The Ring

[elcolombiano]

I plan to meet my fiancee again in 4 weeks for 10 days outside the US while we are waiting for the K-1 VISA. We applied for the VISA July 18. Since I am engaged I need to give her a ring. At this point it would be very inappropriate to give her an expensive diamond ring as is the custom in this country. Perhaps I can do that latter if the relationship proves out to be more solid. What kind of ring should I give her?

[cassius]

... in response to The Ring, posted by elcolombiano on Aug 26, 2003

yeah but doesn't your future goodwill towards her and family depend upon the emotional quality of this unfolding relationship?

what if after 90dys or  2yrs of marriage their is a heavy load of mutual antagonism?

could you fully support a woman who only generates, unfortunately, coldness in your mind and soul? for real man, could you go to work every day for the sake of a promise you made to such a woman?

i ask these rather personal questions because in a post below you seemed quite frustrated about her request for money. you didn't sound convinced about the necessity of the relationship in your life.

it is not clear from the posts below that your fiancee's sister carlessly ran-up the phone bill. maybe it involved unforseen circumstances? if so paying at least some part of it would be a good thing.

however, if you sense that she feels entitled to ask you for whatever, then that is a red alarm story.

my own humble opinion is that you should question how deeply you feel about her - do you believe completely in the importance of the relationship? - and truly believe she is an honest hard-working, caring person?

i guess the ring and 90dys engagement puts the relationship on a more solid footing. so you may find the answers during those days.

perhaps most people on the board are confused about this engagement because you have talked more about the potential negatives than the positives.

given your past experience with a calena golddigger you are right to be concerned about money and motives!

i wish you every luck in the trial period!!!

[Patrick]

... in response to The Ring, posted by elcolombiano on Aug 26, 2003

I hope you plan on helping this lady and her family with support should things not work out.  You've already expressed doubts.  She's the only bread winner in the household and I don't think she'll have a job to go back to should things not work out.

Is she aware that the marriage isn't a sure thing?

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Re: The Ring, posted by Patrick on Aug 27, 2003

If she has to give up her job for me and our relationship does not work out I plan to help her out until she gets another job even pay for schooling to learn an employable  trade or skill. Its only fair I am not going to leave her on the curb with no money unemployed.

Marriage is never a sure thing. Nothing in life is a sure thing.

[mudd]

... in response to Re: Re: The Ring, posted by elcolombiano on Aug 27, 2003

oh yes there is......TAXES and Uncle Sam :-)

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: The Ring, posted by mudd on Aug 27, 2003

Actually I beat taxes back in 1984 when I didn't work (going to college) and lived in a state with no sales tax.

[lswote]

... in response to The Ring, posted by elcolombiano on Aug 26, 2003

It may not be necessary to get a natural diamond.  There is another much cheaper option.  My wife's engagement ring is a manmade diamond called Moissanite which has all the properties of a natural diamond, looks, hardness etc but is much cheaper (actually the hardness is only 9 out of 10 where a natural diamond is 10 out of 10, but otherwise everything else is the same).  It is not like cubic zirconium, but is actually a diamond, just not natural.  I was able to get a 1 carat marquis cut Moissanite diamond for my wife for $500 for the stone and and ring.  I asked my wife ahead of time if she would mind, but you can't tell the Moissanite from a natural diamond except with some hardness tester that jewelers use, so she didn't object.  That will save you a lot of money on the ring.

[zack]

... in response to Re: The Ring, posted by lswote on Aug 27, 2003

You said that the Moissanite actually is a diamond, just not natural.

Do they actually manufacture these diamonds, from carbon and high pressure, by artificial means?  If yes, pretty impressive.
And with a hardness of 9 out of 10, I'm surprised they don't cost almost the same as a diamond.

Hey el colombiano- if you get her this diamond, don't tell her it's a Moissanite. She doesn't deserve the truth.

Kidding.

Zack

P.S.  no I'm not

[Freddie]

... in response to The Ring, posted by elcolombiano on Aug 26, 2003

I waited until she got here and we picked one out together.
That accomplished three things:
1. Made sure she got a visa and actually came to the U.S. before I spent my money.
2. Gave us more time together to 'be sure' before buying.
3. Allowed us both to select a ring she would be happy with.

I don't think you need to prove your intentions. Since you will have to get married within 90 days of her arrival in the U.S. there should be no fear on her part of a long engagement.

[thundernco]

... in response to The Ring, posted by elcolombiano on Aug 26, 2003

"At this point it would be very inappropriate to give her an expensive diamond ring as is the custom in this country. Perhaps I can do that latter if the relationship proves out to be more solid."

If it's "inappropriate" and you're not sure if the relationship is "solid", then don't give her a ring.  In essence you're only saying you're engaged for paperwork purposes.  Bring her over and take her for a spin, you'll know as well as she if you both want to be with each other.  When you and she are sure of the relationship, then go out and get one, alone or together.  Good luck to the both of you, keep us posted.
-TNC

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Re: The Ring, posted by thundernco on Aug 27, 2003

The ring shows some level of comitment. It does not have to be an expensive one. Giving someone in Colombia a ring that costs more than all the money they make in one or more years of labor does not set a good example. Giving nothing is also no right.

[Ralph]

... in response to Re: The Ring, posted by thundernco on Aug 27, 2003

Do you realize how stupid that sounds? Why would someone that is NOT sure, even consider bringing her here on K1?

El Colombiano has already posted that the ONLY person holding down a full time job in the household is his "fiance". So take away the only "breadwinner" from the family and even though you are FAR from sure about things. . . . .take her for a "spin".

I know, if she doesn't work out, which he seems to have serious doubts about, just ship her back and take another for a spin.

Is there some sort of deadline? Is there a race? Why the burning need to get married etc ASAP? Why not spend more time getting to know her?

Would you leave your job, knowing how hard they are to come by, and travel to a foreign country where you don't speak the language etc etc etc, so someone can take you for a "spin"?

[thundernco]

... in response to Take her for a spin?, posted by Ralph on Aug 27, 2003

Ralph,

"Do you realize how stupid that sounds? Why would someone that is NOT sure, even consider bringing her here on K1?"

Exactly my point.  Take her dor a spin? It sounds ludicrous correct?  But none less so than the mindset of this "engagement." I just tend to be a bit more tactful than you and hoped that EC would get the gist; you were direct and blunt.   I do agree with all your points Ralph.
Take Care -TNC

[Ralph]

... in response to Re: Take her for a spin?, posted by thundernco on Aug 27, 2003

Must have missed the sarcasm!

[thundernco]

... in response to sorry, posted by Ralph on Aug 27, 2003

Me sarcastic?  No, I've never been called that.  Lucky for me my wife finds it endearing.  If you've followed EC's story, it's been interesting and the main themes have been impatience and rashness.  From his ex-fiancés exploits and her offers of threesomes to the current fiancé and his wishes to move her to TJ, doubts with helping his fiancé with a phone bill, moving to TJ, etc., it's been wild. I really don't like to get into the personal bashing thing, rather I hope that some can read between the lines and that EC will get the message as I can’t imagine a woman leaving her country for someone who isn't even sure of the relationship.  Best -TNC