What my wife doesn't like about me

[DallasSteve2]

I mentioned below that while there are many things that my wife likes about me, there are at least as many things she doesn't like about me.  Some will not apply to those who will read this, but some are characteristic of many US men.

1 - She doesn't like me to look at other women.  (This is by far her biggest complaint)

2 - She thinks I don't consult her enough on decisions.

3 - She thinks I don't show her enough affection.  She wants me to say things like "Mamacita linda te extrano, te quiero, te amo...".  She reads a lot of romance poetry on the Internet and she would like me to talk to her like those poems (most of which are written by women).

4 - She wants me to give her more surprises (like flowers).  Other guys are always giving her gifts.  No lie.  But they aren't paying for her apartment, her food, her new car, her car insurance, her cellphone, her mother, her clothes, her children's clothes, her children's toys etc. etc.

5 - She thinks I should give her more money (it's never enough, guys).

6 - She's upset that residency is taking so long (part of that was my fault in delaying submitting the forms).

7 - (I hesitate to mention this one) She wants me to make love to her more often.  I know most of you are thinking "I wish I had that problem", but again, with her it's never enough.  And I have to work, too.  She wants me to come home at lunch which I do once in a while.

I can probably think of more later, if anybody cares.

A lot of her frustations are the result of two problems:

1 - She'd rather be in Cali.

2 - She's not working.

Once she get's her green card and get's a job I think things will "normalize" a great deal.  I'm working on number 2.  Which reminds me of the scene in Austin Powers when Mike Myers says "Who does Number 2 work for?" and Tom Arnold says "thats it buddy show that t*rd who's boss"

Steve

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

To the list:

This thread wasn't intended to be about my wife getting gifts from other men, but that seems to be the biggest controversy, so I'll try to clarify why I've tolerated the situation.

1 - The biggest reason is because I think my wife is crazy about me.  I think the reason she doesn't throw the gifts in the trash is mainly because she wants to make me jealous.  She has in fact commented about that to me several times.  But she's always doting on me and being jealous over me, and telling me there are no other men as handsome as me (I don't believe that, but sometimes I think she really believes it).

2 - I don't like the guys who give her gifts because I think it shows a lack of character and disrespect for me and for marriage to be chasing after a married woman.  So I think that if she can get some value out of their gifts and they get nothing but a thinner wallet, some measure of justice has been delivered and I can laugh at those fools.

3 - As far as showing more jealousy, there are two men back in Cali who keep begging her to come back (after 16 months they still pine for her).  They are the jealous types and they showed her more affection than me.  But she wants me.  I sometimes think that if I played "easy to get" and took away the challenge she'd get bored and wouldn't want me anymore.  Plus they're fat and she says they were lousy in bed.

Maybe it's a bad idea for me to tolerate the gifts.  Maybe someday it will lead to something more.  I think one other reason I tolerate them is that if she wants to be with another man I don't want her to be with me.  That simple.  I want her to be here because she wants to be with me and I try to show her love and respect.

Steve

[QuitoMan]

... in response to Why I tolerate the gifts, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 18, 2003

This has been a very interesting post. I do think Cali James has hit the nail on the head when he focuses on why she is receiving gifts.

 Trying to look at it from the point of view of the guys giving the gifts. If I saw a cute looking woman and I felt I was 'getting somewhere' with her ( she'd have to be giving me signs though ) i'd maybe surprise her with a small gift ( nobody ever accused me of being over-generous). If I later found out the girl was married I'd quit right there ( not because i'm over respectful on marriage but because i look for relationships not affairs) although obviously many guys wouldn't. So why do guys chase down married women? Because they think they might get somewhere with them of course - I can't think of one other reason. But they'd only do it if they were getting signs from the girl. Right? The other reason to give presents is as a reward. I don't want to even go there!

I'm glad you can rationalise it Steve. I couldn't in your situation although I'm slightly paranoic. I really, really hope that there is nothing un-toward in your situation - but I suspect you have some nagging doubts and are maybe sounding out the board. I think the jury has returned a resounding "take care! - watch your back!" vote.

[Jersey Mike]

... in response to Why I tolerate the gifts, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 18, 2003

I have to agree with others that her acceptance of romantic gifts & phone numbers is a really bad signal.  My ex (who is not latin - she's eastern European) started doing the same thing - and she got angry at me when I insisted that she stop.  Even though my ex is a beautiful woman, in her native country she was never hit on like she was here, and she was flattered by the attention.  It changed her, I am sorry to say.  (My ex even accepted a phone number from a traffic cop after he had given her a ticket!!!  Of course, the ticket didn't bother her at all - I was the one paying all of her bills.  Like an idiot.)  

Some women who come here have never received the level of attention, flirting, propositions & comeons that they will receive here, especially the attractive ladies.  Many of the women do change - and the change is usually not for the better.  Working won't make it better - it may make it worse

I wish you the best of luck, but watch your back and don't get blindsided.

[jim c]

... in response to Why I tolerate the gifts, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 18, 2003

Well Stevie we now know that she loves you for the fantastic sex. Thats a great basis for an adult relationship. I am sure the others guys are lousey in the rack and you are the greatist Papi. MAN YOU DIDN´T BITE THE HOOK YOU SWALLOWED IT. I think you better re evaluate the situation . I have great difficulty buying "mi amore you are the best and the other guys I only keep around for the regalos".  Never stick with a woman looking to trade up. If I am wrong, I apologize in advance but it don´t sound right to me. Maybe you just past the spinx in that boat without the paddle.  I truely hope I am wrong in my opinion. jimc

[chizz]

... in response to Why I tolerate the gifts, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 18, 2003

I personally would have a problem with her receiving gifts only because to me personally it's very disrespectful. She's a married woman, she shouldn't be taking gifts from men who are interested in her, that's very misleading. She also dots it right in your face, which I think is also disrespectful. You seem to be able to tolerate that, and that's fine for you, but me, i will not be disrespected by any man, or my lady. As far as this making me sound insecure or over-bearing, or jealous. Just think how she would feel if women were giving you gifts, and calling you up, and begging you to take them back. You know she would have a fit, and put a stop to that with a quickness. Just my two cents. take care.
Bryan

[chicagojohn]

... in response to Re: Why I tolerate the gifts, posted by chizz on Dec 18, 2003

Right on Bryan!!  I couldn't agree with you more.

[cancunhound]

... in response to Why I tolerate the gifts, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 18, 2003

I was going to offer a simple solution to all of the issues - just knock her up!  Barefoot and pregnant!  No problems!

It's pretty rare for guys to go chasing after married women with kids, so I always thought anyway - but in your case since your wife already has kids - that blows the theory. She must be irresistible - or she must be doing something to encourage the attention.  I do wonder how the gifts arrive at your doorstep - hopefully not in person!  This is a perplexing scenario that would have Dr. Phil roaring.

I would figure out a way to cause a rift between your wife and her mexican galfriend - she sounds like a devil.  That should be easy to do - a little gossip started can create life lasting grudges between the gals.

[Cali James]

... in response to Why I tolerate the gifts, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 18, 2003

[This message has been edited by Cali James]

Steve, this is just my opinion but I think if a woman is receiving a lot of gifts from different men, she's most likely doing something to encourage the gift giving.  Guys don't just give perfume, jewelry and panties to the hot latina in the apartment upstairs unless some major flirting if not more is going on. Also a wife in love with her husband doesn't take other men's numbers.  I think you're doing some major rationalizing on her behavior.  I wouldn't interpret this in an innocent way if I were you.....

[Fuzzyone]

... in response to Why I tolerate the gifts, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 18, 2003

I would not worry about what these guys have to say or me for that
matter. It is important how you feel about it. as long as she is not having
a affair and loves the heck out of you who cares, but i would toss the
gifts and start giving her more loving.

[hankkh]

... in response to Re: Why I tolerate the gifts, posted by Fuzzyone on Dec 18, 2003

The fact that she tells you about the gifts I think is important. My exAW wife had the same thing but she never mentioned any of it to me. And she had plenty of affairs.

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Re: Why I tolerate the gifts, posted by hankkh on Dec 23, 2003

Very observant.  I noticed that, too.

Steve

[denvermike]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

Oh that´s just being a wife, she probably hasn´t even told you the other half of the list of "proposed changes"

[Fuzzyone]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

Thanks for sharig all this info since I am getting back into the search
stage again. My ex did not ever get gifts from anyone, I think I would
have flipped a long time ago. It was bad enough for me when she just
kept writing other men stating that they were just friends. We all know
what happens with friends and that is what happened to me. I hope
things turn out for you ok, I do not think I would put up very long with
your wife getting gifts from other men, I think I would pay a little visit to
the moron and explain to him the facts of life like a knuckle
sandwhich!!!!

[mar33]

... in response to Re: What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by Fuzzyone on Dec 18, 2003

Steve,
      I remember you had also mentioned besides the gifts, she has lots of guys giving her phone #'s.
    I think you two need to communicate and ask her how exactly these guys get a chance to give her their phone #'s. Every guy here knows if a woman does not want to take their phone number, they will tell you they are married or have a boyfriend and then blow you off.
   But for men to be giving her phone #'s, it does indicate that somehow through communication they thought she would call.
    She should automatically refuse any phone number,because though she may have no intention of calling, it does make some men think she may be open to an affair,which will make them have little respect for her husband.
   If she does not give these men any incentive at all by flirting or taking phone #'s, I'm sure most would leave her alone after awhile.
    There are guys on this list with beautiful wives and fiance's. I wonder how many have as many problems with other men giving their wives gifts and phone numbers.
    Though I believe your wife is sincerely in love with you. She may be egging these other men on to make you jealous and get a reaction. It seems she likes a little too much  attention from the opposite sex which can eventually lead to trouble.
   Really, how would she like it if you allowed women to give you their phone #'s instead of saying, "I'm flattered but I can't. I'm married".

     Mark