Georgina

[stefang]

Georgina I just wanted to know what you think about the below post and crazy Latina jealousy. What is your take, you seem to be our only Latin woman posting?

[Georgina]

... in response to Georgina, posted by stefang on Dec 10, 2003

I read stuff like the post below and I am amazed of all the crap you take from your Latino wives. Quite a few of you are 10 years or much older than your wives, so I guess you are thankful she married you, even though she treats you like that.

I thought you were looking for a partner in life and to be happy. However, many of you live in a love-hate (?) relationship. Weren't you looking south, because you want something different than what an AW can offer you?

As I see it, others are willing to put up with all that crap, because their wives’ crazy jealously is flattering for them.

However, another reason why you accept it could be that you want to be supportive and understandable of her feelings, but you have to put a stop to it and set limits.

From my point of view, the crazy Latino jealously is part of the culture. The macho culture we have in most countries in South America. I have friends that are very jealous and go crazy if their boyfriends look at another women. One of my friends beat her boyfriend up in a public bathroom, because he was talking to other women. They are not a couple anymore. If I look at their backgrounds, my friends’ fathers were men who have another women on the side or as children their fathers didn’t provide that paternal support all children need. As children my friends didn’t get that self-esteem that fathers are supposed to provide. So even if your wife is a knock out and a good wife in all the other respects, her self-esteem is so low that she uses jealously as her only way to control what you do or feel. In this case I think, what your wife need is professional help. She can’t help herself. You can’t help her.

In other cases, it just depends of how sooner you react. It can be cute in the beginning. Don’t wait until things get as bad as they have gotten for Steve or Freddie. If you are truly an honest man and don’t have anything to be ashamed of, tell your wife or girlfriend just the truth that you are not going to put up with her jealously and she has the door open if she is not happy with it. Set boundaries. Your mail is your mail. It is private. Your phone messages are your private stuff. You are losing her respect. She is getting to be your owner, not your partner. Giving away all your private stuff is not going to make her happy. She just will be wondering were you are hiding the imaginary love letter to the “other women” and that will drive her even crazier.

Those crazy cycle Bad Attitude/Fight/Being Mad/Discussion/Repenting/ Forgiveness/Happy Home/Bad Attitude/Fight. That is going to kill your marriage in the long or short term. That is not happiness, that is masochism.  You can seat and wait or do something about it.

I really believe most of you are giving everything to make this work and you got a loving wife who left her country to be with you, but you are giving a lot too. It is time she acknowledges that and treats you with respect. If you are a good husband you deserve respect and love.

[mar33]

... in response to You asked for it, posted by Georgina on Dec 11, 2003

[This message has been edited by mar33]

Georgina,
     that was a very good and thoughful post. Great advice given, though I think a lot of guys will not pay attention. Obssesive jealousy is not about love, you are correct, it is about low self esteem. A person(man or woman, should realize it is not about the fact she loves you so much that makes her crazy with jealousy. She will react that way with any man she dates.
         I know many women who are very beautiful and single. Why? Because most guys when they dig deeper realize those wome have issues and leave. On the other hand, I know a few guys who purposely seek out pretty girls with low self esteem issues,and because these girls are needy use it to their advantage.
            Someone mentioned Tom Lykus. I've listened a few times.I have no respect for him.He is a  radio personality who claims any guy can get a hot young girl if he can figure out the ones with low self esteem. He advices seeking women who had issues with their fathers because the ones most likely to be easy to manipulate. Then he advices ways to make their self esteem even lower,that way she will have very low expectations of any man in her life and just be grateful anybody wants her.
             He also advices to never spend more than $40.00 on a woman, do not buy gifts or send flowers.If a woman does not sleep with you right away, do not go out with her again.He swears these techniques work with gorgeous women,but never to marry these women because they will make your life hell.
    He has plenty of listeners and some who follow his rules to the tee. Many of the guys will call in and brag about how they are  making some pretty girls self-esteem even lower by  controlling her with the Lykus technique(probably a lot of bull). I guess the point is to try to put as many people in therapy as possible.But I think a guy who truly believes he has to play with a person's mind is the one with the real self-esteem issues. It is rather sad American dating society has reached a point where men and women use each other for a confidence boost.
     Though a lot of the AM seem to be dealing with wives  who have self esteem issues, I do give them kudos for trying to be the one to raise her self esteem with love and reassurance.
   
         Mark

[stefang]

... in response to You asked for it, posted by Georgina on Dec 11, 2003

Thanks for the response Georgina. Actually I am not married yet and my girlfriend is not the crazy jealous type like these guys were writing. It is nice to get a perspective from a woman like you who came from South America.

[Freddie]

... in response to You asked for it, posted by Georgina on Dec 11, 2003

Last night we had "the talk", again, this time after not talking for 2 days.

Of course she admits she needs to curtail her over-reacting to many things and her tendancy to act immature at times.

I reminded her we've had this conversation a number of times. We'll just have to see how long it lasts this time.

The thing is she's really a great person. Beautiful, keeps in shape, fun to be with and absolutely loves me (go figure), etc.

I guess I just need to give her more affection to reassure her she's the only one for me. She does seem to stay in a better mood after she's had a night of bliss.

Oh, well, there goes my late-night computer time.

[greg]

... in response to You asked for it, posted by Georgina on Dec 11, 2003

that Guys allow these Foreigner Women to use them as Door Mats, bending over backward to make her happy. I thought Guys go out of America seeking a better Woman than what Guys can find here, not something the same or Worst. Guys need to put their foot down, not too late. Maybe Guys feel Lucky getting sex from their Bossy Women..Keep in mind that She's not gonna punish herself by withholding sex.

[JSlo]

... in response to You asked for it, posted by Georgina on Dec 11, 2003

Very good post. I especially agree with the following statement wholeheartedly:

"As children my friends didn’t get that self-esteem that fathers are supposed to provide. So even if your wife is a knock out and a good wife in all the other respects, her self-esteem is so low that she uses jealously as her only way to control what you do or feel. In this case I think, what your wife need is professional help. She can’t help herself. You can’t help her".

I always find out the relationship of a woman to her father, I know without exception this defines her views of men in general. If there is hatred or a tenuous relationship with the father you must proceed with caution.
Well said, you should consider charging some of these blokes for private sessions. ;-)
J

[chizz]

... in response to You asked for it, posted by Georgina on Dec 11, 2003

Amen!!!! Very well said.