question for the married

[zack]

After reading the responses to elcolombiano's post about his fiance asking for money for utility bills, I have the impression that no matter who you marry, if she is a foreign bride, you will be sending from $100 to $500 per month to her family for bills, be it hospital expenses, or whatever.

My question is this. Is there anyone out there who is married to a Latina who rarely, if ever, asks for money to be sent to her family?

Zack

[Pete E]

... in response to question for the married, posted by zack on Aug 23, 2003

Zack,
Speaking of Colombia and primarily Cali,not every family situation will be one needing help.Some families are doing well enough and are not accustomed to the woman you are taking contributing to the family income.But most families are struggling to make it.The woman you take away,if she had a job,it probably represents an economic loss to them.
I was already engaged to my wife when it hit me over dinner that I was taking one of the two persons in he family with a job.Nothing had been said.Maybe it was heavy in her thought because it hit me out of the blue.I said do we need to help your mother?She said yes,thank you for asking.
So we have helped every since.Once my wife got a job she sends the money herself.
Even if there is not a huge need you are thought of as being relatively rich,compared to them,which we are.You will be looked to when refrigerators break,ect.Usually it was not a direct asking for money,but a story,now we have no refrigerator.Your opportunity to volunteer.
Family situations vary.One friends wifes mother has no income at all but what they send her,his wife was the only wage earner.Another family I know is more middle class,the father has a good job.They would need no replacement of income if their daughter left.
I think in a place like Bogota you will probably find higher family incomes and less need for help.In Cali,like most of Colombia,most people are just barely getting by.

Pete

[zack]

... in response to Re: question for the married, posted by Pete E on Aug 23, 2003

Pete,

I understand what you are saying and I have nothing against
a man sending sending his wife's family money. In fact, I sometimes applaud it.

What upsets me about some of these ladies, at least the one's I've encountered, is that they sometimes act like money grows on trees in America. Even though we are rich compared to them we, like them,  also work long and hard for our money.
I could never ask someone for money unless it was absolutely necessary and even then, I would feel bad about it.

It is encouraging to know that you found a woman who works hard and sends her family money out of her own pocket.

Zack

[Craig]

... in response to Re: Re: question for the married, posted by zack on Aug 23, 2003

I agree with you. I think they have a hard time understanding the cost comparsions that occur. To them 30k is a small fortune and it's there(their's) to spend. They also have a difficult time saving since they don't save in Colombia. Most just get by so they have never learned to plan or save. They also are not experienced with bills like car insurance, medical insurance. This truth is if the women loves and respects you she will defer to you and take your lead. If she's here for any other reason's...they will surface fast...I know. I believe that it's important to find a women who has strong family ties, a long work history, and is educated. Either she can speak english or has the ablity to learn.

[gringuitonto]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: question for the married, posted by Craig on Aug 23, 2003

I found the woman and circumstances you described
here.  We had the exact situation like this. She went
back to C. after three weeks.  See my report in January
and February.

[Freddie]

... in response to Re: Re: question for the married, posted by zack on Aug 23, 2003

This is something I never even considered until I saw if for myself. My wife feels very guilty about the life she has now compared to her family.

She has been to places they would only dream about. We live in a nice suburb, she drives an Acura, has satellite TV and access to anything she wants.

She knows her family stuggles to make ends meet from day to day. 8 people living in a house smaller than ours.

She feels the least she can do is help them and I have to agree. I look at it as my little bit to help someone else in the world. I can't save them all but I can make a contribution.

[zack]

... in response to One more point and I'll shut up., posted by Freddie on Aug 23, 2003

In your case, I agree with what you are doing and applaud you.

Zack

[Red Clay]

... in response to question for the married, posted by zack on Aug 23, 2003

My wife regularly sends some of her money to her family in Lima, but I never remember her asking me to help her with that. What she sends is part of what she makes, not what I make.

[zack]

... in response to Re: question for the married, posted by Red Clay on Aug 23, 2003

Thank you for the breath of fresh air.

Zack

[Patrick]

... in response to question for the married, posted by zack on Aug 23, 2003

That would be me.  I don't think I'm "normal" though.  I married a professional woman 2 1/2 years younger than myself.  I purposely stayed away from the twenty-something hotties.

[zack]

... in response to Re: question for the married, posted by Patrick on Aug 23, 2003

Patrick, you are the only guy I am aware of who not only has a foreign wife who never asks for money to be sent to her family, but you never even dated a Colombian who asks for money. You seem to be good at attracting the good ladies.

Maybe you should do a post called "how to attract the good ladies" or something. I am fairly new to this board, so maybe you already did that. I know that marrying someone your own age is a good start. Marrying a professional helps, and, of course, never show them pictures of your house, car, etc.

Maybe I'm being too exuberant about this, but the number of men who repeatedly attract the money-hungry ladies is
staggering and sad.

Zack

[Freddie]

... in response to Re: Re: question for the married, posted by zack on Aug 23, 2003

I should have been more clear in my earlier post.

My wife seldom, if ever, brings up the subject of giving money to her family. She does tell me if she gives them some. She has her own job now and her own money and bank account. I made sure she pays her car payment and usually the groceries and phone bill. I take care of almost everything else for us.

As I stated, I helped her family out quite a bit in the beginning but as my wife has moved up in her job she has taken care of contributing to her family's well-being.

I should also add that she is not frivolous with her money and works much harder than I do for less then half of what I make.

It all comes down to getting to know the person and how they were raised. I once told her about all the misconceptions many people in the US have about foreign women only looking for a green card or just coming to American. She said those were not important to her. Her last line was most revealing..."and I know you don't have any money!"

We were walking the other night after dinner and the subject of money came up. I asked her if she knew how much I made and she said no (even though I've told her before). She estimated about $30,000 less than correct. It's just not a factor to her as long as were not living in the streets.

Patrick mentioned about the syndrome of showing photos of your house, car, boat, etc. to a prospective fiancee. I can attest that my wife told me that if that was the first thing a guy did she was immediately turned off.

She is 31, petite and a knockout. She even got carded in a casino a couple weeks ago since she looks so young. We've been married 3 1/2 years and I still don't know what she sees in me.

You just have to find the right person. How were they raised? What is their home-life like? Do they have integrity? Do they have a good heart? What are their true aspirations about marrying an American? Is there a hidden agenda?

Of course you may never really find out until it's too late but don't be blinded by a good actress or a hot body. There has to be much more for it to last.
Good luck.

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: question for the married, posted by Freddie on Aug 23, 2003


Hi Freddie,

Welcome to the board!  Sounds like you have a real sweetheart.  I liked your post especially about how they were raised, home life, good heart, etc.  

I've read that how a guy treats his Mom is how he will treat his wife and the same holds true that if the relationship between daughter and Dad is good then it will be with hubby.

I called a lady in Central America tonight and we eventually talked about her family.  I was glad to hear she loves and respects her brother and especially her father.  Her best friend is Mom.  Another plus is Mom and Dad have been together for many years.  It didn't stop there either...she really doesn't want to live in the US, and recently graduated after a six year degree.  She is very beautiful, tall with long wavy hair but her inner beauty attracts me just as much as her outer beauty. This is why it makes the Latina quest so rewarding, finding gems like this.  I'm glad you found yours.

P.S. Zack, Freddie states he is 50 in his profile, a 19 year age difference.  Any adjustments you had to make for that Freddie other than your buds being one jealous lot?!  I'd be curious on your take with a 20 year age gap.  Gracias.

[zack]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: question for the married, posted by pablo on Aug 24, 2003

I'm actually glad to hear that there is a 19 year age difference between you and your wife. I'm someone who believes it is O.K. to marry a latina who is a lot younger
as long as you play it smart. Your story is encouraging to me. I am 38 and I generally look for the twenty something
ladies. That is why I asked about your age.

Congrats for meeting a lady who is beautiful on the inside and out. Good luck.

Zack

[zack]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: question for the married, posted by Freddie on Aug 23, 2003

Freddie,

You said that your wife is "31, petite, and a knockout."
Do you mind if I ask how old you are? Just curious.

You also said "We have been married for 3 1/2 years and I still don't know what she sees in me."

Well, I do know that some of these women are so fed up with the Colombian bad boys that they will sacrifice everything- family, job, etc, and move to America just to be with a nice man. Assuming you are a nice guy, maybe that is unusal and refreshing to her. Obviously compatability, among other things, is important as you already mentioned.

Zack