Now she wants me to pay for vacation clothes

[elcolombiano]

I invited my fiance from cali to a vacation for a week in Cartagena and Santa Marta.
My fiance stood me up for a telephone call Saturday night. On Sunday she sends me an email asking for me to pay for her to go shoping for clothes for the trip. I told her I would help her with all costs related to coming to the united states including travel,medical,english lessons drivers licence and even clothes because the climate here is different. Now she expects me to pay for her Cartagena vacation clothes. I don't like it. Time to find another novia.

AMOR TE DIJE QUE  ESTERIA DONDE MY ABUELO POR QUE MANANA LUNES SALE DE
                     VIEJE
                     A LOS EEUU, A SI QUE POR FAVOR NO TE ENOJES. HOY AQUI EN CALI ESTA
                     LLOVIENDO
                     EL DIA ESTA MUY FRIO, ESTA COMO PARA ESTAR ABRAZADITOS TU Y YO.

                     MANANA LLAMO A LA AGENCIA PARA LO DEL VIAJE, NO TE PREOCUPES ESTA
                     SEMANA
                     DEJAMOS TODO LISTO. AMOR ME METI EN LA PAGINA DE NIKE PERO COMO TODO
                     ESTA EN
                     INGLES NO ENCONTRE LO DE LAS SANDALIAS ME AYUDAS CON ESTO POR FAVOR.

                     HOY SALDRE  A UNICENTRO QUIERO VER QUE ROPA NECESITO PARA EL VIAJE, TU
                     ME
                     DIJISTE QUE SI ERAN COSAS PARA MI TU ME AYUDA. CUENTO  CONTIGO.

                     TE ENVIO MUCHOS  BESOS JAZMIN

[luvslife]

... in response to Now she wants me to pay for vacation clo..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 7, 2003

She appears to be saying that you told her you might be able to help if it was something for herself. Maybe it is just me, but I feel like you are leading her on and then complaining when she treats you like her man. Women no matter where they are from will be women. Some things don't change. She is not just a friend she is your fiance. I don't see why you would come to the board everytime that she asks you to do something for her anyway. If she asks you for a kiss are you going to post that? If you care about this woman and you want to have a relationship with her, you are going to have to provide for some of her needs and wants; it is really that simple. She appears to need a man that can take care of her. That is a characteristic that many latinas share. Are you that man or not? If you are going to kick her to the curb, get to kickin why go on vacation with her if you are going to fire her.

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Re: Now she wants me to pay for vacation..., posted by luvslife on Sep 10, 2003

I disagree with your post. I don't want to have anything to do with a woman that asks me for money. If it is truly an emergnecy like she or a close relative is dying thats something else. I find it disgusting for women to ask for money off from men (unless it is business). Its disgraceful. Yes I make many times more money than she. Yes I want to help her out and buy her things she can not afford because I care about her and I can. But for her to ask and expect is inappropriate. You guys are the ones that have trained these women to behave in this manner by doing it. You ruin it for the rest of us by creating a corrupt culture. You guys are loosers because you can't get/keep a women unless you give them money and you have trained them to think that way.

[luvslife]

... in response to Re: Re: Now she wants me to pay for vaca..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 10, 2003

Now I have heard it all.  The guys on the board are losers because your lady asked you for money to buy herself a couple of things she may need for a vacation that you invited her on.  All I can say to that is good luck.

[Starman]

... in response to Re: Re: Now she wants me to pay for vaca..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 10, 2003

EC,

After reading your many posts concerning your "relationships" with Latin women, I feel that you have some sort of personal problem. When you are offered advice you only accept what you feel fits your viewpoint. Why even ask for help if you already know the answer?

I think that you need to step back, take an inventory of yourself and look long and hard at what it is you really want or really need. It all starts with you. If you have some sort of personal issues (and in your case I believe that you cannot see them), you must "fix" yourself first. You chances for success go way up. If not, you'll make poor decisions and be doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

Remember it is very difficult to make the right choices esp. in regards to a lifetime partner if you are not the person you should be first.

I may be wrong, but based on the limited information I've read on the board, this is the conclusion I've come to. Maybe you are just having some bad luck so far, but your latest novia does not seem to be out of line based on the information you have provided.

Is there something else that makes you think that she is trying to take advantage of you? Do you love her? Does she love you? My personal opinion is you should love this person before applying for a visa.

Why be in such a hurry? Are you desperate? How is paying for some minor expenses going to hurt you? Get to know her much better...you must have a intimate (not necessarily physical) relationship so you can understand what her motivation is. There is nothing inherently wrong with providing financial support for someone that you care about. Just make sure that there is a real love for one another or you will loose much more than money. That's the least of your worries.

Tim.

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Now she wants me to pay for ..., posted by Starman on Sep 10, 2003

Thank you for your suggestions. I will carefully consider what you have written. I don't want to be a closed minded person. Thanks for your bringing your suggestions up in a respectful and non-offensive manner. You raise some valid points I can not dispute.

[CaliAdvisor]

... in response to Re: Now she wants me to pay for vacation..., posted by luvslife on Sep 10, 2003

.

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Now she wants me to pay for vacation clo..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 7, 2003

Whoever it is that eventullay works out, you guys are invited to the wedding.

[Pete E]

... in response to Now she wants me to pay for vacation clo..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 7, 2003

My spanish is poor so I didn't try to read her letter.
I think the real thing is if you think this lady is serious about you.If not don't even waste the trip with her if she buys her own clothes.And beware of lukewarm women.She should be very clearly interested in you,otherwise your buying trouble,the longer you stay in the relationship the more trouble.Plus your wasting time and money and could be with a girl who does care about you.
But,if you think she is sincere and you care about her some  vacation clothes might be in order.You could buy them together at your destination.surely she has at least one set of appropriate clothes to get there.

Pete

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Re: Now she wants me to pay for vacation..., posted by Pete E on Sep 8, 2003

thanks pete for the good advice

[Michael B]

... in response to Now she wants me to pay for vacation clo..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 7, 2003

but if she isn't WORTH a couple of bathing suits and a pair of Nike's to you....

[Hoda]

... in response to Well it's your call, posted by Michael B on Sep 8, 2003

.

[zack]

... in response to Now she wants me to pay for vacation clo..., posted by elcolombiano on Sep 7, 2003

Better have a back-up plan.

What stands out most about her letter, despite another request for money, is the lack of passion. You have been engaged for a long time, and the only mushy thing she has to say is "I send you many kisses"  ??

I have been with my novia for only three months and her letters are always ended with "I love you, I miss you"
or something like "I can't wait to see you again."

I can't judge your lady with only one letter. Maybe she isn't as vocal about these things. I'm just telling you what stands out to me.

Zack

[thundernco]

... in response to Re: Now she wants me to pay for vacation..., posted by zack on Sep 8, 2003

n/t

[zack]

... in response to Zack, EC has not been engaged for a long..., posted by thundernco on Sep 8, 2003

EC's profile states that he has been engaged since September of 2002.

Zack