another newbie!

[gkdrummer]

Hello People,

I've been following the board for about 2 months and, as my divorce will be final very soon (separated for 2 years prior), I have been considering the alternate path that most of you have traveled.  My ex is cuban-american, but a typical AW - came to the US when she was 7.  My only experience south of the US was a 10 day vacation in Rio last year, but I wasn't "in the market" then.  Anyway, I'd like to solicit your opinions on a few questions.  I do realize that they are just that, opinions, so please tell it the way you see it, I won't be offended.  I do also realize that there are always exceptions to the generalizations that arise when you solicit opinions, I'm just trying to get a feel for these questions in general.   Also, some of the questions are a bit "sensitive", but please don't interpret them to be "trolling",  I am genuinely curious and would appreciate your honest responses. --

1)  What method do you recommend to begin - correspondence or a visit just to get the feel?  My income is modest, and, being a single parent, I can't afford to visit very often.
2) My stats: 42 y/o, 6', 205 lbs, 11 y/o son, professional-by-day..part-time musician-by-night, average looks, speak almost-fluent spanish.---I would think a mid 30's lady would be my best bet, as I'm thinking long-term. Suggestions?
3) While I know that generalizations can be way off the mark - what is the colombianas attitude towards sex? While I am by no means a sex-fiend - I still have a few good years left and want to enjoy them!
4) I tend to enjoy smoking my "pipe" once in a while. What is the general attitude towards that with these ladies?
I know some of these topics are "sensitive" and, again, I apologize if anyone is offended.  It's just that these are real questions that I have and I know of no other place to pose them.  I'm sure I will think of many others right after I post this!

peace,
--gk

[Pete E]

... in response to another newbie!, posted by gkdrummer on Oct 16, 2003

Maybe I misunderstood,I was thinking you were talking about just smoking a pipe,as in tobacco.If you were refering to the other substance,it seems pretty common there,you can smell it walking down the street sometimes.How the girls would feel about it would probably depend on the girl.I would proceed carefully untill you find out.
Even cocaine use is common,I guess its very cheap.The only problem I heard of was a Colombiano a few people here knew dropped dead at about 45 one day.He was supposedly a heavy coke user.
But also,be carefull with the law.If in doubt,don't.You wouldn't like their jails.

Pete

[gkdrummer]

... in response to About the pipe, posted by Pete E on Oct 16, 2003

Thanks Pete E

Well, as I said in a previous post, it's not an obsession - just something that I was curious about - and I would never, EVER EVER, even think about it outside the US (well.....except for the 3 years I was in Germany . I have some former colleagues that hit Medellin. Think I need to plan one or two quick trips down there just to release my mind from the cages that are built around it from 20 yrs married to an AW!

[bigbdm4]

... in response to another newbie!, posted by gkdrummer on Oct 16, 2003

Hello, your honesty is refreshing.

I married a Brazilian because I like the country, and everything that happens there.  I speak Portuguese.  You might have a problem with the language if you choose Brazil, but many of the words are the same and most Brazilians can get by in Spanish.  I sort of feel like I am telling the person with no bread to eat cake instead.  

Colombia is great, but please remember that when you marry the girl, you take on her family, too, and her culture, language which you know so that's cool, her country, her fashions, her music, her cuisine, you can take the girl off the farm, but you can't take the farm off the girl.  My free advice is to consider carefully where you want to take the girl back home to every year to visit mama.

Argentina is also great.  Half the population of the entire country lives in Bs.As.  The girls are knockouts!  Chile is wonderful, too.  I know because I have been all around that part of South America.  Peru is also great, and if you want I can let you know the best agency in Lima.  Peru Connections.  Juan Sifuentes is the manager, he is a great guy.

My further free advice is don't bother using an agency unless you know the agency, and are sure they are legit.  I would advise instead to simply go there, and take your son if that is possible.  There are some agencies that have Internet web sites and you can see the girls and write letters and get acquainted, and that is wonderful, especially for Brazilians, because Brazilians are very chary of agencies, they smack of prostitution, and the girls don't want to meet a total stranger, especially in a hotel ballroom full of other girls and strange foreign men.  It is much better to write first.  Engaging an agency to meet a room full of women in a hotel is not what I would advise.

Your age is the perfect age for marriage.  You are mature but not over the hill, your personal smoking habits are just that, private, so don't play that card until the time comes.  Most of the women I have known in South American make no distinction between pot and coke.  In other words, drugs equals drugs.  They have no understanding of any of that kind of stuff.  So don't even mention it for the first few years of marriage.  Go smoke in the car, or something equally discreet.    

Thanks

Big B

[gkdrummer]

... in response to Re: another newbie!, posted by bigbdm4 on Oct 16, 2003

BigB - A very thoughtful response!  I did find the women from Rio very beautiful!  Unfortunately, I will probably stay farther North since my Spanish is pretty decent (I spoke Spanish 90% of the time in Rio, however).  Also, travel is shorter and maybe a bit cheaper.  However, your responses seem to be good advice regardless of where I go.  Obrigado!

--gk
sarasota, fl

[denvermike]

... in response to another newbie!, posted by gkdrummer on Oct 16, 2003

Lots of good comments from the guys. Just thought I would add my thoughts.  

1)  If you are in no particular hurry and you kind of want to stick your toe in the water, and you are not really ready to jump into the deep end, try the writing campaign with 15 or 20 ladies through internet websites like Amigos.com with women from several countries like Colombia and Peru. It is a fairly inexpensive way to do it.  Your Spanish skills will really be a big advantage over your typical gringo.  You are younger than most at the game, you could do pretty well. Keep in mind any chica on the net is corresponding with a bunch of guys too, so you have to keeps your hopes and dreams under control and not really expect too much. But hey you might get real lucky.

If you are really ready, pick an agency and go for it.  But be forewarned, be careful of what you ask for because you may just might get it. You must answer the question, am I really ready for a new relationship because it could get hot and heavy very quick.  Also be prepared for several trips south.

2)I would advise you to look in the 25 to 35 range, you should find lots of interesting ladies at that age.  But don't get too hung up on the age, you might find a real sweetheart that is younger than 25.

3) The guys are right, there is just no way to tell on the sex question. I have dated all types of ladies from Colombia.  Ones that would not have sex until after "I Do".  Ones that would not have sex until the old "ring and a date" business. There was one woman with whom I had great sex on the first date.  Be careful of the coy ones who fake chastity but are anything but chaste.  

4) On the use of your "green" tobacco, most SA women I have known have been opposed to it.  I would think it is considered a very high risk behavior for them.  I would not mention it to them.

One question to you, does your son speak Spanish too? If he does it will be a big help.  If not, it could be a barrier to a new relationship.

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: another newbie!, posted by denvermike on Oct 16, 2003

Agree with denvermike, writing is a good way to get started at least, AND to weed out some undesirables. Most of those types won't take the time/patience to write. I placed my own ad with South of the Border and got excellent results, beyond my expectations. At the same time, my (now) wife was running an ad on kiss.com which I answered.

I suggest writing to several ladies in the same area. Plan a trip to meet two or three during the same trip. It's easy to get too involved with one specific girl before you go, try to avoid that because you want several options on your trip if your first choice doesn't work out. In Cali, Bogota, Cartegena, and Lima, there are agencies you can contact if your penpal options don't pan out, giving you a plan to fall back on if NONE of the ones you wrote to are happening.

Some on this board think writing is a waste of time, not too popular with the instant gratification crowd. But it does help you get started especially if you don't have the money/time to travel right now. Flip side is- if you find a few that sound good, don't wait forever to go meet them either. A few months at most or she will think you are not serious.

Good Luck

[Pete E]

... in response to another newbie!, posted by gkdrummer on Oct 16, 2003

I would just study the situation and go.Pick an agency that sounds good and stay there,much easier than commuting to an office to meet aq girl.Although there are alot of other choices I think the largest number of attractive available women are in Cali.I would just check out Latin Encounters,All Colombian Girls,Latin Internet or Latin Best.
Then catch a plane.You can write first if you like but I don't recommend it.Much  effort for a girl you never met,plus entanglements when you get there if you don't hit it off.
As Far as age you can have them down to 20 if you want.I would suggest 25 plus.But its a whole different thing than here,don't limit yourself with the attitudes here.
You also need to consider where you are with kids.Allmost all hese Colombianas either have kids or want them.
As far as sex,they are all over the place.Don't presume anything.I did.Big mistake.If they really care for you it should be no problem,but I wouldn't recommend marriage before sex.Don't gamble with something so important.Most Colombianas are very affectionate and sensual,and most would probably be a great sexual partner if they love you. But most leaves some others.don't risk it.
Smoking,no problem.They tend to smoke there.They also are not uptight about drinking,its also done alot there.
Just catch a plane.Its a mind blowing experience.Like getting to the oasis after crawling accross the desert.
Just be carefull,take your time,take any inconsistencies seriously.Then you can report back and tell us what you found.

Pete

[cancunhound]

... in response to another newbie!, posted by gkdrummer on Oct 16, 2003

1)  Whatever fits your budget - but it's best to get down there.
2)  That's your call
3)  Lets just say generally they're not prude
4)  Depends what's in that "pipe".  Colombians primarily export, they don't smoke it (at least not the gals you'd be interested in).    Regular tobacco - no problem, many gals smoke down there and if I had to guess -  most men.

[gkdrummer]

... in response to Re: another newbie!, posted by cancunhound on Oct 16, 2003

thanks for the response cchound!  And, I also forgot to thank all you other regulars that keep this list going.  As far as my "pipe" - well, it's green, not brown or white - and not an obsession, just on occasion.  Just wondering if that was a huge issue with these ladys.  I thought a mid-30's lady would be a better choice for the long-term, as they might be less likely to leave for greener pastures, kind of an issue with me after my last wife (she was 5 years younger - but a typical AW, so I can't compare to LW)

[Locii]

... in response to Re: Re: another newbie!, posted by gkdrummer on Oct 16, 2003

I cannot speak to #1 other than writing domestic girls, but it seems to be the case that one should 'write for fun and entertainment' more than trying to really get to know somebody and make lots of plans.  

#2:  Ok you asked for opinion my opinion.  I will give you this...this question speaks volumes about where you are coming from.  You and I are not in disimilar situations, so I truly mean this constructively...I think you have a negative approach.  Age is about as material as you make it.  If you try a relationship with 19 year old, well it will be challenged since nobody at that age gnerally knows themselves, but your son will appreciate it.  For me, long term is a couple of years.  For you I can only guess that long term is more than 2 but less than 50?  Do you plan on getting married?  I don't, since marriage is merely a business contract in the US and no longer has meaningful behavioral considerations.  I say that only because there seems to be a 'default think' at times around here that this is planet-marriage and not planet-love.  These are really the questions you might want to ask...that is determine your genuine goals.

#3.  42?  A few good years left?  Good god man, I'm 37 and only just got started.  You're scaring me.  Being divorced from an AW and dated several, and dated LW, EW, and one EW-AW-(wait what is african woman?) mix, I daresay that sexual attitudes differ.  But I find that the minute you cross the US border, sex becomes more natural (be warned, this can be a bit of a shock in the best ways if your new to it).  At the risk of making a real generalization, the non-AW I have known are sexually much more fun.

#4. Who cares?  Ha until I read your reply to the reply, I figured you were a pot smoker.  I wouldn't sweat this one in the least.

I really mean it when I suggest you turn your thinking around, and do it constructively.  I find only AW will opine on your sex habits, smoking habits, and be overtly concerned with age.  A LW will, but only long long after she knows you.  From what you posted, it is clear you are a polite person who is interested in the feelings of others.  Be yourself and sure of what you want and the response will surprise you, I promise.

If you can, go.  If you have contacts from your previous trip, consider Brazil again.

Ciao

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: another newbie!, posted by Locii on Oct 16, 2003

I, also wasn't overly focused on getting married when I met my foreign bride, as some posters seem to convey (how quickly and cheaply can I get this over with,) though once we met, it became apparent to me that that was the direction we were heading. Relax, have fun, and take what life offers upo to you is a healthier approach. Desperation can lead to some seriously flawed decisions.

Also, I say "AMEN" to your points about non-American women being so different from their stateside cousins. They simply haven't been heavily indoctrinated in what they're supposed to think and do by the onslaught of media, so they end up far more feminine if left to their own devices and local upbringing.

- Jeff S.

[gkdrummer]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: another newbie!, posted by Locii on Oct 16, 2003

thanks for your input!  That is exactly the type of opinion I am looking for - honest.  I have been looking at this idea with marraige in mind, so when I say long-term, I mean lifetime.  Since I have quite a few more years in the US raising my son, I don't see how I can have a relationship with a LW any other way.  As far as the age, I have already had plenty of experience with my ex - LW & LM constantly asking her why she was with a gringo, which I feel definitely played a role in her decision to leave me and our son to live with a fat, ugly, illegal mexican.  I know I still have issues, but I also feel that bringing a young hottie to the US is an invitation for breakup.  I have to admit that I have seen more on this board to confirm that belief than oppose it.  I am not concerned with finding a "10", but I'm not gonna say that appearance doesn't carry any weight either.  I'm glad there are folks out there like you guys who will take the time to share your experience with others!

--gk

[JimmySTLOUIS]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: another newbie!, posted by gkdrummer on Oct 16, 2003

Hi and Welcome

I am new here also. This is a great board!

I have to tell you that if you speak Spanish you are WAY ahead of the pack. You have it made!

If I were you I would play it slow. I myself would never go on a tour because if you cant talk to the women then how can you really do anything. If I did speak Spanish I would go on a tour and look for chemistry first and then sort out the rest. I am going the write, write, call, write and then meet -  method with one girl. She speaks english and communication is #1 with me.

If Colombia scares you a little then consider Peru. If money is a concern then you could always just buy a few e-mails from matchingsys.com. I only spent $50 so far and could have got away with just $25. Look over all the girls and make a list. Then request (only 2 per day) the e-mails from your list. I am telling you $25 will go a long way if you speak Spanish. ALSO for another $25 they sent my profile out to all the ladies on their mailing list and I got a lot of good leads from that one.

Best of luck to you.

Jim

[gkdrummer]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: another newbie!, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 16, 2003

Thanks Jim -

Between raising my son and my job and my weekend band and school (finishing my CPA requirements) - I'm thinking it will be a while before I can work in a woman, but seems like a good idea to visit and get the lay of the land, although a lot of these guys got me worried that I may become smitten within 2 hours of arrival !!  :-)