... in response to Re: To my wifes friends, posted by JSlo on Oct 1, 2003Thanks,
I'm not feeling sorry for myself.It feels good to admit the truth.Its the denial and the lies that are hard to take,that drive me crazy,get me screaming angry.
When we ended it with the counsoler,like we have nothing to work with here,I was feeling big about it when the truth was finally admitted with the counsoler.It was a relief just face the truth,even is not what I would have liked.But I knew it anyway.It felt good just dumping the bullsh!t lies and denial.I said,and I feel now,that people come and go in our lives.Sometimes its for a temporary purpose.Some times we give,sometimes we recieve.Sometimes we are able to help someone and it costs us little,sometimes alot.
The song I was thinking of was Turn,Turn,Turn," a time for every season under heaven."2 months before my fiance died 18 years ago her friend died of cancer.They sang it at her funeral.When My fiance unexpectedly died,20 miniutes before we were to be married (heart failure,mitral valve prolapse,sometimes the first sign is sudden death.I think the excitement brought it on)) ,I had the same people come and sing it at her funeral.My mother died the next day.I have had lots of people die in my life including my father at 16.I have gone broke and bankrupt in business and lost every thing I had.I always do good with the big stuff.Its little stuff like not admitting lies that drive me crazy and can get me very angry.I Can take a spiritual viewpoint about the big stuff.My spiritual view is not traditional religion.But if we,our soul never dies then what is our purpose?Life is a never ending lesson.Some of them are harder than others.Our purpose is to love and to learn.This is what people who have had near death experiences tell us.
I have been lucky enough and selfish enough in my life.It doesn't have to hurt me to give,even if in strange unconventional ways.
For whatever reason this is what I did.I should at least get the lesson from it.
A time for every purpose under heaven.
Pete