are you satisfied yet?

[jim c]

Well I am leaving for Cartagena tommorrow and will not see the rest of this intestinal purging. Pete, The luxury apartment scene has been tried before ask Cali James. He rented one near Paparazzi from my ex which I had before. He had a web site and everything. How many cheap gringos were willing to pay him for a room. I think you will find Cali depressing. There is nothing to do and the restriction of your movements by the danger heightens the boredom. I think Cartagena is a better choice, you can travel easier fom there and walk the streets at night. The food is much better as well and I do not find the costs higher than Cali. You cannot go backward in time and reliving the agency scene in Cali wil not move you foreward.  Begin the new life based on you, not on that new latina. When you have that life you can find the right one.

   Drop the introspection of why the relationship did not work and forget about who was the most guilty. Singing your woes to the parrot choir will not solve anything they know nothing of your life ,shortcommings and responsibilities for the breakup, even you do not have that information. Crap house psychology will help nothing. Anyone who reads a little psych should learn immediately that they know nothing it is an art not a science. You have said enough in public to burn your bridges so you can't go back. Now move foreward make legal intelligent choice in a new life speak to a divorce lawyer.  Get this show on the road. Move your ex out of that money pit, sit down with her and explain her future. You married her with out knowing her its not all her fault.
    I know you are not finished with your saga  but at this point I have a impulse to interupt. I was Buds neighbor in Key West and went basically thru the same things as you did. The feeling of being in love is very addictive. The hormones give us a feeling of well being that can't be gained by any other experience. I would call what we had being in love with love. I am sure you now realize the difference. The only thing that saved me was the fact that I couldn't marry my novia at the time and I found out that her feelings were not the same as I thought and hoped initially. Being in love with some one truely means you know the person want to be with them all the time and you enjoy each others company totally.  The feelings need to be mutual or it is only an excercise in futility. These things take time.  I know this has been discussed many times here and most do not have the time or resources. But otherwise the relationship can be very risky and expensive emotionally as well as financially. Believe me I spent thousands and suffered greatly when we finally broke up, so I truely sympathize. But the uniniated on this board need to know that the whole situation can be very seductive. For both parties. The women are looking for Prince charming and think they can love you some day even if they don't when they get married. So move on stop obsessing. jim

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to are you satisfied yet?, posted by jim c on Oct 22, 2003

Jim

Wise words, and very effective when delivered with a soft touch.

Steve

PS: I got an A in Psychology and you're right, it's more art than science.  Except for BF Skinner's work with lab animals.  That's good science.

[Cybear]

... in response to are you satisfied yet?, posted by jim c on Oct 22, 2003

Jim-

Your comments are words for the wise that are considering venturing to Colombia for love and romance. Pete's ordeal is a reality check for all of us. I never married. I considered a Latina wife as a viable alternative to the women available for matrimony in the United States. However, as you and Pete warn, not all is what it appears in paradise. Some of the same reasons why I refused to marry an AW are ever present in the nightmare that Pete is living with his Colombiana.

Before reading Pete's posts I had second thoughts as to whether I wanted to return to Cali. My attitude toward the city and its women was dramatically different during my last visit. Certainly, I saw the usual parade of beauties at the agencies and elswhere, however the physical attractiveness of some of the Calenas could not mask their deficiency in the areas of personality, character and intellect. On my previous visits to Cali, the women's beauty partially blinded me and I did not look as deeply into their other attributes or lack thereof. As you said, love is not an exact science that can be quantified, however the aforementioned attributes (as well as others) when used as a benchmark can decreaase the possibility of entering a relationship or marriage with a Latina that later proves disastrous.

Peace.

Cybear

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to are you satisfied yet?, posted by jim c on Oct 22, 2003


As far as the psychology goes, there is a popular Colombian psychologist who has written several popular books explaining how the process of love functions.  His name is “Walter Riso”.  He is actually Italian but has a psychology practice in Medellin.  He is something like the “Dr Phil” of Colombia and you can buy his books everywhere.  You can get bootleg copies on the street for about $5.  I have seen women walking around with copies in Bogota, and my novia eats the stuff up.  His latest  book is “Ama y no sufras” which in English roughly means “To love without suffering”.  I read chapters together with my novia and then we discuss the concepts together.

 

[Pete E]

... in response to are you satisfied yet?, posted by jim c on Oct 22, 2003

Jim,
Thanks for the imput.I am rethinking the Cali option.We will see.As I said one of the things that pushed me in the direction was the fear of isolation I might find somewhere else.But yes ,it can be limiting.And even though I think there is a better chance to find a good woman in Cali I don't really feel like doing the agency thing again.Its like been there done that.And there were some other attractive elements of the plan I am reconsidering.
But I just want out of here.I don't want to stay and deal with it anymore.Yes its escape.But it feels like just what I want to do.I guess I need to be carefull that escape  plan doesn't become a problem itself.
I know you and I disagree on talking about personal issues.I just had all these things happen in my life and needed to talk about it.And it has got me alot of support that helps me alot.Plus there is a warning in the story,this is what can happen.I don't think I am really trying to make her wrong about it.But its probably good to forget the why of it and just move on.

Pete