Let me say before I start this that I still don't think my wife is a bad person.My take on it was I made her an offer she couldn't refuse.And I will give her the benefit of the doubt when she says she had the best of intentions.Basically she married me not loving me but hoping that could develop.
The mistake was mine.I knew she didn't love me yet,it was so soon,even if I loved her right away.I just thought I could give her so much and make her so happy that it would be easy for her to love me.
And it wasn't all bad,she did try to give me what I wanted.But it was never really right from the start.Her heart was just not in it.
Back to the story.
We get to San Jose.I say how do you like the house?She says much disorganization.Later she admits she was impressed when she first saw it.
She goes through 2 or 3 months of really missing her Family and initially having no one to talk to.It was a bad time for her and the relationship.I can see alot of it is about homesickness,so I can understand in a way.It is still not at all good romantically,but she does try.Frequency was not as bad as it would become later.
She gets hooked up with this latina support group I put her on to.I don't know how many of you remember Silvia Green / Oliver,she started it.Sylvia was my friend and we talked alot.She tells me some of what Rocio is saying.Its a mix of statements that indicate she obviously does not love me and other statements about statements about how good and patient I am to her and how lucky she is to have me.Sylvia say she does not love you.She does not deserve what you are giving her.Once any of this got back to Rocio she quit that list.She loves to talk but does not want it to be about her.
And Sylvia,I often wonder how she is doing.She had to go back to Argentina after a disabling stroke because she could get the free medical care there she could not here.She really loved her husband Richard.I'm not so sure how he felt about her and he took alot of heat for just letting her go back to Argentina without him.But I digress again.
Rocio makes some friends.She becomes real good friends with Cruz,our neighbor originally from Mexico who has been here along time.Maria Isabel,the dentist from Bogata Rocio arranges with Cruz to rent a room too.Now she has 2 good freinds next door.Things are looking up for her,the homesickness is pretty much gone.
One thing I discover is that she would much rather be with her friends than me.I think its great she has these friends but feel a little left out.We even go to Alcatraz one time,a whole group of us.She is there with them,not me.Kind of like she doesn't even want to be seen with me.
I am not happy at all.This is not working,not what I wanted.And its not just about sex,but my need for affection,hugs,companionship.
When she is sleeping she does not want to be touched.If I touch her she will say "What?"She claims its hard for her to go back to sleep.
One morning it just all comes to a head.I wake up early.I am just lying there looking at her.She looks like an angel when she is slepping.I really like her face,its hard to immagine being with someone else. I lie there about 2 hours,waiting for her to wake up so I can just hold her,no sex intended.She wakes up,I start hugging her.She is acting like she is still sleepy,leave me alone.So I just get up.As soon as I get up she just bolts out of bed.She was wide awake.She just didn't want any hugs from me.It really pisses me off.I said we need to talk right now.I told her my version of what just went on.I said am not at all happy with this marriage,I want a divorce.That gets her attention.
I have Sylvia translate a letter to her,telling her its not working,I want her and Sebastian to go back to Cali and I want her to really think it over,but if it can't change I want it finished.
I am feeling good finally taking a stand like recently.I remember driving down the freeway listening to this rocking song thinking no more of this BS.This in hindsight would have been the point to just say goodby.And It was before I went through about $300,000 of my money.I could have moved to latin America like I will now do with alot more money and with my credit intact.I often think I should have just ended it then.
We talk that night.I did really get her attention.I say look,there is an alternative to you going back to Cali.We can go in to marriage counsoling.I said I will find a bi lingual counsoler.She agrees.
This was about 6 months in to her being here.This counsoler,who to me was pretty poor,allowed her to avoid admitting the truth for about 2 1/2 more years.We did not see her all the time.For a couple of months,things would get better.Then get worse and we would go back.
I tell the counsoler, how I am feeing,how its not working at all for me.Then I leave so she can talk to Rocio.I am called back in about 20 miniutes later.Rocio is crying.She has told the counsoler everything she had to give uo to move here.How can I think she doesn't love me.Well that was BS.I know she gave up alot to come here but also wanted to come her,before she ever met me.Yes it was a difficult transition.But I felt like the vehicle of change,not the reason for it.
One thing I have discovered more and more is how many proffesionals there are out there that are only marginally competent.Don't trust your life to any of them without getting lots of other opinions.You might be very surprised the extent of ignorance of doctor number one when you talk to a few more.
This lady buys Rocios story.I think she really does care about you. I don't feel that at all I say.Then we get in to the whole discussion of Sex.Rocio says she does enjoy it but doesn't want to do it more often????Shrink lets this one slide???She says she does have orgasms,just isn't verbally expessive when she does.BS again.The counsoler tells me "Some women just don't care much for sex." I say then they should be single.I don't want to be married to one of them.Rocio says she has never been intersted much in sex.Even with her sons father it was nothing important.One of her girlfriends that grew up with her recently told me the same thing.She was never much interested in guys.Hard to believe,but maybe some truth.We even get in to a discussion about possible hormone problems.The shrink jumps on that because she just read a proffesional artical on it.Women need a little testosterone,the male hormone,to desire sex.Rocio absolutely refuses to have any blood tests.She said she would never take some pill as a solution.You mean if ne little pill could solve all our problems you wouldn't be willing to take it??? YES!
Things do get temporarily better.She is seemingly making an effort.I tell the shrink about the improvement.Rocio says she now understands how important it is to me so she is trying to make a special effort to to please me.But the temporary fixes never ever worked for long.It just wasn't how she really felt.The temporary fixes did keep me hanging aroud hoping things would get better,which they sometimes did.
Thats my excuse for hanging in so long.Loving her and temporary fixes.
More later,Colombia,the Family.
Pete
