The social transition process

[zack]

What concerns me the most about the pursuit of a Colombian wife is the social transition process. I know of a Colombian woman who married an American man and moved to the states, but then was treated rudely by some of the Americans. They would make comments like "So, you got your green card, eh?" She would often end up in tears.

The husband also put up with a lot regarding the attitudes of Americans about this process. You know what I mean, the overall stigma and stupid opinions that some have, like some who think to themselves "Why did you have to go overseas to find a wife- are you desperate?"

If I marry a Colombian I sure don't want her to go through that. I know it is best to not give a crap what others think, but if it goes to this extreme, I think you understand my concerns.

Sometimes I am tempted to tell people that my wife immigrated to America BEFORE I met her, just to avoid all the social B.S.

Have any of you married folks gone through similar difficulties?

I'm not even married yet and I already find myself putting up with the stupid opinions people have about this. I don't even tell most people that I go to Colombia. I'm sure you all are encountering similar difficulties to some degree. Do you tell people about your Colombian trips? If yes, I can only imagine the crap you must put up with.

Zack

[Keith Smith]

... in response to The social transition process, posted by zack on Sep 6, 2003

Hi Zack. I have been told (on numerous occasions) that I must be "crazy" or "stupid" to look for a potential spouse in another country. Personally speaking, I don't care what these people think. Why should I listen to arrogant, miserable, self-righteous, petty, pseudo-intellectuals who know everything AND KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?! I've had my 'ups and downs' during my search for a foreign (Latin) wife, but by no means have I given up. Take care.

[zack]

... in response to Re: The social transition process, posted by Keith Smith on Sep 7, 2003

LOL!!! Those who think they know everything are usually the ones who don't know sh%t. And guys who give me crap about this process typically are married to a woman I wouldn't want to be married to.

Zack

[Keith Smith]

... in response to Re: Re: The social transition process, posted by zack on Sep 8, 2003

Zack, YOU AIN'T WRONG! take care.

[Freddie]

... in response to The social transition process, posted by zack on Sep 6, 2003

To my knowledge we've had no social problems. Of course what others say behind our backs might be another story but I really don't think it would be much. Of course until they hear her speak she could pass for a gringa.

Personally we've encountered no problems from anyone. My family and friends love my wife (and of course she's way too good for me).  

As for strangers it is sort of fun to see people's heads turn when we walk through a restaurant or airport together. I figure the guys are all jealous of me (I have a young, beautiful wife) and the women are all jealous of my wife (because she's not fat and sloppy like them).

Neither of which is our problem or concern. You don't have to please anyone except the two of you. In this day and age if the two of you can make a successful marriage then anyone who doesn't agree with it can shove it.

Just my opinion.

[zack]

... in response to Zack, don't worry so much., posted by Freddie on Sep 7, 2003

Thanks Freddie. Yes, I worry too much about this endeavor sometimes. Maybe I've heard too many horror stories and not enough good stories like yours. That is why I've joined this board- to fill in my knowledge gaps. I have been travelling to Colombia now for five years, but I've been on this board for only a few months, and I sometimes feel like I've learned more from this board than I have from my travels.

Zack

[Cali vet]

... in response to The social transition process, posted by zack on Sep 6, 2003

In the eighties and early nineties it was "personal ads" in the newspaper now mostly internet. Meeting via the net has become such a completely acceptable modern version of the fifties "meet me at the hop" that it's hard to understand why anyone would have to explain themselves as to meeting a latina in a foreign land...or is it the "latina" part that needs explaining?

[zack]

... in response to Race?, posted by Cali vet on Sep 7, 2003

What separates the foreign bride concept from the personal adds in the newspapers is the time, money, and language barriers that's involved. Personal adds in papers search for ladies in our own country. Some people don't understand why we choose to leave the country when there are "so many ladies here."

But that is where they don't get it. They don't understand that a young, beautiful, kind, faithful lady in America
is VERY hard to find.

"Guys that search abroad for a wife must be desperate" is the biggest misconception of all time because the exact opposite is true. Better said: "Guys who search abroad for a wife are unique guys who refuse to settle for second best."

Zack

[HeyNow]

... in response to Re: Race?, posted by zack on Sep 7, 2003

Zack,
 I think they do "understand".  They just don't want to admit it.

[zack]

... in response to Re: Re: Race?, posted by HeyNow on Sep 9, 2003

You're probably right.

Zack

[elcolombiano]

... in response to The social transition process, posted by zack on Sep 6, 2003

Don't mess around and get the Fiance visa even if you are not sure. You can always back out if things are not working out. Of course you have to be sincere with her and tell her this. Think of it as insurance in case things work out you can be with her sooner.

[elcolombiano]

... in response to The social transition process, posted by zack on Sep 6, 2003

The women might say that but when men see how pretty my Colombian wife is they will say wow how can I meet someone like that.

[cancunhound]

... in response to The social transition process, posted by zack on Sep 6, 2003

It's pretty much a given that gals can adjust in Texas, California, etc...

Just curious if anyone can provide a little info about adjusting up north - like New Hampshire, Maine etc.. - My guess is it's a heck of a lot tougher.  Sorry to bring it up, but racism seems to exist where there is a small percentage of the "minority".  Here in Texas, my white butt will soon be in the minority, at least in Colombia I am called a gringo with affection & sincerity

[surfscum]

... in response to Can anyone north of the Red River chime ..., posted by cancunhound on Sep 6, 2003

N/T

[Pete E]

... in response to The social transition process, posted by zack on Sep 6, 2003

Zack,
I have always been up front with everybody exactly how I met my wife and nobody has critisized me to my face or disrespected my wife.She is a very likable person,she wins people over just being herself.
The closest thing to critisizm was  a guy who said "whats he matter,Can't find a woman here?"Not what I was looking for I told him.If I was willing to settle for what he has it would be no problem.
Maybe my wife has been lucky.We live in San Jose,Ca.there
is a large latin population,like 40%,most of whom are
Mexicans who have been here along time.But there are lots of people from Central and south America.My wife probably knows 30 people from Colombia here.Some married to guys I met in Colombia or on this board.Others she met at school or work.
Our next door neighbor,one of her best friends,is a lady from Mexico who has been here along time.She even traveled to Colombia with my wife,just for a vacation.
Maybe,in a work situation,people you know but are not really friends,you might want to limit the story.Other than that,tell the truth,if they don't like it the hell with them.

Pete