Well, at least she cried!

[hwalker7]

What a difference a second trip makes. I saw my fiancee' the second go round and she began flippin' out on me. At times, she didn't want me to touch her or kiss her. She would also get annoyed or stressed out if I asked her why is it necessary to spend money for this or that? (Remember, this is my money that is being spent).

She came up with various excuses. "I'm ticklish. I'm tired. Her breath is bad in the morning. (Actually, only very very little) I'm on my period.

At one point, I told her, "I will not marry you if you are like this. Perhaps, we need more time before we got married." She responds that we have had sufficient time to know one another... (We have known each other since the beginning of February).

By November 6th, we are supposed to get married even without my presence; but only if she and a friend who I have given "power" to do are present at the notary in Barranquilla. Hey, I have already told the friend not to go to Barranquilla, and I have told my fiancee' that the marriage is off... for now... (and perhaps forever).

Oh, she has some good qualities about her (don't they all?) otherwise I wouldn't have been involved with her. She was always there, held my hand where ever we went. Who said that hand-holding is not a good foundation for a marriage?

On a more serious note, I don't think she knows what she really wants. I think that she got cold feet as this thing was nearing the point of permanency and a change of lifestyle. She admitted that she is a very independent woman and is afraid she would lose her independence. I'm not altogether clear on what she met by that, but one thing is for sure, I will not marry a woman who shuns my affection or gets unreasonably annoyed over money matters.

As I sat next to her at the airport, I saw tears running down her cheeks. She looks at me and says "lo siento, lo siento." Of course, I know what that means. And then a few seconds later, she says "No seguro." I had to quickly look that word up in the dictionary. She was saying to me that she was not sure about us getting married.

As I flew back on the plane, I had mixed feelings of relief and sadness. I actually felt more sorry for her, because she is unable to appreciate a good man as myself.

Perhaps, she was too young. And yes, I glossed over some of her flaws, but I thought that they were simply aberrations. But those aberrations turned out to be bad patterns.

But, the drama is not over. She writes me and says in essence that we need to clarify some things and that she does want me as a husband. Now, I'm not sure.

In the meanwhile, I need to take inventory. Look at the mistakes I made; and I think I will have to start over. I want recommedations from you gents about some of the best websites for Latin women. I prefer websites/agencies that have a service in which you submit the names of the ladies you are interested in first and whoever indicates interest in return would be ones you could correspond with. I don't want to do the anonymous scattergun approach. I get too many dead-ends with that.

Also the next one, will need to be perhaps in her thirties and speak some English.

Thanks,

~Henry

[CaliAdvisor]

... in response to Well, at least she cried!, posted by hwalker7 on Nov 3, 2003

This chic is not attracted to you physically. Drop her quick.

[mudd]

... in response to Well, at least she cried!, posted by hwalker7 on Nov 3, 2003

im sure their are two sides to this story, but if everythig is true that you have written, and thats how she is, and you marry this basket case, then you will get what you deserve, one big mess, and im sure you will be divorced within a year, similar to pete on the board. sorry to be so straight foward, but "get a clue" she's a flake.

[hwalker7]

... in response to Re: Well, at least she cried!, posted by mudd on Nov 4, 2003


Yes, there are two sides to every story. My side is that I never mistreated this woman. I asked her that very question and she denied that I ever mistreated her.

Yeah, I have a negative side. I can be too argumentative, and not let things go. But, I really did not do that with her because there was no need and I don't know much Spanish. So, I wasn't argumentative with her. She never saw that side of me. And I'm only like that with people who try to force their "way of doing things" opinions, or beliefs on me.

The key is that I should have gotten the "clues" earlier and let this relationship go a few months ago.

But, I definitely have the CLUE now. It will be an easy decision to let her go and let her have her "so-called independence."

~Henry

[zack]

... in response to Well, at least she cried!, posted by hwalker7 on Nov 3, 2003

Walker I have been in your shoes with a Cali girl a few years back. I know the feeling. Some of these ladies get excited about the thought of marriage but when it comes to actually doing it they get cold feet. Thank God she showed her true feelings before the knot was tied.

I second what all the guys here are saying. I would rather stay single than be in an unpassionate marriage.
When you eventually marry the right one, you will look back and laugh at her memory.

Zack

[pablo]

... in response to Well, at least she cried!, posted by hwalker7 on Nov 3, 2003

[hwalker7]

... in response to Run Walker Run........n/t, posted by pablo on Nov 4, 2003


I'm putting on my running shoes now

Interestingly, I will talk with my "fiancee'" later today. I'm not sure what she wants to tell me, but I will be unconvinced.

As they say, 90% of communication is body language; and I have seen plenty of that to tell me that this relationship is going nowhere.

Peace Out!

~Henry

[Cali vet]

... in response to Well, at least she cried!, posted by hwalker7 on Nov 3, 2003

My guess is she's saying "the next one will need to speak some Spanish".

[hwalker7]

... in response to Re: Well, at least she cried!, posted by Cali vet on Nov 3, 2003


No doubt that is very true.

But, even when I had my laptop there and would be going over some Spanish lessons, she showed little enthusiasm about my efforts.

Frankly, I know more Spanish than she knows English.

The bottom line is that when a relationship is full of love, you both are making the effort to close the "gap" if indeed it can be closed.

~Henry

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Well, at least she cried!, posted by hwalker7 on Nov 3, 2003

There's an old refrain that some women use:

Not tonight, I've got a headache.

When my wife get's a headache she tells me it's because we haven't made love yet today.  So, if she doesn't want an aspirin, I do what I can to help.  (I guess 10% of our relationship is in good shape.)  

And I don't think she minds me posting that here.  When we were at Golden Corral one day the waitress asked her how she stays so thin.  She told her she looses weight by making love to me frequently.

I don't post this to brag.  I post it to say that you don't have to settle for a luke-warm affection among Latinas.  If you wait for the right one you can find one that really wants to be with you and you'll know it.

Steve

[hwalker7]

... in response to Headaches, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 3, 2003


That is beautiful.

I want a wife similar to that.

~Henry

[JSlo]

... in response to Headaches, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 3, 2003

I agree 100%. Never accept luke-warm affection, especially in the beginning stages. It will only get worse in the future. If a woman isn't falling all over me, there is no possibility at all for a relationship. Conversely, I deliver the same attention and affection.

[Pete E]

... in response to Headaches, posted by DallasSteve2 on Nov 3, 2003

Steve,
Sounds like you did pretty good for a guy on the rebound.
Do you think this typical Colombiana and I just got an exception?

Pete

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Headaches, posted by Pete E on Nov 3, 2003

Pete

I'm not sure.  My wife tells me that from talking to her Latina friends here, married to Latin men, that they are not having very much sex (by her standards).  My wife may just have more libido than the average woman.  Or maybe those other men don't try hard enough to please their wives sexually.  Being selfish in bed can be very counter-productive.

Other possible explanations:

We've only been together about 14 months.  Maybe after 2 or 3 years she will have less desire for me.

She's about to hit the big 3-0 and they say women reach their sexual peak around 30.

She's very jealous and very insecure and she may be doing this in part out of a fear of loosing me.

Steve

[Pete E]

... in response to Well, at least she cried!, posted by hwalker7 on Nov 3, 2003

What did someone say down below?Throw her back in the pond and keep fishing?
Clarifying some things won't do it.This woman obviously is not even close to beiing in love with you.Don't even THINK about marrying someone unless you feel love from them.No excuses,no holding back,none of that BS.
My own situation had some subtle hints if I would have looked at them.This one is screaming at you.SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU!

Pete