Set the record straight Please

[Payton]

When I was down there in 1999 I never slept with any of the ladies that I met.  I was told by a friend not to eve ask the answer is no.  So can you or can't you?  Right now I am waiting till marriage before I am with another woman so It will be like 2 years.  This is horrible but I want to try and give somthing special to my future wife.  I just want to know so I am aware of the truth sorry to be so nieve

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Set the record straight Please, posted by Payton on Jan 20, 2005

I am not sure "waiting until marriage" is going to be well understood and appreciated by most Latinas.  

Part of Latin culture is the machismo and sexual freedom of men.  While a request to have sex BEFORE it is appropriate to ask will be an offense, a refusal to ask for sex AFTER it is appropriate to ask will also be an offense.  It may even be more offensive to refuse to ask for sex than to ask for sex because in that macho culture it is assumed that men are ALWAYS having sex with SOMEONE.  

If you are not having sex with your special lady after she feels it is appropriate to be having sex, she may suspect you either really don't love her or you are having sex with some other woman.  Fidelity is a VERY big deal with Latinas due to the philandering of LM.  The lack of sexual relations due to the man not asking is almost always interpreted as an indicator of a lack of fidelity on the man's part.  (That is assuming that she is confident that you are not gay.)  

My suggestion is that after the emotional bond has been firmly established, you ask for sex.  And keep on asking.  Even after you are receiving sex from her, do not stop asking.  You need to make it crystal clear to her that SHE is the woman who most excites you and SHE is the woman you most want to have sex with because SHE is the ONLY woman that you love.  In my experience, Latinas are almost paranoid about this, love and fidelity, and need constant reassurance that you love them and are being faithful to them.

[Bueller]

... in response to Re: Set the record straight Please, posted by Brazilophile on Jan 20, 2005

That's why I squinted at Ricky's post below: Every other Latina is a wolverine when it comes to jealousy, and yours sits by and watches you have sex with two of her friends??? Not that I'm calling him a liar, of course, but that sounds waaay out of the norm for Latinas. Not that I'm calling for testimonials from other guys, either; already heard enough...

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Set the record straight Please, posted by Brazilophile on Jan 20, 2005

I must agree with you. My wife is a devout Catholic and very traditional woman. Once we had agreed to marry, she expected that we would have sex with one another. If we go more than a day or two without having sex, she will nudge me in bed and ask me if anything is wrong. She loves it when I make suggestive remarks about how I desire her. She just can't hear it enough and beams when I tell her how desirable she is to me. I do exactly what you suggest in your last paragraph and we have a VERY happy marriage. Good advice.

[Looking4Wife]

... in response to Set the record straight Please, posted by Payton on Jan 20, 2005


I want to personally commend you on taking a stand for abstinence until you get married.  It must have taken some guts to post that on the board.  

Not only is it a gift for your future wife, but it is a gift to yourself since, as you know, it can prevent a lot of other emotional baggage (yours and your partner's), STDs, unexpected pregancies, etc.  I don't know if folks have noticed, but UN-planned pregancies have become the NORM...  Despite all the "safe sex" propaganda, and hi-tech birth control.

I ain't saying abstinence is EASY or FUN though :-)  As a Christian, I am also dedicated to abstinence until I get married.  If I wasn't a Christian, I honestly can't say I would have the willpower... I would be curious to know your motivation... feel free to email me if you prefer...

[Payton]

... in response to Re: Set the record straight Please, posted by Looking4Wife on Jan 20, 2005

Looking

My modivations for waiting are very simple.  The biggest you hit the nail on the head with unexpected babies!  I think that I have a good situation in that I am 28 and that I have no kids from my past marriage, not to mention I learned a ton from the failed marriage. The romantic side of the decision is that I am giving her something that took a ton of disapline to achive!  

My inspiration was living in Las Vegas where morals are very much lacking and when I had a guy ask me if he could watch me have sex with his wife I figured out that I never wanted to get to that point in my marrage!  Any other questions feel free to ask

[zack]

... in response to Re: Re: Set the record straight Please, posted by Payton on Jan 20, 2005

[This message has been edited by zack]

You are only 28? Even more kudos to you for deciding to wait until you are married with this lady. It takes a lot of willpower to do that and I hope she appreciates it. But I agree with Calipro- it takes a very special woman to appreciate what you're doing, unfortunately.

Zack

[Calipro]

... in response to Set the record straight Please, posted by Payton on Jan 20, 2005

I don't think giving your future wife a two year old load is anything all that special. It will take a very special lady to appreciate a gift like that so I think you should be up front with all the women you meet down there and tell them that you have been saving yourself for them or should I say ONE of them. Anyway that should weed out all the unappreciative ladies from the line up.

Hope you meet miss right very soon!

[Red Clay]

... in response to Set the record straight Please, posted by Payton on Jan 20, 2005

Your friend is wrong. Just depends on the girl. You got bad advice, or at least inaccurate anyway. A few here are going to slam you for even asking, so get ready.

Where is "down there"?

[tzion]

... in response to Re: Set the record straight Please, posted by Red Clay on Jan 20, 2005

As they should.  I am not expecting a virgin (though it
would be nice) but I'd never marry someone who sleeps with
whoever is her "boyfriend" at the moment.

Michael

[JEMJCU1]

... in response to Re: Re: Set the record straight Please, posted by tzion on Jan 20, 2005

As someone that has dated a few Latinas and just got engaged. I would expect sex.. You should not even have to ask. She should be all over you if she is hot for you. If you avoid sex shes going to think a few things.. You dont love me, I am not pretty enough for you, who are you sleeping with then are you gay? I can appreciate your religious beliefs, but the Latinas see it a different way. They will screw you sideways on Saturday night and go to church and praise God the next day. A definite difference on Philosophy, but that seems to be the mentality. My fiancee was all over me, she knows if shes not givin it to you you will get it somewhere else... So at least make clear verbal communication as to why you are acting a certain way.

[tzion]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Set the record straight Plea..., posted by JEMJCU1 on Jan 20, 2005

Oh no, this has nothing to do with religious beliefs; I'm
agnostic and my politics are very liberal.  It's just that
I've not been with many girls and I would hate to think
that she's being "all over me" the same way she was "all
over" two dozen other guys before me.  I don't think you
should be sleeping with someone unless you're very serious
about marrying that person.  Of course, that doesn't apply
if all you're doing is looking for some fun but that's
different.

--Michael

[Looking4Wife]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Set the record straight Plea..., posted by JEMJCU1 on Jan 20, 2005


"So at least make clear verbal communication as to why you are acting a certain way"

I fully agree.  Abstinence prior to marriage is obviously something that would need to be discussed.

First of all, it helps to start out looking for someone with similar beliefs.  Now obviously it is easier to HAVE a belief, than to LIVE OUT a belief...

In any event, as you stated, if abstinence prior to marriage is going to be something you're going to live out, you need to discuss that with the Latina (or any other woman for that matter).  Since this is a CORE belief in Christianity, if you are dealing with a devout Christian Latina (i.e. someone who holds similar beliefs), while it may still be a shock to her, it should not be a "foreign" concept (no pun intended).

While it would be "overkill" to where a big sign around that says "Celibate" in bold letters, on the ther hand concealing that belief while involved in a serious relationship would obviously raise flags to an unsuspecting woman (who is expecting sex)... unfaithful, jealousy, gay, insecurities, etc?

[Stezo71]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Set the record straight Plea..., posted by JEMJCU1 on Jan 20, 2005

Agree 100% with JEMHCU1 and Brazilphobe latinas (generally)are very, very insecure about fidelity and sex. Most are going to assume if your not getting it from them your getting it somewhere else. Usually latina jealousy has very little rational thought attached to it.

[Brandon2253]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Set the record straight ..., posted by Stezo71 on Jan 20, 2005

"Usually latina jealousy has very little rational thought attached to it"

Im not sure if that is such a fair statement.  I think their is plenty of rationality attached with it--they have been cheated on before.