Ralph

[Starman]

Your novia is beautiful!!! Thanks for sharing part of your life.

All the best to you and your family.

Tim.

[Ralph]

... in response to Ralph, posted by Starman on Sep 16, 2003

The reason I posted the pics is to show, that I am not a "Brad Pitt" double, I'm 14 years older than my novia, losing my hair, don't color it and can use to lose a few pounds. I agree that looks is not the be all end all determining factor.

My novia had exactly 2 relationships bessides me, and both of these guys are within 2 years of my age. She does prefer older men, didn't just make an exception for the "gringo".

The bottom line is, it should not be that hard to tell if a woman is genuinely attracted to you, if you are honest with yourself. If you jump into the "fantasy" that this board and the agencies sell, without keeping your eyes wide open, you can be "fooled". Sometimes you need to take a few steps back and be honest.

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to Thanks!, posted by Ralph on Sep 16, 2003

Ralph:

I moved this up from lower on the page.  

Thanks for posting the pics of you and your lady. Based on your appearance, I'm going to guess that you are somewhere between 47 and 55. If I'm way off, I apologize in advance. And you say you would rather have 10 long term relationships filled with passion and love then one "comfortable (I'm reading mediocre and sexually boring) relationship." I guess my questions are: What's your definition of a long term relationship (long term implies some kind of time measurement) and how much passion are you going to have when you are 80 or 85, or do you figure Number 10 will be in your life then? Now, medical science may progress and there will be something we old farts can pop that will make Viagra be like "Junior Mints", but just supposing there isn't....

I'm real curious to get your thinking...

Dominguin

[Ralph]

... in response to Re: Thanks!, posted by DOMINGUIN on Sep 16, 2003

I'm actually only 40. I should try coloring my hair I guess;-) Actually I wanted to shave it all off when I hit 40 but the novia said she didn't want me to.

Long term is hard to define. In my younger years, 2 months was LONG term. Now I'd say anything that lasts a year or two.

I'm actually working on number 4, and if I had my choice, this would be the last. I would just prefer a series of LTRs over passionless relationships. Just my preference.

As far as passion and viagara. . . . .  . . . Never tried vitamin V and doubt I will. I'm thinking if the "little soldier" ever needs help standing at attention. . . . .it is because I have lost my "desire" for sex. If I lost my desire. . . .so be it.

Most Dominican women I have met or dated would take their significant other using vitamin V as an insult. They say they are your viagra!

I remember a few years back, one girl I went out with knew I was leaving the DR the next day and planned a night to remember. In between dinner, cocktails, the Killer Merengue concert in a huge disco that holds 1500 people and is carved into a natural cave, then dancing at an after hours place till daylight. I must have consumed over 30 beers. We also had sex 5 or 6 times. When I finally woke up the next day, she was ready for a farewell boink. I just laughed and said no way that is happening after that wild night, 30 beers and lack of sleep.

She got PISSED. She was determined to rpove me wrong. I was literally half asleep while this poor girl tried to "raise the dead". I'll be damned if she didn't. It certainly was not all that enjoyable and bordered on a bit painful, but she was not going to take no for an asnwer.

If I ever get to the point where a stellar effort like that fails. . .  . .I doubt I will bother with "artificial means".he he he he he, let nature run it's course.

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to he he he he, posted by Ralph on Sep 16, 2003

Ralph:

Thanks for your candor, maybe a little more information then I needed to know!

I was married for close to 23 years, and was definitely a long term relationship! What I found was that a long term relationship is not so much about length of the realtionship, its about endurance and sometimes just "gutting it out." If a man and a woman spend enough time with each other, they will find out that there are things about the other that they cannot change, especially in a cross cultural realtionship like a gringo and a Latina.  If the commitment is there, then the couple ignores, overlooks, tolerates, accepts the other person's shortcomings and the relationship continues. In my whole life and I'm 50, I've only seen 2 marriages that were complete love matches and the couple was so nuts about each other that they both considered the shortcomings and imperfections of the other to be so minor that it was not worth discussing. Every one esle I know had to suck it up, endure and gut it out.  And some chose not to do it anymore. After 22+ years, I made the decision that I did not want to "endure" any more and I ended my marriage.

But I do think the keys to a long term relationship are endurance and commitment and without them, then one or the other will move on, perhaps to someone else. And I think it gets harder as a man gets older.  He can use his wealth, sex, the difference in ages, whatever he wants to avoid endurance and commitment, neither of which are a lot of "fun"  

I went to Colombia because i had an itch and I wanted to scratch it (or maybe have a woman scratch it for me!)  Seriously, I was curious becasue I've always been physically attracted to Latinas, never did anything about it and decided if I didn't try now, I would regret it. But as I met women in Bogota and Cartagena, I found that the same qualities of endurance and commitment were necessary for the long term relationship, those things never go away.
And eventually the realtionship is not about sex or passion anymore, they become secondary.  

The point that I was making and I respectfully disagree with your point of view is that a series of one or two year relationships is an avoidance of endurance and commitment. You mentioned that this one (your 4th) may hopefully be your last, do you think differently then you did when you were younger?

Dominguin

[Ralph]

... in response to Keys to a Long term relationship, posted by DOMINGUIN on Sep 17, 2003

I agree with everything you say. My 2nd LTR was a 10 year long Marriage. For 8.5 years all was great, with some minor sucking it up and endurance. As many women do at some point, she changed fairly significantly when she approached 30. I was of the belief that marriage was forever, and tried even harder to suck it up. It didn't work.

My 3rd was a with a Latina for the DR, and after a year and a half we too got married. She found it nearly impossible to cope with the transition to living in the states. It was compounded by my being transferred to texas, and the fact that she had complications with immigration and was not sure when or if she could return home to visit. She went into depression and the harder I tried to help, the worse things got. She refused to get any help, and she eventually moved out.

I've been with my current novia for 1.5 years, living together for over a year. We love each other a ton, but still there are issues to work through. I made the choice of living together in her country at first. This puts me into the situation of having to adjust to a new country and surroundings during the first part of the relationship.

Now, I think you might have misunderstood when I said I would prefer 10 LTRs filled with love and passion, rather than one that lasts forever but is more of convenience etc.

I never go into a relationship without wanting it to be "the one". Given a choice, I will do everything I can to make sure my novia and I live happily ever after. I would totally prefer this is the last relationship of my life.

There have been recent threads on PL and LWL where guys have mentioned that the "passionate" relationships based on "true love" sometimes tend to last a shorter time than the relationships based on "like", compatibility, and maybe the woman wanting stability and a good provider for her children etc. There is one guy on LWL, that his novia flat out said she doesn't love him. He is convinced that he is going to change her mind. Could be, just that type of relationship is never for me.

There are list members here that over the years have hinted that they are not real sure if their wife "really romantically" loves them, but the wife is a great woman of good character etc. Again, that relationship might last longer than my current one, and certainly has lasted longer than my last one, but it is not for me.

My point was, I would rather spend 1 year with someone I was madly in love with, and vide versa, than 20 years where we grow comfortable with each other.

When I said passionate, it is not about sex. I mean being with someone that can't keep their hands off of you. Not sexually, but holding hands, walking arm in arm, caressing your face and looking into your eyes letting you know she is crazy about you. Being with someone that can not go 24 hours without speaking to you. Someone that you feel you can't live without etc.

so. . . .my first choice would be that type of relationship that lasts forever. Second choice, would be that type that lasts for a few years and ends on good terms, my last choice would be a relationship that is not about "true love" but rather stability, compatibility, etc etc etc.

I guess, I'm a hopeless romantic.

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to Clarification, posted by Ralph on Sep 17, 2003


Ralph:

Thank for telling me more about yourself.  My first marriage started as a romance, an attraction of two opposites.  We were two young Americans (24 and 25) but from two entirely American backgrounds (she was a committed religious Mormon from Southern California, I wasn't committed to anything and I'm from New York City) who met and started talking one day in a library on campus, got married 7 motnhs later against the wishes of both sets of parents who thought that we were making a huge mistake.  And we have a great son, now 20, and made it work for a long time.  We changed as we got older and both of us got harder to live with, took each other for granted but I would never criticize her, she is a woman of impeccable character and I never worried about her loyalty.

I had a couple of short term relaionships in the last 3 years with AW, nothing more then 7 months, I wasn't happy with the quality of the relationships, maybe i was "gunshy" and I decided like a lot of men on the board that I wanted to change my life, (why I went to Colombia) but it also means I don't want to make the same mistakes I made before. For me, having the wisdom to understand that and not making the same mistakes are two different things!  

But, I don't like the two strikes analogy that is used. I was married and divoced, true and yes I'm 50, but I can't do anything about age. I don't have enough hair to color, and I won't wear a rug, so I just shave my skull and I like the look. It is who I am, age is not a strike, at 50, I'm just starting to "live,"  willing to do different things and be more accepting.      

I did like the part about physical touching, etc. that you described and I think it can happen, but only when the people work so hard at the relationship that they never take the other for granted. In one of the love matches (two Americans) I mentioned, the wife will say to the husband every morning: What can I do for you today, Don? And he will always say how happy she makes him and that he loves her.  Before they go to bed, they turn on music and dance cheek to cheek in the kitchen every night!  And he is 87, she is 85, both mentally sharp, physically still going, They have been married for 65 years, 5 kids, their little boy died of influenza at 4, another son, an army officer was killed in Vietnam, so they have had their share of trials.  They are often asked their secrets to such an incredibly happy, long marriage and they always answer: "We never, never took each other for granted and we always had faith in God."  They say their last argument was in 1960, they made a sacred promise to each other they would never fight again, and they never have.  

I wish I could say the same things about my marriage! And I respect you for liivng in your novia's country in an effort not to take her for granted.    

Dominguin

[Ralph]

... in response to Re: Clarification, posted by DOMINGUIN on Sep 17, 2003

Your past sounds sort of similar to mine. Although I was only Married 10 years the first time, with no kids, I have zero bad to say about my ex. Great gal and never had a reason to doubt her, nor did she have any reason to doubt me. It didn't work, so we both moved on.

My Mom and Dad were married over 50 years before Dad passed away. they probably fought 98% of those days, but never even thought of breaking up, and once he passed away, Mom can not say a single bad thing about him. They both grew up during the depression and worked very hard to have a decent life and provide one for myself and my sister.

That 80 plus year old couple sounds great! My first wife and I always thought that is exactly how we would wind up. So did most people that knew us. We did everything together. I never felt I needed "guys night out" etc.

We were in a band together, started a business together, she would come to all my Softball games etc etc etc. Any time we'd see a cute old couple walking hand in hand, we'd both smile because we "knew" that would be us. Things changed and it was not to be.

Maybe I was spoiled by having such a great relationship, but I can't see myself settling for anything less.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Clarification, posted by DOMINGUIN on Sep 17, 2003

You might try avacor for the hair loss.Most men have what is called male pattern baldness.Too much dihydro testosterone causes hair on the haed to fall out but causes it to grow on other parts of the body.Avacor,as I understand it,blocks the effect of the DHT on the hair follicle.So theoretically you hair should grow back.I haven't tried it but should.My hair is thinning in front.Unlike some other medications like propecia Avacor does not reduce the hormone,just limits its effect on the hair,so there should be no change in things like libido.
I'm telling you this because hair is important to women,although more to some than others.So if possible its a plus to have it.If it doesn't work then you do the next best thing.Shaving it might look better than half and half.

Pete

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to Avacor, posted by Pete E on Sep 17, 2003


I'm not in the slightest bit interested in trying to grow hair. I save about $250 a year on haircuts and I just happen to like the look.  And since I'm an insurance adjuster, there is a standing joke in my office that my shaved skull saves the company at least $10,000 on a claim.  For some reason, a shaved skull is equated with toughness.

I did notice that a lot fo Colombianos paid attention to their hair and a couple fo Colombianas asked me about my "look."  I told them it was much easier to take care of and one woman actually did ask me if i could grow hair again.

But I do think that a shaved skull represents a fantasy for some women, (i.e. petting and rubbing a shaved skull when she is getting oral sex from a completely bald lover). Men fantasize about women with big breasts, or natural platinum blondes or flaming redheads, why can't a woman have the right to fantasize as well!

I'm secure aobut it, and if a woman isn't attracted to me because of my head, she is entitled to her own standards of physical attraction, because I sure have mine.

Dominguin    

[Pete E]

... in response to Male Baldness, posted by DOMINGUIN on Sep 17, 2003

Glad your happy with it and it can be a unique look.Some women will probably like it.
For insurance claims a gotee along with it would make you look like a mean SOB.We had a well known local bounty hunter around here with that look.But he got carried away and wound up prosecuted for murder.He didn't just look mean.

Pete

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Avacor, posted by Pete E on Sep 17, 2003

Avacor is just marketing.  Put a new name on a worn out product.  Rogaine is minimally effective, hence Avacor is minimally effective.  I haven't tried either because the cost is high and the results are usually marginal to none.

Steve

[Pete E]

... in response to Avacor is Minoxidil (AKA Rogaine), posted by DallasSteve2 on Sep 17, 2003

Steve,
Looks like you are right from the web site we are referred to in the post below this.I tried minoxidil and if it does anything at all its real minimal.
The post below talks about procerin,which sounds more like I was talking about,but you can't trust the claims on these web sites.Maybe I will try to check it out.My problem is minimal or I would have before.

Pete

[pablo]

... in response to Avacor, posted by Pete E on Sep 17, 2003


This review site is interesting.

http://www.consumer-review.net/hair-loss.html

[Starman]

... in response to Re: Thanks!, posted by DOMINGUIN on Sep 16, 2003