Living and learning - my 2 cents

[JimmySTLOUIS]

Well my girl has been here for a little while now.
I have to tell you all that I am overall very happy. Its going VERY SLOW with the driving and everything but its all good.

However I could write a book about the way things are versus the way you think things would be.
I could go on and on but I dont really know where to start and where to stop.
For guys that are just starting the process I would like to offer some things. *all this is just my opinon*

#1 Dont assume too much. I know that in your mind this will all be just great but reality could be different.
Just because a girl comes from a poor family, situtation etc doesnt mean that she doesnt want the EXACT SAME THINGS as girls here do.
Dont assume that she will be just so happy to be here that she will love you stuffed deer head on the wall as much as you do (only an example

#2 Make sure you REALLY REALLY like being married. I do like being married so this is not a problem for me. But if you have been single forever or never married be careful. By that I mean this girl will be sweet, will be fun, will love you like no other, BUT - she will occupy every waking second of your time when you are home. Dont plan on still doing all the things that you used to do. You will have a wife and she will be your priority. These girsl wont have jobs, family. money and cars to go out and run around. More than likely they will be with you ALL THE TIME. Again not a problem for me just FYI

Remember this is a HUGE commitment. Both TIME AND MONEY.
I could go on and on about the money thing but another time......

my girl is at school right now or I never would have had this much time to even post. She keeps me busy!!!

TE AMO PERU!!!!

jim

[doombug]

... in response to Living and learning - my 2 cents, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Mar 7, 2005

"Just because a girl comes from a poor family, situtation etc doesnt mean that she doesnt want the EXACT SAME THINGS as girls here do"

My oh my have I been thinking about that scenario.

I know for certain that I'll be dicing up all but one of my credit cards when my wife arrives.  The temptation to shop for her/her kids/our home will be intense, and then the inevitable financial problems will surface.

[Golden]

... in response to Living and learning - my 2 cents, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Mar 7, 2005

Sounds like your headed in the right direction. I've been married to my wife (Peruvian) for almost 4 years now. The first year is always toughest, an adjustment period for both. I knew in my marriage, the first thing was to teach her to drive and find a job, so she wouldnt be couped up in the house. Whats the saying... "Idel time is the hands of the devil" its easy to start to dwell on the bad things, because they are away from family, friends, and their culture. They havent had enough time to get to know ours and they couldnt if they wanted to sitting in a house. So, after I taught her to drive a car and take care of it, the next thing to do was to help her get a job. She may change jobs a few times at first, while she adjust to the culture, language, and people here....so dont get bent out of shape. I let her make the choice of when to look for a new job, and supported her when she did or complained. First couple of times, I had to help with the resume and calls. After that, she did her own thing. The only thing I still do is help show her where to go the day before an interview. She been working for almost a year now with same Dentist, and now thinking of college. So as they adjust they settle down. With love,support and a little time, things get much better.

[doombug]

... in response to Re: Living and learning - my 2 cents, posted by Golden on Mar 9, 2005

Congratulations on the continued success of your marriage, Golden.  I too am married to a Peruvian; just waiting for her arrival.  Reading such posts as yours is VERY encouraging.  I hope you and the other married guys here will offer some more tips/stories.

Thanks.

[Landover]

... in response to Living and learning - my 2 cents, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Mar 7, 2005

If I may ask, was wondering what does your wife do all day for the eight hours you are at work? Does she have anyone like neighbors to talk to? Taking her out of her support network has long been a bothersome issue to me.

[Red Clay]

... in response to Living and learning - my 2 cents, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Mar 7, 2005

Hey Jim,

We didn't forget about you after our trip, we were just a little tired that weekend to continue traveling.

You are correct that being "all she has" here can be a daunting task at times. Patience is the key to the adjustment process, for sure.

[WS244]

... in response to Living and learning - my 2 cents, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Mar 7, 2005

However, in the end Pete and Heat have the right idea.
ws

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: Living and learning - my 2 cents, posted by WS244 on Mar 8, 2005

Wow, great contribution to this thread.

[Hamlet]

... in response to Living and learning - my 2 cents, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Mar 7, 2005

Jim,

This should get the Pulitzer for short posts (succinct and informative).

Question:  To what degree can the assimilative process can be advanced with increased English fluency?

Hamlet

[Onephd]

... in response to Living and learning - my 2 cents, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Mar 7, 2005

Hey if you don't mind me asking, (anyone else can feel free to chime in as well), but how is wife dealing with being alone during the day or does she study at school while you are at work.  

I guess I'm curious to know how new wives here deal with leaving a sometimes very busy life to one that that initially may involve some lonliness during the day.  

This assumes that the men that marrry these women leave them at home while they go to work.  I'm sure that after the women learn English and perhaps start a job, this all goes away, but I'm curious as to how this works out for them.

[doombug]

... in response to Living and learning - my 2 cents, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Mar 7, 2005

Though informative, that was just a teaser.

Need to here some more.  My wife's coming in a few months.

Thanks.

[Hoda]

... in response to Living and learning - my 2 cents, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Mar 7, 2005


those of us, who have gone down the same path before you, understand exactly what you're experiencing & feeling.

#1 Dont assume too much. I know that in your mind this will all be just great but reality could be different.
Just because a girl comes from a poor family, situtation etc doesnt mean that she doesnt want the EXACT SAME THINGS as girls here do.
- Truer words have never been written. The BIG difference between your lady & many women from here....your lady won't make it a driving force in your relationship.

Dont assume that she will be just so happy to be here that she will love you stuffed deer head on the wall as much as you do (only an example
- Didn't I tell you to prepare to have your place "re-decorated...lol

#2 Make sure you REALLY REALLY like being married.
- Again, truer words have never been written. No doubt about the work ethic. They want to help in the growth of their new home here & their native country....it's only natural.

Remember this is a HUGE commitment. Both TIME AND MONEY.
I could go on and on about the money thing but another time......
- Thanks again for sharing...whenever time permits, holla at us

Take Care....