Pete

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Pete, posted by Pete E on Oct 4, 2003

While I am glad you have a workable plan for you to get out of your unpleasant situation, I have to say you keep revealing more and more of your story which is in complete contrast to what you had been saying on the board for years.  When I decided to ask my wife to marry me after only knowing her a month and a half and most of the guys here were reaming me, I took some comfort in you having met and married your wife on such short notice and finding happiness.  But now it seems there was never a day of happiness for you, and frankly I don't even agree with your opinion that your wife is a good person.  Good people just don't take advantage of other people.

I won't claim that my wife and I have had smooth sailing as certainly I have posted some of our woes, but I am not lying when I say that I love her more everyday, and more importantly, she loves me more everyday.  There are many things that happen in our relationship I sometimes would like to post about on the board to talk about to try to understand a little easier, but the truth of the matter is they just aren't other people's business so I don't post them.  But I don't lie about my relationship on this board.  If I am not willing to tell the truth about some aspect of it, I just don't talk about it at all.

Completely aside from the point that it bothers me a bit that you were setting an example about some things that weren't actually the truth, is that when you lie or mislead others, it is easier to lie and mislead yourself.  I am a pretty honest person, one of the major reasons being that it is hard enough sometimes for me to know what you honestly want or feel about a situation and when you start compounding the problem by not even telling yourself the truth it is very difficult to go after what you really want.  Pete, when you started lying to others, it became easier to lie to yourself and made it harder for you to see the truth and that is part of why it has taken so long for things to come to a head.

As I have said before, I consider you my friend, so please don't take this in the wrong light, but I had to comment on what I saw.

[Pete E]

... in response to I'm sorry Pete, but I have a  small chas..., posted by lswote on Oct 4, 2003

Bruce,
I don't mind you bringing this out,I immagine others thought it.And you raise alot of good points.
But,first,I didn't lie about it.Its rapidly starting to appear I've been a total fool,but lie I did not.But I did withhold half of the story over this BS lid I was operating under,my wife new everything I said and she didn't want me to post at all but to try and keep things together I would try not to post anything negative.Wonder why the picturte has been a little unclear?
As I said,the cover is off,I don't give sh!t wether she likes it,I will post what I want,which will be the whole truth as I see it.I will tell the whole story from the start eventually,pointing out where I thought I screwed up.
And about posting personal imformation.How can we have a discussion about what we are talking about here without getting personal? Jim had a bit of a point before,that it was a violation of the trust of each other,and I should be working on it with her.If you are going to be able to save it maybe.But this is way past that now.And I don't intend this to be a he said she said thing.I am trying very hard not to be making her wrong.And being overly generous in my presumptions of innocence to the point of possibly being a total fool.
And Latinas in general hate us posting,don't think we should be doing it.Even the ones with nothing to hide.Alot of our old buddies have dropped out here to please their wife.
I am willing to tell it as I see it,uncensored now.Isn't that what we are here for?
Ok,to try and answer the main points.
Yes,I got married too fast.It wasn't smart,more importantly it didn't work.That doesn't mean it can not work.Its really about the 2 people involved.The problem is knowing the other person.Also,life is a risk.I took one,it bit me.Lesson learned I hope.
I don't remember exactly howe I responded in supporting your choices.It might have been to say to people its not that bad,it could work.This might be a good relationship and its way betterr than the first one.And we have a need for this companionship.With you I saw that particularly.I probaly said go for it or something like that.I am the eternal optomist.You seem to be doing OK.After about 5 years,maybe sooner you will know for sure.I had said myself if I was wrong I would just send her back.But I didn't.Big mistake.
About my comments of her being a really good girl and knowing it right away.As I said before I am trying to presume the best cause if you presume the worst it can get pretty ugly.Its over.We did what we did.Why fight.
So,yes it definetly seemed she was one off the very good girls.Even our counsoler was convinced"I don't think Rocio is the type of person to do that."I think in her mind she still is,and to some of her friends.Its difficlt to put that together with what has happened.The kindest way to put it is we have a capacity to rationalize our behavior and justify lots of things.To her she did nothing wrong,or won't admit it.Actually people can really go in to alot of ellaborate defenses to not admit the nature of what they did.One thing I have discovered that I really don't know her at all.And sadly some of you guys are probably going to experience that also.
My eyes are a little more open.
I have been gung ho about this process from the start.I recommend it highly.I encourage people to do it.Its just a great opportuninity for most of us.And we do have success stories .I am not one of them,but most of the time have been in denial enough about it to hope I was one of them.Looking at it from the standpoint of we can fix this,you have to take the possitive approach.But I knew,deep down inside,that this relationship way off.I did open up and admit it in effect a few times,then I would shut up to try and patch up the relationship.I feels good to be honest about it,Maybe you could say I didn't lie but I was less than honest,in witholding the negative.
Wa the denial lying to myself?No more like I hope we can fix this and the problem will go away.Butit got bigger and bigger to the point of me getting to that place of NO MAS.Muy consado.No more off this.And it feels good to get there.I guess you could say I was getting honest with myself,and now with you guys I think.
The one thing that keeps coming at me stronger every time tells me something is In didn't know her at all.If I had seen what you  hawe it might have opened my eyes.
I guess  what botheres me most is she seems to presume she is somehow intitled to have everything she has had,and there wass no responsibilty or requirement due on her part,even though I was the guy giving it all to her.And it meant nothing.Actualy if she could go back for a day to where she came from she might admit it does mean something.But shes past that shes here.She put in the time she has rights.
So I just want to not fight over it.I need to talk to her again.She can't stop me but she could cause me some trouble,but it would a big mistake and we would both lose.I'm afraid she will get some basd advice so I need to explain it to her again.What I will voluntarily give her is
much  more than she could get  by fighting me,considering the very important difference,I will be gone.I have been up front about it with her.I hope that isn't a mistake.If so you might get a new opinion on the character issue.
God the misimformation these latinas put together sometimes,understanding half of the issue.
Burnt out here.I'm not sure I answered everything.

Pete

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Good points.I'll try to answer, posted by Pete E on Oct 6, 2003

Pete

I hope you will tell your story when you are ready.  The people here need to see all the pluses and minuses in this operation and that's the only way it will happen.  I hope the politically correct crowd (which is an odd crowd for Jim to be in) will not cow you into keeping quiet.

Steve

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Good points.I'll try to answer, posted by DallasSteve2 on Oct 6, 2003

Steve,
I'm actually sorry I didn't post the whole truth earlier.Its harder to be in denial when you get alot of feedback.Keepimg the lid on it just helped to deny the truth.I am willing to tell my personal story.Other than my wifes anger there has never been a downside to it.I'm willing to be vulnerable or thought a fool.The upside is the support I have recieved and the people who have I have touched and those that have touched me.The support I have recieved has been incredible.Much more than posted here.I have recieved mails and phone calls from people all over the world.
One of the big benefits of this whole process is the men friends I have made.Since I was in school mostly I did not have many men friends.Just didn't bother.But having a common interest has brought me lots of them.
I'll get your mail answered sometime.We have some things in common here.

Pete

[lswote]

... in response to Good points.I'll try to answer, posted by Pete E on Oct 6, 2003

Pete, you didn’t owe me an explanation, though I appreciate you giving me one, and I certainly am not criticizing you for telling personal information.  I agree with you that it is personal information that really gives insights into relationships with Latinas, not mindless, theoretical babbling.  Aaron used to drive me crazy how he knew everything but never related a single personal detail, never explained how he learned from the tree of wisdom by f--king up.  No, I am glad you are willing to share your pain and confusion with us even though it leaves you vulnerable to criticism from the jerks as well as the well-meaning idiots like me.

I understand the optimistic perspective you were trying to retain in your marriage and I retract my statement that I felt you might be lying to yourself now that I understand your rational.  It is sometimes a fine line a person has to walk to retain the right frame of mind in a situation.  It is your optimism and good spirit that has made you such a well liked poster on this forum and it would be inconsistent of you to be so positive and upbeat about the posters here and not be optimistic about the relationship with your wife.  I just wanted to point out what I felt might have been a blind spot in your relationship but it appears you were aware of it and just chose to handle it with the approach and mindset you did and far be it from me to criticize you for that.

I hope in five years I can still say I made the right choice about my wife.  I chose quickly too, but that is how I have always been.  I am impatient about life in general and never take a lot of time to make up my mind about anything.  So far I have proven to be right, even more than I hoped for.  I had just hoped to find an attractive woman who I could love and would return some of the same feelings, but instead I have found a woman who loves me dearly.  She makes me feel sexy to the point I am kind of embarrassed by it.  She tells me often how much she loves me, and despite taking two big financial hits so far in only eight months of marriage (about $25,000 for her hospitalization in June and probably $4000-$5000 on the accident she had in her car last week by the time they settle the insurance claim) I can honestly say all I care about is the fact that she loves me.  I admit to a certain amount of luck in my choice, but then I kind of live by the axiom that if you make a lot of good choices in life, you give luck an opportunity to take advantage of the situation.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Good points.I'll try to answer, posted by lswote on Oct 6, 2003

Bruce,
Thanks.I will send you a private mail when I get time.I've got 90 minites to decide if I am going to Panama Tommorow. I am waiting for phone calls.The availability and cost of airfare is the last question.Looks like I'm going.

Pete

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to I'm sorry Pete, but I have a  small chas..., posted by lswote on Oct 4, 2003

Bruce

You wrote "Pete, when you started lying to others..."

When do you think that Pete was lying?  I think he has been very honest here.

Steve

[Ralph]

... in response to I'm sorry Pete, but I have a  small chas..., posted by lswote on Oct 4, 2003

I don't think Pete ever lied. I remember many posts where if you read between the lines you could tell he wasn't very happy with the marriage. I remember him posting about going for counseling, not being sure his wife really loved him, how hw would do things differently next time etc etc etc etc.

As Pete has said, his wife was aware of posting here. Posting the brutal truth would have ended his marriage long ago. In retrospect, maybe that would have been better.

Pete has admitted to being in denial. I applaud him for being as honest and open as he has been.

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Pete, posted by Pete E on Oct 4, 2003

I've got a spare room in the Cali condo if you need to chill for awhile, just say "go" if interested.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Hit the hay!, posted by cancunhound on Oct 4, 2003

Might be looking you up if Calivet won't lend me his couch.At least we could have some cervesas.Seriously,maybe.I got to decide where to go first and when.Are you in Cali full time or part time?
You see this short gringo with a beard through your peephole,its me.

Pete

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Re: Pete, posted by Michael B on Oct 4, 2003

It still depends on the judge and divison of marital assets.  Don't we love lawyers!  I'm the guy that often has to go back and calculate those split pension amounts according to the QDRO under the terms of ERISA and applicable state laws,  you'd be amazed at what happens, and how difficult and often - innacurate the final calculation is.  1 + 2 = 5 in government terms.

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Pete, posted by Pete E on Oct 4, 2003

This story sucks and I really feel for you guy.  In Texas, a man is allowed to keep something like 60 acres and x amount of cows (not sure about the x).  Sounds like the best course of action is to not receive anymore advice from this board - get a professional - you've got significant proof of your fidelity here on the board - print it.  Don't let your wife or her friends grab any ideas here beforehand.  I sure as hell would side with Michael - don't start processing transactions in bank accounts, that could be trouble.  Now if you've got something buried.....

[moam]

... in response to Re: Solutions, posted by cancunhound on Oct 4, 2003

Hey Pete,
Based on our phone conversation today, I am glad that you are taking the suggestions on Panama seriously, the opportunity for picking up property at bargain prices are  ripe. I went to the CIA site to get info on Panama and I am pleased with what I found and ever more convinced that this is the place. I like your plan as for as giving her the house, and you keeping any available cash, hopefully she will agree to this in writing before the ball starts to roll, if not then you will get a chance to agree to this and put it in writing during the mediation period. Remember this term Pete, "Deed in Lieu of Foreclosure" it just might come in handy soon.

You can get a visa from Panama if you have a goverment pension of $500 dollars or more, this is a one time shot, once approved it does not need to be renewed yearly as others do.  I will get you the name and info of my bank in Panama for your first account, don't you love the banking privacy there, not even the US. gov can get at your funds once they are there. Before the Cayman Islands rolled over under US/IRS pressure it was jail time for any bank employee that uttered a word about any account held there.  I will get you the number for Greg, he is the point man for IL in Panama City.

Don't worry about that pension being touched by anyone, unless you have problems with the IRS, it is sealed as tight as FT. Knox,Ky.

[DavidMN]

... in response to Re: Re: Solutions, posted by moam on Oct 4, 2003

Just curious, does your reference to "IL" stand for International Living and the Sovereign Society? I came across those names once when browsing the Escape from America website. The latter has some interesting articles and travelogues.

If you are familiar with the groups/companies mentioned above have you found them to be reputable? I think someone on PL said it was their impression that half the gringos in Costa Rica and Panama were running away from a wife, the tax man or creditors. Granted, a generalization, but the name "Sovereign Society" kind of evokes cutting oneself off from a former life...

Please don't interpret this as an accusation, I'm just trying to learn if these firms and investment ideas are legit. As with the intro agencies, it's easy to build a slick website but there might not be much "behind the curtain."

David

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Solutions, posted by cancunhound on Oct 4, 2003

Thanks,
My  main asset,my pension,they can not get at in any way shape or form according to my attorney.It will be direct deposited in to Colombia.As long as it is never in a bank here they can't get at it,plus once it hits Panama they sure as hell can't.Even the IRS couldn't get at a Panama account,its a violation of Panamanian law for the bank to even give imformation to anybody.But they might be able to attach my pension here ,which is protected by federal law but probably not from them because they are federal too.Don't mess with Uncle.You can blow off anybody else but them.
There are some other things I need to do,but lots of it could be done from Panama.I better shut up and not say so much.You know me ,diahria of the mouth.It it was wartime some ships would be on the bottom.
But my options are alot better than 60 acres and a cow.One of the problems I have had is saying "if only I got out of this earlier before so much money was lost".But there are options that ease the pain.I will not be broke and I will have money to buy real estate.

Pete