Newbie Question-Perhaps Naive

[littlebhuddha]

... in response to Re: Newbie Question-Perhaps Naive, posted by senge on Oct 4, 2003

Have you ever been to the PI? How many filipinas have you met? In 20 years in the Navy I have probably been there 50 times. Living in San Diego, I deal with them almost daily. I like the filipino people but would rather drive a burning stake through my heart than marry one. I have seen so many young American sailors fall in love with a lady in PI, marry her and bring her back to the states only to have her leave for a filipino already here. I have seen such marriages be very successful but less than 10%. The filipino people are much less accepting of interracial marriages than latinos. Your filipina wife will be under incredible pressure from other filipinos to leave you and join her "own" people once she is here. Latinos are much more willing to assimilate with the general population than filipinos. If you would like to know what you are in for try becoming a part of the filipino community in a social setting. Be prepared to be completely ignored. You are not wanted there and if you have a filipina wife she will be ostrisized (sp) and you will be rejected completely. Filipinas with American husbands can only socialize with filipinas with American husbands. I wish you luck. You will need it regardless of where you look. It is not your money or citizenship that will ensure a successful relationship, its your heart. Put your heart on your sleeve and see who bites. Then you will know.

[Cali vet]

... in response to You've got to be kidding!, posted by littlebhuddha on Oct 4, 2003

I met an American who had been married twice to Philipinas. Each one left him, their Philipina girlfriends saying "you can do better than him" after they had their green cards.

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Newbie Question-Perhaps Naive, posted by senge on Oct 4, 2003

quote:
"But...we have this incredible thing here called 'agencies' which allows you to fly down to Columbia and flash your money and your American nationality to some poor and desperate LW and guess what...your fantasy becomes a reality!! Isn't that great!"

WTF?  You really need to travel a little before offering credible advice.  Maybe the latinas in British Columbia are "poor and desperate", I couldn't say - I haven't been there and really don't care to.  Now in Colombia, SA - you should not venture there if that is your perception of latinas.  Please go to the Phillipines.

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: Newbie Question-Perhaps Naive, posted by senge on Oct 4, 2003

I believe that as long as you aren't looking for a hot young piece of arm candy, then you can find a good woman for a lasting marriage in any place.  A man's results depend way more on himself than where he goes.  That said, I think there's a higher preponderance of men seeking women primarily for their sex appeal in Latin America than in the Philippines.  There's more emphasis on sex on the Latin board than the Asian board.  It's not the women that (may) make marriages to Latinas less successful, it’s what the men are seeking.

Perhaps it also has something to do with the different approaches. Agencies are illegal in the Philippines.  You can't go there and experience the "kid in the candy store" syndrome like you can in many Latin countries (especially Colombia).  You can't go to an agency in the Philippines and meet women.  Men looking for Filipinas either use pen-pal type agencies, meet women on-line through chat rooms, or get in contact with women through acquaintances.  I suspect that a correspondence period followed by a visit probably rends to de-emphasizes the sexual attraction that drives many men in Latin America.  Latin women tend to dress more provocatively as well.  Perhaps that's a factor also.

[JSlo]

... in response to Re: Newbie Question-Perhaps Naive, posted by senge on Oct 4, 2003

I felt compelled to post a contrasting point of view as I consider the first response skewed and contradictory. Contradictory in the sense that the poster says that I will consider filipinas and basically no more latinas, whereas the process and laws governing immigration is basically the same. You will find latinas and filipinas willing to leave everything behind to have an opportunity to experience self-fulfillment, something that exists in small quantities in their countries. If they can find a man they are truly interested in so much the better as they can have love and the opportunity to express themselves. I have stated before that the majority of men that I have met in my travels to south america (not only Colombia) believe that American citizenship equals pick of the litter while in reality they themselves were sad cases. They thus become vehicles for the woman to realize her dreams and love really never enters the picture although the man will confess his love to the nations. I do not believe in agencies (they work for some) and it is my belief that if the man does not speak some spanish he is setting himself up to be a vehicle and/or failure in SA. Communication is vital!!!
I could debate point by point the posters point of view with relative ease, but I believe that a person of average intelligence can see that his argument for the most part is baseless and without merit. If traditional values are dear to you, if you take your time, have the resources to travel and are satisified with self, then you will have no problems finding a latina that is filled with beauty internally as well as physically. She will treat you as a man and expect you to take the lead in the family arrangement. That is the biggest difference for me between AW and latinas. I believe in traditional values and I will look where my needs will be met. If I found an AW with the values that I cherish, she'd be a serious contender as well. I'm faced with the problem of selecting the right one as I have several contacts that I have made in SA, I made it a point to inform each one that I am seriously looking for a wife and they are not the only one I'm talking to. I can only hope that I make the right decision, but time is my ally as I'm in no rush.
JSlo

[senge]

... in response to Re: Re: Newbie Question-Perhaps Naive, posted by JSlo on Oct 4, 2003

Come on, JSlo,

Baseless and without merit?

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Newbie Question-Perhaps Naive, posted by senge on Oct 4, 2003

Senge

I'll speak for the men who would chase the fantasy, since I've done so.

If I'm going to spend my money on a woman it's going to be someone I'm excited about being with.  That wasn't happening here in the US.  I knew the risks involved and decided that at my age I was willing to take a chance.  You only live once, and I want to feel that I experienced some of the good life while I was here.  Now I have.

I already made a family with children when I was younger so it's not as important to me whether this marriage lasts forever or not.  I hope it does.  If she wants to stay, that's fine with me.  If not, at this point I can handle being alone, too.  I don't think I would go back for another wife at this point, but that's me.

My question for you is "Why do you think that the Filipines will be a better source of wife material?"  It seems to me that the motivations for them coming to the US are going to be very similar to the motivations for Colombian women to come to the US.  Please don't tell me that you believe everything you read on the Cherry Blossoms website.

Steve

[senge]

... in response to Colombian Fantasy Chaser Responds, posted by DallasSteve2 on Oct 4, 2003

DallasSteve you make an excellent point when you said...

"I already made a family with children when I was younger so it's not as important to me whether this marriage lasts forever or not. I hope it does."

Herein lies what I feel is the main difference in philosophies in posters on this board.  The vast majority of men  here have 'been there, done that' with the marriage/children thing.  Once you go through that first divorce, you never really have the same respect for the common idealogy of dating, courtship, and lifelong marraige.  

2nd or 3rd marriages for divorced men are like leasing cars; enjoy something new and fresh and then give it back in a few years...Is'nt that the underlying assumption with most posters here?

There's nothing wrong, per se, with that type of mentality, but I have never been married and I'm sick of the single scene.  I want to try the 'happily ever after' deal first, and if I should get a divorce, then I would probably be like most of the guys here and go the agency-rent-a-wife route too.

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Colombian Fantasy Chaser Responds, posted by senge on Oct 4, 2003

Senge

You asked a question:

2nd or 3rd marriages for divorced men are like leasing cars; enjoy something new and fresh and then give it back in a few years...Is'nt that the underlying assumption with most posters here?

I've got an answer:

That is not the underlying assumption with most posters here, IMO.  I didn't leave my Colombian wife.  She left me.  I tried to get her to come back, even though I knew she had been running around with another man.  I wasn't planning to give her back in a few years.  She was.

I think if you look at most of the failed marriages here the woman decided to bolt.  That doesn't fit the pattern you've described.  Call us foolish if you wish, but our intentions are honorable in most cases.  I'm surprised more of the men here haven't called you on this one.

Steve

[senge]

... in response to Woah!, posted by DallasSteve2 on Oct 4, 2003

Actually, Steve,

I would bet the reason for why these women left the men can be traced to poor decision making from the man.  Lets face it, and its hard to face, but the use of agencies to attain a spouse is a gross abomination of tradition courtship rituals in America and many other countries, including latin American countries.  Certain male/female courtship patterns, which have been passed down from generations, are corrupted, if not completely ignored, when men choose the 'agency' route.  The rituals of dating a woman; including asking her out every Saturday night, hanging out with mutual friends, going out on group dates, calling her when you get home from work or school, bonding with her through time spent together, introducing her to your guy friends and meeting her girl friends, spending Thanksgiving with her family, going from being just friends to boyfriend/girlfriend/to serious relationship/to engaged to married...all of this stuff is nearly completely disregarded when we use agencies.

And what is important to understand here is that all of those traditional rituals are traditional for a reason...they usually work!  So a relationship that is not based on traditional male/female courtship patterns is a relationship that is more than likely to fail.  Which is why most people don't do this agency stuff.  Think about...would have used agencies when you were a young stud of 25 years old?  You think you can go to any club or bar on a Saturday night and find at least one guy who has used 'agencies' in the past 12 months?  I bet you can't.

Lets face something else, I use Cherry Blossoms and most men here use agencies because the traditional route just didn't work for us, and we are too discouraged, lazy, or spurned to go back to the traditional ways of finding a girlfriend/wife. So we turn to these 'services'.  

The bottom line is that we men use agencies/services for 2 reasons; 1) we can't find younger, attractive woman for marriage here in the USA, and 2) it's a damned simple, efficient, and a quick way to cure our longing for female companionship and to coerce a pretty young thing into a legal committment to us.  Bottom line.

What it isn't is a reliable method of finding a partner for a marriage that will more than likely last until death...not just for a few years, but until you grow old and die.

Now, I'm no hypocrite.  I am contemplating using an agency if Cherry Blossoms doesn't work for me.  But I would not use an agency the way most men here use them.

My overall point is this; for you to imply that it is the LW's fault that these marriages failed, and not at least EQUALLY the fault of the American men who ignored trational courtship patterns, is an implication without merit.

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Woah!, posted by senge on Oct 4, 2003

Senge

I agree with your followup post in most respects.  However, it's a much different message than your earlier post.  Earlier you implied that many of the men here only want the woman for a few years and then they will look for a new one.  As I pointed out, I think you're wrong about that.  

I do agree that many of the failed foreign marriages are the result of poor decision making by the man in choosing the woman.  My last divorce certainly was.  However, they are also often the result of dishonesty on the part of these women, as mine also was.  We can argue chicken/egg on that one forever, but I'm not interested in spending any more time on that.

Steve

[burbuja2]

... in response to Re: Woah!, posted by senge on Oct 4, 2003

I have become a big fan of agencies/computer dating.  For whatever reason, it seems to be increasingly difficult to meet women through the normal course of events.  These organizations simply provide the opportunity to provide introductions between women who are interested in meeting men.  I think the key is to recognize that they can only provide an introduction.  The rest is up to you.

[Calipro]

... in response to Re: Woah!, posted by senge on Oct 4, 2003

a little more resonable but still to cynical. I think you are going the right direction with the filipinas. I just hope you aren't to fond of your dog.

[JSlo]

... in response to You're sounding ....., posted by Calipro on Oct 4, 2003

This is the true definition of a sterotypical comment. Am I to assume, all filipinas quieren taco chihuahua? You're too much!
JSlo

[lswote]

... in response to Re: You're sounding ....., posted by JSlo on Oct 4, 2003

Come on, anyone following this board for very long knows that Calipro has the depth of a child's wading pool.  Did you really expect him to talk about anything other that the physical attributes of the women?  But frankly, Asian women don't do anything for me either, though I wouldn't go so far as to describe their figure as 10 year old boys.  But haven't seen many Asian with very large breasts and that is a must-have requirement for me.