The end

[Zebson]

Well, she called today just as I expected right on time...with the words, honey can you pick me up at the mall. I threw in a few questions for good measure and just let it go. Sure I said I'll be there, when? Ok, between 6 and 6:30 pm.

I left early from work went home and grabbed her belongings and arrived early at the mall in the area next to the entrance where she said the shuttle was to drop her. I placed all her remaining luggage near the outdoor shrubs in front of a Wolfgang Pucks cafe ( I normally hate those places). I sat down behind the outdoor cafe barrier in a corner just off from the direct vision she would have, yet close enough to just to keep an eye on her and the luggage. Then I ordered a few Sierra Nevada microbrews and waited. Sure enough around 6:45 a super shuttle pulled up and dropped her off. She sat down and looked around curiously for me...probably wondering where is he.(The nerve).  

While I was at work today reading many of your kind condolances I was really thankful for all the support...All you people, I really appreciate it now..Don't worry, though I know I will get over it and move on.

So part of what I did today also was write her my thoughts in a letter and placed it in an envelope, kind of a reflective perspective on us, on her and what she did with Angelo and how this all evolved. I was really quite gentle given my state of mind and actually controlled my wording well and even wished her well in her new life of deception (just kidding) and told her to look around for her luggage it was within eyes view...What a guy..huh?

Anyway back to Wolfgangs..it's now about a good hour or so after she was dropped off and she is stirring around in an anxious mode. I am smiling while alternating my Micro brews and watching her squirm out of the corner of a menu that I occasionally held up when she peered my direction...It was all like some detective novel, it was all to much like who I used to be, it was almost to easy...but I was writing the script this time. Then I motioned my waitress over and ask her if she would mind doing a favor...I said I would give her a nice tip if she wouldn't mind going in front of the outdoor cafe area and give a letter to that woman sitting over there. I told her to tell her it was from her ex-fiance...who had left an hour ago...(Ok I fibbed a little) So she did. The letter was delivered and I watched her as she gradually deflated just like a slow tire loosing air...and then their is nothing left. It was a blank look, a stare of unbelief. and gradually she looked around and saw her luggage...then I think it all really began to sink in.

No more fiance...And for her no more person to use. Reality bites hard. And now we both will move on. Thanks again to all you who have given thoughts and words of support. And for Tneal and Hum I hope this was adequate enough to give you at least a slight smile of remdemption towards me. No, I didn't use a silencer, I didn't use a timing device or hi-tech listening gear in my mellow avengement..opps I am not supposed to talk about that. To much Single malt scotch on top of micro brews. But, I will sleep well tonight.. Good night all.

Zeb

[DavidT]

... in response to The end, posted by Zebson on Jul 25, 2001

.

[Georgina]

... in response to The end, posted by Zebson on Jul 25, 2001

Hi, I normally don't post in this forum but in the latin one but I have followed your story and couldn't resist to let you know that I am really sorry about all this happening to you. I know thant more than the money or the time put into this relationship, your feelings have been hurt in such a bad manner.

I am mysefl married to a sweet American man with a great heart. If I wansn't married to him and he was my friend or brother I will hate to see that someone did something as bad as she did to you. It is easier to say "your coldness will justify her behavior" but that is not true at all. As a woman, I don't justify her behavior. As a woman, I put myself in your situation and think about how it would hurt me if that would have happened to me.

I am glad that you were strong enough to do what you did and not letting her to come back to you as nothing have happened. I am glad that you found the truth about her before you marriage her. You were going to suffer a lot with her but know you have to think about the future. There is always an opportunity to be happy and find true love.

God bless

Georgina

[Zebson]

... in response to My thoughts, posted by Georgina on Jul 25, 2001

Thanks for your understanding nature Georgina...

It's nice to hear that coming from a woman, especially since the forum seems to mainly get input from us guys.

Zeb

[jon]

... in response to The end, posted by Zebson on Jul 25, 2001

Although I was worried that you were drinking and that you were going to confront her.  Looks like your head is in the right place.

Jon

[Jeff S]

... in response to The end, posted by Zebson on Jul 25, 2001

Well Zeb:
You're colder than I would have been, but glad to hear you've thrown off at least one yoke. As Carisse said, you've probably given her justification for doing what she did, if only in her own mind. Best of luck to you.
-- Jeff S.

[Lori]

... in response to Re: The end, posted by Jeff S on Jul 25, 2001

justification? Nothing justifies what she did. In her eyes , she justified it...why?? Because she wanted to be with another man. She hurt the one person who loved and trusted her here in America.
Did he beat her?? Did he verbaly abuse her?? That would justify leaving...but not to the arms of another man. I just don't "get" it.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: The end, posted by Lori on Jul 26, 2001

Re-reading my own post, I see how I really didn't express what I was trying to say very well. I didn't mean to imply I thought she was justified for seeing another guy when Zeb was the one bringing her over. What I meant to say was that since she was impersonally dumped, she probably was able to justify in her own mind that she was right in keeping her options open. Had he confronted her, busted her, explained how he had a zero tolerance for her actions handed her a ticket home, and called Supershuttle to have her picked up, she would have no ammunition for thinking of him as anything but a straight-up, honest guy and she was the only one who screwed up big time. Perhaps I'm being naieve, but looking back on my own life, I've always felt far more regret when I was the one who screws something up and the other person expresses their intolerance and doles out the consequences calmly without retaliatory action.

I believe her actions were very wrong and unforgivable, and no quarter should have been given. Zeb was absolutely right in dumping her - someone who would do that is not marriage material. As many have pointed out, he OWES her nothing, not even a ticket home, and I agree with that. But, now that the initial anger has died down a bit, I'm glad to see that he is planning to buy her a ticket home. He doesn't owe her that but that he is willing to take care of it shows his character in spite of her lack of character.

-- Jeff S.

[Jimbo]

... in response to Re: The end, posted by Jeff S on Jul 25, 2001

Jeff,

Well, I don't get this 'justification' stuff or 'her pain' stuff.  It's clear that she had been planning this deception for over a year and didn't really love him at all (or else she wouldn't be capable of doing such a thing).

IMO, such coldness should be considered a normal response, if not a restrained and somewhat compassionate one.  Zeb owes her nothing - least of all the deportment of a gentleman.

Jim

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: coldness, posted by Jimbo on Jul 25, 2001

Jim,

I don't get this 'justification' stuff or 'her pain' stuff either. It has been my first hand experience that  most people will lie to themselves and others, to justify their actions. In other words..."They will blame you anyway."

Dave H.

[humabdos]

... in response to Re: coldness, posted by Jimbo on Jul 25, 2001

n/t

[humabdos]

... in response to Re: The end, posted by Jeff S on Jul 25, 2001

BULL CRAP! JEFF!   JUSTIFICATION?!

[Bob S.]

... in response to Re: Re: The end, posted by humabdos on Jul 25, 2001

"JUSTIFICATION?!"

He's talking about women's logic.  It doesn't make a whole heck of a lot of sense to us, but then we are not saddled with that extra X chromosome.  It goes something like this:

MAN'S LOGIC:
I loved her, but she cheated on me, therefore I can never trust her again.  So I must let her go.

WOMAN'S LOGIC:
He dumped me, therefore he must have never loved me.  Since it was doomed to fail anyway, I was justified in seeking another man/sponsor as a back-up option to secure my future.

It doesn't make sense and it doesn't make it right.  Evil always finds its own justification.

The best part is she probably still doesn't realize how badly she blew it.  Even if she marries this other guy, she will STILL have to return home to file the I-130 to be able to come back.  And when the INS and U.S. embassy sees her history (plus whatever little notes Zebson may want to include in her file), they will be in no hurry to grant her her next visa.

Zebson will do fine.  Helen will survive somehow.  Who I really pity is whatever shmuck ends up marrying this deceitful little trollop.

[key music]
Well, I heard some people talkin' just the other day
And they said you were gonna put me on a shelf.
But let me tell you I got some news for you
And you'll soon find out it's true
And then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself.

'Cause I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo,hoo,hoo

The letter that you wrote me made me stop and wonder why
But I guess you felt like you had to set things right.
Just remember this, my girl, when you look up in the sky
You can see the stars and still not see the light (that's right).

And I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo, hoo,hoo

[fade to black]

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Already Gone, posted by Bob S. on Jul 25, 2001

Right On Bob!!!

Dave H.

[Stephen]

... in response to Already Gone, posted by Bob S. on Jul 25, 2001

BOB:

Evil always finds its own justification.

STEPHEN:

Yes.  I believe it is the book of Proverbs in the Old Testament that says "Every mans way are right in his own sight".  We always find a way to make a justificaiton for behaving as we have.

I like your post.

Especially that song....That's Willie Nelson and you heard it in Stillwater, OK....Right?

Good to hear from you again.

Stephen