Opinions On this Article Ref: Marriage w/ Kid

[Ralph]

... in response to Re: You are right, posted by Fuzzyone on Jan 1, 2004

The kid has been getting better and better. His name is Johan but my novia spelled it as Joan. He he he he....lucky he is a BIG kid.

He now knows when he needs to get punished. He knows that if he behaves, we have a GREAT time. If he is a brat, he gets punished etc.

One time he was being a brat while I was in the states. His mom told him he was punished and not allowed out. Fine. So later that night, he was hungry and she didn't want to cook. She sent him to the corner to buy a hot dog from a street vendor.

The funny part is when I spoke to him on the phone he ratted her out! He said if I am punished she shouldn't let me out, and certainly not buy me a hotdog! He loves hot dogs, and giving hima "treat" while he is punished is wrong. He was smart enough to figure that out and ratted her out!

At the beginning when he put zero effort into doing homework I told him homework was priority number ONE. No more playing, watching TV etc, till homework was done.

So one day he is doing homework and breaks the point on his pencil. His mom is busy with visiting friends. He asks her to sharpen his pencil. She says she is busy! He comes back and tells me. I walk into the living room, and tell her she needs to excuse herself and sharpen his pencil!

Leter after he did the homework, I took him to a colmado for a grape soda and cheetos. At the counter I also bought 2 candy bars. He asked who they were for. I said one for him and one for me. He asked what about mom. I said she was "punished" for not making his homework prioroty number ONE.

He has never forgotten that and brings it up all the time! I told him if I put something else before his homework, I need to be punished.  It helped show him that his studying needs to be important for all of us.

Joan spent 3 weeks with his dad and then 3 weeks at his uncles where all the other kids are brats, so I have had to re teach him some stuff. He has been doing great. If I buy him the smallest of gifts or take him to the park, he is the happiest kid in the world.

He is crazy about learning english now. He is doing pretty well, with us just fooling around learning english.

http://community.webshots.com/album/102308738BJhvxT

that link has some pics of the kid. Some of the links appear broken. I will have to fix them once I get my laptop keyboard repaired.

[Fuzzyone]

... in response to More of the story, posted by Ralph on Jan 2, 2004

Ralph

 Thats what I like to read on this board is stories like you have here. It is
great to see how you have handled your step son, I feel it might be a big
help to other men here that are or going to be involved with woman with
kids. I right not know have been talking to a woman who has a son and it
helps me alot not to make the same mistake I made with the last
marriage I had. Again thanks for the story...

Chuck

[JSlo]

... in response to Re: More of the story, posted by Fuzzyone on Jan 2, 2004

I witnessed firsthand the turnaround of this kid. The other ingredients required to be successful are persistence and consistency as well as fairness and a united front. What is up with the site Ralph? Happy new year to you and the family.
J

[Georgina]

... in response to Re: Ralph post, posted by mar33 on Dec 31, 2003

Things for kiltboy are uglier. He knows has to consider if he wants his wife back or not. I guess now he has to put his tranquility and his wife on a balance and see which one he appreciates the most. Good luck!

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to You are right, posted by Georgina on Dec 31, 2003

Georgina

Let me ask you one other question since you are from a latin country.

My wifesmother and sister are having some health problems. When i ask my wife to confide in me and that i want to lend moral support , she says that her families problems are none of my business and that i am "chismoso". When i explaine that in America , a husband and wife share all of there problems with each other and are there to comfort each other and lend suppert. She says that is stupid and again,they are her and her famlies problems and not mine.

This hurst my feelings very badly and i have told her so because i do not feel like i am a part of the family. Is this a "latin culture" thing, or is this just anothr red flag of our furute together.

Thanks

Andy

[Georgina]

... in response to Re: You are right, posted by Kiltboy1 on Dec 31, 2003

Where we just share everything and where gossiping is a pasttime.

Either she is mad at you and wanted to hurt you or she really didn't want to tell you because she doesn't want to put a burden on you. Perhaps she didn't find a better way to express it than using a childdish excuse. Perhaps she is testing you to see how much you care about her. You know how it is with latinas. She won't tell you when you asked her the first time, but she will tell you if you asked her a second, third or fourth time.

At this point of your relationship, I find it difficult to understand how she find it stupid that a husband and wife are suppose to share problems and support each other.

However, I sometimes give my husband silly excuses like that, because I don't want to worry him.

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Definetely not par of the "latin cu..., posted by Georgina on Dec 31, 2003

No

I have asked her like 10 times and she still will not tell me, just that her famlies problems are non of my business. I also get called "Chismoso" and"Buros Cola" all of the time. There is a definate lack of respect it seems to me, but you know more about latin culture then i do.

Andy

[Georgina]

... in response to Re: Definetely not par of the "lati..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Dec 31, 2003

Well Kiltboy I hate to say it, but I guess you have pretty much made your mind up and you are seeing yourself how this will end.

Whether her attitudes are part of the "Latin culture", all that drama you are getting from her is not going to work here. It just will get tiring and boring to deal with.

Either she adapts herself to you or you to her.

As I see it, American men are very appreciative of their peaceful lives while many Latino women are too emotional for the American taste and many of us are drama queens. American women pick their battles while many Latino women fight all of them even the more ridiculous ones.

As drama queens some of us are able to see the light through, while others of us are just stubborn and always have the last word.

The ones that believe that they are always right are the ones you have to run from. You will always be the loser with them.

I guess everything resumes to how badly you and her want to be happy. Do you want to be happy?

Good luck!

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Ralph post, posted by Georgina on Dec 31, 2003

Thaks Georgina

I have tie al of the things in his post, but i still get a lot of obsticles from my wife

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Re: Re: Opinions On this Article Ref: Ma..., posted by mar33 on Dec 31, 2003

Thanks Mark

This is the type of information i need to help me make a final decision. My wife has said she would like to come  back here and go to a Marriage councelor , but i am not sure if she is sincere or just wants to get back to the states (she has a visa ) . It is a difficult call for me and one which i need to make some kind of decision on in the next few weeks.

Thanks Again and Happy New Year

[HeyNow]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Opinions On this Article Ref..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Dec 31, 2003

Bueller, I don't think this situation really is about the woman's love for the child (although I am sure she loves her children). The focus point here is "power". She has a strong bond with the child and does not want to share it. If you happen to start bonding with the child then ultimately she will lose a good portion of the "power" she has accumulated throughout the years of raising the child. Of course you have stated your case about having the child's best interests in mind. Objectively this would be benificial to both her and the child. Unfortunately, losing the "power" would be out of the question. In my opinion a single woman that will share her children with a new husband is quite rare. Of course this would entail putting the husband first (Biblical for all you Bible scholars out there). Hence, if the husband is "second" to any other person (or in the man's case: the wife is "second" to any other person) you might as well not get married because you will probably be posting the red flag failure.

[mar33]

... in response to Just my opinion but, let me post this ag..., posted by HeyNow on Dec 31, 2003

Heynow,
   Your post is full of logical thoughts and good advice. Also I agree 110%"If the husband is "second" to any other person, you might as well not be married. Nothing more needs to be said.
  Kiltboy, I pray for you to have to strength to do what you know is right. You really deserve much more than this woman is ever going to give you. You can rarely change people.But you,and only you have the power to change your situation.
   Happy New Year to all. It's been very nice reading this list and seeing so many different personalities come together to share experiences and advice.
           Mark

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Re: Just my opinion but, let me post thi..., posted by mar33 on Dec 31, 2003

Thanks mark

yes,i know what i hve to do . I will make the tough decision .

Thanks for your support as ell as everyone elses

Happy New Year

Andy