... in response to About Love, posted by Pete E on Nov 15, 2003I wrote this post below earlier this year on the Asian Board in response to another post by I believe Mr. surfscum (gotta love that handle)(smile).
I think it is a good subject to talk about because the bottom line is that marriage is really about Love between two people. Maybe by focusing and thinking and talking about "what is Love" we may be able to be more successful in our marriages. I often think about how can I try to love my wife more or I try to look at whether an action I am comtemplating is going to benefit myself or her. Am I unselfishly willing for the good of her??
My definition of Love is"
Love is the unselfish willing of the good of another....
There is Sonnett 116 which I explain below and also many people look to these words of wisdom that have been attributed to Saint Paul in 1 Corinthians chap. 13 verses 4-7 (which is in the New Testament of the Bible for all the heathens among us).
"Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never boastfull or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the Truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."
There is also the famous "Sonnet 116" written by William Shakespeare which talks about Real Love.
Let me not to the marriage of True minds admit impediments.
Love is not Love which alters when it alteration finds, nor bends with the remover to remove.
Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken.
It is the star to every wandering bark, whose worth's unknown, altho his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool. Tho rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickles compass come.
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out, even to the edge of Doom.
If this be error, and upon me proved, then I was never writ.
Nor no man ever loved.
The poem (since it is a work or Art, it has a life of its own) starts out talking:
"Let me not to the marriage of True minds admit impediments."
Do not let me by what I am goin to say stop or put up impediments to the union or marriage of you people who are already Loving.
"Love is not Love which alters when it alteration finds, nor bends with the remover to remove."
It starts to tell what Love is by telling you what it is not. Love is not Love which changes when it finds a change in the loved one. Por ejemplo - If a woman or a man marries for say money, and the other person loses the money, an alteration has occured and their Love will then alter or change. (This part of the poem is generally thought to say the this is a "selfish" act to alter upon finding an alteration) It also does bend with the remover to remove. If the loved one is trying to break the love union and you bend to their will you are not loving them. If a child wants to do something you know is not good for them and you allow them to do it (or bend to their will), you are not doing what is "good for them".
"Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken."
The poem says - Oh no, it is not that. It talks about Love being a mark or point in space in time that looks on storms and cannot be shaken.
"It is the star to every wandering bark, whose worth's unknown, altho his height be taken."
Back in Shakespeare's day, a Bark was a ship on the ocean and they navigated by the stars. The aim of every ship was to get to home port or to put into port. Love is the star to guide your life with to get to happiness. The worth of Love is unknown. When using a compass and sextant to navigate you take the height of the star and guide by the horizon. This forms a cross.
"Love's not Time's fool. Tho rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickles compass come."
Everything is Time's fool, except Love. We are Time's fool. Everything eventually falls prey to old man Time with his sickle, even youth and good looks. But not Love, it breaks through and lasts through time.
"Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out, even to the edge of Doom."
The poem talks about how Love remains steadfast even until doomsday.
"If this be error, and upon me proved, then I was never writ.
The poem says if what I have said here is not true and there is an error is what has been conveyed, then I (or the poem) was as good as never having been written.
Then Shakespeare says: "Nor no man has never loved!"
I have written this sonnet from memory so if there are some errors, that is why. I learned it many many years ago.
From the sonnet we can develop a definition for Love (if Love can be contained in a definition?)
"Love is the unselfish, willing of the good of another."
The willing part comes from the True minds part at the beginning of the sonnet. The "will" controls all of our actions. When you will something, you put what you have into it. The "unselfish part" comes from the altering when you find an alteration. The "good of another" part comes from the bending with the remover to remove.
Pretty amazing what Shakespeare was able to create with this Sonnet. It has lived for over 500 years because it has Truth or Love within it and is able to break through time and live for who knows how long.
I have never know a person who was able to Love with Truth when they were thinking of themselves.
