Maybe I was terribly wrong

[JunFan]

... in response to Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by Pete E on Sep 30, 2003

Pete,
I feel for you bud.  As you know, I was only married for 4 months to my Colombian wife.  And even then, the divorce process was a horrible thing to have to go through.  But yours will be much tougher, mentally & financially.

If I were you I would start stashing away as much CASH as possible before one of you files.  And I'm talking about hard cash, not traceable.  Find somewhere safe to keep it that she will never know, even if you have to bury it.  You may really need it sometime soon.  Try to accumulate as much as possible this way.

The good news is if you have accumulated alot of debt, that should be shared by the both of you.

Don't underestimate what a pissed off woman will do in divorce proceedings.

JunFan

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by JunFan on Sep 30, 2003

Mike,
Thanks for the imput.I am working on it.As I said,I thought you did the right thing because I thought it was what I should have been doing but didn't do.

Pete

[Jeff S]

... in response to Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by Pete E on Sep 30, 2003

Wishing you the best outcome under the circumstances.

- Jeff

[JSlo]

... in response to Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by Pete E on Sep 30, 2003

Pete,
I wish you the best, emotions are quite difficult to contain when you have been lied to and ignored. Hang in there, I know you will meet someone deserving and most importantly follow your own advice that you gave to the youngster sometime ago.
Here is a situation that I'd like to get input on. This situation is kind of unique. What do you think?

My friend married a Dominican girl a year ago.  He is now miserable and wants to get out of the marriage.  He told her she needs to go.  She told him no.  She's not going to leave.  He tried bribery.  No go.  Tried threats.  No go.  He lives in california and touching her is out of the question.  Any ideas on how he can get this woman out of his house.

[Bubba]

... in response to Re: Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by JSlo on Sep 30, 2003

First contact a good divorce lawyer to make sure what he does is correct.  Once he files, he should be able to get a restraining order and then have her served and she would have to move out.

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by Pete E on Sep 30, 2003

Pete

Thanks for these gut-wrenching updates.  I hope you stick to your plans.  I think you're making the right decision for 2 reasons:

1 - No sex in 3 months.  Why be married if there's no affection?  The only reason I can think of is if she's paying the bills, and we know that's not the case.

2 - She admitted to the counselor she has no feelings for you.  Enough said.

Protect yourself financially the best you can.  Protect yourself physically, even if you think there's no need.  You never know.  The three Colombanos in my house all seem to think that violence is a justifiable alternative when they get angry.  Makes me look at the interminable Colombian war in a different light.

These foreign bride marriages are far less idyllic than we would hope for in most cases.  My wife has met a number of them since she's been here.  I know three of them by sight.  In each case the woman (2 Colombians, 1 Mexican) is unhappy with her husband and 2 of them, I know, are seeing other men.  And my ex-Colombiana claimed she never met a foreign bride here who wanted to be with her husband (including her).

Pete, it's not your fault.  Sometimes they just aren't honest with us.  If you really want someone to love you, you can find one in Latin America, but you have to chose very carefully.  Usually the "hot" ones aren't with us because they want us.  But there are a lot of "warm" ones that can make a good partner.

Steve

[Freddie]

... in response to Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by Pete E on Sep 30, 2003

Pete, Sorry to hear about the way things are heading but all I can tell you is SLOW DOWN!

I've been there, as I'm sure many others have too. You feel like your head is spinning and you don't see any other alternative than to just run away.

But before you do you need to slow the spinning down. Get a firm grip on things. Take stock of everything, good and bad. I'm not even talking about your marriage, which appears to be over.

I'm talking about where you go from here. Look at things without all the drama. Approach your situation as an outsider would. Get it down on paper if it will help. Make an evaluation of your assets and what your are likely to sacrifice in a divorce. Most things are just STUFF. Don't turn every little thing into a battle.

Just remember to keep calm and rational. Someone has to in a situation like this. You will NEVER win an arguemnt or screaming match with a Latin Woman. You're only position will be to remain calm and in control as she goes out of control. You are the man but you can't overpower her.

There is little chance of reasoning with her especially if she's yelling at you. You must learn to just walk away. Once she's calmed down maybe you can have a conversation. Until you can both talk rationally there will be nothing positive said or gained.

It's not a pleasant experience but it looks like you will be better in the long run. Life is too short to be miserable. You will survive.

Just hang in there and don't give up on yourself.

[anzo]

... in response to Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by Pete E on Sep 30, 2003

maybe you were wrong in this instance, but the important thing is that
things came to a head-any drastic change in a relationship needs a pivot
point and it sounds like you just got yours. You didn't really want to
waste another 6 months, or more, only to end up like this eventually, did
you? Part as amicably as possible and move on. The one you'll end up
with is down there somewhere by herself right now. Good luck
Anzo

[moam]

... in response to Re: Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by anzo on Sep 30, 2003

You are right anzo, I told Pete the same thing, there is for sure a beautiful loving woman that is capable and ready to give him the love that he desires and needs, and she only requires a good man to give it to.

Pete, now that the cards are on the table, turn off the lights and close the door, sooner rather than later, you will get no more now from your soon to be ex-wife than you have gotten in the past few months. Let it be as civil and as soon as possible, life is just too short to waste on people that are not headed in your direction, including family members.

You're a good man Pete, you and your wife both deserve to be happy, make it happen for your own well being and peace of mind!

PS. I just got back from Phoenix, I will get you more info on Panama and we can pick up where we left off.

moam

[QuitoMan]

... in response to Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by Pete E on Sep 30, 2003

Pete,

 I am so, so sorry to hear all that. Here was I feeling excited about my first 2 customers and coming to check the board - and then I read your very moving account. Kind of puts everything into perspective. I am so sorry that it hasn't worked out for you - and no matter how much you may have been in denial, once someone says they have no feelings for you there's really not much to say after that.

 You seem to have put 110% into your marriage and just by doing that you you are really opening yourself to experience tremendous highs and tremendous lows - but you are treading where many men never tread because they can't commit themselves fully. I know that as I have struggled with it in the past - it's a part of my makeup that I acknowledge and try to change.

 Considering how she is treating you, you are behaving very well. When we men feel despair which of us haven't drunk ourselves to oblivion on occasion? I certainly have.
It's not helpful but it's entirely understandable. As is the shouting by the way. No shouting = no passion. If she stopped to reflect on why you were shouting she may realise how much you cared for her and loved her.

 You are doing well to cast your eyes to the future now.
Because in the future we can find hope. Without hope we are lost.

 I hope the coming days you receive a lot of support from your friends.

Steve

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by QuitoMan on Sep 30, 2003

Steve,
Even though this has not turned out well for me I still believe its possible.I have a number of friends who are doing very well.Its the best alternative I know of and I have always said if my marriage ended I would be right back down there,which I will be.For me a woman has to be attractive or why bother.
One thing I said when Jun Fan split with his wife was its smart to do it quicker rather than later if it isn't working.I was thinking thats what I should have done.But unlike him I'm not down on the process.But he is a young guy,he can do OK here.Not me.Not now.No way.
So yes,its very possible to screw up.But its not inevitable.
The main thing is get to know them and be sure they love you.Hell I still don't know my wife and I've been with her almost 4 years.She is a mystery.I get no imformation.I have to try and figure it out.But now obvious,so it doesn't matter.

Pete

[MikePastore]

... in response to Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by Pete E on Sep 30, 2003

Sometimes I comfort myself by saying " Well, I can still wait til I am 55. look at Pete" I am 49 and had hoped to get to SA sooner than this.
Pete,just cash in your chips and go buy an agency so us stragglers have a place to go. Maybe Jim C needs a partner?

[burbuja2]

... in response to Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by Pete E on Sep 30, 2003

Pete, I feel really awkward giving you advice since I sort of regard you as the Dean of this Board.  Nevertheless, the issue as to whether your wife has a boyfriend at this point is immaterial.  The woman has lied to you and has admitted that she has no feelings for you.  You know what you have to do.  Go see an attorney (female) pronto who specializes in family law.  There may be some things you can do to preserve your assets.  Look into the possibility of an annullment based on fraud.  You do not deserve this.  E-mail me with your number if you want to talk at burbuja2@cox.net.

[lswote]

... in response to Maybe I was terribly wrong, posted by Pete E on Sep 30, 2003

Yeah Pete, I think it's time to bail.  I think your plan on moving south is good as it will give you time to get to know someone new and will definitely give you a change of scenery which will be a big help right now.