The story # 7

[Pete E]

Heres the last part,the part that got saved when I lost most of the post.

But it has got so bad even I have to admit its  got to end.She no longer
even pretends to care for me.We go out dancing with a group of people.When I dance with her she will not even look at me.But she is having a ball dancing with other guys.Go to a latin club and pretty soon she has attracted all the Colombianos.My friends watch and just shake their head.One friend even overhears her singing along to some song where the guy who is the subjest of the song is being ridiculed and she is substituting my name for the guy as she sings it.He says its like she hates you.I think there is some of that,along with self hate which is more difficult to confront.She is feeling trapped in a situation she doesn't like.Its like I'm the jailer,the guy who trapped her,even though its her choice.
We have a birthday party for her.June 22.We have lots of people over,I rent tables and set up the back yard,maybe 40 people show up,including some Colombianos I never met before.Lots of food and drinks,she gets lots of presents,opens them all for everyone to watch.After most everyone has left she and a couple of friends are sitting with about 5 Colombianos and they are laughing and having a good time.Telling dirty jokes,some pretty racy,talking about things I could never get her to do.She is having so much fun.She is laughing so hard I can hear  her even in the house.Its like she finally got to let herself out a little.And I envy the type of commumication they can have.Quick banter and joking back and forth.Our communication is so limited and boring by comparison.She probably spends 4 hour a day on the phone talking spannish.She is usually having great fun talking to her friends.Its something missing from our relationship.And although I think of myself as a fun Guy I'm probably pretty boring by comparison.
Things got much worse yet right after the party.I wondered if a guy was imvolved because she just treated me much worse,even angry with me,absolutly no response when I say where are you going.I'm not usally suspicious but I find myself being so.Particularly if a story doesn't jive,There is a recent one I should check, out,or should I?I talked  to a good friend of hers last night,she doesn't think there is another guy,I know lots of my friends do,or would find it consistant with her behavior.Hell I don't even want to know I just want to get out of here as quick as possible.One other thing,am excuse for not acting this year,was much of it was in financial crisis,just barely making the house payment,saving my credit.Splitting up,getting divorced here would just make that so much worse.In have been ready to leave for along time,but its only recently I felt free to.Finding out my pensiom cannot be touched.Knowing I will have at least that $40,000 a year wherever I go.And  some other stratagies have come to mind.I will be OK.I have some options,some pretty good ones.It feels alot better than being traped.I will be throwing away everything I have here,but it didn't make me or her happy.I'm just ready to move on.
Alot of the rest of the story has been posted recently.The main thing being wee just sat down and talked.She reluctantly admitted we need a divorce.I say come one look how bad things are admit it.She was just a little,maybe alot fearfull of the next step.But I hav it set uo for her so at leasst it will not be tough for 8-122 monthsprobably,when she will get kicked out of the house and have to start renting.We are getting along now,she is being nice to me.She did say she appreciates everything I did for her and hrer Family(Probably about $#0,000 help to hrer family,but this is too long to go in to it.)And I think she appreciates that I am trying to take care of her on the way out.I feel good about thast,and it really doesn't cost me anything but some furniture and a car and My credit,which was going down  anyway unless I stay here and work my butt off to keep it together while we divorce and I pasy alimony,plus watch her with all her opportunities with guys while my opportunities are zip.No thanks.Cali her I come. I  hope to be there by December 1.
I may have missed  some important points.I got a liitle burned out and just wanted to finnish.
I will answer all questions.

Pete

[chizz]

... in response to The story   # 7, posted by Pete E on Oct 20, 2003

Sup pete,
I like everyone else here, appreciates the time you took to write this. Especially me, since I asked you what  happend a few days ago. I was reading your story, and couldn't help but getting upset with her, and you. Her for putting you thru this B.S, and you for allowing it. I'm glad you're able to move on from this, but I can't help but being upset, because something like this is my worse fear. I still think you should've sent her a*s back when you had the chance. I met someone is Barranquilla, things were going real nice there, and I signed her up for english classes. I told her she wasn't coming to the United states until she learned english(she couldn't speak a lick). Also I did this to see how commited she was to me. for the first month she was going to classes, and after a month she could say "how are you?". That was it. the emails I recieved, come to find out, weren't written by her, but by the guy who runs the school, to keep me paying for classess. I am a police officer, so I can smell B.S. She began to miss classes, but the school didn't tell me. It was only after I didn't send the next payment, that the school sent me an email, saying that "she has only attended 5 classes this month, and we haven't heard from her, so you only have to pay 50.00". I never sent it, and never called them. The school sent me an emai asking what was wrong, and in angry tones I told them they were full of it, and so was she. I skipped alot to keep this short but i'm sure you can fill in the rest. I personally am not going to marry anyone who can't speak english, and I haven't been involved with for at least a year. take care.
Bryan

[mudd]

... in response to Re: The story   # 7, posted by chizz on Oct 21, 2003

im with you, shows a commiment(sp) that she is serious about the relationship. i have the same rule, since my spanish is basic at best, and my family, children and friends dont speak spanish, how would she fit in. just spending time with my friends would be hard and im sure any girl would feel left out and isolated not being able to speak to my friends and family. it would eventualy lead to a disaster and many problems.

[mudd]

... in response to The story   # 7, posted by Pete E on Oct 20, 2003

oh yeh, she sounds like a really nice person!!!!!. im still trying to figure out why you keep saying she is a good woman, souns like your in serious denial and she sounds liks a total snake, had one thing in mind, get some poor gringo to bring her butt to the USA and then get rid of him. i have a feeling, as soon as your gone, she's going to have a colombian boyfriend in the house you let go. i can understand that you feel like you need to get out and find another girl, but maybe your going a little fast and running aways from your problems. i would also thing about going to a diffrent counrty, other than colombia, maybe brazil, mexico, peru ect. i dont think your haveing much luck with the colombians. good luck and hope all works out in the end.

[Bueller]

... in response to Re: The story   # 7, posted by mudd on Oct 21, 2003

The idea of selecting another country, or at least another city, ain't such a bad one, Pete. I've never set foot in Colombia, but everyone talks about having to take a taxi *everywhere* in Cali and no one seems to think there's much reason to go there except for the women. How about a safer coastal city, or Chile, or beautiful, relatively safe Argentina? Brazil has some very nice cities to live in, some of which I've written about recently on LWL. Look up pictures of Praia do Francés (Frenchman's Beach) in Maceió, Alagoas, and ask yourself if you can resist.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: The story   # 7, posted by Bueller on Oct 21, 2003

I was thinking Cartegena or maybe Panama.But talking to my buddies who have both spent aslot of time in Cali convinced me to go there first.I will travel out from there. am interseted in Brazil also.Cjhile is supposed to be mnice.It just hit me I didn't want to be isolated and I ewon't be in Cali.I know alot of people and have aslot of options.
Yes,it is kind of Cab from the Condo to the mall.But cabs are cheap.

Pete

[Bueller]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: The story   # 7, posted by Pete E on Oct 21, 2003

Sounds like you have a plan, then. I'm just thinking about those three weeks or so you spent at Christmas in Cali and were posting about going crazy with nothing to do. Maceió isn't the only spot worth considering in LA, but it is right up there in the top echelon. You can pretty much go anywhere, anytime, without too much worrying about getting mugged or kidnapped; everything is cheap; lots of pretty women; the people are nice; and the beaches are a picture of heaven. Well, I translated and posted that poem, "The Day God Created Alagoas", so you know my bias.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: The story   # 7, posted by mudd on Oct 21, 2003

Colombia is the first stop.I m ay go somewhereelse eventually but I want to set up at least a temporary home base there.
I just need to get out of here for my mental well being.I have shortened up what I need to do to only the most important things.
Yup,I think there is a good chance there will be some Colombiano living here.But she could have had one of those a-sholes where she came from.I just don't even want to know about it.She could get a real successfull guy around here.There are more of them than women that look as good as her.

Pete

[Red Clay]

... in response to The story   # 7, posted by Pete E on Oct 20, 2003

It just hit me, although Pete has mentioned it several times before. Pete was her FIRST appointment at the agency, the first guy that wanted to meet her.

Looks like she made the most of it.

Sorry, but I just can't buy the line about her being "such a good person deep inside". Her behavior at parties, etc. with you there watching was unbelievable.

Anyway, glad you are finally doing what you have to do. Hopefully you will find someone who will give you the respect you deserve.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: The story   # 7, posted by Red Clay on Oct 21, 2003

Thanks,
And I think you are right.

Pete

[Michael B]

... in response to The story   # 7, posted by Pete E on Oct 20, 2003

Quite a story, Pete, I was waiting until the end to comment. Love makes a man put up with stuff that he shouldn't (particulary if there are children involved). I certainly can't throw any stones at you, you were married for four years? I was married (with a lot of the same problems and more, and for a lot of the same reasons) for SIXTEEN years. It's like hitting yourself over and over with a hammer....you don't understand why you hurt so much all the time while you're doing it, but when you finally quit, you realize how much better you feel.

[hankkh]

... in response to Re: The story   # 7, posted by Michael B on Oct 20, 2003

I would say based on my experience with my exAW wife that she has probably been with other men and probably several. Her behavior sounds very much like my ex. After our divorce, then friends would tell me about her affairs.

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to The story   # 7, posted by Pete E on Oct 20, 2003

Pete:

I know that it took a lot of guts for you to write this and I think that all of us who have been to SA and contribute to the board appreciate it Only the trolls will flame you.

A couple of questions, if I might.
1. Ifyou were Roccio, and assuming that she had the ability to open up as you did, what do you think she would say? If someone asked her; Why did you marry this American man, Pete Eiguren and why did the marriage fail? What would she say? Nobody expects 7 posts, after all this is your story, but do you have any insight into her side of the story.

2.  Did you ever learn to speak Spanish?

Sincerely,

Dominguin

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: The story   # 7, posted by DOMINGUIN on Oct 20, 2003

I speak little spannish.Her english has always been band is pretty good now.
I don't know what she is thinking,she will never tell me so I assume the worst.
Like I said I made her an offer she couldn't refuse.I will take you and your son to America,you can become a resident,I will take good care off you.You will have a nice house and nice car.We will come back to Colombia once a year.I will help your family.Not all of this was offered at first but thats what it came down to.
She obviously doesn't love me.I don't think she finds me attractive.She really seems like she doesn't even want to be seen with me.There is something missing in me for her.
The question really is did she ever care for me at all,or think she could,or just fake it from the start.I don't know.
Like I said I want to presume the best intentions on her part,that she tried or thought she could love me.
I was thinking off a relationship were I was not willing to say how I felt.I met this cute little Brazilian lady at my church.Cute,nice,we  were very much alike in spiritual beliefs.She looked 38.She was asctually 56.I just couldn't get beyond that.I was 53 at the time.I was thinking my god she will be 70 in 14 years.73 when I'm 70.When I'm 70 I want a 40 something wife.She would look at me and say,I really wish I knew what you were thinking.I wasn't willing to tell her,because it wass not good.She was planning to go back to Braszil when we met.She hesitated hoping we might get together,then went.Cutest 56 year old I ever saw,bar none.
Another girl one time,really liked me.Cute.But we danced one time and she had this soft fat little tummy It pushed against me.It totally turned me off.I never went out with her again.She even called.Said she was sorry she was tired that night and applologized for being no fun.She had no idea the real reason.
I told Rocio I would like any imformation she could give me about how she feels about me.But if it is something I can't change I don't want to know.
The one thing I have not done is really get my body in shape.I have pumped iron for 44 of my 60 years,But I could lose about 15 lbs.I have lost about 15 lbs since I met her.48 inch chest,36 inch waist.The waist needs to be 33.I intend to,I will work on it full time in Cali,plus there are a couple of cosmetic surgury things I'm going to do.Its cheap in Cali.I don't look my 60 years,more like 50 I think,but I could look alot better yet.
Hell I'm just guessing.I don't know,but there is something about me that is not OK with her.

Pete

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to Re: Re: The story   # 7, posted by Pete E on Oct 21, 2003


Pete:

Very interesting comments, what I'm hearing is that in 4 years you never heard her say: this is why I like you, this is what I don't like about you. Once in a post a long time ago, you talked about "rushing in", and obviously this happened after you got your "peaceful feeling" at the agency in Cali. I think the hadest lesson for men to learn,is that if we project our feelings onto a woman, then we expect her to reciproacate.  But a woman is a completely different spirit, entitled to hew own feelings and motivations, no matter how invalid we think her feelings and motivations are.  Damn hard lesson to learn, the earlier we learn it in our dealings and relationships with women, the better off we are.

So, if it was just the age old economic arrangement, beauty and hopefully great sex (which did not happen)in exchange for financial security, then the ending was maybe predictable.  

Maybe speaking fluent Spanish and understanding the culture would be helpful. It might give you an added ability to ocmmunicate.  I assume that if you move to Cali you will be forced to learn the language, especially if you want to be with calenas. My Spanish is still not fluent, but I see the culture and the women I met much differently then I did two years ago when I started and knew no Spanish.

I know that you have placed a lot of emphasis on the outer man (coloring your hair, pumping iron, reducing your waistline etc., in an effort to look younger. Granted, image is import in SA.  And you say that you belong to a church, so you must have some teachings about the nature of the spiritual man. And maybe the first sign of wisdom in a the spiritual man is the recognition of age and self understanding.  Pete, is there something wrong with being 60?

Dominguin