Things that you don't know you don't know

[QuitoMan]

Another thing. A guy I know, 55 yrs old, just got married to a 30 year younger Latina down here. I went on his batchelor night and my girls went to his girl's hen night. That's what we call them in the UK anyway. We went shooting pool and then ended up at a nightclub. I was hoping he wouldn't do anything or be persuaded to do anything as I thought he might regret it the next day - feel his wedding day was tainted or something. The 5 of us did nothing except chat to the girls and I was glad of that.

 So imagine my surprise when my girl arrives home to say that there had been strippers at there party and the bride to be had given one of the strippers a blow*j. (some of the other girls got 'scared' and ran out of the room)

 What can you say? 55yr old guy crazy in love with 26 yr old women. He knows nothing - never even would suspect. Not much respect there on her part. I know her a little and it's all a money thing with her
in my opinion.

 He's putting her through university here. He thinks she will look after him when he retires. What do you think?

Like Donald Rumsfield once said - its the things you don't know that you don't know that are the really dangerous unknowns.

 But to all the newbies on the board - always remember that bad news travels faster and further than good news. There are sweet girls in SA who aren't after your wallet - and who aren't jealous. But be realistic - 30 year age gaps are asking for trouble in the majority of cases.

[chicagojohn]

... in response to Things that you don't know  you don't kn..., posted by QuitoMan on Dec 19, 2003

I see this post ALL TOO OFTEN AND HEAR THIS SAME STORY SO MUCH!!!...Why are so many guys in dreamland and in denial about all of this stuff. I have been to Costa Rica a few times and love it down there. It is a great place to party and meet many Colombianas, Nicas, Ticas, Panama girls, etc. etc. but.....

An example,
I met this sweet little tica a few weeks ago in a gift shop in San Jose who is telling me all about the boyfriends she has/has had from all over the world. They were from everywhere!!! She is only 18!! No doubt in my mind when they visit she is hanging out with them for the trip to the beach, clothes and the money involved yet she really was attractive and fun to talk too. This is so typical of many of these girls. Do guys really think that you are the only persons these girls are talking too? Many, many, many of these girls are playing all the wife chasers like fiddles!!! The fact that this chick in your post was so bold enough to give the stripper a blow job so easily in front of people tells me this girl had to have been sending so many other red flags up and they were probably just ignored. This type of person doesn't go from angel to deceitful, cunning, evil, etc. over night....

Then there are the definite hardcore hookers that are posing as girlfriends to guys that visit Colombia, Costa Rica, Panama, etc. that have so many gringos absolutely fooled. They have multitudes of guys sending them money, buying them houses, paying for tuition, cars, cell phones, babies diapers, etc, etc. etc. I have seen in the past a girl on one of these mail order bride sites looking for her dream man. Then I see naked pictures of the same girl (definetly the same girl) parading around some hotel room as a prostitute on one of these male travel websites.

Many latinas are warm, beautiful, fun etc. but how come this same story is always repeating itself? The fact that so many gringos keep getting burned by the ones that are con artists tells me there is probably some deeper type of character flaw in so many gringos because they remain in denial about what they are actually pursuing. When it comes to women, pretty much all men have weak spots....but the crap I see guys ignoring and doing for many latinas, or even american girls, is not from a weak spot!!!... it is because the gringos are being pathetic, weak, and in denial!!!!!!

[QuitoMan]

... in response to Re: Things that you don't know  you don'..., posted by chicagojohn on Dec 21, 2003

...on the weakspots of the men. The first thing 90% of guys will go through is the Candy shop deal. It's inevitable.
And like you say there's loads of women ranging from hookers on the job and off the job thru' good-time-girls who'll accompany a guy everywhere for a few treats to genuine girls who find us foreign guys as exotic as we find the latin girls. No big deal as long as guys realise that they are 'in that stage'.
  When I was in the club I mentioned I got talking to the girl who inevitably comes and sits at your side. She had been married to a Swiss guy and living in Switzerland - but he lost all his money on the Nasdaq crash. She said he became unbearable to live with and she left him. Maybe she left him because he had no more money. He asked her to go and live in Cali where he is now, she refused. Anyway she has a daughter and she made it abundantly clear that the only thing she is looking for is money to look after her daughter. But she plans to go to the US or Switzerland to live. I asked her what sort of guy she was looking for - and she said a rich guy.
  Now you'd not be too surprised to hear all that from a hooker. But the point is that if you met her in a bar or anywhere but her workplace she seems quite sweet, she's was charming and she'd sure as hell like to get her claws into you if you have some money.
 So always, always get to know the family, the friends. Ask lots of questions if she's not available to take phonecalls at night-time etc.

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to a bit harsh maybe..., posted by QuitoMan on Dec 21, 2003

What a great gal!

Reminds me of a joke the late Sam Kennison told once.  He said he met a girl and he liked her a lot so he ran through all his savings in about 6 months trying to impress her.  After his bank account was empty she came to him and said "Sam, there's something missing in our realtionship."  He replied "It wouldn't happen to the THE CASH, WOULD IT?"  She left.

Steve

[lometogo]

... in response to a bit harsh maybe..., posted by QuitoMan on Dec 21, 2003

Men trade money for beauty; women trade beauty for security. It's often the way of the world and not too unfair a trade as long as you recognize it's happening.

[mudd]

... in response to Things that you don't know  you don't kn..., posted by QuitoMan on Dec 19, 2003

pretty sad story, did anybody tell the poor guy that his soon to be wife isnt exactly what he thinks she is.i would want someone to tell me!!!!!

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Things that you don't know  you don'..., posted by mudd on Dec 19, 2003

If it was my girl I would want to know.  The problem is sometimes they shoot the messenger.  If you tell him he's going to ask her and she's probably going to deny it.  Who's he going to believe?  Probably the woman he loves.

There were many times I thought I had the goods on my ex-wife.  She would deny it and if I wasn't buying her explanation then she would seduce me.  Game over.

Steve

[QuitoMan]

... in response to Wish I didn't know now what I didn't kno..., posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 20, 2003

I'd want to know as well but i'm not into being the shot messenger either. I found this out the next morning - the morning of his wedding. I actually like the guy alot and she is very personable too - but we are not great mates or anything. So if i'd said something he could have ignored me and gone ahead; asked her and she would have denied it; and then he'd have had these nasty thoughts in his head all during the day.
 Truth is for most of us we don't live drama off a film set, especially not on the morning of our wedding. I guess if i knew him better/longer and had seen a pattern develop over a period of time then i'd have said something to him over a beer sometime before.
  Also he's been with her 7 years - i think he has turned a blind eye to her negative points and accepts the positives. I think that some of the things he accepts are not so much red flags but akin to blaring, flashing, 'get-out-of-here-before-this-place-blows-up' alarms. His deal.

[Cali vet]

... in response to Re: Wish I didn't know now what I didn't..., posted by QuitoMan on Dec 20, 2003

I think you did the right thing by not ruining his wedding day. Just tell him not to buy any big ticket items since he'll lose half in the divorce which he will initiate when he catches on to the likely near future infidelity. Seven years? Wow thats a long time to keep your eyes shut!

[QuitoMan]

... in response to Poor bastard.., posted by Cali vet on Dec 20, 2003

yes, blinded by love and probably good sex - thinking he couldn't get anything better elsewhere - but he's so so wrong. I saw a picture of her when she was 19 - complete and utter stunner. Now she's about 25 lbs heavier - still pretty, witty, intelligent and charming - but can it compensate for her defects - he probably thinks so. I disagree. She's not Ecuadorian by the way, not that it is too relevant - of course there must be loads of such women in every country.

 But this deal about Latinas being sweeter than AW or european women is a complete fallacy as far as i'm concerned. There are sweet women down here but its all down to character - a person is sweet or isn't sweet - from birth. A guy has guts and is courageous or he isn't - from birth. Character can be changed by the environment - its an influence - but the above story shows its possible for Latin women to act like AW in Latin America - they don't need to go to live in the USA to change - they can change right here :-)

But she had that in her character anyway. So guys need to find a women and then get to know her real well before committing - to avoid these situations. Afterall, most of us getting married in our own country live with someone first to find out what they are like etc - why should it be any different with Latin women?

 In lieu of living with the women then several visits are necesary. Even more so if there is a language barrier.

[mar33]

... in response to Blinded by love and good sex, posted by QuitoMan on Dec 20, 2003

Quitoman,
       I agree with you that charecter is usually from birth,and the fact that all foreign women are sweet and Aw not is a myth.
  Most women of any country will be sweet to a man they think has lots of money, or is perceived as special to them and the people around them. Even young AW will be nice to the guy they think is rich no matter how old or plain he is.
   I remember my first trip to Costa Rica. I met some really nice people who thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. I felt like a celebrity and the ladies were there in abundance. Then a couple of years later, one of the girls I had met came here(and stayed illegally on a student VISA) that same girl who had been sweet as pie turned materialistic really quick once there was oppurtunity. Soon,her perception of me changed. I was not the "Special gringo" to everyone around anymore, just average guy blending in with all the other gringoes in the U.S..
    People say some of the guys travelling get the kid in the candy store syndrome when abroad. Nice guys turn into players. I think it was in these guys charecter to begin with. But given little oppurtunity at home in the U.S., those guys have no choice but to be "nice". But when they are in another country,their true nature comes out. Just like a woman's nature can once she has oppurtunity.
   I think it is smart to go in this realistically and understand there are no "special" women in x country. Just like I would advice foreign women AM are not ALL special and nice either.Both sides need to beware and really know each other well before taking the leap.
  Mark

[QuitoMan]

... in response to Re: Blinded by love and good sex, posted by mar33 on Dec 21, 2003

it almost makes sense to search for a latina who has been in the States for a coupl,e of years - at least you know what you are getting

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Blinded by love and good sex, posted by QuitoMan on Dec 20, 2003

Shallow guy that I am your comment about her looks caught my attention.  "when she was 19 - complete and utter stunner. Now she's about 25 lbs heavier - still pretty"

To me my ex was a complete stunner at 21 when I met her, but she had just a hint of chubbiness.  One guy on LWL thought her description sounded familiar.  We exchanged details and it was the same girl.  He told me he met her a year before me and when I showed him her current photo he said "She looked a little chubby when I met her and chubbier still in your photo.  In 5 years she'll be a cow."  

He may be right.  My wife's 29 and after 2 children she's still slender and her tubes have been tied.  I'd like to seem them both in 5 and 10 years.

Steve

[QuitoMan]

... in response to Re: Blinded by love and good sex, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 20, 2003

Alejandra has put on 8 kilos since the birth of our child. I still love her but prefer the old shape - she's in the gym anyway - I need to get there myself