First Post - my story

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: First Post - my story, posted by denvermike on Oct 3, 2003


Hi Mike,

If an agency lady that I never met, wanted me to see her exclusively, I would view that as an unreasonable expectation and possibly, dare I say this, might be a little manipulative on her part.  Not wanting to sound negative, but that fact remains, both are agency members and as of yet, no commitments have been made to each other.  Inviting Jim to her home may be innocent and well intended, but she might be wanting to monopolize his time. Personally, I would rather have a lady who would want me to meet other ladies at first or at least understand an initial desire for this.  If I did meet other ladies and then wanted to spend more time with her later because I felt she was the one I was most interested in and wanted to develop a more meaningful relationship with her, shows a maturity and a confidence I like in a woman and pays her a compliment as well.  

If Jim has an opportunity to meet other women he certainly would be getting more value on his membership (that sounds terrible, doesn't it?) and he would have a better understanding of the different women he could meet through the agency.  By staying at her home he has potentially created a situation that he might regret and have to chalk up to experience.  On the other hand, it might have a story book ending and she might be the only one he wants to spend all his time with.  It's also a two way street for the lady.  Personally, I'd take it slow, meet many women, and focus in on a few or perhaps one, after spending face to face time with all of them.

Jim could tell her that he is very interested in getting to know her, meeting her family, etc., and that he also was going to meet a few other ladies at the agency then this lady should understand this.  No need to hide this or feel like he's created a situation that would hurt and offend her.

Whatever you do, keep us posted Jim and have a great time!  Hopefully, you won't find any tattoos on her with your name spelled "JIMM".  Right Bueller? ;-)

Pablo

[denvermike]

... in response to Re: Re: First Post - my story, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 2, 2003

Staying at her house will be interesting, you will be treated like a king no doubt.  Your lack of Spanish will become evident. You are jumping into the deep end of the pool buddy good luck. She maybe be expecting a permanent arrangment from you, like a ring!

Remember when you fly out of Lima you have to pay an airport tax, about two weeks ago it was $28.24 USD for international flights so have some cash on you.

Carry lots of small bills like ones, fives, and tens in US money it comes in handy, everybody takes the greenback.  There are lots of ATMs at the airport. You can get both dollars and soles there. They give you big bills so you will need to get some change when you can.

You will get a clear picture of her home life and her family. Best advice, have a great time, go with the flow, and try to eat all the food they put in front of you even if don't what it is.

You will see first hand Peruvian hospitality.  In Chile no one would ever invite to their house that soon.

Have a great time.

mike

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: First Post - my story, posted by denvermike on Oct 2, 2003

Be careful what you drink in Peru.  I think I've seen several reports on TV that people in Peru like to put live frogs in a blender and then, yes, they drink it.  (Sorry about that PETA.  I'm not advocating this; it's just a warning.)

Steve

[moam]

... in response to Peruvian Drinks - Ribbit, posted by DallasSteve2 on Oct 3, 2003

Steve,
no need to apologize to the PETA crowd, PETA actually means, People Eating Tasty Animals.

[Jeff S]

... in response to First Post - my story, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 2, 2003

That's not so unusual an age spread for Latinas. I have two out of 20 working for me who's husbands are that much or more older - nearly half have husbands 10 years older.

Anyway, no devils advocate here. Wishing you the besty and please keep us posted. My only advice is a couple inches down th eboard here:

http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/latin/messages/48067.html

- Jeff

[JimmySTLOUIS]

... in response to Good Luck Jimmy., posted by Jeff S on Oct 2, 2003

Thanks Jeff

I read that one and tryed to ignore it - but it did hit home
thanks bro

jim

[CaliAdvisor]

... in response to First Post - my story, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 2, 2003

My advice to your would be to also take DallasSteve's advice and set up encounter's with several Peruvians while you are down there. Do not put all your eggs in one basket.

Latinas are very good at making you feel obligated to spend time exclusively with them, but you have no obligation to a person you have never met in person, so you should arrange other meeting with the list of 40-50 girls that you liked. You can be absolutely sure that your girl has not taken herself off the market to Peruvian men just because you guys have a dialouge going. At 19, cute, and in a university setting as you say, she definetely has as steady stream of friends, boyfriend and suitors in her life. And DO NOT believe her if she tells you otherwise. You just need to accept it. At 19, meeting an older american man is a practical decision, not necesarily one based on passion.

I havent been putting much attention to this board lately, but I saw you are a new poster with an unbaised view so I thought I would add my two cents.

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to First Post - my story, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 2, 2003

Jim

That's a nice story.  I hope everything works out for you two.  Here are my thoughts:

1 - You never know if you really have something until you meet in person.  When you meet in person she may not feel that chemistry, or you may not feel that chemistry.  You just don't know (even if you think you do) until you meet.

2 - You're making a long trip.  Can you afford to repeat that process every time you find a woman you're interested in in another country?  If not, can you afford to stay a long time in Peru if your sweetheart turns out to be a mismatch and try to meet other women?

3 - 17 years age difference is still a lot.  I'm 17 years older than my wife, so I know what I'm talking about.  You're still relatively young at 36.  The bigger problem is that she is very, very young at 19.  They can quickly change their minds as a few years pass.  She's just 19.  I married one who was 21 (20 years younger, not much different that 17).  It crashed and burned.

Steve

[JimmySTLOUIS]

... in response to Re: First Post - my story, posted by DallasSteve2 on Oct 2, 2003

Thanks Steve

I appreciate the help.
About #2 I posted above. There is no way she would even let me think of seeing another girl. It would break her heart and I couldnt do that.
I do have enough FFM to go back and forth a few times.

ON THIS SUBJECT - I think too many guys go down there on these "loser tours" (and dont take offense because I am right there with you)  and expect a combination of an orgy and a possible spouse meeting at the same time.

I am going the route of establishing real conversation about hopes and dreams, feelings etc. Then I want to go down and try to find out if they are real or not.
If it doesnt work out - I feel that I did my best and I wil move on.

About the age thing: I am 36 and the women I date here all have soooo many issues that change daily. I remember how my wife was when she was 22 (when we got married) and I guess that I am looking for that pure love type thing without all the issues.
THe way I look at is that I had 12 years with a women that I only am remembering the good things about. If I have X number of years with a nice cute loving girl that that OK with me too. I stil will remember the good times and keep smiling!

jim

[CaliAdvisor]

... in response to Re: Re: First Post - my story, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 2, 2003

Ok.. Here is where I think you are mistaken.. And I really don't mean to be critical here..

You are worrying about "breaking the heart" of a girl who        
   A) You have never met before and have had not physical
      contact with.
   B) In all probability has her own Peruvian boyfriend in addition to you.

You need to do whats best for you and meet a few girls. If you are really serious about marrying, you need to maximize your time and not put all your eggs into one basket. Because believe me, she is not putting all her eggs into one basket either. At this stage, you dont owe her anything. The point of the visit is to see where things lead.  

Obviously you dont need to tell her that you are meeting other women. That would be creating unnecesary conflict. Just make a few appointments on the side.

[Calipro]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: First Post - my story, posted by CaliAdvisor on Oct 2, 2003

Aaron, I mean CaliAdvisor!

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: First Post - my story, posted by CaliAdvisor on Oct 2, 2003

Cali Advisor wrote:

At this stage, you don't owe her anything.

That is very good advice.  Once I met a woman in Cali and I wasn't sure if she was right for me, but she kept pursuing me.  I couldn't bring myself to break it off with her because she seemed to be really in love with me.  Another Cali veteran told me, to do what's right for me because I "dont owe her anything".

Now she's washing the dishes in my kitchen.  But it's still good advice.

Steve

[Freddie]

... in response to Re: First Post - my story, posted by DallasSteve2 on Oct 2, 2003

While the age difference is not a BIG deal (my wife and I are 18 yrs apart) it can be a problem since she is SO YOUNG.
Fortunatle my wife was 27 when I met her and had already been married for a short time so the "novelty" of getting married (and to an American) wasn't such a big deal.

Did you know what you wanted to do at 19? Have you changed your mind a few times since then? I'm 50 and I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up.

I'm all for everyone on this board finding true love and happiness but I would recommend taking it slow. Get to know this girl FACE TO FACE before making any long-term plans.

Sounds like you both are getting excited by the prospect of meeting and getting all wrapped up in the future. Let's not lose sight of the reality of spending day to day with this person who you've only talked to on the phone.

How does she handle stress? How will she adapt to living in America? How much will she miss her family? What are her expectations for life with you?

These are questions for everyone but especially if getting involved with someone so young. They think they know what they want but that can often change with the seasons.

Go to Peru with an open mind. Meet her and her family. Take some time to really evaluate things. It might sound cold-hearted but you have to be clear-headed and realistic. That euphoria of first meeting someone will only take you so far.

Just be wary and good luck.

[JimmySTLOUIS]

... in response to I have to agree with Steve., posted by Freddie on Oct 2, 2003

Thanks for the help

All good points and well taken.

Look at it this way. I can keep dating these 38 year old women who have 2-3 kids and ex husbands with issues. There first husband was crappy so the next one better be MR PERFECT.
Or I can date 38 year old never married women who have been into themselves for soooo many years that George Cloony himself could not make an impact on them. These women are so perfect that no man could even come close to the standards that are needed to "sweep them off their feet".Did you know that going to the mall takes priority over EVERYTHING? Boy did I learn that one.

Or I can deal with a few issues with a hot young girl who in totally into the whole thing. It looks to be to fun and interesting to me anyway.
Peru girls expectations seem so much easier to meet.

thanks again

jim

[Cherinha]

... in response to Re: I have to agree with Steve., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Oct 2, 2003

Well.... Well.. I think all issues can and will be debated.  But what it comes down to, is between the two people making the decision.  Every situation is different, all people are too. Chemistry... a must!!!  Things in person is always the tester!!!

The comments made above are so true in many situations and need to be heard... for they have, can, and will happen again in history!!!  They have pointed out some very good "real issues" that need to be considered!

However you made a very good POSITIVE statement..."THe way I look at is that I had 12 years with a women that I only am remembering the good things about."  Another poster here... commented that they would rather have the 2 years with a beautiful fun person, then be alone that entire time.  

Shoot for the forever mark in a relationship... but when it stops short of it... count the good times.

So many odd matched relationships work... are happier... and last.  My advise is to consider all advice, weigh, and make the best decision your heart and mind see is right.

You owe it to YOURSELF, AND YOUR FUTURE GENERATIONS, to not limit your options... NOT to someone you have never met, only dating, or engaged to.  Don't settle for less!!! (that doesn't mean be inconsiderate or hurt someone though you seem like a very nice guy concerned with others feelings.)  GOOD LUCK!!!!!!! Cheryl