One Lady vs. Many

[John O]

When you're at an agency, as in "the real world" you have 2 choices of attack: Meet as many women as you can and then gradually narrow it down, or as soon as someone strikes your bell, focus on her exclusively. Unlike real life, a typical visit to an agency only lasts a week or 2, greatly accelerating the process.

The advantage of the first approach (Many) is that you do get to meet a lot of (supposedly) available women in a relatively short timespan. Disadvantage is that 1st impressions are not always valid, you never get to know one person well, and you can easily get confused with the plethora of choices. In addition, the ladies often get impatient & jealous when they see you continuing to pursue new babes.

I've seen guys who seem to have some success by concentrating quickly on One Lady. It's good to maximize your time by getting to know one gal real well. On the other hand, you may find out after a few days or a few weeks that she's really not compatible, and then it's back to the drawing board.

As for me, I've mostly used a modified version of the "Many" approach. I might meet 15-20 different ladies in 5-7 days. I try to get additional dates with the 2 or 3 ladies I like best before the end of my trip. Then after I return to the U.S., I work this list by phone & Email, trying to narrow it down to The One, if possible.

A gringo friend I met in Cali succeeded this way. After returning home, he scheduled a weekly 3-way conversation, using a translator in Cali, with his top 4-5 ladies, then narrowed it down. By his 2nd trip, he was focusing on his future wife, who was #4 or #5 on his original list. After a year & several more trips, he brought her back with him to the U.S. They've been together 3+ years.

Trouble is, this method has failed for me the last few visits. In an attempt to save time & $$ and avoid confusion, I've focused on just 1 or 2 ladies between trips. But they've always lost interest in the 3 months or so between visits. I can't afford to visit more often. Maybe I need to use a longer list, and pay equal attention to every lady on the list.

How have others among you found the right balance between The Many & The One?

[Seeker]

... in response to One Lady vs. Many, posted by John O on Oct 26, 2003

John O,

I've been wondering what approach would be best too. During my first trip to Cali, I met many women and narrowed my search down to a few. However, when I returned to Cali 3 months later, things didn't go as I had hoped with any one of them. Back to square one.

If you do go the route of "many", have a notebook and record your impressions as soon as you can after the date. I made two columns with +'s and -'s for each lady and this proved valuable afterwards.  

One thing I've learned is that you have to have certain parameters for the type of woman you're looking for or all of a sudden there are too many attractive women and not enough time. Do you want a woman who has a child? If not, then don't make appointments with women who have children. As obvious as this sounds, I found many guys doing this at the agencies- including myself. I can't stand women who smoke and there I was buying my date cigarettes and helping her light-up.  

Next time I'm in Colombia, I plan on meeting many women and upon returning to the U.S., trying to stay in touch with as many of them as I can. I know there will be a significant attrition rate, so I think this approach makes the most sense.

I've also spent a lot of time looking at women profiles at A Foreign Affair, LatinEuro, etc. and I plan on buying addresses soon and starting a letter writing campaign. It seems overwhelming, but I will send all women a copy of the same introduction letter and photo.  

Finally, I've come to realize that maybe Cali is not the best place for my search. I've thought of searching in smaller towns like Buga, Aremenia, or less popular towns, like Bucaramanga. I'm also concerned about time and money, but then think about what a wise investment it will have been once I find the right woman.

[larrydarrell]

... in response to Re: One Lady vs. Many, posted by Seeker on Oct 27, 2003

Can any one who is able to, provide a comparison of the personalities of ladies from cities that are relatively highly frequented by wife-seeking gringos (Cali, Cartagena) on the one hand, with ladies from smaller towns which do not see many gringos?  I am dismayed by many of the stories about AW-style behavior on this site, and wonder if, as I would expect, the smaller town girls have better personalities?  Thanks.

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to One Lady vs. Many, posted by John O on Oct 26, 2003

As usual, a thoughtful post from JohnO

I myself, tried the many, narrow down to one approach, and spent three consecutive weeks plus a couple of days in agencies in Boigota and Cartagena. The making decisions based on a first impression is hard to avoid, I think that we do that for many activities in our life, not just meeting women.  I met very close to 50 women for  sitas amd what I did is have a notebook, (which no women ever saw!) and on the back of the pages with the photo and profile that the agency gave me, I wrote my impressions of the first sita meeting and what I remmebered what was important the conversation. I tried to schedule the sitas apart so that I would have enough time to remember and write.

And being organized didn't halp a whit!  There were two women left, I went to Cartagena earlier this month to meet one (it didn't work out)and the second in Bogota I ended by fax without traveling back to Bogota.

International romance is a giant crapshoot, some men are fortunate and find lasting love, I would think that most don't.  But there is always the next trip to look to, and I don't feel as if I wasted my time, i saw a lot of sights, I bought a couple of beautiful pieces of art and for much cheaper that I would never have found in the northwestern US, I really enjoyed myself and did some things I never would have tried before. I do know that after having done this "meet, narrow, pursue 1 cycle" once, I would try it again.

Latin American women in terms of their beauty. grace, attractiveness and sensuality just leave American women in the dust!  I am switiching my approach just a bit, just bought addresses of boout 60 women in the Bogota metro area, just sent out letters and emails and  blocked out 10 days for vacation in February. If I find any women from this letter writing campaign.

Dominguin  

 

[JR n Atl]

... in response to Re: One Lady vs. Many, posted by DOMINGUIN on Oct 27, 2003

D.,

Excellent, I'm glad you got back on that horse! I used the same approach that you are now utilizing with great success, as you know. I found that writing the ladies with a definite future date for a visit was quite effective. It gave those who were sincere assurance that I was serious and I was able to eliminate quite a few before ever meeting them. By the time I arrived and met the ladies, I'd narrowed the list down and had already established a good rapport with each of them by speaking on the phone several times. And by exchanging plenty of photos, I got a pretty good feel for how each would look in person. Although I found most to look a little different in person, you already know that many times they can be more attractive than their photos let on because there are so many things w.r.t their personality and femininity that don't come through in the photos. An added bonus, IMHO, is that you can be a bit more objective in your choices in the beginning.

Good luck and keep us up to speed.

JR

[pablo]

... in response to One Lady vs. Many, posted by John O on Oct 26, 2003


Hi John,

Your method is a good one.  I too like to write beforehand but feel that it cannot replace the one on one time a guy spends with a lady getting to know her.

Here is an interesting poll done on another discussion board about finding a wife in a foreign country:  

What is your preferred method of approach to this process?

WOVO - Write One / Visit One  29.63% (32)
WMVO - Write Many / Visit One  21.30% (23)
WMVM - Write Many / Visit Many  32.41% (35)
WNVS - Write None / Visit Some  3.70% (4)
Undecided  12.96% (14)

Total Votes: 108

Pablo

[QuitoMan]

... in response to One Lady vs. Many, posted by John O on Oct 26, 2003

Meeting a selection of women is DEFINITIELY  recommended. I recommend that at our agency in Ecuador, http://www.latin-women-gold.com
Guys who come down to LA to meet only one women are really travelling on a hope and not much else.

 Here is what an agency should do. First - have a fairly large selection of women - a hundred would be a good number ( unfortunately we have just started so we only have 25 on our books right now but growing every week)

 Second - have the means to encourage you to communicate. Why not start writing BEFORE coming down here. Write to 20 women and narrow it down to 5 who you are going to meet. Sure you don't find out about chemistry between you by writing but if you guys are articulate writing letters as you are at writing posts on this forum then you can find out a hell of a lot by writing - including such info as how many men she's been out with, what are her sexual preferences etc.

Sure - you won't find that out in the 1st letter but after 10 letters you could have obtained such info without being brutally direct. And if you get to 10 letters, or even only 5, you know that there's something going on there between you. The anticipation stepping off the plane to meet a woman that you've corresponded with like that is going to be a completely different anticipation to walking into an office and looking through a catalogue of photos.

I know all this writing is a chore - and it's nowhere near as much fun as being in a candy shop picking out the sweets - but its a hell of a lot more effective. Afterall, don't kid yourselves - are you after a bride or a fun vacation? I sometimes get the impression that guys are looking for a fun vacation that may throw up a women suitable for a long-term relationship. That's cool - as long as you realise that.

 Third - Iswote has written favorably about the efforts of an agency in Bogota to match guys and women up - that is to be highly recommended and something we try to do by suggesting that you write to a certain women who may not have been your first choice of women to communicate with.

 Fourth - once you get down here it's nice if the agency owners have a backup plan should your first choice of women not work out. Lets face it, it's not an option for most guys to live down here or visit several times a year - and meanwhile the clock keeps ticking, months and years pass and still no woman waiting to hug you when you get back to the house from work.

 So, don't rule out writing before you come down here. Quito weather - 75 degrees sunny and part cloudy today - and nearly all year round. Altitude,
9,800 feet.

Good Luck to all,

Steve

[A1A]

... in response to One Lady vs. Many, posted by John O on Oct 26, 2003

When I was at the Mexican Matchmaker agency in Gdl a while back, I watched one guy, handsome, and a nice guy, interview 3-4 very attractive mexicanas, each day, over a few days.  He always found something wrong with them during the interview and never even took one out to dinner.  How the h@ll can you get to know a woman, and eliminate her all in one hour?  Sure many you can, with no chemistry going, but I watched him laugh and joke with these girls.  I think he had his sights set way too high.  Take the ones you like out to dinner, get past the interview at the agency and see what they are really like out on the town.  This was more the method I used, spend a longer amount of time with the ones I liked, then, narrow it down.  And John, none of them like the 2-3 months between visits.
A1A

[roadken]

... in response to One Lady vs. Many, posted by John O on Oct 26, 2003

Ahhh,the dilema!!Yes,the agency is a fun one but not based in reality.There are so many lovely ladies.Especially the way they behave compared to american women.Focus is important or you will end up confused and may become a "lifer'.That is, a guy who keeps going down,trip after trip.Always finding wonderfull women but can't commit because the next minute(or hour) a more beautiful one will walk thru the door.And one probably will.I am by no means an expert in this process but I have learned a few things after making a couple of bad choices.After my fourth trip
having made three bad choices( not necessarily bad women)I started to focus on some very basic qualities.I started looking for women who were sweet and happy.Not only are they more pleasant to be around but they have a tendency to infect you with the sweetness so many of us men lack,me included.I have been searching in Colombia trying to find qualities that seem to be missing in america.My last trip
I met an incredibly sweet and wonderfull woman in Cali.This week I am returning to see her and hopefully take it to the next level.She is crazy about me and in three months I have not seen one "red flag".This is a difficult process and some bit of luck is involved.Happy hunting.