... in response to Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

I am happy for you that meeting you "novia" (?) in Cali went well.  Your anxiousness over her not responding quickly leads me to having some questions.

What was the nature of your conversations with her like?  You wrote that you used translators etc.  Did this affect the types of things you discussed with her?  It has been noted on this forum that when the man can speak Spanish well, it opens up the topics of conversation to include intimate things.  If the two of you didn't get to talk about private or intimate topics because of the presence of a translator, then the development of chemistry and the kindling of fire might be delayed or even extinguished.  That may lead to a decline in correspondence between you two.

Did her son like you?  For women with children, it is important that the children like the man as well.  Several men here have said that her children come before us.  The boy might have veto power over your relationhsip with his mother.

Did you like her son?   If she perceived that you were not overjoyed about becoming a father to her son, then she might have reservations about a serious relationship with you.

Did you like her family / did they like you?  Everytime I went to visit my noiva in Brazil, I was introduced to another friend or family member.  She listens to what they had to say about me.  How much weight she puts on their opinions is a secret; I only know that they have a good impression of me.  Did she give you any feedback about the kind of impression you made on them?  What did you think about how they lived?  There is sensitivity in LA about the disparity in wealth between Americans and them.  Might you have inadvertently recoiled at the state of their bathroom facilities?

I apologize for the negative focus of this post.  She may have only gotten sick with a cold and can't go out.  Still, these questions have important answers that you should try to learn through talking with her.

... in response to Re: Updated trip report, posted by Brazilophile on Jun 7, 2005

OkieMan,
I understand your concern over her not replying sooner.  I agree it would be best to do your part; trying to contact her by phone.  Then you need an answer as to 'what happened'... that answer will shed a great deal of light on her opinion, yes, and her interest in you.  Pay close attention to what she says and how... granted your limited spanish may 'limit' your interpretation...
But, I would also not hesitate in finding out from her, what her 'intentions' :) about you and a relationship are...
Latinas can be quite 'cagey' in their communications, especially about delicate subjects, like ... how to let you down easily...
So be prepared, but if she is interested she will let you know definitely, if she is hesitant and equivocal.... well, maybe you better get ready to move on, you should have no doubt about whether she wants you...
Good luck, and keep us posted, many of us have been there, or may gain much insight...
Ricardo

... in response to Re: Updated trip report, posted by Brazilophile on Jun 7, 2005

Brazilophile,

My conversations with my calena were many and detailed via the emails before my trip.  When I was there, we still were able to talk between ourselves privately (albeit very limited spanish skills on my part).  I had a book of spanish phrases and words with pictures that was helpful.  I also had bought an electronic translator and I used it; and utimately gave it to her and her son.  But, then I also hired a translator too.  Plus, Pete has a young man that works with him and he helped us several times.  This young man, Adrian, used to live in the States, and speaks excellent english.  He was a big help.  Also, there was a couple of other american guys staying at Pete's apartment the same time I was there.  Each of them helped me in different ways with translations.  One guy, Jesse even took pictures of us with his digital camera.  That was very helpful too.  My calena and her roommate then got to look at the photos on Jesse's laptop.  I appreciated that.  So, one way or the other, she and I  enjoyed each other's company and talked about many important topics, some of them of an intimate nature.   Certainly, she should have a very good idea of what type of man I am, and if she is still interested at this point.  I will be trying to use a calling card tonight to call her, and we will see where that goes. I guess these type of situations are fairly common, at least in general terms.  I just hope all of this goes well.  I hate guessing!

                                  OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 7, 2005

OkieMan,  Brazilophile has many good questions in his previous post, and it seems that you have had many chances and methods to communicate with your latina, and things seem to be going very well...   I did write previously about knowing the schedule and circumstances the lady has to deal with regarding her ability to write back to you.
It seems like you arrived home on the 2nd??? and to this day no message?   I was not sure how many days it has been since you haven't heard from her... I do not want to sound too negative here so you should still continue to wait (call her tonight) find out what is going on with her but even with some of the ladies that there was not a mutual interest in pursuing a relationship with many of them at least found the time to thank me for meeting with them and wanted to know if I have arrived home safely, many times the messages were waiting for me as I returned home.    I do hope you hear from her soon...

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Updated trip report, posted by MarkNJ on Jun 7, 2005

Mark ..that also has been the same with me .. If really intertested  they want to know that you arrived safely especially if they escort you to the airport .
Jake

... in response to Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

Hey OkieMan, I am glad to learn that you have arrived home safely and your trip went well.   I was wondering…   Since previous messages you were sending to her have been through an agency are you sure you have her correct email address now?   Do you know if she has received the messages?    Is she using a hotmail or yahoo account?  Is it a (.com,  .es,  .co, .edu?)   How many days has it been since you first sent her a message?   In your previous correspondence to her how often did she have internet access?     Are you sure there has not been any specific accident or incident occur in her life that might prevent her from writing to you?    Does she work?   What is her normal schedule like?     If it has only been a few days I would give her some more time…   Maybe she is shocked as to how nice a guy you are and she is still a little overwhelmed by the situation!!!     I have learned over the years that not all of these ladies have as much internet access as we do here and if they do have the access there are many factors that might keep them from being able to send us messages.    I have always been upfront in finding out what the capabilities are for the lady who would be writing to me and to agree upon some expectations for future correspondence.     For the most part the majority of the ladies I have been writing to during the past few years have all been employed so the cost for them is not an issue if they need to use the internet café but rather it is their schedule.       Some of these ladies are working 12 hour days (not including travel time to work), 6 days a week.   If a problem occurs, family member becomes ill or they themselves have some sort of problem it can throw their whole schedule off.    Some have internet access at their homes, some have it only at work, and other need to use the internet café.     The ladies that have the access at work sometimes need to be careful as to how much they can write and often they are so busy that they usually only can write to me after work or during their lunch hour.    This might sound obvious but a person should first make sure they have the correct email address for the person and maybe you might want to have her open up two accounts.    For some reason as reliable as it has been for me to use email in my dealings everyday with work etc… I have noticed that messages getting to the land south of the border are not always as reliable.     At one point I was numbering my messages and sending a carbon copy to a duplicate email address for one of the ladies and we have determined that about 5% of the messages would never make it to their destination.    If that one messages is nothing more than to say hello it is not a big deal but if it was to express some sort of important thought or feeling and it does not get read then it can be the start of a misunderstanding.      In the past I have had some ladies not be able to write to me for the following reasons:    One lady had her step-sister die in a car accident the week before I was to travel to visit with her, needless to say I was getting nervous when I was not receiving a message in reply to my messages just before my travel so I was getting sort of worried.   As it turned out she did write to me one quick message that said she needed to head out of town (Peru) on an emergency, but not to worry she would be there to meet me at the airport.   Sure enough she returned home after the funeral  the same day I was arriving.     Her life was in chaos having to round up the family members and get everyone to Peru for the funeral in a short period of time… all this time I was worrying that she had forgot about me or had changed her mind.    I had one lady stop writing to me all of a sudden, her access was only at work, and the whole group got laid off.   She was upset and worrying about what she was going to do, how to pay her future bills, and did not have internet access at work anymore.   She eventually did write to me from the internet café but I had no problem with her not writing to me during this short period of time she needed to find work.
Another lady I was writing to was mugged/robbed going home from work late one night after riding the bus home.   Needless to say she needed a few days to herself.    I can go on with a few other true examples but I think you will get the point.    What I feel is important here is to find out about what type of internet access the lady has available to her and set up some sort of expectations for both people.   The key here is the expectations and consistency.    If she can only write at night, or on weekends that is fine as long as she does it.    I have no excuse for not writing to someone because I have access 24/7 but I understand that not everyone has the luxury that I have to be able to write/read messages as often.  

... in response to Re: Updated trip report, posted by MarkNJ on Jun 7, 2005

MarkNJ,

Thanks for your comments.  Yes, my calena does work long hours.  I am trying to work out a deal to call her tonight.  Hopefully, one way or the other, she and I can sort this out. At this point, I just need some reassurances that she is sincere about our relationship.  I know that sounds like the line the women always use, but I am just a sweet, sensitive guy! ha  I couldn't resist that! ha.  But, seriously, I do care for her.  Right now, I am keeping my fingers crossed.

                        OkieMan

... in response to Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

Okie:

Glad to hear things went relatively well with your Latina :-)  

1.  As previously mentioned, don't be too worried about not hearing from her yet... UNLESS you guys were responding to each other in an almost immediate fashion before.  In any event, I would give her a call.  Heck, I was calling back to BAQ while I was waiting in the airport for connecting flights... :-) If the Latina likes you, she will be overjoyed to hear from you.

2.  Give Her a Call:  As others have suggested, get a calling card via the internet and give her a call.  I use PhoneCards.com.

3.  Translating Phone Calls:  I suggest using an agency to translate your phone calls for meaningful communication.  It may also be to your benefit to find a local translator who may be more available than the agency, as a backup plan.  If you have a large (or small) college nearby, they may have freelance Spanish translators/tutors who can provide this service for you.  Compare prices, as you should be able to find several to choose from.  

4.  Email Her, But...:  I do not use BabelFish or any internet or hand-held translators.  I have tested the translation and seen that often it returns gibberish.  My communication with my future wife is too important for that.  Case in point, a girl I am dating in BAQ brought a hand-held translator to my apartment.  She wanted to tell me "I love you", and typed in "te amo".  The translator gave a gibberish response.  This same girl sends me emails, using BabelFish, and again... gibberish.  Basically, its the thought that counts :-)

For sending emails, again I recommend using an agency and/or a local translator to do the translation.  However an agency should be MUCH cheaper than hiring a local translator on your own.

5.  How did you communicate with this lady on your dates?  Did you have a (human) translator available?  If you did, then bravo.  If you didn't, then I would suggest you incorporate a translator on a good portion of time you spend with the lady.  "Spontaneous" conversation (translated) is pretty important, and goes much further in getting to know these girls (in my opinion) then smiling at each other for 8 hours a day.

Mi dos pesos...

... in response to Re: Updated trip report, posted by Looking4Wife on Jun 7, 2005

Even when I knew 5 words of Spanish I have never used an intermediary to communicate with my wife. For me it is important to be able to establish a basis for communication on our own - if we can't do that, what hope is there for a relationship? I learned Spanish as a result of our communication and now I understand her almost as well, maybe just as well, as if she could speak English fluently. In fact I can't even imagine having to communicate with my wife through someone else. It just seems as though it would be having an outsider in bed with you at the most intimate moments. Of course what works for one doesn't work for another. Mis dos centavos.

... in response to Re: Updated trip report, posted by Looking4Wife on Jun 7, 2005

Hey Lookingforwife,

That almost sounds like an indian name-- who know like Dances With Wolves, etc! ha  Anyway, I am glad you are doing well.  I have been wondering what happened with your BAQ trip?  I have not been using the message board very much over the last few weeks.  At any rate, to answer your questions, I did use an agency to translate all our emails previous to my trip.  But, something happened, which I won't go into right now, that put an end to that.  When I was in Cali, I used some human translators on several occasions. One very nice occasion was when she gave me a birthday party at her apartment.  I paid for  a Colombian translator to come to the party.  My calena, her son, and her roommate was there.  I have been enjoying looking at the photos I took of my trip too.  At any rate, I will try to call her tonight and see what is happening. I did already use babelfish to send her some emails.  Obviously, you don't think much of that service.  Maybe, I can use a better service. Well, take care.  Good luck with your search too.
                            OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 7, 2005

Okie, that's great that she gave you a birthday party!  You didn't tell us that part!  Obviously that was a thoughtful gesture and a good sign that this girl really likes you.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Updated trip report, posted by Looking4Wife on Jun 7, 2005

Yes, it was a sweet gesture.  She seemed to be a very sweet and caring lady.  That is why it is so important for me to do what I can to contact her, and find out what the deal is.  Maybe all of us can  think of ideas to turn this type of thing into a new version of the boardgame Clue! ha  I have always wanted to play Colonel Mustard! ha

                           OkieMan

... in response to Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005


OM,

Good to hear that you had a great time with your lady friend.  I had to read a part of your trip report twice as I thought you said you met "her" husband instead of her sister's husband.  It's no wonder she hasn't written. :-)

Hey, all kidding aside, don't let not getting an email by now bother you.  You never can tell about emails nor should you gauge her feelings towards you about how soon she writes back.  Give her a call like another poster suggested and tell her how much you miss her, etc.

I recently went through this with a lady I was writing.  Nice initial emails at first then nada.  Two weeks went by then her emails resumed.  I could have made a big deal out of it and read between the lines.  No need though, as she was simply very busy with work, etc.

Another surprise with a different lady was when I saw her in Messenger when I logged in.  It took me a little while to figure out that it was someone impersonating her at an internet cafe.  She apparently left the cafe without logging out of Messenger to give some Bobo the opportunity to have a little fun at my expense.  I thought at first, "Man this Latina sure changed, found an attitude with a mouth", before I called this idiot on his charade.  

Be patient and tranquilo and I'm sure you will be getting some nice emails coming your way.

It sure is the pits being back after a great time with a Latina, isn't it?  Start saving for that return flight!

Cheers.

... in response to Re: Updated trip report, posted by pablo on Jun 7, 2005

Pablo,

Thanks for the words of encouragement.  Yes, this is the least favorite time for me.  Do you know of a bank that I could conveniently knock off?  I would not be greedy.  I just need a few paltry thousand dollars so that I could go back to latina land. ha  Take care.

                             OkieMan

... in response to Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

Well if she did jerk your chain, at 51 you have been here before i would guess.  There are cheap internet cafes everywhere down there.   Next time instead of spending 5 months on the internet with one girl, go down there and spend 5 days with 5 girls.

cheers
ws244

... in response to Re: Updated trip report, posted by WS244 on Jun 6, 2005

One eveing my calena was not feeling well, and she went home early.  So, I went out with another american guy, and we went to a party that ACG was putting on.  I only stayed for an hour or so.  Ricardo evidently just threw the party together-- sort of a last minute thing.  But, there were several attractive young (very young) chichas there.  But, to me, it was just a really disorganized mess!  Again, if I spoke fluent spanish, it would help.  I did meet a few other american guys there too.  But, to be honest, I was not interested in those girls.  For me, they were just too young.  There was absolutely no future there.  To each his own.  The next day, I was back with my calena.  By the way, she took off work for several days to be with me.  Each night, she went back to her apartment, but we spent several days and evenings together.  So, concerning that, I was very, very happy.  It's just now, that I am back home, I am looking for her to be willing to do what she said she would do, and that's for us to stay in touch and get to know each other better.  Naturally, she was asking when I would come back, and I told her, hopefully August.  But, that all depends on what happens now. Who knows, maybe I will hear from her tomorrow, and all will be well.  I just hate guessing!

                               OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

if you PM me with more details i might be able to suggest a more viable solution.
ws

... in response to Re: Re: Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

if you PM me with more detais about yourself i might be able to suggest a more viable solution.
ws

... in response to Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

In my opinion...if she really liked you...she would have e-mailed you by now....no question about it.

You have her telephone number right?  Have you thought about calling her to check if things are ok with her??

Good Luck and keep us informed!!!

... in response to Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

Hi OkieMan,
Sounds like you had an awesome time, everyone is jealous! I have not visited girls in Colombia, but I have done what you did in other Counries such as Peru and Brazil. In each case, I had a phone conversation with the girl or girls as soon as I got home. I didn't see if you had done that or not? I have learned that e-mail can be very unreliable, also you never know what could have happened. I'd suggest giving her a call if possible and make sure all is well. Nothing worse than sitting around "waiting for the computer to ring".

Bill

... in response to Re: Updated trip report, posted by wildbilman on Jun 6, 2005

Wildbilman said:

"Nothing worse than sitting around waiting for the computer to ring".

Thanks for the laugh, Bill...

... in response to Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

Okie

   Is there a internet cafe in the area she lives? Before you came to visit her did
you e-mail back and forth alot? I would not jump to anything right away wait
alittle while who knows....

... in response to Re: Updated trip report, posted by Fuzzyone on Jun 6, 2005

Well, let me explain a little more.  Before my trip, the agency we met through, Latin-Internet, was the "middle man".  I say that because the agency translated our messages for us.  So, in effect, I was not writing to her directly to her email address, and vice versa.  But, when we met in person in Cali, we exchanged all of our personal info.  So, I have now written to her.  I have also used babbelfish, for translations, for the first time.  I hope that she can understand me using that service.  She speaks very little english, and I am struggling with spanish.  So, if we stay together, we both  will have to work on that.  Now, as far as her phone number-- yes, I have it.  The problem is, I don't currently have a calling card, or someway to make international calls.  Can any of you recommend one?  I probably should have bought something while I was in Colombia, but I didn't.  Here in Oklahoma, the only foreign calling cards I see in the convenience stores go to Mexico.  Can any of you recommend  a service or card?  Still, the language barrier is there, but I will work through that over time.  Right now, I am trying to get a more immediate response through the emails. I have reached some other people in Cali, like Pete( I stayed at his apartment.  So, for now, I am keeping my fingers crossed.  I guess time will tell.

                           OkieMan

... in response to Re: Re: Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

one card that I use in the past was from Noblecom.com, the prices were reasonable and the quality was not ok. plus it was very easy to recharge the card online.  You might want to give this a try.

Good luck!

Dan

... in response to Re: Re: Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

Almost any prepaid card will call anywhere you want, not just Mexico. They just market them toward Mexicans for obvious reasons. Rates vary greatly between cards, so read the rate chart at the store for each card. If the clerk says, "this is a good one!", they are probably talking about calling Mexico and chances are the rates to other countries will be different.

... in response to Re: Re: Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

okieman , go to Sam's  club and you can buy a cheap international calling card ... And now that you explained that you had no contact directly with her , such as email or home phone that puts a different spin to this . Not knowing how intimate you all got should tell you something . I thought that you had been trying to talk to her on the phone before you went there , as you explained you had gotten to know each other very well after 5  months ...  I have found there is always some way to converse on the phone before you travel south even if you have limited spanish .... you can always find some one to translate for you ... when I needed help in Portuguese I ran a add in a our small local paper for a translator and I had 4 people willing to help me ... for free ....
I thought of you when I was in Brazil for 3 weeks ... just wondering if you were doing ok .......
Jake

... in response to Re: Re: Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

[This message has been edited by pablo]

No need to get those super market calling cards amigo.  Use an internet provider and you will have your "card" within minutes.

Here is one of many companies selling cards via the internet:

http://www.alosmart.com/calling_card.asp?card=pr29&country=248

(Remember that calling to her cell phone will cost much more than to her land line.)

... in response to Re: Re: Updated trip report, posted by OkieMan on Jun 6, 2005

.