Cali report 3

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Got to get out of this f- -king ..., posted by jim c on Dec 3, 2003

.. good old nuckin futz?

- Jeff

[Zorrowins]

... in response to Re: Re: Got to get out of this f- -king ..., posted by jim c on Dec 3, 2003

Hi!
Yes, I am somewhat Obsessive! Now why I think Pete's soon to be ex is perhaps a Narcissist or definately not hitting on all cylinders - (1) The lady has NO way to support herself in which she has become acustomed (2) she has her son to consider (3) her attitude is going to cost her big time when her meal ticket says adios. So let's assume she's NORMAL and doesn't love Pete. Many women would simply have an affair and PRETEND to love their spouse. They would consider all they stand to lose and the welfare of their child. However, an individual with a personality disorder wouldn't act normally. Narcissit's are know for magical thinking. I think she's nuts personallly from what I've read. Just my opinion.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Got to get out of this f- -king ..., posted by jim c on Dec 3, 2003

Jim,
A bi Polar,is that a white bear that is a switch hitter?
Nice way of saying manic depressive,which you might figure out what it meant if you didn't know.Just like our winos are now "homeless persons" like they didn't have anything to do with it.
I appreciate all imput but don't think NPD is the issue with my wife( I could be wrong ).She just doesn't love me.If she did everything would be fine I think.
I promise to quit whining when I hit Cali,although maybe I should continue to take you up on your offer? Naw,I can find the place by myself.
See you in Cali.I really do have a sense of humor.We could have some laughs about this over our Cervesas.

Pete

[DavidMN]

... in response to Re: Re: Got to get out of this f- -king ..., posted by jim c on Dec 3, 2003

Zorro -

I'm beginning to get the same impression as JimC. I realize you're trying to help, but if the woman with NPD is out of your life and Pete's wife is about to be out of his life, what's the point of bringing up the same arm chair/non-professional diagnosis again and again? Reminds me of the saying, "if the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail."

As a general comment (not directed at you), I'm somewhat bemused by the whole personality disorder industry. There's no doubt some people have serious problems, but since it's very difficult to pinpoint a medical/chemical cause, they don't get classified as legitimate diseases. As a result everyone's an expert, meaningful peer review is lacking and anyone with a masters or doctor's in philospy from a third rate school can set up website, create a video, write a book and get on the self help gravy train.

-David

[buster40]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Got to get out of this NPD s..., posted by DavidMN on Dec 3, 2003

NPD is the new rage diagnosis.  It's like ADD was a few years ago.  Everyone is talking about it and pointing fingers at each other.  It's an especially good diagnosis for grumpy old dads who leave you out of the will or for mother-in-laws that make your life miserable...or for those times when you just don't feel like inviting your 75 year old parents over for Thanksgiving because you don't want to spend the day listening about thier illnesses....."hey! my old man is a jerk, he's NPD"  It's like Dr. Phil.....it's everywhere!  I just wish Dr. Phil would go away.

[DavidMN]

... in response to NPD, it's hip, posted by buster40 on Dec 3, 2003

I had no idea. I need to get the flu or something so I can stay at home and watch daytime TV.  ;-)

I hope they don't start prescribing medication for the NPD epidemic (as often happens with ADD). Pretty soon, between ADD, NPD and Zoloft/Paxil/Prozac getting prescribed for everything from normal social nervousness/anxiety to pre-menstrual syndrome, we're gonna' be a nation of zombies.

-Grumpy old David

[Zorrowins]

... in response to Re: Got to get out of this f- -king situ..., posted by Zorrowins on Dec 3, 2003

  http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html

[Zorrowins]

... in response to NPD Site, posted by Zorrowins on Dec 3, 2003

  http://www.drirene.com/female_nar.htm

[luvslife]

... in response to Got to get out of this f- -king situatio..., posted by Pete E on Dec 2, 2003

Why are you letting this lady piss down your leg.  She is not showing you any respect and you seem to be putting up with it. Put the house up for sale, and short sell it.  If there is no money left, she will move on.  She has no motivation to move on now.  For her to give out your home number to another man, she has no respect for you at all.  Don't be her fool any longer, do something to protect yourself in this situation, if need be go out and get a shark lawyer to rip her a new ahole.  It is time to quit suffering for a love that is long gone.

It would also make alot more sense to put an end to your current situation before going to Cali and dragging some unsuspecting you lady into this drama.  You are not going to help yourself be running.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Got to get out of this f- -king situ..., posted by luvslife on Dec 2, 2003

The divorce is filed.Its over as far as I'm concerned,I just need to get out of here.Being around her is the problem.I would take alot to get her out of the house so I am leaving.Whats to stay for?
As far as dragging some unsuspecting lady in to this,I think I can get my head out of it real fast if I don't have to see her all the time.And a new lady would help.I'm ready to move on,I just need to do that literally now.
I don't care what she does if I don't have to watch.

Pete

[bigbdm4]

... in response to Got to get out of this f- -king situatio..., posted by Pete E on Dec 2, 2003

Wow, that is a horror story of the first magnitude.  I am sure that I am not the only one here who feels for you, and we all wish that we could do something more than post lousy postings, crummy words, to help you.  I know how you feel, unfortunately, and knowing how you feel, I want to tell you that it is not, contrary to what you are thinking at this moment, the end of the world.  Like the Beatles song, life goes on within you.  YOUR life will go on, if you let it, and as a grad in philosophy, I am here to say that you can learn from it.  They say that man learns by pain.

Here is my offering, I hope it can be well received here.  Please let us consider what it means to be husband and wife.  

1)  No secrets and totally free and open with one another
2)  Complete loyalty, never even a thought of another partner
3)  Forgive, because then you will be forgiven, yourself
4)  Try to understand the other person, even if that takes the rest of your life.
5)  Dedication to the relationship
6)  Share the life you are blessed to have
7)  Share the shames and sorrows you are just as blessed to have
 Think of money as a fruit that ripens and rots, lives and dies, comes and goes, and is something you can make if you want to, but not something worth fighting about
9)  The body is nice, but it is not the heart, and love is from the heart, so overlook the physical and focus on the heart, the spirit of the person
10)  Once you commit, there is no going back, so before you commit, make sure you are doing the right thing.  If you are in doubt, don't commit, and if you are committed, don't doubt.

Well, I could go on, but those ten will get you far enough down the path to truth that you will be happy for a long time.  Send me a message if you want more.

Big B

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Got to get out of this f- -king situ..., posted by bigbdm4 on Dec 2, 2003

Thanks Brian,
Good list.And I was willing to do all of that and take that approach.She was not,particulary  numbers one and two.So there was nothing to work with.She was never open,honest or loyal.Particularly not open.Not at all.And definetly not dedicated to the relationship.
Way overdue to move on here.4 days to airplane time.

Pete

[MJR]

... in response to Got to get out of this f- -king situatio..., posted by Pete E on Dec 2, 2003

How can you get upset. You are essentially doing the same thing by going to Cali in search of another.  Things sound quite hypocritical here.  It sounds like you treated this more like a business relationship than personal.  It sounds like you actually EXPECTED a tangable return on actual capital spent.  I would think that we surely know that you can't buy love.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Got to get out of this f- -king situ..., posted by MJR on Dec 2, 2003

Well I am not seeking someone else while I am living with her.But I will definetly,shortly.I think you need to physically get out of the situation before getting involved with other people.
As far as buying love.Your right.But what you can bring to the relationship,including financial resources is important.It can result in a better life.You better believe the fact that gringos can offer a better life and opportunity has alot to do with why we are sought after in Colombia.But you have to find someone that can love you.
And I put my whole heart in to this also,gave it every thing I had,not just money.Thats whats hurts.

Pete

[moam]

... in response to Re: Got to get out of this f- -king situ..., posted by MJR on Dec 2, 2003

MJR
Welcome to the board!
Now that you have arrived to the parade late, you missed the begining and you are seeing the horses *ss as the parade ends. Pete is a stand up guy, hang around for awhile, you'll see.
Again, welcome.