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It has been a year since I’ve been to Colombia. I thought I had it made last year with a beautiful Caleña. Some of you may recall how everything fell apart: she e-mailed me and accidentally attached a communication thread between her and her Colombian boyfriend in which both of them professed their eternal love for one another. This experience left me wondering if this was the right path to pursue. A year later I’m at it again.

Previously, I had always used agencies, but this time I began contacting women through amigos.com and match.com international since January. I made many great contacts; many have since faded away. However, one in particular has flourished. Random e-mails turned into daily conversations through MSN Messenger. Due to the time difference, I would log on to MSN around 6 A.M. and we’d spend about 30 minutes writing each other. I also began calling her on the weekends and now call her about 2 to 3 times a week. She has put forth the effort that so many of the other women I’ve been interested in have not. As an example, she requested her two-week annual vacation to coincide with my trip to Medellin so we could spend more time together.

A little background on Sandra: she is a beautiful 24 year-old Paisa with a great body, tan skin and long black hair; university graduate with a full-time business career. Sandra is divorced and has a one year-old daughter. She is an only child and lives with her parents. She is intelligent, extroverted, sweet, considerate, family-oriented…a real gem. A month into having known each other, she suspended her profile on match.com.

Now here is where I would benefit from different perspectives and your experiences since I’ve never pursued a woman with a child. She has mentioned her desire to travel with me to places that I want to visit like Parque del Café, Santa Fé de Antioquia and Jardín. I’m excited, but her one-year old daughter will be joining us. Should I insist she leave her daughter with her parents? Does this make sense to you guys? My ideal woman would be an excellent mother like Sandra. However, this situation is new to me and feels a bit awkward. I’m curious to know how you guys would handle a similar situation.

Utopiacowboy, if you read this post, can you ask your wife if travelling with a one year-old daughter makes sense from her perspective. Did you two always go out as a family? Did you travel with your wife outside of Medellin when you were dating? Did you take the kids? Thanks!

... in response to 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

You are going to learn so much more in regards to a possible future relationship with this woman if she brings her child along with you than if she does not.

... in response to Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by MarkNJ on May 3, 2005

You have a lot of child advice here. I have mixed feelings on that sort of thing but would date a girl with a kid if it felt right to me. I have done it and there are pros and cons to it.

I just wanted to say that I hope it goes well for you.

I am slowly thinking of putting Medellin on my radar. I hope you post a report.

Have fun!

V-Dude

... in response to Re: Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by valleydude on May 4, 2005

V-Dude,

I knew Sandra had a child before contacting her. I was relieved to learn it was a one year-old daughter, rather than a 8 year-old boy. It seems less complicated with a baby. Today she was telling me how much she loved her daughter and looked forward to playing with her when she got home.

I appreciate your good wishes and I trust everything will turn out just fine.

You bet I'll post a report. My goal is to post "LIVE", but that can be challenging. If I'm not covering the information you want, let me know.

My smile grows by the day! I can't wait!

... in response to Make that 5 days..., posted by Seeker on May 5, 2005

Since you and I have mentioned music here, I thought I'd throw this out there:

Dude! I have some Juanes tickets for Saturday night... 4th row! Well it's about as close as I can get to Medellin. If you need me to grab a shirt for you to bring to your girl let me know. (Seriously) You would have to meet up with me on Sunday before going, but I could swing it.

I think I am going to load up on trinkets for my trips. Maybe buy a bunch of Juanes concert key chains. The chicks dig em!

V-Dude

... in response to Re: Only 2 days for me!, posted by valleydude on May 6, 2005

I really appreciate your offer V-Dude because it's a reflection on the cool guy that you are, but I'm set on the gift department. However, I think Juanes' trinkets are the perfect gift. I met a very special woman in Medellin who hung out with Juanes as a teenager. Apparently, he was into heavy metal at that time. She described him as introverted and intellectual. Have an awesome time at the concert.

Last year I attended  a Colombian festival in Long Beach during the summer. I'll keep you posted, maybe we can meet down there.

... in response to 4th row Juanes! Killer Dude!, posted by Seeker on May 6, 2005

Alright, I just wanted to throw that out there.

I am heading to Peru in 3 weeks and I have no prospects there. I had one, but she is not panning out. I'm not sure where yet, but I want to go back down in July and September, so I'm planning on buying a few things to pass out along my travels.

As you can imagine, I have been a hit on the chat circuit the last couple days by saying I am going to Juanes tomorrow.
haha!

V-Dude

... in response to Re: 4th row Juanes! Killer Dude!, posted by valleydude on May 6, 2005

call the agency and they can find some ladies for you ...they are good people

... in response to 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

Hey Seeker:

I would travel with only her if possible.  You need time to be with her alone.  If the child is there, then she's most likely going to spend 60 to 70 percent of her time with the baby.  I would try to be with her initially.  Oh, a similar thing happened to me when I was in Barranquilla.  The girl was playing me like a fiddle.  I am now corresponding with a great lady from the Dominican Republic.  Good luck in Medellin.

Dolphin.

... in response to 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

S,
I know you area carefull and sincere person.But you have not even met this person yet.So at least be  prepared for it to maybe be different then you had immagined.
About hauling the kid around.My first thought is no,don't take the kid on that type of a vacation.Its important to get to know the situation having the kid around but you can do that without leaving town.If you can go to a vacation type place is there no one who can watch the kid?
It could take some time to get to know this woman.Beware the sudden romance that can take over and substitute for knowing her.But that is fun when it happens.

Pete

... in response to 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

(most of) The other posters gave you excellent advice. You posted that you don't have any children and 'feel awkard'...Don't worry, you'll do fine. A woman can tell 'lack of experience' from 'lack of caring', especialy when the child in question is hers. Besides, after her parents get to know you a little (assuming they approve of you) they'll more likely than not volunteer to keep the child for a few hours each day to let you two have some time alone together. But DO take the kid with you on the out of town trip. If nothing else you'll learn if this 'being a dad' business is really for you.

... in response to 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

Ask yourself if this was your honeymoon would you find it appropriate to have the child along?
Could you not call this a preliminary honeymoon?
Understand with the child along you will not be getting her full attention. Will that bother you?
You have a short stay do you believe the focus should be on the two of you?
If you planned a romantic weekend there do you think a child would be appropriate in such a situation?

You would certainly want to spend time with both the mom and daughter together but you should clarify when this time will be.
Don’t be surprised and best wishes.

Engage the Exotic – Latin Women
http://International-Introductions.com

... in response to 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

seeker, first of all congratulations on bouncing back from a bad experience and not allowing it to shatter your hopes of finding a great woman in colombia. i'm glad that you decided to approach this from a different angle by using match.com/amigos.com and not using the agencies, this leads me to believe that you are comfortable and confident enough to go about this solo and have a good understanding of spanish, well enough to communicate with sandra, hopefully you'll have the same good fortune with her that utopiacowboy, i and others have had in finding our love without the agencies.

now to your question, should you insist that she leave her daughter with her parents...no way, do not insist and don't even suggest it. understand that sandra is a young woman with her first child, a one year old is still a newborn so my guess is that she is very attached to her baby, a baby who is her number one priority at this moment. leaving her baby with her parents while she is out with you could make her feel guilty and she'll be thinking about her child instead of focusing on you. while it might not seem like a big deal to leave her baby with her parents, you should also think about what her parents will say or think. in colombia appearances are important and it might not appear alright to her parents if their recently divorced daughter goes out and leaves her newborn behind with them. over the top? a bit dramatic? perhaps but you should be prepared for her parents reaction, my guess is that her parents will want to know you first before offering to watch the baby.. and this is important, if they like you they will offer, you should not insist. also ask yourself if you really want to become involved with a woman with a child because that child is always going to be there.

if your answer is yes then having the baby with you should not feel awkward, you should welcome it, especially on this first trip to meet her, you need to see how sandra is with her baby, how she is as a mother and she needs to see how you are with her baby also, to see if you are father material, if you have the patience and understanding needed to get involved with both of them. this will also be a test for you to see if you are really ready to get involved with someone elses baby. by the way, what relationship does she have with the babys father? is he involved in the babys life? i don't know if this is an issue but if things work out, will you need the fathers permission to bring the baby to the US? is that requiered?
good luck
JK

... in response to Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by jediknight on May 1, 2005

JK ..... I am pretty much in the same boat that you are in . Her family all ready has a lot of respect for me . We have know each other for over 2 years . I found that it was very easy to have all of us together , it was just a nice feeling . We would go to the parks , playgrounds ect ...when her family see you interact that well reieve some of there worries.........if she sole custody of the baby you made to check with Gary Bala .... I know I met one lady with a child and her x-husband wanted 10,000 bucks to release the child to come to the us.

my sweet heart and I always found more than enough time to be alone and take care of business.... if there is a will there is a way . I believe these latin ladies have so more respect for us gringos when we are willling to accept there family...... we need to keep in touch to see how we are doing .... I am leaving for brazil next week for 3 weeks ... but in June we can got up with each other .  ok.
Jake

One more comment , Had I not know a little portuguese before , we would be where we are at now .......... it is just common respect

... in response to Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by jediknight on May 1, 2005

Jediknigt,
I really appreciate your insightful response. I've tried to put myself in her parents' shoes. They've already seen their only daughter suffer through a bad marriage and go through a painful divorce. Hopefully, they'll recognize my good intentions. Even so, I may pose a threat to them because if things work out between Sandra and I, I might take their only daughter and grandchild thousands of miles away. I'm expecting some serious resistance on their part.

Sandra is an intelligent woman and it had not occurred to me that bringing the baby along would allow her to test my patience and understanding with her daughter, like you mentioned. You're right; this will also test my willingness to accept her daughter too.

As far as the baby's father, they separated when she was only two months pregnant. I know he has not contributed a cent towards the baby's needs. Sandra is currently suing the father to obtain sole custody of the child. This was occurring before I even came into the picture. Normally, the father's permission would be required for the child to leave the country. However, if Sandra wins sole custody, then I believe it won't be necessary. I'm wondering if things work out between Sandra and me, if I would also have to legally adopt the child in Colombia.

You were the one that brought the serenade to your woman in Baranquilla, right? That story was one of the most memorable ones I've read here at PL. Sounds like both of you are very lucky. I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks again.

... in response to Re: Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

yes, that's a very good point about her parents seeing her suffer and i'll bet anything that they'll try to be protective, don't take it personal, understand that they won't know who you are or what your intentions are until they get to know you.
honestly i don't think that you will be seen as a threat to them as far as taking her away if things work out, parents just want to see their kids happy and if sandras happiness will be with you then her parents will be alright, they just want sandra to find a man that will love and respect her. sandra sounds nice, unfortunatly she got involved with the wrong guy, but the fact that she chose her vacation time to coincide with yours is a good sign.

unless you have other intentions, since this is your FIRST meeting with sandra i don't think you should consider this as anything even near a pre honeymoon trip. a woman coming off a bad relationship with a newborn should not be pressured into anything that involves the kind of intimacy associated with a honeymoon or pre honeymoon. if there is non sexual romance that would be great for the both of you but i don't think that anything beyond that should be an option. i'm sure you are smart enough to know that getting involved with a woman who has a child will automatically mean that you will not be getting 100% of the attention that you may want, there will be many times when her baby will come first, be prepared for that, will you have the patience and understanding to accept that? you are getting involved with 2 people,not just one so take the opportunity to show her that you are the type of man that sets you appart from the rest, one that is considerate, that will think about her and her babys needs. use this trip to get to know her, her family and for them to get to know you..patience.. the physical initimacy we all crave for with our latinas will come in time, show her that is not why you flew to colombia for.

if the opportunity arises, have a talk with her father or maybe both parents, tell them what your intentions are, which i guess is to meet sandra and see if there can be a future together. you are correct about me being the guy with the mariachis and the day after i had a long talk with her parents, i told them what i wanted, what i wanted for my future, that i'm not a 20 year old looking for a good time, a one night stand, i'm serious about their daughter and want a future with her, they wanted to make sure that i was serious and not looking for a "aventurita" with their daughter, they are happy for us.
good luck
JK

... in response to Re: Re: Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin...., posted by jediknight on May 1, 2005


Very well said Jedi.

... in response to 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

Why does having the child along feel awkward?
The woman and her child are a package deal. If the relationship progresses the three of you are going to be spending a lot of time together. Better to find out now if it works.

... in response to Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Avispa on May 1, 2005

Avispa,
After giving it some more thought, the feelings of awkwardness come not from having the child along, but from never being in this situation before. I don't have children, but have always wanted to have them. I agree with you that we're not just potentially evaluating our compatability as a couple, but also as a family. We need to see if this is going to work out for all of us, not just for Sandra and me.

... in response to 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

[This message has been edited by utopiacowboy]

So many guys would not be willing to entertain a relationship with this woman because of her child but this is actually something which is in your favor. She is not going to be having the same things in mind as she would if she had no child. If you get that far I doubt that you are ever going to have to worry about her leaving you. Also she could be an amazingly attractive woman but most Colombian guys don't want a ready-made family. Their loss, your gain.

In my wife's case, she was a widow with three kids that she could not take care of alone so they went to live with her mother in Monteria. It wasn't until we were going to get married that I even met her children. So in my situation, I didn't have to deal with the kids. Of course I knew what I was getting into since I had four kids of my own.

For me, it's important that my wife is a good mother; however it should be clear who is Number 1. Both of us put each other first but we both spend most of our time on our kids' activities. In your case it sounds like Sandra is willing to make you a priority but she also wants to take care of her baby. My wife and I both understand why she wants to take her baby when you travel out of town. In some ways this would give you an idea of what life with her would really be like having the baby along. One year olds are great - you can put them in a backpack and take them everywhere leaving your hands free. At the same time we understand that you need time alone - maybe you could have some nights out or by yourselves while in Medellin? I am sure she'd want that too - my wife is sending the kids off to Colombia this summer for 6 weeks - her idea, she needs a break!

... in response to Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by utopiacowboy on May 1, 2005

Thanks Utopiacowboy. I appreciate the feedback from you and your wife. I agree with you that a one year-old baby is a great age. I'll be in Colombia for three weeks, so I suppose there will be plenty of opportunities to go out for a movie, dinner and/or dancing by ourselves while in Medellin. I just needed that reassurance from another Paisa that taking the baby along would be the right thing to do.

I think it is a great idea for the kids to return to Colombia and reconnect with their culture, language and extended family. It will be a great time for you and your wife to focus on strengthening your relationship. Enjoy!

... in response to Re: Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005


Great news Seeker!

I'm sure you will have a wonderful time with this lady both by yourselves and with her daughter.  I can't add any more to the good advice you've already received except I might suggest that if you are going to Jardin make reservations at one of the hotels well in advance before going there.  Jardin is popular in the summer and there really aren't enough hotels in the city to accomodate everyone on weekends.  With that in mind you might want to do an archive search on my trip report to Jardin as I included contact information (and photos of the city) for the various hotels.  I'd also recommend that you stay at one of the smaller, less expensive hotels in the downtown area as they are very cheap, quaint and IMO, better than the larger hotel five minutes out of town.  You will have a blast there!

... in response to Re: Re: Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin...., posted by pablo on May 1, 2005

Thanks Pablo,
You're the reason I'm planning on going to Jardin. That was a great report. I'll take care of those hotel reservations. Thanks for the tips.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medel..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

[This message has been edited by pablo]

Something tells me you are going to have a great trip report in a few weeks and this pretty Paisa will steal your heart away.

If going to Santa Fe de Antioquia be aware it's very hot there and it can get quite chilly in the evening in Jardin.  Be sure to speak with a local or two about the trip to each locale for safety issues.  If you need a contact source on that drop me an email but your honey should know a few.

Suerte amigo.