love vs. greencard

[Starman]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs. greencard , posted by CaliAdvisor on Oct 28, 2003

1. Most of the women I've met were NOT in marriage agencies.
2. Marry some guy they barely know? I didn't take that approach. I met most of the women on my own or through friends. I never discussed getting married so soon.
3. I never said the women are saints. They simply deal with the situation they are in the best they can. Sure some women are unfaithful, but it's easy to tell who is or not if you have a clue.
4. You must attract those sort of women (unfaithful).
5. My extensive experience is based on living with the people in their environment, and with good people because I am the sort of person that is well-balanced, self assured and I can easily detect people who are not the sort of people I would associated be with.
6. Since you have experience, then you must me the latter.

Tim.

[JSlo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs. greencard , posted by Starman on Oct 29, 2003

Great post and I agree wholeheartedly with attracting people of similar caliber and experiences. It becomes very easy to detect women or men who are merely 'faking it' if you are self-assured and well balanced. You hit the proverbial nail on the head with points 4 and 6.
JSlo

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs. greencard , posted by CaliAdvisor on Oct 28, 2003

Here are some quotes from some of the Latin women I have known, using their real first names.

Griselda--originally from Sonora, Mexico, last contact with her she was in the USA on a tourist visa.
"...I don't want a macho man by my side, so I don't want a Mexicano by my side..."

Esmeralda--originally from Veracruz, Mexico, now living in TN.
...."when I became pregnant and started to show, my husband began hitting me and calling me fea and gorda..."

Florinda--originally from Michoacan, Mexico, now living in ATL, GA.
..."my father used to make my mother fix his dinner first. She had to stand quietly behind him while he ate. Only after he finished was she allowed to sit down and eat. If there was something about the meal that he didn't like, my father threw the plate against the wall and my mother had to start dinner over again......"

Also from Florinda-..."my sister is married to a Mexican guy here in ATL. He beats her up about once a month and she comes running to my house. Last time I told her she wasn't welcome here for that reason anymore as long as she stays with him..."

Maritza--originally from Cali, Colombia, last I knew living in ATL.
"...I was embarrassed the first day that I met you  because my face was bruised from my ex-husband hitting me..."---which I noticed but didn't want to mention.

Enedina--originally from Michoacan, MX., then living in ATL.
"...I was home when you called me yesterday, but my brothers basically control what I do and they don't want me seeing anyone, so they told you I wasn't home..."

Carmen-- my wife, who had her tourist visa and had visited the States before we ever met.
"...I had given up on meeting a Peruvian man that I thought I could trust. I had decided to live single forever rather than marry a local guy..."

There are numerous horror stories about my wife's father that would take more time than is practical to tell, basically involving the usual, too much drinking and infidelity.

ALL these examples were already here in the US at the time I met them, with no reason to put a "spin" on their stories. I could put you in touch with some of them if you want to hear it from them.

Of course there are some unfaithful women everywhere, but to deny that machista is an overwhelming reason that Latinas seek something different is NOT facing reality.

[Starman]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs. greencard , posted by Red Clay on Oct 28, 2003

Amen. These are REAL stories for the REAL world. I could add many such stories to this list. Like I said before, if you do not believe this to be the case, then you must not have experience with this or you are really stupid.

Tim.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs. greencard , posted by Red Clay on Oct 28, 2003

One of my  employees (a Mexicana) came into the office crying one day.  I was trying to find out what was wrong, but couldn't follow her very fast, sobbing Spanish. My plant manager had a talk with her and filled me in later. She was upset that her husband quit beating her. She thought he didn't love her any more.

- Jeff

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs. greenca..., posted by Jeff S on Oct 28, 2003

Sounds familiar. My wife says the serranas in the mountains of Peru have a saying-"the more you hit me, the more I love you."

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: love vs. greencard , posted by CaliAdvisor on Oct 28, 2003

"Colombian women are notoriosly unfaithful as well"

Why would you ever want to marry one?

- Jeff

[CaliAdvisor]

... in response to Re: Re: love vs. greencard , posted by Jeff S on Oct 28, 2003

Is that a rhetorical question?

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: love vs. greencard , posted by CaliAdvisor on Oct 28, 2003

Not at all. Just curious why you'd want to hook up with one if you believe they're notoriously unfaithful.

- Jeff

[CaliAdvisor]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs. greencard , posted by Jeff S on Oct 28, 2003

Its not a belief. Its fact. I am not actually looking for marriage at this point in my life. Just enjoying myself while I am down here. I don't really care if they are unfaithful over the long term - because I am not looking for long term. I've got my whole life ahead of me.

But this age old argument that has been proposed time and time again on this board is that the poor little Colombian girl is just looking for a "nice guy" who will be faithful and that is the reason she is in a marriage agency and wants to marry some foreigner that she barely knows is complete BS.

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs. greencard , posted by CaliAdvisor on Oct 28, 2003

"Its not a belief. Its fact."  

What Aarogance.  Oops!  Typo.

I'll be looking forward to reading about how you esablished this "fact".  Anecdotal evidence, no doubt.

Steve

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs. greencard , posted by CaliAdvisor on Oct 28, 2003

Don't get me wrong, I'm not making some kind of value judgement here, just trying to understand your viewpoint. So I take it that what you're saying, is that Colombianas are fine for a good time, but aren't suitable marriage material if you're looking for a long term partner.

- Jeff

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs. greenca..., posted by Jeff S on Oct 28, 2003

Naw he can already give all a "royal shag".  No need to marry 'em.

By the way, he says "But this age old argument that has been proposed time and time again on this board ...".  He has only been registered since July 2003, a meager 3 months.  Does 3 months qualify as "time and time again" in anyone else's book?

Seems that some formerly banned poster is slipping up on their verbage and exposing more of their true identify and history with this board.  Hmmm, who could that banned poster be?

[HeyNow]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs. gre..., posted by lswote on Oct 28, 2003

Hold the phone folks, here is the deal.
I have heard this Colombian men are; cheaters,beaters, etc,
story so often.  I will be willing to bet you dollars to donuts these, Cheaterbeaters are successfull young Colombian men.  (in my experience) If you start asking questions this will more than likely be the profile.  These Cheaterbeaters have a good income (with a measure of prestige thrown in).  That is why these Colombian cheaterbeaters can get away with such horrible behaviour.
That is why these Colombian woman allow it.

[Locii]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: love vs...., posted by HeyNow on Oct 28, 2003

Heynow,

I actually tend to doubt your assertion.  Domestic violence spans all classes and backgrounds, and has more to do with a person's inability to deal with roles and role changes with a spouse (male or female).  Drugs and alcohol play a huge role, and that, too, tends to span social classes.  Striking a person is simply the most basic way of communicating with another person.  

Once again there seems to be an attempt to generalize about Colombian women (and men) which is pointless.  As far as cheating goes...what is cheating?  I remember telling my exwife (american), when I was accused of cheating, that for me, cheating occurred in the mind and heart, and had little to do with genitalia.  And so I said in that respect, yes, I often thought of other women, but I was not having sex, pursuing sex, or really even flirting with them.

In contrast, she flirted with men, and people who knew us suggested "she must be cheating" when I described our lack of intimacy.  Frankly, it didn't matter.

All the attention to PeteE recently was a similar situation.  Does it matter about how close she ever got to a penis?  She was deceiving and hurting him and he was cheated out of a spouse for a long time.  In the end thats all that is relevant.

The concept of 'cheating', in terms of a sex act, frankly, is really outdated(IMHO).  In the context of safe sex, the ability to cross town in minutes, telephones, digital cams, not to mention dating a woman who lives in another country, I urge you all to consider what really is going to be the problem.  Especially when we are often talking about 15-20+ year age gaps.  Perhaps I am nuts, but when I enter a relationship, and the subject of infidelity comes up, my line is "...I trust you to tell me what I need to know...I don't want to be out somewhere and feel embarrassed...I don't want to hear things from someone else..", etc.  

But then I live in Key West and maybe I am conditioned for a party atmosphere?

Caio