Cali report 3

[MJR]

... in response to Re: Re: Got to get out of this f- -king ..., posted by moam on Dec 2, 2003

Boys, actually I've been around awhile(18 months+-observing,2 months registered) and I pretty much know what is going on.  I realize Pete has many friends here and will defend him to the end,which is OK. I am not trying to discredit him or defend his wife.  I just know there are ALWAYS two sides, I choose to be objective and not single-minded in my thoughts.  I have been in too many situations where people assume things.  I have been guilty myself.  I didn't like the situation it put me in and I came to realize it was very unfair for me to do the same.  Now, you might say you know the situation as it has unfolded. Have you talked personally to Petes wife?  I'm not knocking Pete. What I am seeing is "What's good for the goose is not good for the gander." I'm sure Pete is a fine person.  Many men would not have would not have accepted and or provided for his step-son as Pete says he has.  I understand step-children are rarely accepted by the the male in the latin countries.  I understand Petes frustrations in working so hard and providing so much only to come to an undesirable ending, but as I said earlier there are two sides.  I just think it is very unfair to speak so maliciously about Petes wife(they are still married) without actually being a fly on the wall.  Now, before you bash me and tell me you know his wifes side.  Look in the mirror and be truthful to yourself.  To Pete, good luck to you and your future.

[jim c]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Got to get out of this f- -k..., posted by MJR on Dec 2, 2003

Welcome mjr

    I agree with you totally and if you look back a month you are repeating exactly what I said to Pete then. He knows better but is locked in the compulsive behavior of a break up. He just cannot ignore her behavior or the heartache of having wasted his time,love and money on a woman who did not reciprocate. He is trying not to be bitter but with all the help he gets from the loco loro coro his anger and remorse is kept going. I think it is best he leaves and takes his mind off the past. If I see any more of his maudilin posts from Cali I will hunt him down and drag him to flores fresca. jim c

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Got to get out of this f..., posted by jim c on Dec 3, 2003

Jim,
Other people have suggested thats what I need also.
I just need to get out of here.Usually its OK,but then it gets to me sometimes.
I'm starting to feel really strange about actually leaving,but I will.Its a big move,even not considering her.

Pete

[jim c]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Got to get out of th..., posted by Pete E on Dec 3, 2003

PETE
    I understand how you feel. Two years ago I rented my house stored my furniture and moved to Cali. I was totally unprepared. I did not speak Spanish did not know my way around and was totally dependant on my novia . Hearing every one speaking and not understanding what was being said about me led me into jealousy and paranoia. My novia felt she had inherited another child. Her respect went down hill from there. Add a spoiled jealeous child and it was over in 6 months.

    If you are on line for advice, here it is,MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND SPANISH!!!!! HOW CAN YOU COURT A WOMAN YOU CAN'T SPEAK TO. SECONDLY IF YOU CAN SPEAK, YOUR OPTIONS AND CHOICES IN LATIN WOMEN INCREASE ASTRONOMICALY.

    Take care of your problems at home, so that you are not constantly bothered by the unattended issues. You will have no control over your life in the midst of a divorce. All agreements will change when your wife retains a lawyer the lawyer will act in her best interest much to your astonishment in what it can cost you. You could be reponsible for rehabilitative alimony, which could make you responsible for re education and job training. I have no idea what your pension is based on but most including Military are subject to court order the exception being medical disabilities.

   My apartment will be available in January and is walking distance from Carre Four in Ciudad Jardin.The rent is 440,000 pesos plus utilities, unfurnished. Thats about two hundred a month. A great, safe neighborhood  and a great price. I would not become involved in an expensive lease at this time as you don't really know what is going to happen in the next few months. A five minute cab ride away, in Pance, is Javieriana University which has a special accelerated spanish course for foreigners. You can't spend your life on Avenida sexta and need something to do in the daytime. If you are intent on moving to Colombia start small until you are sure. Hell the lease for a year would only be $2,400. The south is safer and quieter but there is only Latin Internet. Once you find a Novia it will not matter where the agencies are and the ladies are impressed with that Barrio. JIM

[thundernco]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Got to get out o..., posted by jim c on Dec 3, 2003

Jim,

How many bedrooms, details.  May have a good person for you.
Thanks, TNC

[jim c]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Got to get o..., posted by thundernco on Dec 3, 2003

THIS IS A POST I SENT TO PETE ABOU THE APARTMENT
a note about the apartment. It is on a dead end street just around the corner from the little police station by the bridge in Cuidad Jardin. Carre Four is two short blocks You could walk to Unicentro but I never do. If you walk over the bridge to the south. There is a small strip mall with a good mexican restaurant, a beauty parlor, a butcher shop, a new seafood restaurant , a dry cleaners as well as a local grocery store. In the block there are two Pizza places a ventolini and across the street a block down, a Brazilian restaurant.

   The apartment has a seperate entrance and is on the second floor of a nice home. It  has one large bedroom with two baths , a small kitchen and decent sized living room and dining area. The floors are marble composite and it has large windows with cross ventilation. There is no air conditioning but I always found that a floor fan was sufficient. Because the street is a dead end there is no foot traffic and it is very quiet. The land lord is a retired Revlon executive with two daughters and a son they are very high class and nice people.

The apartment is perfect for a single guy everything is nearby including the hospital Valle Lili which is behind Carre Four. If you haven't been there, Carre Four has everything from imported prosciutto and fresh squeezed orange juice to bicycles. It is a French firm and has pastries to die for.

   I don't even know if they will rent to you. They are very concerned about who they share their home with. The oldest daughter speaks english and is georgeous. No one has ever complained about the different women that I had as visitors. So thats not a problem. I think it is a better solution than renting something for eight hundred a month or more. furnished apartments are very expensive but furniture is cheap. I will warn you though he will not allow you to sublet It is his home.  You can enroll in language school  at javierana and the cab fare is about 5000 pesos. The neighborhood is one of the most prestigeous in Cali. JIM

[thundernco]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Got to g..., posted by jim c on Dec 5, 2003

If there's any interest I'll get back to you.  Thanks again. -TNC

[Ralph]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Got to get out o..., posted by jim c on Dec 3, 2003

I just now realized that Pete was married to a latina and doesn't speak spanish? I could have sworn in your cartegena report you looked for an english speaking cab driver?

If you wind up living in Colombia and speak spanish, what on earth would one need an agency for?

[jim c]

... in response to Some good points!, posted by Ralph on Dec 3, 2003

I am not totally confident with my spanish although some there say I speak it well. I have a driver-translator to make things easier doing business and finding my way around in Cartagena. Agencies create shortcuts for older guys in my opinion. Not all Latinas welcome advances by the "over the hill gang" I just remember not knowing how to buy anything or even how to get a taxi when I first went to Cali. jimc

[Pete E]

... in response to Some good points!, posted by Ralph on Dec 3, 2003

Even if you speak spanish the agency offers girls that really want to meet gringos.Yes others do to I'm sure,but what % of the ladies?
So if you think you will go to the mall and hit on women,many will already be married or with someone.Many,believe it or not,won't want anything to do with you.So maybe 10% of the women you see,ands thats probably high,will be interested and available.So if you can handle strike outs 90% of the time go for it.Some of you may do better.Some of you may only fantasise doing better.For all the talk of this I have never heard one success story from that method,although I'm sure we have them.
I liked the agency scene.It was quick and efficient.We were both there because we wanted to meet someone that both of us were a possible candidate for.No small talk,no approach lines,not much rejection.Yes,I don't like rejection.I know I missed alot of women in life by not be more assertive and less afraid of rejection,but that was where I was with it.
A friend told me onetime his friend would proposition at least 3 women a day for sex.He got turned down allmost all the time,but the few successes made it worthwhile.Sounds like being a jerk to me.
I know,if you live there or can spend lots of time there is the possibility of meeting girls outside the agency through friends and other situations.
Yes spanish is very valuable.And for most of us so are the agencies.

Pete

[Ralph]

... in response to Spanish = sure success ?, posted by Pete E on Dec 3, 2003

Dude, if you strike out 90% of the time in Cali or any LA city, it is time to hang it up!

You say you have not heard one success story that happened without an agency? That is silly. You are on a board devoted to agencys! You haven't gotten out much in the real world. My buddy has been married 4 years to a Dominicana he met at the Pizza place she worked at. My novia's sister is married to a gringo in Ct she met at a disco. I know another guy on long island married 5 years to a dominican he met at a club.

These are people I know personally. Not people met online on a forum that is basically to discuss agencies. I could name a TON more and you know what? Out of all the people I know that met through "normal" circumstances, where the marriage didn't work out. .  . . .none of them were "horror stories". Nobody was scammed. Nobody married someone they didn't love etc etc etc.

So you think it was smart that you met your ex with no "small talk", "no pick up lines"? No COURTSHIP? No GETTING TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER? NO speaking the SAME language? You say you both wanted to "meet someone". Maybe, but not for the same reasons.

Meeting a lady that wants to marry YOU is way better than one that wants to marry a gringo and since you are a gringo . . . . . . . .

As for agencies being valuable. Most people say agencies are valuable because they were under time constraints. The only person I have seen say agencies are valuable when they will be spending all of their time in LA was . . . . .  .you;-)

If you are just out to have a good time, more power to ya, if not, take some time and think a bit. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting the results to be different is. . . . .

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Got to get out o..., posted by jim c on Dec 3, 2003

Here's a thought - Pete E could offer free English lessons to single attractive women (photo required of course)?  Hell, he'd be learning Spanish in the process.  Hmmm, a simple ad placed in El-Pais....

PS - jim c, good info about the EFE program at Javeriana - I did not realize Cali had anything of that quality.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Got to get out o..., posted by jim c on Dec 3, 2003

Jim,
Yeah I know I need to learn more spanish.When I was there the first time living at Latin Love kind of shielded me,so many options with no spanish.Plus my wife spoke some english when I met her so its always been english when we talk.
Tell me about the apartment.I like Ciudad Jardine but everyone says be in the north where everything is happening.Also there is a furnished place I am going to check out.Buying furniture could complicate moving on if I decide to.And I had thought really going for a luxury pad might soften any feelings of what am I doing here?
There is a name for the catagory my pension is in,I forget it.Everyone says its untouchable except maybe by the IRS.Even at the  Panama offshore conference a guy gave a presentation on is your pension secure?He said I was fine,no problem.There was a federal law passed protecting this type of pension.If I am wrong,that could be a big problem.
You can mail me directly at peiguren@aol.com if you want.

Pete

[Ralph]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Got to get o..., posted by Pete E on Dec 3, 2003

Spanish is very important. Even though my ex and I planned to live in the states, we spoke spanish at home. My spanish was better than her english and even if it wasn't I would have contonued to learn spanish etc. My spanish is FAR from perfect gramatically etc, but I can get my point across in most any situation. Having a letter translated to tell your wife you want a divorce is not a very good sign!

[Pete E]

... in response to spanish, posted by Ralph on Dec 4, 2003

The letter was just reality.I needed to be more accurate than either of our language skills.This was 7 months after we were married.If I just wanted to say "I want a divorce" I could have done that.But it was a long letter telling her why and the options.I don't think that would have gotten fully understood trying to talk,english or spanish.Actually not by a mile.
My wifes english from the start has been better than my spanish,and increasingly better as she has learned english,but even now I discover she did not understand something I explained to her many times.If we were trying to talk in spanish it would be much worse,because my spanish is.
I admit I have been lazy.I have a couple good excuses.She has to learn english since she lives here.She is way ahead of wifes who's husbands speak spanish,it has made her work on english more.Our communication is better than most of them because her english is better than these guys spanish.
But mostly I missed an opportunity to work on my spanish,which now I will have to.I don't think we would talk in spanish even if I knew alot more since the level of mutual understanding is much higher in english.And I paid alot of money getting her english lessons,including 2 years with a private tutor and several months in a private school,in addition to the public school training she got,which was not very good.She needed it.Mostly this was before she started working,so that was her job,learn english,I told her you need thatr first before you can get a job.My job  was to make money for our needs.
Now I need spanish and will probably hire a private tutor in Cali.

Pete