Follow up # 1, the marriage

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Follow up (the house), posted by CaliAdvisor on Oct 14, 2003

I can't sell it for the loans.Plus she gets to stay 8 months to 2 years if she is lucky,so its a benefit to her without paying alimony.

Pete

[DavidMN]

... in response to Re: Re: Follow up (the house), posted by CaliAdvisor on Oct 14, 2003

I know this isn't a personal finance site so I'll try to make this brief: In addition to the credit rating affecting future borrowing, it's my understanding that almost all property and casualty insurers are now "data mining" credit reports and building loss models based on a person's credit history. So if you've got rotten credit, you're going to be paying a lot more for auto insurance, homeowner's insurance and maybe umbrella and business liability policies. Who knows, maybe someday they'll be able to prove bad credit = poor preventive health measures and start charging more for medical insurance?

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Follow up (the house), posted by DavidMN on Oct 14, 2003

I will not be living in the US guys.I don't think it will effect me over seas.
Plus I already have free medical with my pension.

Pete

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Re: Follow up (the house), posted by Pete E on Oct 14, 2003

Where would you get your free medical overseas?

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Follow up (the house), posted by lswote on Oct 15, 2003

Bruce,
I have Blue shield PPO.It pays 100% if you use their HMO,90% if you use an approved doctor,and 70% of what they consider an appropriate charge from anywhere in the world.
Under the 70% I have to pay first then bill Blue Shield.Just to show you how my mind goes,if the bill from Cali was twice normal it would still seem cheap to them.
This costs me $120 a month under my retirement plan.I could have the HMO only for $30.There is insurance in Colombia and Panama.Several levels I think,depending on what you pay.So I might drop $120 back to the $30 if it looks like I don't need it.
My dental pays 85 % up to $1500 a year.The 15 % co pay would probably pay for the work in Colombia.
This retirement plan is incredible.If I had been married when I retired my wife and minor children would get medical
and my wife would get 50% of my pension FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE after I die.Not married at the time you retire,nothing for the wife,I can't even add her on the insurance.I even thought about going back to a job I hated and working for a year and re retiring so she could get that benefit.Damned glad I didn't do that.
When my car business went under in 1992 I had basically nothing,plus had to do a bankruptcy.I was selling furniture and collectables to get by.
But,I had 23 years retirement credit with the city of San Jose.I had taken my money out,so the only way to get the retirement was to go back to the job,pay back what I had taken out plus interest,plus normal retirement contributions
and I could retire at 55.If I had not left for the car business I could have retired at 50 under a special "early out" they had that year.I would have been at $38,000 in 1993,it would be up to about $52,000 now,3% per year cost of living increase.But again,like
recently,I did what I did.
I went back to the job I hated for 5 years.After running my own business it was even harder to take than before.I told myself this was the last compromise,I would never do anything again for money I really didn't want to do.I had to pay them back the money I took out plus interest.I took out $57,000.I owed them $84,000 when I went back.Under a 3 year pay back it was $96,000 with interest.They took out $1220 every two weeks for the pay back,plus my normal contributions.I was netting $220 every 2 weeks when the pay back started.Through a series of minor miracles I was able to get by and retire in 1998.
Damm glad I did that now.Didn't turn out so bad,and neither will this.One thing about going through something like this.Its not as bad as you might think,and you discover that you are going to survive,its not the end of the world or even that important in the big picture.

Pete

[roadken]

... in response to Re: Follow up (the house), posted by DavidMN on Oct 14, 2003

Besides,why should the bank get screwed because she decieved you.And she deceive you dude.i know it is painful
but quit being a "nice guy" and protect yourself for when the next woman comes into your life.You will need your good name and credit then.

[HeyNow]

... in response to Re: Re: Follow up (the house), posted by roadken on Oct 14, 2003

I believe the "house" is only reason she is staying (or acting civil).  I know a guy that divorced an AW.  Believe it or not he still lived with her in the "house" after the divorce.  As soon as he suggested selling the "house" all hell broke out.  He sold the house and split the equity with her.  Everything was great until the "house" was sold.
 Pete, suggest to your wife that selling the "house" would be a better plan.  Then get ready for the most intense fireworks.  Everything will change.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Follow up (the house), posted by HeyNow on Oct 15, 2003

I can't sell the house with what I owe on it.I would have to put money in the deal to sell it.
And the last thing I want is intense fireworks.Not only because it would be no fun,but I think I am avoiding her getting her own lawyer here.They couldn't get anything but could screw up my plans,much of which I have not layed out
here.My temporary excellent credit gives me some options I
won't elaborate on.And when I look at the larger plan the house furniture and car are of no use to me,but they are to her.
I have been through the anger and resentment.It got me nothing but grief.I'll take peace of mind,thank you.And in a way I'm glad I could help her and her son,at least thats how I would like to look at it in the future.And there are visatation rights with my dog.I think I will miss him more than anything.I want him to have the house and yard he has always known for as long as possible.
Plus I want to be on good terms with her family.They are thankfull for what I have done and have alot of respect for me.I don't want to mess all this up being an a--hole on the way out.I will be living in Cali and will probably run in to them.For a big city it is remarkably small in many ways.Seems everybody knows everybody.
Yeah it doesn't seem fair.Looks like I was used big time.But she was just looking out for herself and her son.And I do think she had good intentions.She just couldn't develop feelings of love for me.And I should not have married her unless she could.My mistake really.
I intend to look out for myself from now on.

Pete

[Jeff S]

... in response to Follow  up  # 1, the marriage, posted by Pete E on Oct 13, 2003

I wish you the best.

- Jeff

[mudd]

... in response to Follow  up  # 1, the marriage, posted by Pete E on Oct 13, 2003

i dont want to sound mean, but it sounds like she hit the jackpot, got her son and herself here, got a car and a monthly payment and will be in the good old USA. are you sure she didnt plan all this? hope she doesnt get on any government support program for her and her son, because you might also get that bill. if she felt trapped in a marriage, then why did she say "yes". sounds like she said "yes", if it worked out, good, if it didnt, oh well, im here now!!!!

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Follow  up  # 1, the marriage, posted by mudd on Oct 14, 2003

I have thought along those lines,and there is some truth in it.But I still think she is a good person,and although she certainly doesn't deserve it,at this point I am glad I can help them,since I can't get my money back anyway.It just FEELS so much better than being pissed off about it,which only hurts me.I did what I did.Its the second big F up of my life,there first one,my car business cost me more.But both of them were more fun than what I was doing before,and I survived.Plus my exit plan actually will cost me nothing.My creditors won't think I'm such a good guy.But thats why they pay 2% and charge up to 30%.

Pete

[Richard]

... in response to Re: Re: Follow  up  # 1, the marriage, posted by Pete E on Oct 14, 2003

I agree with your line of reasoning here. (I had the same attitude towards my ex.) Unfortunately, your creditors will hold it against you.  

Best wishes for you in the future.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Follow  up  # 1, the marriag..., posted by Richard on Oct 14, 2003

My credit will be screwed here.But there is no way they can get at me since I will be out of the country with secure bank accounts.But yeah,I'm burning some bridges big time.I hope I don't want to cross back over them again.
If I would have bailed 3 years ago I would have had plenty of money,butI didn't.

Pete

[Wanderer]

... in response to Follow  up  # 1, the marriage, posted by Pete E on Oct 13, 2003

Pete,

although I rarely if every post, I have read all your posts and have found them very helpful. I just wanted to wish you good luck and hopefully, life will change for the better very soon. Please continue to post on your forthcoming adventures in Colombia.

Wanderer

[wizard]

... in response to Follow  up  # 1, the marriage, posted by Pete E on Oct 13, 2003

Pete:

I would not for a second put all the blame on your shoulders... There is the little matter of your wife saying YES to being your wife and accepting the responsibilities that come with that committment...

Granted, nothing is forever, except of course death and taxes... The latter of which you will escape by leaving the USA and immigrating to a tax haven... Death is another story... My only advice is to enjoy the time you have and to hell with the rest... We all make mistakes in our life... The trick is to put them behind you, cut your loses and keep on truckin'...

Mark