Avoiding the greedy ladies

[zack]

Last year a friend of mine gave up on his five-year search for a Colombian wife. He said that he was tired of ladies asking him for money. He then went on the internet and got involved with a beautiful
chinese lady. Things were going great, he visited her in China and was treated like a king. As talks of marriage heightened, she asked him "before we get married, would you mind buying a suite for my parents?" He dropped her instantly. Right now, as you can imagine, his opinion about the foreign bride idea is at an all-time low. But I did talk him into going to Colombia again. Most women there (and China) don't ask for money, but he seemed to attract the greedy ones. He presented himself correctly to the ladies, from a financial standpoint, from what he told me.

This story, along with the recent posts, and my own experience with greedy ladies, has motivated me to post my two cents about this issue. I could go into a long list of ways to avoid the greedy ladies, but they probably have already been discussed on this board. I know that Patrick has mentioned a few.

But I recently came up with a simple way to avoid being hooked into
a relationship with a greedy lady. It has worked great so far. Typically on the first or second date, a lady will ask if I have ever been to Colombia. I tell them yes, I have been to Cali several times. When they ask why, I tell them that I was involved with a lady there for several months until she started asking me for money. She was HISTORY within a few days after that.

That always gets their attention and makes them realize that you will not put up with such behavior. I have not been involved with a greedy lady since then. But I don't take this too far and make myself look selfish. Giving to a lady and her family is a good thing sometimes.

Zack

[Cali James]

... in response to Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by zack on Aug 24, 2003


"But I recently came up with a simple way to avoid being hooked into a relationship with a greedy lady."

I wouldn't recommend this approach.  You're playing your hand way too early and expecting that your words will somehow scare all greedy gals away.  

A more likely scenario is that the gold-digger is now on gaurd because you've told her up front what you don't like.  She'll now be very careful with what she asks for and wait until you have some emotional investment before asking for something.

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by zack on Aug 24, 2003

Is working gringos for money a function of a woman's personality (agressive women expect money in return for their time, beauty, sexual favors), or is it a function of age and class, (younger women from poorer economic situations are more likely to ask for money) or is it pervasive in the culture and most Colombianas expect it?
I'm curious to know what the posters think.

I was never asked for anything more then cab fare (which I thought was entirely reasonable), I met over 40 women in Bogota and Cartagena in a month through agencies, went out with something like 17 for at least a first date and no one ever hit on for me for money. Hard to believe that even with an "engineering approach" I chose all sincere women!

[zack]

... in response to Re: Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by DOMINGUIN on Aug 25, 2003

I think that all three of your suggestions are true to a degree. Agressive, younger, prettier women expect it a lot more. It is also more engraved in the Colombian culture.

But for the most part, it is a universal thing. A man with money in America can get a woman via the same process.

You were in Cartegena and Bogota for one month and were never asked for money. That is no suprize to me considering that in my experience, it takes a few months before they ask. Among the ladies that you kept in touch with, did any ask you for money down the road?

Zack

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to Re: Re: Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by zack on Aug 25, 2003


I've been back from Colombia for 7 weeks and tried to stay in touch with 4 women.  One was platonic right from the beginning, she hasn't asked me for anything.  One cut it off very quickly, told me that she met another man and never asked for anything.  

Of the two I felt the strongest about, I am in still regular touch with both and one of the two asked me to send her not money, but English language home and interior decorating magazines.  I didn't mind picking out a few magazines and mailing them.  The other has never asked me for anything, wouldn't even take cab fare when I dated her in Bogota.

[oakham]

... in response to Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by zack on Aug 24, 2003

I learned in travels a good strategy is to bring old or scruffy shoes from U.S. And wear them on the first date. This means that the person has little money.  It worked for me.  In fact I got free meals out of it because the ladies felt sorry for me.

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by oakham on Aug 25, 2003

I don't know where you've traveled but IMO dressing down in Colombia is a bad idea.  Even the poorest of the poor in Cali, are well groomed when the occasion is appropriate.  The first date with a good Colombian woman would definitely be such an occasion. You want to attract women from middle class backgrounds who have some class not women who are desperate.  You'll make a far better impression by wearing clothes that look nice.  Slacks, belt that matches your shoes, nice shirt, even jeans are OK if the overall look is presentable.  Also, don't forget to put on a nice cologne.

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to Re: Re: Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by Cali James on Aug 25, 2003


Absolutely!  Dress and grooming is vital, if you want to make a good first impression on professional women in Bogota. You won't see classy Latinas who aren't ultra concerned with how they look when they are with a man.

I wore nice conservative golf shirts, tropical worsted slacks, shined leather loafers, a very good leather belt matching the loafers, sometimes a sports jacket or blazer, cologne, a plain Timex watch with a leather strap If it was a casual date, I wore Docksiders and clean white sneakers.  And I still felt underdressed some of the time!  

Cologne, trimmed and clean nails, brushed teeth, fresh breath, a good haircut, it all adds up.

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by oakham on Aug 25, 2003

The only time I really get "dressed up" in Colombia is when leaving (maybe a shot at 1st class seating on the plane).

[cancunhound]

... in response to Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by zack on Aug 24, 2003

While a request for dinero is a shock to a gringo - just keep in mind the cultural differences at play here - this is not abnormal down there.  The younger the gal expect more assistance - as one latina I know elequently phrased it "young p%ssy is not cheap"
(No I did not tell the husband about that casual joke she made - age difference there was about 20 years BTW)

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to The money thing - big picture, posted by cancunhound on Aug 25, 2003

I don’t think it’s cultural, it’s pretty universal and a man with money get can a woman in the US by the same process.  She isn’t with him because she likes wrinkles, a bald head, a beer gut, boring company, or the bad breath of a dirty old man.  The money is the only silver lining.  It is basically a user relationship.  She is the master and he is the slave.  Just a reality check.

[pablo]

... in response to Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by zack on Aug 24, 2003


Hi Zack,

You might be inadvertently wising up the would-be gold digger by such a statement.  I actually prefer a woman who plays this hand early, that way I know not to take her seriously.  As I posted before, I recently was in communication with a lady from Cali that I met through a Latin introduction site.  The very first conversation she asked for money, as she did on the second and third, mixed in with the "corazon" and "honey" baloney.  I immediately knew she was a taker and an insincere woman.  I would not consider telling her what I thought to benefit the next gringo she comes across.  What do you think, putting them in their place or is this just making them smarter the next go around?

Food for thought.

Pablo

[zack]

... in response to Re: Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by pablo on Aug 24, 2003

Pablo,

You were with a woman that asked you for money during the first, second, and third conversations?? Wow, that is a first for me. Most of the gold-diggers I've met are smarter than that. It typically takes them a few days, if not weeks, to ask. Some wait until there is a sexual relationship. In her case, yes, no need to make that statement to her. Just give her the boot.

I know what you are saying about wising up a would-be gold digger by such a statement. But some of these ladies are good at hiding their hidden agendas, and Sometimes I just don't have a choice but to put them in their place. I can only spend so much time in Colombia because of my work schedule and I don't have the time for insincere women. No matter how wise they become with such statements, they still will not withstand a gringo who has a backbone and doesn't let beauty or sex cloud his thinking.

Zack

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Re: Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by zack on Aug 25, 2003


Yep, she surprised me also by asking for money right off the bat.  She must have thought her looks gave her the ability to ask this type of question from the first conversation.  Either she is naive, or worse, has been successful with this approach in the past with other guys.  If I told her with justification, "take a hike, you gold-digger" I am sure she would have had second thoughts on her approach with the next guy.  I simply stated I would never send money unless I had met the lady, and a mutual commitment had been made. Oooo, did that tick her off!  

Not to be offensive, but do you really think with your statement after the first or second date with a Latina that it will weed out any scammers?  After hearing your comments, the insincere lady, if intelligent, would simply not ask for money.  How does your comment bring to light any hidden agendas on their part and make a short trip south more productive?  She'd never confess, "Yep you caught me Zack, I is a gold digger".  Maybe it would just delay the real attitudes/motivations until later when they thought you would be more receptive.  The sincere lady might think you were paranoid, tight with your money and perhaps machista, and I doubt would admire that verbal backbone by putting her in place.

It takes time to see what a heart of a person is like.  Sometimes it can be evident right away, both negative and positive, but usually it takes time to discover. I'm just glad there are lots of nice sincere women there to offset the few insincere ones.

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Avoiding the greedy ladies, posted by pablo on Aug 25, 2003

I agree with what you're saying 100 percent.  Zack's plan to scare off gold-diggers may in the end only scare off the good ones.