Update

[Bear]

... in response to Re: just curious, posted by Lori on Aug 20, 2001

When we started the process we planned on it taking 12-14 months.  But then the K-3 (Life Act) was supposed to speed it up and didn't.  Now the Life Act is in force so we are hoping soon.  Otherwise our goal is April, 2002.

It kills me to watch her cry as they harass her.  Sometimes I think they do it because they know I can see.  Then they get mad at her for telling me about it (duh?).  I try to say things back to them (throught the computer mic) but they do not respond nad I worry that it will get her in more trouble.

She has been called names and insulted by just about every member of her family including cousins, aunt, uncles and parents, most of the neighbors and even the landlord and her daughter because she will not just give them money for there desires.  When they want money or a loan she asks what for and they refuse to say so she refuses to give it.  She knows that they do not intend to pay it back.    Especially after she saw how they treated the phone.  She had the phone made for local calls only (no long distance or cell calls) which ended all the neighbors wanting to use the phone.

Ya know what the landlord gets mad about?!  Honey's parents said that I would build them a home with a swimming pool and she could come over and lay around the pool!!!!  her daughter gets mad because Honey doesn't let her sister keep the change when she goes to the sari-sari store!

Bear

[Nathan]

... in response to Re: Re: just curious, posted by Bear on Aug 20, 2001

Bear,

  How your wife turned out well growing up in a den of vipers is a miracle. AS you likely know...there is no saving them...were I in your situation I would do as you are...gettting her away from them as soon as possible. Money in the future?...a modest allowance as you can afford simply to give you some leverage when you need it. Otherwise...I wish you the best getting her away soon...it must be tough having her subjected to this...
  As insurance when I was away from the Philippines with my wife there...I always maintained some good connections totally outside her family that gave me an seperate channel of information and possible safety for my wife and child should they need it, but fortunately, apart from the usual minor problems, I do not have serious problems with my inlaws, and recieve very few requests of any kind, though they are mostly pretty poor. AS  a result, at my own initiative, my wife's younger sister( a much younger half sister) is in private school which of course we are paying for and I have asked my mother in law to begin looking for a modest new house for her family which we are also going to pay for. None of this was solicited by my inlaws in any way...it is just something we want to do for them.
  What city is your wife in?

Nathan

[Bear]

... in response to Re: just curious...no saving them, posted by Nathan on Aug 22, 2001

I intend to continue helping her brothers and sister go to school as long as they follow the guidelines i set for her brother.  I mean at worst its only 6-700/year.  I was going to continue to send money but I won't do it if my wife doesn't want me too and right now she is saying *no*.

Bear

[humabdos]

... in response to Update, posted by Bear on Aug 20, 2001

Bear You better not build that house on the same island that they live on ! Make it at least 3 or 4 hundred miles away!    Humabdos

[Stephen]

... in response to Re: Update, posted by humabdos on Aug 20, 2001

Go over to the Mag Anak board and read the recent string of posts regarding MONEY.

Man....I got depressed just reading about the kind of money that some guys were sending to the Phils.

I guess I got lucky with Tess and my in-laws.

What do you think?

Stephen

[SteveB]

... in response to Hey Humabdos...., posted by Stephen on Aug 20, 2001

I hesitate to respond about the money they are throwing at their mahal's, to each his own, right?  But, This might be the reason so many girls wish for more money, they see other girls getting more money than they do?  steveb

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Update, posted by Bear on Aug 20, 2001

Hi Bear,

I guess her family thought that the guilt they tried to instill, would overcome any loyalty or love for her husband. They probably believed that she would continue to do whatever they told her, as she had been trained (brain washed). Honey needs to stand up to these people and let them know that if they lay one finger on her, that her Grizzly Bear will be there the next day to finish them off. I also think she should get out ASAP, phone or no phone. Her safety seems in question. If at all possible, she should get away without them suspecting. Things might turn even uglier if they know what is going on. Make sure that the address gets switched on her Visa application, so the family doesn't receive any of the paper work.

Good luck to both of you!

Dave H.

[Bob S.]

... in response to It's a shame..., posted by Dave H2O on Aug 20, 2001

"Honey needs to stand up to these people..."

That may not be wise because

"Things might turn even uglier if they know what is going on."

Right.  Her family's greed has turned it into a war.  Now her best tactical advantage is to run silent.  Tell them what they want to hear.  "Oh, my sweet Bear will soon be back to work and then he'll send you lots of money and build a big house for all of us blah blah blah."  What does it matter?  When she gets here, she can burn her bridges.  Oops! Misplaced the phone number.  Darn, lost the parents' address too.  What a shame...

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: It's a shame..., posted by Bob S. on Aug 21, 2001

Hi Bob,

I agree! She needs to tell them what they want to hear and avoid making counter threats. Any sort of confrontation would be unwise on Honey's part. As long as things are perceived to be going according to the family's plan, all will be calm.

I know this is hard on Bear, but this must be devastating for Honey. I am amazed with her love and commitment to her husband and their relationship.

Dave H.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: It's a shame..., posted by Dave H2O on Aug 21, 2001

...with your agreeing with Bob S.

Tell them what they want to hear without making specific commitments and stall them off until she is out of there.

Good advice Bob!

Ray