She is asking me for money now

[zack]

... in response to Re: She is asking me for money now, posted by zack on Aug 23, 2003

On second thought, I would just give her the boot. There are a lot of good ladies who can't stomach asking someone for money for something like that. Why waste your time with her?

I know that is easier said than done since you are so involved now, but I was in your shoes once and I know how you feel. Looking back, I am so glad I gave my novia the boot despite how hard it was.

If we were all more tough with these ladies, then the bad
ladies would stop joining agencies.

Zack

[cancunhound]

... in response to on second thought..., posted by zack on Aug 23, 2003

I wouldn't pull the boot just yet - who knows what goes on in these scenarios - but rest assured this will be an interesting relationship.

[zack]

... in response to Re: on second thought..., posted by cancunhound on Aug 23, 2003

Fair enough, but if I continued the relationship after that, I sure would have a bad taste in my mouth.

Zack

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Re: Re: on second thought..., posted by zack on Aug 23, 2003

Yes it has left a bad taste in my mouth. My opinion of her has dropped several notches.

[mudd]

... in response to She is asking me for money now, posted by elcolombiano on Aug 22, 2003

correct me if i am wrong, but isnt this the scme girl that you were going to bring to Tijuana, pay for the flight and the apartment, english classes, while you waited for her visa? your relationship reads like a soap opera, you could probably wriet a book about it. not to pick on you, but if your worried about a phone bill,you have no idea what its going to cost you later in the relationship. one point though, its not a good sign when your not even married yet, and she is asking for you to give her money for her family, not a good way to start. her family background doesnt sound too good either, nobody holding a full time job. hope for the best and good luck.

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Re: She is asking me for money now, posted by mudd on Aug 23, 2003

Its not the money. Its the principal. She has a lot of nerve to ask and/or expect me to pay her phone bill.

[Michael B]

... in response to its not the money its the principal, posted by elcolombiano on Aug 24, 2003

Lesson #1 of human nature: Any time somebody says "it's not the money, it's the principle" you can bet, it's the money!
(nothing personal, that's just the way people are)

But seriously, sending money 'depends' on the circumstances, like: how long have you been together? (and how serious is it?); what's the money for? would she have incurred this expense (or loss of income) even if she were not having a releationship with you? are family members preasuring her a la 'now that you've snagged a rich gringo...'  whole bunch of things in the catageory 'depends'

For example, (OK, now I am getting personal, i.e. my case) let's suppose that she was married once before but doesn't have a 'clean' divorce (up until 1995 or 96, Colombia would not issuse a divorce, only a 'legal seperation', which INS/BCIS will NOT accept) and now she needs to get it cleaned up before you can sponsor her...obviously an expense she would not have incurred if it wasn't for her relationship with you.

Let's suppose (again, my personal case) that her X was paying child support and when he finds out about you (in this case, ME) he hits the ceiling and cuts her off....obviously a 'loss of income' that she would not have incurred except due to the fact that she's now in a releationship with you (me).

Another case (not my case, but very common, has happened to many guys here)....there are eight people (parents, younger siblings, maybe an aged grandparent or two, etc) in her family. Only two of them have a job....and she's one of them. Take away her income (becasue she's moving to the US to be with you) and now her family can't pay their rent.....better be prepared to send down enough every month to pay it for them (and maybe a little extra, so that they can get themselves something nice every now and then)

One more example: Short time together, a large (and unnecessary) expense totaly unrelated to anything caused by your releationship, i.e. a spendthrift sister thinks the 'rich grino' should pay her phone bill....I'm hearing bad bongos on this one.

[mudd]

... in response to its not the money its the principal, posted by elcolombiano on Aug 24, 2003

this is true, and i think that you need to REALLY neeed to make sure that you are dating the right one. so far, from what you have written in the past, i think most men would have gotten rid of her and found someone else that is more.... how to say... not so foward with asking for money or demanding things. to each his own, because i know a few guys who like a little conflict in their realtionship, me.. no way!!!!!! hope it works!!!

[DaveyRich1]

... in response to She is asking me for money now, posted by elcolombiano on Aug 22, 2003

Most of the guys know if you don't I will tell you You will be sendind from $100 to $500 a month to Colombia the rest of your Marriage I know guys who send more It was a surprise for me
                Good Luck
                        Davey

[hwalker7]

... in response to Re: She is asking me for money now, posted by DaveyRich1 on Aug 23, 2003


Hey Davey,

It's okay to use periods and commas. Makes reading a lot easier. Other than that, you are right on target.

Henry Andre'

[Jersey Mike]

... in response to Re: She is asking me for money now, posted by DaveyRich1 on Aug 23, 2003

Wait till the day comes when you and your wife must send money home for a major medical emergency or long-term illness for one of her family members.  Trust me, it will happen, no matter what country she is from.  Comes with the territory.

For a man, marrying a foreign-born woman has additional responsibilities, only some of which are financial, that he will be expected to assume for the marriage to succeed, and you should be aware of these going in.

[wizard]

... in response to Re: She is asking me for money now, posted by DaveyRich1 on Aug 23, 2003

Yep,

Get used to it... If/when you "seal the deal", you should be willing to repalce the lost revenue provided by you novia...

If you are concerned about the financial responsibilities you will expected to help with, especially something as minor as a utility bill, my advice is to stay single... The "rent-a-date" avenue is much cheaper in the long run, but lacks in emotional fulfillment...

Mark

[elcolombiano]

... in response to Re: Re: She is asking me for money now, posted by wizard on Aug 23, 2003

I don't mind replacing the lost revenue when she is here. Its about $55/month. But to have to suplement the family income when I am not even married is to much. Yo suggest "rent a date". I want the emotional fulfillment. It seems to cary a high financial price.

[wizard]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: She is asking me for money n..., posted by elcolombiano on Aug 24, 2003

[This message has been edited by wizard]

I didn't mean to sound callous... Everyone's circumstances are different...

The prize at the end of the rainbow is an emotionally fulfilling relationship that we as a group have been unable to attain here... You have to weed out the "also rans" during the process to determine who is sincere and who is not... The combination of sincerity, honesty, values, ethics and chemistry all factor into the decision to make a committment... Not an easy task...

As far as support during the "romance" stage of our relationship, my wife never asked me for a dime... She was working up to 80 hours a week and was trying to go to school too... I could tell that it was having it's effect on her... The long hours were killing her... She never complained and never asked for anything, but I could hear it in her voice... This spoke volumes to me as to her character and committment to her family, something that was at the top of my list... Once I knew she was the "one", I insisted that she cut back on her hours at work and offered to supplement their income...

In our case, my wife provided the sole means of support for her and her mother... When I brought my wife to the US, her mother had no means of support... I felt obligated to help Mom out... It's the only right thing to do...

If your relationship is fairly new and your novia is asking for money, I would consider it a red flag...

Mark

[cancunhound]

... in response to She is asking me for money now, posted by elcolombiano on Aug 22, 2003

I think your answer can be found in the "Cuando dinero" post below.  Don't pay a dime and see if that phone really gets disconnected.