Gracias to all who replied to Newbie Question

[Zorrowins]

Thanks to all the replies. Fortunately or unfortunately I made a hugh mistake with an AW about ignoring warning signs and red flags in my head. I kept thinking, if I just "try" harder she will love me like she did the first 6 months of our relationship. Naturally I wasted 2 additional years of my life trying to turn things around. It was a very PAINFUL lesson! So I hear you when Men think too much with their little heads rather than their big heads. Since I'm 55, I'm thinking 40ish.

My problem honestly is my past AW was 11 years younger than me and quite attractive. She really turned my head! So now the women in my age group(50ish) don't attract me in general.(Yes--Yes I'm a hippocrit and sexist. Yes I know at 55 I'm no Brad Pit. Yes this Is awful, BUT TRUE.) I'm just being straight forward. I've dated several 50+ AW since my break up-No spark.

So my dilema is to find an attractive 40ish Lady who I'm attracted to physically who does not have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder like my ex AW had. I found out in a brutal way why an attractive lady was interested in me and was available. Believe me the next guy or guys(there have been and will be many more) are in for quite a suprise after 3 to 6 months with this "lady."

So to my point-I've just trying to get a handle on why the hunting is so much better in SA than here. Like is there something in the water and there a 10 women to every man(Ha!).Based on the replies that no SA man will marry a women with someone elses child or divorcee, who do they(SA men) end up with? Also since burned once, twice shy-Can a novia only get a 3 month visa? Honestly in my last relationship, for the first 6 months everything was heavenly. Really! Then it turned to dung(had to change word)! The real person will always come out over time. So that is the issue-a 3 month Visa to decide whether or not to marry is really rolling the dice! I've heard that a Mexican can easily get a 6 month travel visa. But I haven't heard of much success in Mejico or much about Mexican Matchmakers other than problems with the city officals in Guadalajara. Answers-Opinions appreciated!

[Miguel]

... in response to Gracias to all who replied to Newbie Que..., posted by Zorrowins on Oct 4, 2003

Zorrowins, what did you read about problems with city officials in Guadalajara?

Mexican Matchmakers, in my opinion, is a class operation.  Their only problem, they're in Mexico.  They don't have the selection you'll find at agencies in Colombia.  That said, I did meet a woman that was listed there that was an absolute jewel, and would have probably made a great wife.

I do visit Mexico frequently, but don't know Colombia 2%  as well as other people on this board, but for what it's worth, differences IMHO are,

1.  Per capita income in Mexico is 3X what it is in Colombia.  Average single male from U.S. is going to look like a millionaire to a Colombiana, but not to a Mexicana. A well-educated Mexicana isn't in the market for a green card.  She probably doesn't want to leave Mexico. You are not nearly as marketable in Mexico as you are in Colombia.

2.  Mexican women on average are harder to meet than Colombian women.  You can walk down the street in Cartagena and meet women that want to go out with you.  Not so in Guadalajara.  

3.  Mexican women on average are only marginally friendlier and kinder than the average woman in the USA.  I've met more sweethearts in Colombia than Mexico, even though I've spent about 10X more time in Mexico.  (Although, judging from this board, some Colombian sweethearts do have a tendency to change into something different after spending time in U.S.)

4.  Some Mexican women, unlike the majority of Colombianas, are going to dislike you because you are a gringo.  Even though the majority of people are nice, there is more hostility in Mexico towards Estadounidenses than in any country I've visited.

5.  Mexican women come across to me as more superficial and more materialistic than Colombianas.  In a nightclub in Guadalajara, better show up with your Rolex watch and designer clothes if you want to talk to some of the more attractive women.  A Mercedes helps too.

That said, some people have had great success in Mexico.  Randy G. who used to post here married a woman he met while studying Spanish in Guadalajara, lives in Jalisco, and appeared to be very happy at last report.  Unfortunately, I don't think he posts anymore because he got tired of the flames.

[Zorrowins]

... in response to Guadalajara/Mexican Matchmakers, posted by Miguel on Oct 5, 2003

Ola Miguel!
Though I speak spanish asi asi I won't try it here because it's only asi asi. I searched the archives for Guadalajara, Mexico, Terry, and Mexican Matchmakers for information. This is how I learned of Terry's problems with City officals. He was forced to move. Since that move, I haven't read of many, if any, trip reports. My thought pattern was this. If I found a novia in Mexico, she could come here on a 6 month Visa(not a 3 month marriage Visa). Then we both could see how things work out before commiting to marriage. I was very involved(going to marry her) with a beautiful AW 11 years younger. The first 6 months were heaven! Then IT started. After 2 more years trying to make it work, the relationship finally dissolved. Though as emotionally devestating as my divorce, there was no divorce to go though since their was no marriage. So after this experience Mexico seemed a safer bet than Colombia as for as getting to really know the women before marrying her. Also since I was raised in South Texas I am more familar with Mexicans or at least Chicanas.

So I am thinking Colombia. Though Pete's problem has certainly given me pause. I feel very badly for him. Though he and I and most people on this board have many scars from failed relationships-his scars probably have cost him over $100,000 and the meter is still running!

[Miguel]

... in response to Re: Guadalajara/Mexican Matchmakers-Than..., posted by Zorrowins on Oct 5, 2003

Well, Zorrowins, there's no reason you can't try both (Colombia & Mexico).  And you're right about the visa -- a lot of Mexicans have 10 year multiple entry visas so they can come and go to the U.S. as they please, which is a big help in getting to know a woman better.  If you see some women on the Mexican Matchmakers web site that are appealing to you, maybe it's worth a shot, especially considering you're interested in women in their 30's and 40's (Mexican Matchmaker's specialty).  Regardless of whether you find "the one", you'll probably at least have a pleasant vacation in Guadalajara.

[DavidMN]

... in response to Guadalajara/Mexican Matchmakers, posted by Miguel on Oct 5, 2003

Actually, Mexico's per capita income is only 38% higher than Colombia's ($9000 v. $6500 using the USD purchasing power parity method). It should also be noted that Mexico, Greece and Colombia have the highest concentration of wealth/corporate ownership in the world, so without much of a middle class the averages aren't very meaningful in either country.

Good post; I like learning about Mexico. And I agree it's too bad the "all Colombia, all the time posters" made Randy give up.

David

[Miguel]

... in response to Re: Guadalajara/Mexican Matchmakers, posted by DavidMN on Oct 5, 2003

[This message has been edited by Miguel]

David, just looked at World Bank statistics, which indicate that in 2002, per capita GDP in Mexico was $6300, versus $1900 for Colombia.  If you make $60,000 a year, then you're making about 30X the average for Colombia, but only about 10X the average for Mexico.  Admittedly, though, the purchasing power parity (PPP) numbers you're using are a better indication of economic quality of life in a country. And you've got a good point re: concentration of wealth.  Median income is probably much lower than average for both countries.

Have you noticed a lot of people here saying that once their Colombian wives get to the U.S., they realize it's not all it's cracked up to be?  That $60,000 a year her husband's making doesn't go nearly as far as she thought it would.  Maybe back in the courtship stage she was making the same mistake as me, not adjusting for PPP (not adjusting for higher cost of living in U.S.).

[DavidMN]

... in response to Re: Re: Guadalajara/Mexican Matchmakers, posted by Miguel on Oct 5, 2003

Miguel - Yes, if you're earning $60K here and have to buy and furnish a home AND support a wife who won't be able to earn an income for a while...that's a big stretch, especially if you live in a large city. Plus, she has to give up a maid and the $2 manicures she may have gotten used to. ;-)

I wonder about the Colombians fortunate enough to have a tourist visa: I suspect Miami is the #1 destination to visit and while Coconut Grove, South Beach, etc are glamourous, they're not reflective of what most of them can expect if they marry a middle class gringo.

Thanks for the additional info on per capita incomes. That stuff gets complex because there are so many variables and with the less stable countries, the statisticians have to make some some big decisions (guesses?) about the appropriate exchange and inflation rates to plug into their PPP model.

[zack]

... in response to Gracias to all who replied to Newbie Que..., posted by Zorrowins on Oct 4, 2003

My EX AW also had a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I can totally relate to your pain. I mean, she was textbook. I feel like I became an expert on that subject after dating her. The first few months were heavenly, but man did her true colors show later. She literally gave me a heart attack at the age of 38 (no joke). Care to swap stories?  (ha ha).

Unfortunately, travel visas are hard to obtain in Colombia. I have met a few ladies at various agencies who have travel visas, but they are among the few. Agreed, a three month fiance visa is really rolling the dice. It is best to visit her as often as you are able and go slow, despite how difficult that is. Anyone care to add to this?

Zack

[Michael B]

... in response to Gracias to all who replied to Newbie Que..., posted by Zorrowins on Oct 4, 2003

Three months is all you get....get to know her and be sure (as sure as you can be) BEFORE you bring her up on the visa.

Regarding your Mexican question, I used to travel a lot in Mexico (granted, it's been 20+ years, but I don't think the basics have changed that much). Mexican women are very nice (opinon). Most of them aren't as pretty as the average Colombian (opinion again) and they do tend to put on some weight after they have a couple of kids and/or get older, but will still be prettier than 99% of AW the same age. But faithful and treat their husbands nice? You bet! (more opinion). There are really 3 Mexicos, the northern desert, the central highlands and the tropical coastial areas and they (the landscape, the customs, food, music and people) are actually quite different from each other. Most of the ones you see here (Texas, don't have any idea what you get in New Hampshire) are either northern desert people or from small villages in the central highlands and tend to be uneducated (they are capesinos, pesants, if you will, fleeing north looking for menial work to avoid starvation). Mexico City will have the best educated and most sophisticated ones and Veracruz the prettiest (at least that's my opinon, and I'm sticking to it). Now, what you AREN'T going to find in Mexico is the 'agency infrastructure', and you'd BETTER speak Spanish. Yes, people will say 'many of them speak English, why at my hotel...'. Well, Duhhh, that's WHY the hotel hired them! Get away from the tourist traps and very few (even among the educated) speak enough English for you to communicate with if you can't at least 50% speak Spanish.

Say, why not look down the board a ways for Quitoman's posts and check out his new agency in Ecuador? Can't hurt to try his offer and write to a few of them (if he's got any in your age range yet).

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Gracias to all who replied to Newbie Que..., posted by Zorrowins on Oct 4, 2003

Zorro

When I first started looking a few years ago I wanted to find a woman in Mexico because it was much closer and somewhat safer.  So I started looking for photos of Mexican women in agencies on the Internet.  I inevitably also saw a lot from Colombia.  To me most of the women in Mexico did not look that great.  On the other hand I found many of the women in Colombia to be very attractive.  So I went to Colombia.

Why is it so much easier to find a young, attractive wife in Colombia?  Consider these facts:

1 - War, kidnapping, and violence are well-known problems in Colombia, as is a troubled economy.

2 - It's very difficult for the average person in Colombia to get a tourist visa to the US.

3 - When I was in Bogota a few years ago I saw a billboard encouraging the people to not leave their country.

4 - If you search for foreign brides on the Internet you will find many more women from Colombia than any other country in the Western Hemisphere.

5 - Very few foreigners want to travel to Colombia.  The US State Department has maintained travel advisories discouraging US citizens from travelling to Colombia for years.

Can you do simple math?  I think you can understand why it is so easy to find a young, attractive wife in Colombia?  It has little to do with the ratio of men to women or any perception of how men differ between here and there.  While we are dating the women in the agencies almost all of them continue to go out with Colombian boyfriends, although they probably won't tell you that.

A 90-day visa is not enough, but it's all you get.

Steve

[cancunhound]

... in response to Gracias to all who replied to Newbie Que..., posted by Zorrowins on Oct 4, 2003

1st, take a break and hit Costa Rica.  That's considered the little "switzerland" of CA.  Now, if you're not content and fed up with the high prices, head for Colombia.  The infrastructure in the cities is substantially improved.  Now, the water, yes - there's something in it - don't drink "it".  The climate is what blesses these ladies with their lasting beauty, inside and out (remember Shangri-La?)

How many times must we say it - just get down there!  Has anyone seen a post where some guy comes back frustrated and disappointed?

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Mexico or Colombia?, posted by cancunhound on Oct 4, 2003

My wife told me she met a man in the agency once who swore he would never go back to Colombia.  He thought the women there were very dishonest.  But, he also wanted my wife to marry him.

Colombia gets a lot of repeat business, and I like Cali a lot.  To me it has more of the type of women that I am attracted to than anywhere else I know of.  But it may not be for everyone.

Steve

[DW1]

... in response to I wish they all could be Cali, Colombia ..., posted by DallasSteve2 on Oct 4, 2003

What was your impression of the level of security in
Cali? I read conflicting reports. Heard all sorts of horror
stories about Bogota, but had no problems when I went in
Oct. of 2000. Actually I felt pretty safe there. Would like
to try Cali or Barranquilla next time but wonder about
the level of safety.

DW

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: I wish they all could be Cali, Colom..., posted by DW1 on Oct 5, 2003

I felt that security was about the same in Cali as in Bogota.  The cab ride to the airport in the dark was a little unsettling though.  I felt like I was far away from the city, which is not where I want to be in Colombia.

Steve

[DW1]

... in response to Cali, posted by DallasSteve2 on Oct 5, 2003

DallasSteve,
             Thanks for the response. I had the same
impression of Bogota. That first taxi ride really is an
eye-opener, isn't it? I see things on the internet that
routinely mention Bogota and Barranquilla as being more
or less safe, but see very little about Cali. Check this
page, there are some interesting posts from people about
travel in Colombia.
http://www.virtualtourist.com/f/p/c47/