love vs. greencard

[HeyNow]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love..., posted by Locii on Oct 29, 2003

At any time during the relationship were you ever totally convinced you wanted to be with your exwife?

[Starman]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs...., posted by HeyNow on Oct 28, 2003

My experience is the men are all the same...young, old, rich, poor. Does not matter. Same for the good men. My wife dated both rich and poor men (young and middle age) and had the same problems. She would rather remain single the rest of her life then deal with these issues again.

Tim.

[mar33]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love..., posted by Starman on Oct 29, 2003

Tim,
     Your wife is very smart and probably has a good family backing her up. Unfortunately, many of the LW women put up with bad men because they have very low expectations of men from their experiences.
  I still say though, if more women were like your wife and her friends, the men would have to change their attitudes really quick. The good latin women suffer greatly. But reality is, there are many women who play the cheating game with these men. I have many latin friends also. Most all have fathers that cheat and some even have children with mistresses.  So there are a lot of ladies out there disrespecting their latin sisters.
  This did not just begin to happen as a backlash for the men's cheating. Latin men have been behaving that way forever and the women were the ones they cheat with.
  If the most of the women were like your wife and her friends(birds of a feather flock together) LM would have noone to cheat with but each other.By playing along, the women just make it worse for themselves. Women really are complicated.
I's like in the U.S. The polls used to say over 60% of men cheat, but only 25% of women do. After years of  investigating,women are willingly more open to admitting it. Polls are finding out  reality is, it is an equal amount. It makes sense.

[Cali James]

... in response to love vs. greencard , posted by chevy on Oct 27, 2003

I think just about EVERY woman I ever met looking for a foreign husband said something similar.  This is more or less the standard line in the agencies and I wouldn't attach any great significance to it.  You'll only discover if a woman is the real thing by spending a lot of time with her and her family.  Remember that a woman's actions are a better way to judge her than any words or ideas she may express.

[pandabear]

... in response to love vs. greencard , posted by Cali James on Oct 28, 2003

You definately need to allow a fair amount of time to ensure that its the real thing or just a ticket to the
states. It is hard to have a lady you care for thousands of
miles apart and only being able to visit a few times a year.
If you have responsibilities in the states,ie a job, both of you must have patients and trust to make it. There is
always a private investigator you could hire if the trust is not present, to ensure that the lady is doing as she is telling you or pulling your leg.

Actions of the lady can give you a good indication if she
is honest or just looking for a better life after she dumps you. Use caution, don't let puppy love blind you.

[CaliAdvisor]

... in response to Re: love vs. greencard , posted by pandabear on Oct 28, 2003

Good point. Private investigator could be the way to go. I think it would be a easy way for these guys to realize that probably about 80% of their fiancee's also have someone else on the side in their home country. Just cause their soon to be husband is not getting any, doesnt stop them from going out with a bang. I dont really think the women feel guillty about this because they say to themselves that it is all fair game before they get married.

[chizz]

... in response to love vs. greencard , posted by Cali James on Oct 28, 2003

I can't agree with you more. When I was in Barranquilla, I met an venezuela female, who was staying with her grandparents. I asked her why she wanted to marry an american man, and come to america, and she said "opportunity". I then flipped it and said "I kind of like it here in colombia, I think I would like to move down here and get married". She seemed far from happy with that statement, but it told me what I needed to know. Actions do speak louder than words, and hers spoke volumes. I personally won't marry anyone i havent' been involved with a least a year, and she must also learn english. That way I can see how commited she truly is to me. It may seem harsh, but it's better to be safe than sorry. That's just my opion. take care.
Bryan

[littlebhuddha]

... in response to love vs. greencard , posted by chevy on Oct 27, 2003

I think the vast majority of ladies in the agencies are sincerely looking for a good husband and that they would willingly live in a cave with them if necessary. However I believe very few of them would prefer to live in Colombia versus the US regardless of what they say. And I can't say as I blame them. I also beleive that the vast majority would prefer to stay in Colombia rather than enter into a loveless marriage. Finding a decent gringo husband has a two-fold payoff: A good husband and an opportunity to live a better life. Of the Colombians that I know living in San Diego none of them want to go back to live in Colombia. Change the economic and political outlook in Colombia and you have a completely different story. Colombians are fiercely patriotic. They are very proud of their country. But if a Colombiana tells you she would rather marry you and live in Colombia take her up on her offer and see how quickly she changes her mind. I must emphasize that I am not saying they are looking for the greencard. First and foremost they want a good husband. When they say that they are sick of Clombian men you can take that to the bank. Most have decided they would rather spend the rest of their lives alone rather than spend it with some carousing dirt bag. But if they can have a good man and a better life they will take it.

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to love vs. greencard , posted by chevy on Oct 27, 2003

Solid reasoning.  I'm sure that a green card shark would never think to tell you those things to trick you.  I married a green card shark 3 years ago and it was all my fault.  She told me up front that she only wanted me for the visa.  But I was hypnotized by her shoes.

OK, end of sarcasm.  You probably have found some good women.  Some truly feel the way you have described.  My wife (not the same wife) has asked me several times to move back to Cali with her because she misses her Mother.  But be careful.  Things are not always what they seem.

Steve

[Red Clay]

... in response to love vs. greencard , posted by chevy on Oct 27, 2003

More than "slightly macho", according to almost every Latina I have ever known.

[Jeff S]

... in response to love vs. greencard , posted by chevy on Oct 27, 2003

Many posters with solid marriages, like Dan on the Russian board, Stephen on the Asian board, Patrick on this board, and myself, have found that their spouses, at first, at least, do not wish to live in the US, and would return to their native country if, for some reason, their marriages didn't work out. I'm not implying that in all cases, a sincere woman would want to return home, but judging from the stories of failures, often the primary motivation seems to be to get to the US.

I've read a lot of posts where guys complain that the women of a particular country, social strata, or type, don't seem to want to leave home. This is a good thing and points to sincerity and committment, traits most of us are looking for in a spouse. If you take that your spouse is eager to get out of dodge, I'd take it as a red flag.

If I'm making it sound like a catch 22, it probably is. Choose wisely, grasshopper.

- Jeff

[Locii]

... in response to Re: love vs. greencard , posted by Jeff S on Oct 27, 2003

"...I've read a lot of posts where guys complain that the women of a particular country, social strata, or type, don't seem to want to leave home. This is a good thing and points to sincerity and committment, traits most of us are looking for in a spouse. If you take that your spouse is eager to get out of dodge, I'd take it as a red flag..."

Right on.  I think this is a general truism, regardless of race, age, or gender.  People who have a burning desire to bail out of whatever situation they are in should always raise a red flag, and by the way this includes gringos like me who have utterly given up on american women.  Consider how some of us must look to them...I mean this constructively, as in a 'step into the other person's shoes' way.

Caio