Did this Cali girl really love ?

[garster7]

[This message has been edited by garster7]

Most of you guys will probably kill me for this but I am 40 never been married I luckily look 32 I was In a class and met a 23 year old girl from Cali, Colombia. Never heard of the place till I met her, she said the most beautifull girls come from Cali and she wasnt kidding. WE started to hang out she said she was working illegally and was worried about losing her job, I suggested marriage she said sure but "just as friends". I told her from the get go I was very attracted to her but would marry her and maybe things will develop. She lived with her aunt and cousin. We both agreed to get married in Vegas on April 18th 2003 it was march at the time. Even though she said she just wanted to be friends we talked and acted around each other like more. We called each other "sweetie" "dear", shared food, drinks sometimes held hands,almost like a pretend realtionship. We would talk about the kind of sex we liked, she would start picking out clothes that looked good on me etc. We talked about having kids We got married shortly after that I told her I dont know If i could go through this because I really wanted moere and it was hard to be around her and not kiss her etc. Then one day she said she talked to her mom in Colombia to give it a try and see what develops. So we started to kiss but the kises were brief and short and it seemed she wasnt into it. I would ask her if she was attracted to me but she would never answer. She kept on saying dont push. It just didnt feel right so i said i wanted an Annulment and didint want her as a girlfriend. This really pissed her off. I regreted the decision sent her flowers , letters etc. She thanked me for the flowers but not the letters. We argued she insisted she could just be friends andnothing more and to stay married. We talked a bit on the phone and she would call jsut to say hi but it seemed I always ended up saying something wrong. Soon she insisted on an Annulment. Then I didint want one I wanted her back and happy she was very cold to me and aloof she said she had no feeelings for me and didnt want to talk about the past, but she acted like she was very hurt and angry. We started to see each other a bit after that and she warmed up to me once again. We started to have a great conversation i was ready to work this out then suddenly we were  in a car accident. She ended up in the hospital nothing serous. i stood by her side the whole time while she was in the hospital. The second day I visited her she looked at me like i had never seen her look at me before with want and lust in her eyes, I didnt know why and didnt ask her. We talked about a lawyer and she said who ever I choose is fine, she didnt want me to leave her side at the hospital, was flirting with me big time, i didnt know why., but i had to got to work. It seemed like she really wanted me to take care of her make the decisions for her. While on the phone with her I asked her not to sue me, a lawyer i had talked to had suggested i say that. she just laughed for two minutes I didnt know why.I realized later it was trust issue She assumed I thought she was out to use me. Also since i lived in a small place we did spend time looking for an apartment together and assumed she would move in withme though she could never commit to that insisting she coudlnt leave her aunt.  Next day she was cold and tough shortly after she said had met somebody and insisted on an annulment she moved in with this guy soon after that and would never talk to me or see me again. I sent her letters etc it hasnt helped.This guy she is with keeps her on a short leash. Did she like me or did she just want to use me? I still think of her often and want her back. I later found out from her aunt she moved out without telling her and owes her 3000 dollars, and moved in this guy she barley knew and didnt marry him. And her aunt was the one that snuck her over the border and gave her a place to live.I think she just found someone else to give her what she wanted and other times i think she really wanted a relationship with me and i didnt give it time to develop. It ended on June 18 only saw her one time in August when she was with her "friend" (the guy she lives with even though she told me she lives with some old woman)  and I signed the divorce papers, it sucked.

[Georgina]

... in response to Did this Cali girl really love ?, posted by garster7 on Jan 19, 2004

Sorry. Let's say Garster7 is real he said:

"she said she was working illegally and was worried about losing her job, I suggested marriage she said sure but "just as friends". I told her from the get go I was very attracted to her but would marry her and maybe things will develop. She lived with her aunt and cousin. We both agreed to get married in Vegas on April 18th 2003 it was march at the time. Even though she said she just wanted to be friends we talked and acted around each other like more"

I don't think she played you.

From day 1 she told you the truth. Number one, she was illegal, number two, you were the one suggesting to get married and number three, she said she just wanted to be friends with you, number 4, just weeks after she knew that since she entered illegally, she wouldn't get her papers through marriage, she wanted an annulment.

The problem wasn't that she didn't tell you the truth. The problem was that you didn't believe her when she told you the truth. Perhaps you thought, her feelings for you will develop but they didn't. Don't worry that happens a lot to quite a few guys in this board. Just move on and believe them when they tell you that they don't love you.

[mar33]

... in response to I don't think she played you., posted by Georgina on Jan 20, 2004

Georgina,
      It was great you took the time to give a very insightful answer without insults. Maybe garster7 is real. If he is, we have to understand though we would not have been so guluible, there are a lot of guys out there who really are not experienced in relationships and women. Those guys can be very naive.
   garster 7, A woman either loves you, or she does'nt. Wanting,wishing or hoping a woman will eventually fall in love because you are a nice guy almost never happens.Move on and don't try to understand her or her motives. She probably does not understand them herself since they vary from day to day.

[garster7]

... in response to I don't think she played you., posted by Georgina on Jan 20, 2004

Your right I agree  I had a friend of mine who is fluent in spanish called and asked her why she wont get back with me and she answered "I could never be with somebody who  thought I was a bad person" She didnt believe me I didnt believe her we had no reason to believe each other you cant have any kind of relationship with someone when you havent built any trust. She often told little lies, she seemed like she was thinking one thing and saying another. It was mostly lust by my part or all. I never really go to know her and maybe I never wanted to, maybe deep inside I thought she was a jerk and I was just clinging on to an adolescent fantasy which never was fulfilled.She looked very young ( about 15, and acted it) and just like my very first love I had. I was trying to go back in time. Trying to make up for lost time at 42, pathetic. Thanks for EVERYONES  post No more needs to be said. Lesson Learned just wish I learned it at 14 instead of 42. Bye

[greg]

... in response to Did this Cali girl really love ?, posted by garster7 on Jan 19, 2004

what happened to You is old news. Can happen to any Guy. You don't need to waste your time defending yourself over and over on this forum. What happened is in the past, wash the stink off..Move on

[zack]

... in response to Did this Cali girl really love ?, posted by garster7 on Jan 19, 2004

This is your first post and this is how you introduce yourself?!?

Well, at least you gave us some entertainment. What I found very strange about your post is how after telling us a long story about her cold and aloof attitudes, among other things, you then ask "Did she like me or did she just want to use me?"  DUUUHHH!  WHat do YOU think!

Garster, you are one of three things: either a troll, on drugs, or you are just not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Maybe you are all of the above.

Zack

[garster7]

... in response to Re: Did this Cali girl really love ?, posted by zack on Jan 20, 2004

It seems the only way you can feel good about yourself is to put other people down. You assume to know everything about me just from a few short paragraphs i have written here. Yet you know nothing of all the communications I had with this girl and a lot of communication between two people can be non-verbal. Eventhough I appeared like a sucker from the story I presented here I could have written it slightly differently and appeared like the most savy person on the planet, if you had any intelligence you would know one event can be percieved in a thousand different ways. But I wrote it not concerned how I would appear but the truth and how i saw it, i think that takes guts and intelligence far beyond what you could ever be capable of, since appearences seem to be more important to you then anything else. And yes that appears that it may be a run on sentence, oh my god i feel such shame.

[zack]

... in response to Re: Re: Zack your an Idiot, posted by garster7 on Jan 20, 2004

Garster,

If you read the archives you would realize that I hardly ever put other people down, and I rarely get into fights with people. You don't know me at all, and I don't know you. But you sure seemed like a troll with your first post, and we have had a lot of problems with trolls in the past. If I am wrong, my apologies.

Zack

[burbuja2]

... in response to Re: Re: Zack your an Idiot, posted by garster7 on Jan 20, 2004

Admiting to immigration fraud, being played like a fool and then acting completely dumbfounded over the inevitable result is hardly "guts and intelligence".  You need help.  Zack could teach you a lot - if you let him.

[zack]

... in response to Yo, Garster, Get a Grip, posted by burbuja2 on Jan 20, 2004

Very well said. I think we scared him away- his final post is above. Big B has endured 10 times more criticism and  he's still here. Come on, Garster, toughen up. We aren't out to bring you down. As long as you aren't a troll we will all eventually get along.

Zack

[HeyNow]

... in response to Yo, Garster, Get a Grip, posted by burbuja2 on Jan 20, 2004

I think Calipro brought this up before: Is it possible to get married to someone in the U.S. illegally?  If it isn't, (or if we don't get an answer) then this whole deal is the work of a troll.

[Ralph]

... in response to Hold the phone, posted by HeyNow on Jan 20, 2004

Sure it is possible. You can marry anyone you want to. The thing is, when it is time to adjust her status, she will have to return to colombia most likley, for an interview. The catch is because she entered without papers she will be denied getting back into the states.

He could have stayed married and never filed paperwork for her etc. Chances are she would never be caught and deported, but she would also never become legal.

They could also wait for one of the "amnesty" type scenarios that usually come around every few years, such as the i245 extension Clinton signed right before leaving office.

[HeyNow]

... in response to Re: Hold the phone, posted by Ralph on Jan 22, 2004

So, she can't even apply for a social security card.  Once they find out then "out you go". Am I correct?

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Did this Cali girl really love ?, posted by garster7 on Jan 19, 2004

One other thing caught my attention about your post.  You wrote:

"I am 40 never been married I luckily look 32"

How do you know it's 32 and not 33?  That's rather precise.  Is there a website where I can check out my apparent age?

Steve

[pablo]

... in response to Actual Age vs. Apparent Age, posted by DallasSteve2 on Jan 19, 2004

[This message has been edited by pablo]

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