Someone better

[DallasSteve2]

[This message has been edited by DallasSteve2]

To the list:

In discussing some failed relationships below one poster wrote: "someone better came along".  Another posted: "when they find someone better".  

Those are very self-deprecating points of view.  They probably weren't consciously intended that way, but we should try to be aware of the subsconcious value judgments that we make about ourselves in relationships.  If someone leaves us for someone else it doesn't mean that someone else is "better" than us.  If just means that your partner wants to be with that other person, for whatever reason.  

What if it's because that other person is more handsome or richer or funnier than us?  None of those qualities means that they are better than us.  It may only mean that the person leaving you is of weaker character or more shallow desires in a partner.

Steve

[Zorrowins]

... in response to Someone better, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 9, 2003

When my beautiful younger AW ended our relationship to "date" another man, it was devestating. I went on a diet and lost 30 pounds, died my hair from gray to brown,had lasik surgery to ditch the thick glasses, redoubled my efforts at the gym-lifted weight and 60 minutes daily aerobics, and now use anti-wrinkle cream. And honestly women now respond more positively to me because I feel better about myself. So now when I go South, I'll look as good as possible with more positive self esteem.

I still think that a beautiful Latina that is just a "run of the mill" girl in her country will have a tough adjustment here. In the Northeast she will have much younger, richer, & handsomer AM at her feet. Imagine the reverse. You and your not so pretty AW you JUST married and only spent maybe 3-4 weeks together courting because you worked overseas(you "dated" 1 year) move to Colombia. Would not the temptation be great?

[zack]

... in response to Someone better, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 9, 2003

Good post, Steve. "Someone better" often means "someone worse". The attraction some women have to guys who treat them like dirt is a good example. But I agree, it often means "more compatable" and shouldn't be taken personally,
as difficult as that is.

Zack

[mar33]

... in response to Someone better, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 9, 2003

Steve,
  It seems real strange to me that most will tell you they travel to another country to get "better" than they can here in the U.S..What exactly does that mean?:)Does that mean some are of weaker charecter or shallow desires? We cannot be hypocrites and get angry when the women want more also if we too only have shallow intents.

[Pete E]

... in response to Someone better, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 9, 2003

After seeing some off the guys that women I have known were crazy about,I just had to laugh.They had the girl conned or impressed somehow,but usually the guy was nothing special at all.I think the one fcactor was the guy was a challenge,was not crazy about her.That seems to impress women.Its the old want what you can't have,don't want what they can.Plus there is female reasoning involved that most guys will never undertstand.
So never accept someone elses opinion of you especially in the fickle area of relationship.Plus it feels so bad if you care about the girl.Time to move on if you are not number one.

Pete

[mar33]

... in response to Someone better, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 9, 2003

Steve,
  Everyone has an ideal in their heads of what they really want. Anytime I have left a relationship, it was usually because of growth. As you go out into the world and see all of what is has for you, your needs change. Sometimes for the better,sometimes worse.
When I say a person leaves for someone Better, it means to that person at that time in life they feel someone else is better suited for them. Noone ever leaves for anyone they feel is worse. It may be she or he "feels" personality wise, age wise, educationally or whatever,that other person is better suited to what they have always felt was ideal for them.
   I watched an interesting program this morning. It was on Iran and divorce(I did not even know it was legal) A woman was saying she was from a small village and had married young. But as she moved into the city, her whole prespectives changed and she realized her older husband was not suited for her,she wanted out. Did she find someone "better suited"? In her mind yes. She found a man who she said was younger,made her laugh,and treated her well. Is he "better" than her ex? No, but for her he is better suited.She thought he portrayed the kind of man she always wanted.
  Also, unlike some here I never put men down who travel,and come back with less than spectacular wives. That is shallow. His needs may be totally different than mine. What is hot to him, may be plain to me. Preaching about guys being losers because they want to date a woman who they feel will be totally into him andhave great charecter,rather than a trophy is a choice that should not be belittled. To each his own. Now if some would respect others who have made choices we ourselves would not make it would make this board better.
   But a person who constantly talks about looks, and worships only looks is not one I would really want to take advice from.
   By the way, I think my fiance is way hotter than 95% of the girls I've seen on any site. But I do not run to show others how hot she is, nor do I belittle men who are dating older women, or ones that do not look as good.That is behaving like a Junior High School kid. If you think that's cool. I guess you would also think AW who talk about how much money a guy is worth,and thinks other girls dating guys not making 7 or 8 figures losers are cool too.
     MArk
   

 

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Someone better, posted by mar33 on Nov 9, 2003

[This message has been edited by DallasSteve2]

Mark

I agree with your basic premise.  I thought the intended message was probably "someone they think is better", but was not stated clearly.  And when we loose someone it's easy to get negative on ourselves and think it was "someone better".  I think a man shouldn't feel that way unless he mistreated the woman.

I'm concerned about the last part of your post.  If you think that I've put down others for not bringing back the hotest babe, I want to state that is not my intention and if I have said anything like that I will retract it.

I did say many times that I thought my Colombian ex-wife was very beautiful, because I did think that my ex was very beautiful.  That didn't make her a good person or the right person for me, and I didn't post that to try to impress others here about me.  I realize that it is easy to marry a very beautiful woman in Colombia.

I posted that I thought she was very beautiful because I wanted people to understand why I made a lot of stupid decisions in marrying and staying married to her.  I was swept away by her beauty.  I was too weak to resist her charm.  I want other men who maybe don't normally run with the "alpha women" to know how difficult it can be to control themselves and do "the right thing" when you are in love with a very beautiful woman.

My wife is also beautiful.  I haven't raved about her beauty here because it hasn't been relevant to the story I am telling.

Steve

[Ralph]

... in response to I agree, however, I would add..., posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 9, 2003

I don't want to speak for others, but Cali Pro certainly gives off the impression that he thinks he is "better". He says he only dates the best of the best? Sure, some of those girls were cute, but best of the best?

He thinks that you can have "very beautiful" or "unattactive". Nothing in between. He seems to look down on guys that Marry women in their 30s with kids as no colombiano would want them?
He seems hell bant on proving how good he is, because he can date "hot babes". He views dating as competition. That is why he would pay 150 bucks to meet a woman that has 3 novios. That is why, he almost brought a girl here that had a novio that she really loved on the side.

He tries to come off as "joe studd". He wants guys to be and thinks  that they are envious of him. The first time he posted pics he said he like taking pics and wanted to give people a tast of what Cali was like. I take a bunch of pics as well. usually while out on the town, at the beach, in front of landmarks etc. CP had most of his pics of girls on his bed, so we would all know he "did" them. he is just trying to impress the world with his conquests. pretty sad really. The funniest part is soem guys here are naive enough to be impressed.

[beenthere]

... in response to not you. . . ., posted by Ralph on Nov 9, 2003

his #1 fan..............Dallas Steve

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to INCLUDING, posted by beenthere on Nov 10, 2003

I like CaliPro because he's got a sense of humor and doesn't go after people in a relentless, vindictive, bitter fashion when he disagrees with them.  

I like to look at his photos because the women are very beautiful, but I don't think that makes him Tom Cruise because I know firsthand how easy it is to date beautiful women in Cali.

Steve

[Ralph]

... in response to Re: INCLUDING, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 10, 2003

He goes after people with a condescending, air of superiority.
I have no proble with the way he leads his life as it is his to live. people go through stages, and many of us in a few short years if we still have not found or have given up on finding the "one", might also choose to live life in a similar way.

CP does not seem to allow for the fact that his way of doing things is not the best. He jumps to conclusions like we all must want ugly unnatractive women and can't get laid here? Please. . . ..

He comes across as having very little respect for the women he meets.

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to but. . . , posted by Ralph on Nov 10, 2003

Fine.  I'm tired of discussing CaliPro.  I'm not here to defend him either.  If you and BeenThere don't comment about me with reference to him anymore (which started this particular thread) I probably won't laud him anymore here.  But that doesn't mean I won't thank him when he posts something hilarious.

I like to look at his photos and I like to read his posts.  You and BeenThere can continue your verbal war with him as long as you like.  I don't know why you (Ralph) are so wrapped up in it, but if that makes you happy, then continue.  I enjoy reading his comebacks so keep setting him up.

Steve

[cancunhound]

... in response to Yadda, yadda, yadda, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 10, 2003

I'm a little surprised that these guys haven't taken a step back and looked at what they've posted over the last few days.   And then insist jealousy has not driven the posts. If it's not jealousy then what else causes that much resentment?  Is it not obvious that CaliPro is having a blast toying with them, all in a very civilized manner?  According to Patrick's FAQ's, a troll is:

"People who's sole agenda is to stir up a fight and generally disrupt normal conversation any way they can"

By that definition they should have been banned by now.  Look at the post right above calling you out of the blue - WTF?    Of course I'm not requesting banning anyone, I really would prefer that not to happen because when they calm down and get back to the intent of the board they actually have some pertinent information to share here.  At any rate, the posts are certainly entertaining - but there's only so many times one can whip a dead horse.

[mar33]

... in response to Re: Yadda, yadda, yadda, posted by cancunhound on Nov 10, 2003

[This message has been edited by mar33]

   Ok, once and for all. No one is jealous of Calipro. Why would we be? We are just sick and tired of his pompous attitude.

  To top it off,when Fuzzy wrote part of his horror story. Good old Calipro had to comment" Wow! I would never take that attitude from a 30 year old. He constantly has to make a little dig about age and beauty.
   Yeah, sometimes he can be amusing, but I wonder how amusing it would be if calipro had to get a taste of his own medicine from an AW counterpart.
 
Imagine Calipro getting a beautiful young calena and bringing he to the U.S. She meets a friend who is just as shallow as Calipro.(I hope noone ever has a wife with a "friend' like this)

  Friend: What does your husband do?

   Wife: He works for the government and also drives a cab part-time( an honest living)

   Friend: You are kidding right? With your looks, you can get yourself a man with megabucks. I can introduce you to a few.

 Wife: No, I don't want to meet anyone else, I love him.
 
  Friend: What kind of car does he drive?

  Wife: A Saturn(very good reliable car)

    Friend: A Saturn! He drives a Saturn (Good relaibale car). What in the world are you thinking!!! Only the top of the line Mercedes or Masserati will do.

Friend: Well, how old is he? Maybe he still has potential.
 
Wife: He is 40 years old.

Friends: 40!!!!! I would never put up with a man who was not rich. Especially at 40. Gosh, by beautiful AW standards, he is not the kind of guy we all drool over:). In fact, most beautiful AW would never ever give him the time day.
 
Wife: Well there is much more to a person than money or looks.

  Friend: There are only two types of men in this world. Winners and losers. It seems you found yourself a loser. Don't worry, I will make sure you meet the kind of guys you never thought would talk to you back in Colombia.I'm going to introduce you to all of the guys women only dream of getting.
 
  Now,you know, if the "wife" had any bit of heart,class,charecter,and common sense she would turn her back to this girl and understand her values are all wrong.

  If the "wife" is shallow. She would feel jealous the other girl is getting what she did not get. She will feel she is deserving and entitled,and listen to this "friend'.

  Any of us would get sick and tired of hearing this friend or any shallow AW put in her 2 cents after awhile. But when Calipro does it,some think it's funny. It just gets tired.  If Calipro stop making comments about looks and age,things would be ok. But even when a new guy who is 55 talks of looking for a wife 10-15  years younger, Calipro will advice to go for young ones because he can,and imply he must be insecure if he
does'nt.To each his own.

[wizard]

... in response to Re: Re: Yadda, yadda, ..role reversal, posted by mar33 on Nov 10, 2003

That's probably what did happen to poor ole' calipro...