Is this a big deal ???? (little help please)

[Pete E]

... in response to Is this a big deal ? (little help ple..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 17, 2003

Jim,
Although I have been overly generous myself it was at least after I was engaged.And she never asked me for anything before we were married except for money for our wedding.
I tend to agree.Do not give money to someone you haven't even met.On the other hand you are way off ahead of yourself with this person,so you have to decide how much of a relationship you think you have with her.
But more importantly your don't want to waste your trip on one girl who may not be the one.I would not send it to test her.If you do send it at she will keep going in the same direction,possibly leading you on.
I know its hard,but tought it out.Say no.Having said that I have to admit If it was me in the situation I would probably give it to her if I thought there was a chance she was being honest.Thats how I am and why I am often parted with my money.
Keep us posted.

Pete

[Cybear]

... in response to Re: Is this a big deal ? (little help..., posted by Pete E on Oct 18, 2003

Jim,

I read your earlier post regarding sending money to the woman in Peru. I recently ignored a request for hundreds of dollars from a woman in Cali. I met this woman and we dated the last time I was in Colombia. In addition, we have written each other. Nevertheless, I did not succumb when she asked for the money. Do you know that she continued to write me and never raised the issue of money again! When I return to Colombia, perhaps I will call her and we can go out on another date. However, I will meet and date other women as I did on previous trips. I will stop talking to her if she attempts to manipulate me for money or favors. I am a generous person if left to do so voluntarily, but I always react differently if I feel that I am the target of a scheme.

I do not know the situation in Peru, but in Colombia, there are too many gorgeous women to waste time with exposed gamers. Experience has taught me that when women become problematic in the initial stages of dating it is better to quickly move on. This approach is particularly true in Colombia (and Peru?), where if you have anything on the ball you will find yourself immersed in lovely women. Finance and romance are inextricable, however my advice is to make certain you have a serious relationship with a woman before you find yourself constantly giving without reciprocity.

Peace.

Cybear

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Is this a big deal ? (little help..., posted by Pete E on Oct 18, 2003

Pete, I have to say you remind me of George Bailey from the movie "It's A Wonderful Life".  At the end of the movie Clarence the angel leaves a book that is inscribed "No man is poor that has friends".  While I wish you hadn't got taken advantage of as you have been with you wife, there is no denying that your perpetual attitude of giving and generousity has won you many friends both in the real and virtual world and perhaps being taken now and then is the price you pay to have an open heart.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Is this a big deal ? (little ..., posted by lswote on Oct 18, 2003

Bruce,
My favorite scene is where George has been granted his wish ,that he was never born.Then he gets to see what would have been without him.The town was taken over by the old Miser he was constantly fighting and is a poor substitute for the town he knew.But the scene where he is standing at his brothers grave.He saved his brother from drowning as a child.The grave stone says he died at 10 or whatever age.George is saying "thats not true.He won the medal of honor for saving a troop ship from a Kamikazi attack in the war." Clarence his guardian angel,says "every man on that ship died.He was not there to save them because you were not here to save him.Funny how our lives are intertwined."
I feel that way.Me getting on a plane to Colombia has changed lots of lives.Mine.My wife.Her son.Her Family.Her friend we helped find a husband for.Her 2  friends she met through me meeting their husbands to be on this board.My  neighbor,a very wise  older lady and widow who has had a wonderfull fun young friend in my  wife,with so much in common.And my wife recieved much from her.The Colombiana who lives with the neighbor.We met her at a dentist office and my wife arranged her renting a room from the neighbor.In a really nice house for a good price,with one agreable person to live with instead of 10 disagreable ones.
It goes on and on and keeps happening.It happens more when we take risks.The only real mistake in life is to miss it.And I have done enough of that also.

Pete

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Is this a big deal ? (little ..., posted by lswote on Oct 18, 2003

Bruce,
You are right.Thank you.
And I have been a very fortunate in my life.I have made and lost alot of money a couple of times and hope next time it will be made and kept.One thing about it,once you have done it you know its possible on a gut level and know you can just do it again.
Many wonderfull people have been sent my way for my lessons in life.Not all the lessons were fun but all were valuable.
Twice I have come within 2 seconds of being killed and escaped unharmed.I do feel blessed.
Maybe sometimes its just our time to give.I have certainly done my share of taking.

Pete

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: Re: Is this a big deal ? (little ..., posted by lswote on Oct 18, 2003

Hate and revenge always do more harm to the perpetraitor than to the intended recipient--Pete understands this, a lot of people don't.

[SimonSays]

... in response to Is this a big deal ? (little help ple..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 17, 2003

I have been writing mostly women in Ukraine since earlier in the year.  There have been a few women I sent some money to for internet costs and translating fees and the friendship did not improve. In fact, I would call two of the women scammers.  Soon after sending another one some money for the internet she told me her refrigerator was broken-- obviously she was expecting Western Union to fill in for the Maytag man.  When I didn't send the money she stopped writing. In hindsight, I would not send money to anyone again.  The more you give, the more they seem to want.

[Cherinha]

... in response to Is this a big deal ? (little help ple..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 17, 2003

.

[Georgina]

... in response to Is this a big deal ? (little help ple..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 17, 2003

From all the good advise given, I like thunderco's suggestions the most.

I don't think dropping her is a good idea, because you don't really know the truth.

But I kinda wonder why if she wants to take you for a ride she only asked for $40 instead of $500 or $1000 like it has happened to most if not all of the guys who have gone trough the same as you.

Maybe she is testing the waters, maybe she is being honest. Too difficult to tell.

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Is this a big deal ? (little help..., posted by Georgina on Oct 17, 2003

It is only $40 bucks.  I do understand the scenario - may seem weird to have that request after only a virtual relationship.  I'd put up the yellow flag - my psychic powers tell me that the money is not for school, rather it's for perhaps that new blouse that she'll greet him with, or to pay for internet costs or somesuch in the interim.  After all, latinas don't lie - they just have a slightly different perception of stretching the truth.  Now if that request is followed up by another shortly, run!

I realize it can work, but this is one reason to avoid the email/letter route - just get down there IMHO.

CaliGringo.com

[Cherinha]

... in response to Re: Is this a big deal ? (little help..., posted by Georgina on Oct 17, 2003

.

[wizard]

... in response to Is this a big deal ? (little help ple..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 17, 2003

MOB RULE NUMERO UNO:

NEVER, EVER send money to someone you have not MET IN PERSON...

Mark

[roadken]

... in response to Is this a big deal ? (little help ple..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 17, 2003

drop her like a hot rock!

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Is this a big deal ? (little help ple..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 17, 2003

Jimmy

I've said this before:

Until you meet her in person all you have is a dream.  Forget the "L" word.

I've also said this before:

This isn't Feed The Children.

Finally, turn down her request for money now.  If she terminates the relationship, consider yourself very lucky.

Steve

[John O]

... in response to Is this a big deal ? (little help ple..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 17, 2003

As I explained to a girl who asked me for financial aid early in our relationship, it's basically a deal-breaker, because from now on you'll never be able to fully trust that she's interested in you & not your money. It would be different if you already had an established relationship.

My amiga was crying out in a difficult financial situation, but I never sent her a dime. The guys on this board advised me in no uncertain terms to drop her. Stubborn romantic that I am, I continued the relationship & went on to spend a couple of days w/her in Medellin.

About 24 hrs. w/her was all I needed to know that we were incompatible. But the earlier phone request for "help" though not specifying a $$ amount (and never repeated), should have told me that she wasn't the one.

As one poster put it, "Good girls don't ask."